by K Leigh
“Are you sure? Because last time, you tricked me into a perm and I looked like Annie at the winter formal. It was terrible.”
“Just mani-pedis and lunch out. No hair trickery.” She holds her hands up in mock defeat. “I won’t even drive.”
“Good idea,” I agree. “You have terrible road rage.”
“Fine. But I want to go to the Stop & Go for lunch.”
“Deal.” She holds out her hand and we shake on it. “Are you ready?”
She glances over my outfit, a pair of capris and a T-shirt. “You’re ready. Let’s go.”
She practically drags me down the stairs where my mom and Natalie are waiting.
“I call shotgun,” Kate calls as we file out of the house and down the porch steps.
“Fine, but I’m driving,” my mom says. “And you keep your hands to your side of the car. No grabbing the wheel this time.” I’m pretty sure she’s had to use her mom voice on Kate more than she’s ever had to with me.
“I get to choose the music then,” Kate barters and they shake on it, before climbing into their claimed seats.
“One selfie. We have to show off our lovely new nails,” Kate says.
From Natalie’s expression, Kate’s convincing isn’t working. “You know I don’t like my picture taken.”
For as long as I can remember, that has been true. Natalie prefers to be the one behind the camera, working her magic.
“One picture to document our last girls’ day before I go off to college.” My words echo around our table, and I feel rather than see three faces turn to me.
Natalie says, “Does that mean you’ve decided on a school?”
“No, but I will if you take the picture.” Grinning at her frustrated expression, I push away my guilt. I have accepted a place already, and telling my family will be sad, but I’m hoping they’ll take it well. I mean, I know they want me to live my life. They’ll be fine.
“Fine,” Natalie grumbles. “I better have an answer within two weeks.” She leans over the table, squashing her face against mine, and mom and Kate meet in the middle as well.
Kate holds her phone up in the air. “Okay, get a hand up in the air,” she says.
We all flash our new manicures for the camera and she snaps the picture.
“Perfect.” Kate’s pleased smile placates Natalie and she relaxes in her seat, stretching her legs out with a groan.
“It smells like heaven in here.” Inhaling deeply, I look around for Sam. Sure enough, she’s on her way out of the kitchen.
“There’s my favorite girl.” She cracks her gum in between her words. “You ladies missed big biscuits. We’ve got a ton of bacon today, though, if you want BLTs.”
Sam raises her eyebrows at my mom, who grins in reply. “You know the way to my heart, that’s for sure. I’ll take two, add mayo, and some tater tots.”
Sam writes down everyone else’s order before settling her gaze on me. “And for you, miss thing?”
“Any tenderloin left from breakfast?” Chances are slim, but maybe they’ve stashed a piece or two. The Stop & Go makes the best barbeque pork sandwiches using leftover pork from breakfast, shredded up and smothered in sauce.
“I think we’ve got enough for a sandwich.” Sam winks at me. “Be out in a jiffy, ladies. Y’all behave.”
Kate entertains us with stories of her and Seth’s daughters. “So Daisy’s new favorite thing is to paint Seth’s nails.”
We all listen in rapt attention, waiting for Kate to continue the story.
“He told her to paint them while he watched TV and didn’t pay attention. She used a pink sharpie. Took weeks for it to wear off.”
“I have no idea where they get their mischievous streak from.” Violet rolls her eyes at Natalie, who nods in agreement.
“Right? Seth and Kate were such angels.” Natalie grins at me across the table. “Never in trouble.”
“You’re damn straight,” Kate adds, nodding at me fervently. “Not like your Aunt Natalie over there, run—” She stops mid-sentence, and I silently urge her to continue. I just know she was about to let something slip.
“Let me tell you about your daddy, though.” Kate changes gears, her laughter not quite meeting her eyes as she dives into a tale about Grandpa catching my dad as he tried to sneak out at sixteen.
I’m barely listening though, because I can’t stop thinking about the fact that Kate just confirmed that the journal is true.
20
Natalie
Past
It’s become a habit…
For the past four nights, Matt has warmed my bed—and my body. We slept in between, but woke in turns, pressed against each other with aching want and igniting the sparks between us once more. I’ve never known such longing, such insatiable need. It’s become a cycle. An addiction. The more of Matt I have, the more I crave him.
Every touch leaves me aching for the next. Every kiss leaves me breathless. The thought crosses my mind that we’re too close, and we’re moving faster than I ever even considered with Connor. Then again, I never felt that kind of connection with Connor. Nor did I feel this acceptance of who I am and what I want.
I feared not being able to keep up with Matt. He’s had partners before. He said three, but none in the last few months. What if I didn’t compare to them? He still led me gently in bed, but a few times, I’d gotten braver.
Not brave enough to cross the last line, though, because the doubt still lingers in my mind that the physical is all he wants. I’m worried that I’m just another conquest. That it could be anyone, and I’m just dealt the hand of manning the desk for now.
Kate appears in my doorway, bouncing on my bed in one fluid move.
Watching her make herself at home in the place Matt and I had made ours makes me uncomfortable, but I would never tell her to move.
“Morning, Kate.” I greet her with a smile, tying my hair back in a ponytail. “You’re up early.”
“I’ve missed you. You haven’t walked with me to breakfast all week.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see her sniff my pillow. “And your bed smells like a man. Jesus, Nat,” Kate whispers, eyes widening at me. “You’re going to get caught.”
“No, we’re careful,” I reply, slipping my sneakers on and bending down to tie them.
“Are you going to have sex with him?” she asks. I’ve given Kate all of the details of my trysts with Matt, including confiding in her about my hesitancy to have sex. “Seth thinks you’re going to.”
“Why in the world does Seth even have an opinion about this?”
“Matt asked him if he had any condoms.”
A twinge of annoyance hits me, but then I guess I should be glad he’s trying to be prepared. “We haven’t talked about doing it yet. We’ve done everything else.”
Kate laughs, squeezing my hand as she talks. “Seth said he seemed nervous about asking him. Matt didn’t give any other details, if that makes you feel better.”
My face flushes at the thought of Matt sharing any personal details with anyone. I don’t think he would, but you never know.
“Do you want to—you know?” Kate asks.
“I do.” It’s the truth. I almost told him last night. “But I’m afraid it’ll hurt. And I don’t know what we are, really. After this summer, everything could change.”
“The first time will hurt, but it won’t always.” Kate ruffles my hair. “And just ask him. Be up front. Before I give you something that I’ve saved my whole life, I want to know what we mean to each other.”
“Knock, knock.” Matt taps the door frame, interrupting our conversation. I wonder how long he’s been standing there. It hasn’t been long since he left my room this morning. We missed our photography two days in a row now. While I enjoy our physical connection, it bothers me that we’re already neglecting our interests.
“Can I talk to you? Privately?” He shoots Kate an apologetic glance and she jumps off my bed before I can answer.
“Sure thing. Catch
you later.” She gives me a one-armed hug before scooting out of my room
Matt closes the door behind Kate, landing easily beside me on my bed. “So, I just got off the phone with my mom.”
His even tone and calm demeanor are reassuring despite that statement.
“How’d that go?” Maybe it all really will work out.
“She’s fine. Still a little weepy, but she’s got this false hope that I’m going to change my mind.” He rolls his eyes, leaning back against the wall. “I’m expected to make an appearance at a family event tomorrow. Tonya’s already given permission for me to leave, and I’ll be back in time for the wrap-up celebration.”
I can’t hide the disappointment from spilling across my face. “You have to go?”
What happened to him telling them no and doing his own thing?
“I wouldn’t care otherwise, but my cousin is having a shotgun wedding. He was my best friend growing up, and he’s asked me to be his best man.”
I nod in understanding. Now that I know the reason behind him giving in to his mom, I’m not quite as perturbed. “Why the hurry to get married?”
“No hurry, they’re just following protocol. I’m sure there’s some political or financial motivation. Anyhow, I was hoping you’d go with me.”
“Go with you? Me and you, together?” I couldn’t have heard him right. He wants me to go as his date to this hoity-toity event? And leave camp early during my last summer here?
“Yes, together.” Matt winces, grabbing his heart in mock horror. “You wound me with your disdain, Lady Natalie.”
“I can’t leave. Someone has to feed the kids!” Giggling at his antics, I lean over and press a kiss to his cheek. “But it’s a valiant offer.”
“Tonya’s already said you could come, if you want.” He shrugs, widening his eyes at me until they water.
His hand wraps around the nape of my neck, rubbing my tense muscles until I’m rubber.
“We’ll need to leave now, of course.” He talks as I close my eyes, my head nodding down as his fingers trail to the muscles in my lower back. “We’ll have to go dress shopping, then stay in a hotel on the way up there. The wedding’s tomorrow afternoon, and we’ll come back the morning after.”
Two nights away with Matt in fancy hotels and ritzy clothes. The idea makes me feel like Cinderella, but I’m trying not to let myself give in. I’d feel guilty just leaving the kitchen staff, no matter what Tonya approved. And this is my last summer here with Kate. I’d hate to hurt her feelings.
Matt’s cool palms cup my ass through the bottom of my shorts, and I’m straddling him in one swift movement, the bulge in his pants rubbing against my thin, cloth bottoms.
“Please come, Natalie,” he whispers, before his teeth find my earlobe with a quick nip.
Nodding wordlessly, I move faster until I do.
Matt’s car interior is the cleanest I’ve ever sat on. When we left camp, I was almost afraid to put my beat-up suitcase in the back seat.
“I bet you’re one of those people that don’t allow eating in their car.” We snap our seat belts at the same time.
“I do not eat in my car!” he said, horrified. He turns the keys, and the memory of him swerving into the parking spot that first day of camp resurfaces.
“I hope you’re a safe driver.” I tighten my seat belt as he backs out of the parking spot. His hands tighten on the steering wheel and the weight of my words washes over us both. “Oh, Matt. I’m so sorry.”
He nods once, his lips pressed into a thin line. “Don’t be. I’ll be careful. I promise.” He shifts into drive and we’re off down the gravel drive. As I replay my comment in my head, I could kick myself. He seems to have put it behind us, I should too. Glancing at the lake in the rearview mirror, I spot the flags waving in the breeze, and for a fleeting moment, I wonder if I’m making the right choice.
Saying goodbye to Kate had been the hardest part of leaving. She hadn’t given me too much of a hard time, but I have a feeling the guilt is going to be laid on thick when we get to the beach. I promised to make it up to her. During vacation, I’d be all hers.
“What do you want to do first?” Matt yells over the roar of the wind.
My hair is flying everywhere. It’s going to be a bushy mess when we reach our destination. Wherever that will be.
“Oh, shit, let me roll the windows up,” Matt says with a laugh.
As the wind calms down, so does my hair, and I flip the visor down to survey the damage.
“You look fine. And speaking of looking fine, we need to get our clothes for the wedding. Where do you shop at?”
“I’m not ready to pick out a dress yet. I want an easier decision.”
“Okay, here’s one for you.” Matt motions to the road. “Left or right.”
“That’s much better.” I pause for a moment. Right would take us closer to my hometown. “Left.”
“Left it is.” Matt turns onto the main road.
After that, every time we come to a fork in the road, Matt defers to my decision. I have no idea where we’ll end up, but we’re three hours from camp when I know I have to stop.
“We’ve got to stop somewhere.” I turn down the radio, sitting up in my seat.
“What’s wrong?” he asks
“I need a bathroom,” I say through clenched teeth. “My bladder must be smaller than yours.”
“Right,” Matt says. “Keep an eye on the road signs. We’ll take the next exit. We can grab some lunch, too.”
“Do you know why the board built the camp there, anyway?” I ask, squinting at road signs.
“My mom’s family came from Shady Grove. Her dad got lucky with the stock market, so she was satisfactory to my family’s standards.”
His family built the camp? I knew they were on the board, but the fact that they created it is even more intimidating. The reminder that I’m unsatisfactory cuts me like a knife. Whatever we feel for each other, I’ll never fit into his life or his family. And he’s given it all up, but that’s because he’s wrapped up in the moment. Eventually, he’ll rethink that decision. Maybe he’s blinded by rebellion, by lust. Those will both be sated soon, and his wallet will be empty.
Where will that leave me and this yearning in my heart?
“Here we go.” Matt motions toward the golden arches, taking the next ramp. “There’s a mall at this exit as well. Looks like you’ll get to pick your dress, after all.”
Matt wraps his arms around me from behind, burying his face in my hair. “You smell like me.”
“You did spend the night wrapped around me,” I remind him, making sure no one else in the store heard me.
“That I did.” Spinning me around, he presses his forehead to mine. “I like my scent on you.”
“Marking your territory?”
“Yes, in a way.”
“You start pissing on me, we’re done. I’m not into that at all.” I shove him gently, crossing my arms.
His laughter lit up his entire face, eyes sparkling in amusement. “Just when I think I know what to expect from you, you go and shock me more than before.”
He flips through the racks, searching for my size.
“Get used to it.” I tell him.
“So, see anything you like?” He eyes a piece of material I wouldn’t even wear to sleep in.
“I really like the black, but wearing black to a wedding seems rude.” Wrinkling my nose, I survey the store again.
Spotting a rack across the aisle I don’t remember checking, I skip over and flip through the dresses, settling on a few to try on.
“You can’t see it on me yet.” Pointing at Matt as he takes a seat in one of the chairs outside the fitting room. “No peeking.”
The fitting room attendant comes around the corner, a measuring tape hanging around her neck. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t sneak a look, honey. We’ll wrap it up so he can’t see it either.”
“Perfect,” I say with a smile.
Once we’re back in Ma
tt’s car—my dress carefully wrapped and tucked into his trunk—and on the road to Washington D.C., I blurt out, “I have to go back for the last two days,” I decide. “I want to cliff jump with Kate and give camp a proper goodbye.”
“Until then?”
Taking a deep breath, I grab Matt’s hand. “I’m with you. Where you go, I go.”
21
Natalie
Past
Last night was perfect…
“I can’t believe you’ve never had a funnel cake.”
I insisted we go to the carnival when we spotted the bright flashing Ferris wheel, and Matt agreed, taking the next entrance and parking. That’s how we came to find ourselves standing at the food stand, my mouth hanging open.
I don’t care that we’re holding up the line. Matt’s admission has rendered me nearly speechless.
“It’s not that big of a deal, Nat.” Matt glances over the menu. “Order what you want. We’re holding up the line.”
“Okay.” Turning back to the impatient looking cashier, I rattle off an order large enough to feed Kate’s whole cabin of girls.
Matt pushes my hand away as I reach for my purse, handing the woman more cash than necessary.
She’s a lot less ornery with my delays after he tells her to keep the change, and as we make our way to the picnic tables, I notice my funnel cake seems to have extra powdered sugar.
“So, we’ve got strawberry funnel cake, chocolate funnel cake, and regular. Which is my personal favorite.” I point to the one covered in extra powdered sugar. “Can’t top the basics.”
“This is a corn dog.” I brandish one of the crispy, golden creations at him before taking a bite.
He smirks at me, eyes dancing dangerously as he watches me take another.
“Don’t look at me like that.” I shake the remainder of my dinner at him. “No sexual innuendo among carnival feasts. This is serious business.”