Undeveloped (Life Unfiltered Book 1)

by K Leigh

“Because of the cussing?” I smirk.

  “Oh, she’s always been a potty mouth,” Kate corrects me. “She used to hide it a lot better, though.”

  “I can believe that. She can be a bit sneaky.” I watch my fiery redhead make her way over to the coolers, relishing the feeling of being with her again. Silently, I vow to myself not to screw up anymore. I need to enjoy whatever time I can get with her, my family be damned. If the time ever comes for us to go our separate ways, I’ll deal with that then.

  A few other counselors hover around the drinks. I recognize one of them passing out cans—Eric. He glances over at me before popping Natalie’s beer open for her, and if I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s watching Natalie with longing, but I shake away the feeling.

  She takes a long swig on her way back to me, and

  I can’t help but stare at her as she moves gracefully across the grass, her milky legs beaming in the moonlight

  “Wake up, Matt.” Natalie nudges me, her breath smacking me in the face. Noting the empty can beside her and another already in her hand, I reach for it instinctively.

  “Not a good idea to get too wasted if we’re diving into dark water, sweetheart,” I tell her.

  She jerks the can out of my reach. “I’ll only have a few tonight, Matty.” She giggles in my ear and I jerk away. Her drinking reminds me of that night, the night I drove home from the party after having just a few, and Tara died on impact when I ran the red light.

  “No, I won’t let you hurt yourself.” Grabbing her wrist, I twist the can out of her hand. Looking around, I realize all of them are drinking.

  What kind of fucking camp is my family running? Counselors drinking and cliff diving? Fucking behind cabins? I shake my head.

  “How about we head to bed?” I push the can behind me, whispering in Natalie’s ear the way she likes. She giggles again, her neck tensing up. “Or, behind the cabin.”

  “After I jump.” Natalie’s sloppy kisses catch me off guard. She staggers to the side, and I catch her easily, giving her a quick peck on the lips.

  “Have you had more than these?” I mutter against her mouth.

  “No.” Natalie laughs, biting on my tongue. “You taste so good. Better than him. Can I just keep you forever?”

  “I taste better than whom?” I grab her by the shoulders, watching her head loll back before she catches it.

  “Better than Eric,” she yells, pointing across the crowd. He looks up like a deer caught in headlights. I guess now the way he was looking at her makes sense.

  “You slept with him?” A pang shoots through my chest. I know I was her first; it was a gift I’ll never forget receiving. The thought that she’d be with anyone else so quickly never even crossed my mind.

  “No.” She hiccups. “I thought about it, though. I was so sad. I thought you were with her.” She hangs her head forward. “I’m so stupid, Matt. Everyone wants me to be so perfect, but inside, I’m not. I’m wrong. And you get that. And I can’t always have you. You’re not mine to keep.”

  She throws herself back, staring up at the darkening sky. Kate catches my eye, and I whisper, “What the hell is going on with her?”

  Kate’s shoulders slump in defeat. “I’m not sure. But I know I’ve let her down. I got so wrapped up in Seth this summer, and I didn’t pay attention last night.”

  “Could she have taken anything? This isn’t just alcohol.”

  Kate’s eyes widen. “No, I think she’s just been drinking.”

  Turning back to Natalie, I do a double-take when I realize she’s no longer on the grass. Jumping to my feet, I glance toward Eric, but she isn’t there either.

  “Natalie!” I yell, not caring who I startle or interrupt. “Natalie Rose Winegar!”

  “Oh my god, you know I hate that!” She yells back. I follow her voice and find her standing at the edge of the cliff, arms and head thrown back as the wind blows through her hair. She’s never been more beautiful—or more terrifying.

  “Nat, come back. Let’s go take that shower,” I beg, hating the weakness in my voice. She’s too messed up to jump away from the rocks.

  “In a minute.” She looks over her shoulder at me with a grin, the sun setting behind her in a beautiful mixture of purples and oranges. “You should get your camera. It’d be a beautiful shot.”

  I step closer to her, ignoring the whispers of everyone around us. Focusing on getting Natalie to safety is my only goal. My mind reels with possibilities, but I push them away with each step until I can almost reach out and touch her.

  “I lied, you know.” Natalie’s eyes attempt to focus on mine. “I do love you. I just don’t know what to do about it.”

  My heart constricts, my hand frozen in the air, and in that moment, with the fear of losing her, I realize I feel the same way. “I—”

  She moves to step toward me and loses her balance. Kate’s scream echoes over the cliff as I jump toward Natalie, but it’s too late.

  Looking up to the sky, the stars twinkle at me as I hear her body hit the rocks with a sickening crack.

  29

  Matt

  Present

  Leaving Natalie after finding her again is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. Followed closely by going home to my fiancé and pretending like everything is normal.

  “How was your trip?” Antoinette watches me in the mirror as she wipes away her caked-on makeup. There are no illusions about our relationship. We both know this is purely to preserve our way of life. Hopefully, she’ll get pregnant quickly.

  “It was fine.” I push my reading glasses up on my nose. Another annoyance of getting older.

  “Any good shots?” She clicks her lotion bottle open, rubbing it across her arms in what I’m sure she thinks is a seductive manner.

  The image of Natalie perched on the edge of the loft dances across my mind and I shake it off. “Not good. But poignant.”

  “Fantastic.” She stands up from her makeup chair and prances to her side of the bed, slipping between the sheets.

  I close my book and perch my glasses on top of it, then switch my light off.

  “Good night, Antoinette.”

  “Good night, Prescott.”

  I roll onto my side, wondering how I’m supposed to live like this for the rest of my life. Before today, I could have done it. I’d gone months at a time without thinking of Natalie, without wondering if she remembered me yet, if she was happy.

  Being in her presence had suctioned me back in time, and I felt every bit nineteen and entranced by the redheaded beauty. Nearly touching her face was a mistake. I’d felt her fear the moment I reached my hand out. She had stiffened, like I was a wolf and she was the prey.

  In a way, that’s always been true.

  Journey’s Farm was beautiful during my tour, but something about a real wedding taking place made it seem different. An excited charge fills the air as everyone bustles around making preparations.

  I really shouldn’t have come, but I couldn’t resist. The idea of seeing Natalie again superseded all common sense. Antoinette had remarked how excited I was that morning. I had placated her with ramblings that I couldn’t wait to try out my new camera.

  Which was true. I hadn’t taken a photo of Natalie in almost two decades. I couldn’t wait to capture her tonight. I might even ask her to dance. It wouldn’t be inappropriate to try out the dance floor.

  I’ve already promised myself that after today, I’ll let her go for good. This will be goodbye, and finally, on my own terms.

  Natalie looks radiant in a purple silk romper and sandals. Her hair flows freely, and I long to tangle my fingers in it, to pull her to me for a kiss and let my hands roam over that satin softness.

  “Having fun?” Lia comes up behind me, her hands on her hips as she surveys the barn.

  “It’s beautiful. Your aunt is a miracle worker,” I reply. Not just because I’m crazy about the woman, but because it’s the truth. The atmosphere in the barn is relaxing, yet exciting. G
uests are wandering around with flushed cheeks and smiling faces.

  “She is.” Lia watches Natalie with a soft smile. “She’s my best friend.”

  “She was mine once, too.”

  “So, I’m never going to learn the truth from my family. Would you answer some questions?” Lia’s lip quivers.

  “I will answer as truthfully as I’m able,” I reply, with honest intentions. “What do you want to know?”

  “Well, Antoinette said that you and Natalie are my parents.” Lia’s fast pace has my mind reeling. She continues, “And that your family paid her family off so we wouldn’t ruin your reputation.”

  Turning to Lia, I take her hand in mine. “No, that’s impossible.” I shake my head. “You couldn’t be…”

  Trailing off, I think back to that summer. There was only that one time behind the cabin when we weren’t as careful as we could’ve been. Otherwise, I always wore a condom.

  “Lia, I swear, I don’t think that’s true. I don’t know anything about anyone being paid off.”

  “Well, why doesn’t Aunt Nat remember you? She’s never mentioned anything about you or that summer.”

  “I think that’s something you should hear from your family.” Natalie’s soft voice causes us both to jump.

  Turning slowly, I find myself face-to-face with her. I hadn’t even noticed her sneaking in behind us.

  “Natalie.” I breathe out, unsure of what her next move will be. She’s staring at me with a mixture of intrigue and distaste, her mouth curled up but her eyes glinting with that dangerous look.

  “So you’re him,” she says.

  “Who do you think I am?”

  30

  Matt

  Past

  I dive in after her without a second thought. My safety isn’t even a priority in that moment. Not while she’s splayed across the rocks, her limbs at awkward angles and her eyes rolled back in her head. Kate had called nine-one-one, but I can’t just leave her down there alone to wait.

  Afraid to touch her, I lay beside her on the rocks. I can feel the pressure of the rocks below me, but I can’t feel any physical pain.

  My heart and soul are too busy breaking.

  Her hair feathers out like when she sleeps. I always love to take her picture right before she wakes, her red tendrils spread out all over my pillow.

  “Natalie.” Her name catches in my throat. I ache to touch her, to feel her pulse, but one wrong move could lead to further injury. So I wait, not taking my eyes off her.

  The past month flashes before my eyes, starting with that first day at the sign-in tent. Her face when she saw me in just my towel. Her flushed freedom as Connor’s letter writhed in the fire below us. How she opened up to me and became my best friend.

  How could I have taken her into the lion’s den? I knew how my family would be. I knew that Antoinette would be there. I’d brought her nothing but pain.

  “They’re here, Matt. EMS is here!” Kate sobs from somewhere above us, but it’s dark and I can barely see her. Seconds later, the roar of a boat infiltrates the quiet, a spotlight flickering around the lake until it settles on us. Seeing Nat illuminated in the night is a million times worse than by my phone’s flashlight. Her chest is barely rising and falling.

  “It’s okay, son,” a gruff voice says, followed by a clap on my shoulder. “Let’s get you kids to the hospital.”

  Watching them move Natalie onto the stretcher nearly makes me vomit. Her limbs aren’t supposed to be turned that way. Her eyes are now closed, her chest moving a little higher with each breath, thanks to the cannula in her nostrils.

  Kate and Seth meet us at the dock, along with Tonya. She looks as if she’d just crawled out of bed, no doubt woken by the sirens. She meets my eyes with worry lines. “I’ll call the Winegars. This is…Matt…this isn’t good.”

  “I know, Tonya. I’m so sorry.”

  Turning to Natalie’s friends, I watch Seth as he stays strong for Kate. He’s holding her up as she sobs, tears trailing down her cheeks. “I’m going with her in the ambulance,” she says.

  “No, I’m going,” I say, not meeting her eyes. This was my fault. I should take care of her.

  “Only one can go.” The same man that had comforted me informs us. “Best hurry and decide or we’ll leave without you.”

  “Seth’s been drinking too,” Kate whispers. “Please drive him.”

  Not willing to let him risk driving, I half-heartedly agree with a nod. Kate chases after the stretcher as Seth and I run to my car.

  The drive to the hospital is a blur of flashing lights and Seth making useless attempts at conversation.

  When we step into the emergency room, I realize we might have some issues. Technically, none of us are Natalie’s family.

  “Can I help you boys?” The registration clerk eyes us over her computer.

  “We’re here to check on someone. She…” I can’t seem to even form the words.

  “She was in an accident,” Seth explains.

  “Name?”

  “Natalie Winegar.”

  “Relation?”

  “Brother,” Seth answers quickly.

  She nods. “I’ll get an update to you as soon as I can. Have a seat.”

  “Are you friends with Natalie’s brother?” I whisper to Seth as we take a seat in the lobby.

  “I mean, I know her family, but just through Kate. She might have their numbers.” He digs in his pocket, pulling out his and Kate’s phones. “She threw it down after she called for help.”

  He goes through her contacts, stopping at a number labeled Winegar House Phone.

  “Maybe we should let Kate call when she has an update,” he says.

  “Good idea. I’m sure they’ve heard from Tonya.”

  Kate emerges from the intimidating wooden door, her face still streaked with tears. “She’s in surgery. They kept me long enough to give her name and information and stuff.” She curls up in the chair next to Seth, cuddling into his side.

  My phone begins vibrating in my pocket and I pull it out to see my mom calling.

  “Get out of there,” she hisses when I answer the phone.

  “What?”

  “Leave. You don’t need any more publicity. Come home. “

  “No, Mom.” I hang up on her, turning my phone all the way off. I’m not leaving the hospital until Natalie does. How does she know what happened already? The paparazzi have left me alone all summer.

  Of course, the board had to be informed, though. The camp could be held responsible. Lying back, I close my eyes. Kate’s murmurs fade into the background as she calls Natalie’s family to tell them about the surgery, and by the time they arrive, we still haven’t heard anything.

  “Oh, Kate.” An extremely pregnant woman hugs Kate in greeting. I assume this is Teddy’s wife. “No news yet?”

  Kate shakes her head, sniffling softly. “Still in surgery. They’ll tell you more than us, though.”

  “What happened?” Ned asked, his pale face and furrowed eyebrows mirroring my own worry.

  “Cliff jumping,” Kate admits. “She didn’t jump far enough out.”

  “I’ve told her to stop.” Ned shakes his head.

  “She loves it, though.” I remark.

  Seth widens his eyes at me, shaking his head, but it’s too late.

  Teddy moves from behind his parents, eyeing me with his lips pressed together. He doesn’t say a word, but I know he knows who I am.

  I feel like a piece of shit, that’s for sure.

  “Hey, Nat.” I smile at Natalie as her eyes crack open. The bandages on her head and casts on her arms devastate me, but I’m determined to hide my ache from her.

  Her parents had seen her the previous day, but we didn’t want to overwhelm her with visitors.

  She watches me a moment without response, then moves her head to the side, focusing on Kate. She tries to smile, but her lips won’t move all the way. “Can you believe this? I’m so sorry, Kate.”

  “Whe
n you slipped,” Kate says between sobs, “we thought you were gone.”

  “Is my dad here?” Natalie’s head turns back toward the door.

  “I’ll get your parents.” Kate squeezes Natalie’s hand as she stands, inching by me without meeting my eyes.

  The door closing behind her is the only noise for a moment. Finally, Natalie interrupts the silence. “So, you’re from camp?”

  The excruciating pain her words cause nearly bring me to my knees. They warned us that she might have some memory loss from hitting her head. She knew Kate immediately, and that had given me hope, but her best friend has been a fixture in her life for years. She’s known me for barely over a month.

  “Yes, we…worked together in the kitchen.” Such a simple description, stale, containing no hint of the truth about our time together.

  “Thank you for coming to check on me, then.” She winces, moving her left arm to hold her abdomen.

  “Take it easy.” I move to Kate’s chair, fighting the urge to kiss her forehead as I sit down.

  “I look like a mummy.” Her laughter wheezes from her chest. “What’s your name?”

  “I’m Matt.”

  “Matt.” Her eyes widen. “You jumped in after me.”

  Tears spring to my eyes, my chest filling to the brim with hope. “You remember me?”

  “Oh, no, I’m sorry. They told me yesterday.” She closes her eyes. “I wish I did.”

  She stretches her uninjured arm toward me, covering my hand with hers. “Thank you. Even though I don’t remember you, I feel like you’re important to me. And if you jumped in after me, I must mean something to you, too.”

  I lean over, pressing my forehead onto her hand. Instead of her normal sunshine and sweet, she smells sterile, like Band-Aids and antiseptic. More than anything, I long to wrap my arms around her, to wake up next to her and make love to her one more time; though, we never called it that.

  We never said the word, always brushing off our connection as something different. How stupid I was, to let her slip through my fingertips. Now, she doesn’t remember any of it.