Keysha's Drama

by Earl Sewell

  “It took you long enough, I started growing a gray hair waiting on you,” Mike said sarcastically.

  Grandmother Katie smacked him on the back of his head. “Watch your manners, Mike.” I looked around at each of them and felt as if they were all judging me.

  “Why does she have that head rag on, Jordan?” Barbara tried to whisper in my father’s ear, but I heard her. She acted as if I wasn’t there and couldn’t hear her. I felt as if I wasn’t good enough for them. I felt as if I just didn’t measure up.

  “Just forget it. Y’all go out by yourselves. That’s what you want anyway,” I said as I rushed back up to my room. I shut the door and began to pace the floor again. I tried to focus my thinking and determine what to do next. The only thing that came to mind was to pack my things, steal any money lying around and take my chances out on the streets.

  “Baby, come on and go with us. She didn’t mean anything by what she said.” Grandmother Katie had just opened my door.

  “She doesn’t like me,” I said. “It was written all over her face.”

  “Give it time, Keysha. Your existence is news to all of us. We all have to make some adjustments and make room in our lives for you.” I plopped down on the edge of the bed and placed my face in my hands.

  “Keysha, I really want you to have dinner with us,” said Jordan, who was now in my bedroom, too. I looked up at him and saw a part of me in his eyes. For a brief moment I felt some sense of a connection and wanted to hug him but I didn’t. I just felt angry with everything and everyone.

  “Can I sit down next to you?” he asked.

  “It’s your house,” I answered.

  “When I look at you, I see myself,” he said. “I see a part of me that I feel like I should know but I don’t, and that hurts. Perhaps I’m moving too fast, but I want to give you all of the things that you’ve never had. I want to make up for that. I can give you a decent place to live, nice clothes and some sense of stability. What I can’t give you is the time we’ve lost. There is so much to learn and understand, but we have to give things time.”

  “He’s right, you know,” said Grandmother Katie. “There are so many things about me and our family that you need to know, learn and understand. I want you to have that sense of belonging, but I know it’s not going to happen overnight. A sense of belonging comes from within, and when you get that feeling hold on to it, because it also means that you’re beginning to feel loved.” It’s just downright frightening how Grandmother Katie could read me.

  “Let me see your hair.” Grandmother Katie walked over to me, and I allowed her to remove my scarf.

  “It’s not so bad, honey. We just have to let it grow out a little and take care of it better,” she said as she took a closer look at my hair. “We can just brush it back and you’ll be fine.” Grandmother Katie picked up the brush that was sitting atop the vanity. She sat down at the foot of my bed and asked me to sit on the floor between her thighs.

  “I want you to know that I’m always here for you, Keysha. I want you to be able to come to me and confide in me. I want you to know about my history just as much as I want to know about yours. I don’t even know what your favorite color or food is. Just like you’ve missed out, so has this family,” Grandmother Katie explained as she continued working with my hair.

  “She hates me, doesn’t she?” I asked, referring to Barbara.

  “No, she doesn’t hate you at all. She just has to adjust to this change in her life,” said Grandmother Katie as she brushed the other side of my hair. Her brush strokes were soft and comforting.

  “There is a lot that you have to understand. One of which is that we’ve always wanted two children, a boy and a girl. We were able to have a son together but medical complications have prevented us from having additional children,” said Jordan.

  “Life is like that sometimes,” Grandmother Katie continued. “You can plan out the perfect life for yourself, but if your plans don’t match God’s plan, then I’m afraid that you’re setting yourself up to deal with a lot of heartache.”

  “I wonder what God has planned for my mother?” I spoke aloud as I thought about what Grandmother Katie said. No one could give me an answer to my question. The room was silent for a moment, and then Barbara walked in.

  “Listen, why don’t we just order pizza tonight,” she said, refusing to make eye contact with me. “I’m not feeling too good, and I just want to lie down.”

  “Are you okay?” Jordan asked as he draped his arm around her shoulder.

  “I’m just not feeling good. Come help me lie down,” she said, and Jordan escorted her to her room. At that moment I felt jealousy raise its ugly head. I mean, for the first time I was actually starting to feel some sort of connection to my father, and she came up and took him away from me. She’d had him for years and I couldn’t get twenty minutes alone with him without her interrupting us. I hated her for intruding on my time with him. It wasn’t fair.

  Chapter 14

  The following morning, I woke up and for the first time in ages I felt very well rested. The bed I was sleeping in was the most comfortable bed I’d ever been on. It was just right; the linen smelled fresh, and the pillows were soft and fluffy. Just as I was enjoying my blissful moment, I was startled out of my mind by the presence of Barbara sitting in the vanity chair staring at me. It freaked me out because I didn’t know what to think or what was about to go down.

  “What’s going on?” I asked as I quickly sat upright in my bed.

  “Did you sleep well?” she asked with a wicked undertone in her voice and an evil glint in her eyes.

  “I slept fine. Why are you in my room?” I didn’t like the invasion of my privacy one bit.

  “This is my house. I can go into any room of my choice.” I couldn’t argue that point with her so I didn’t.

  “You and I need to have a little girl-to-girl chat,” Barbara said as she leaned forward in the seat and locked her gaze on me.

  “You’re Jordan’s daughter, there is no denying that. You look more like him than Mike does. And since you were obviously conceived before Jordan and I were married, I can’t hold your existence against him. Especially since he didn’t know about you. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about.”

  “Well, get to the point,” I snapped at her. I didn’t like her attitude or the way she was talking to me and I wanted to let her know it. It was bad enough that I didn’t measure up to her standards but now she was about to reinforce my shortcomings.

  “Yeah, we need to get some things ironed out. According to your social worker, Maggie, you’re sexually active.” I twisted my lips and rolled my eyes at her.

  “Yeah, I know about it.” She paused briefly. “There are some rules and boundaries we need to get ironed out. You will not set one foot back in this house if you go out and get yourself knocked up. I don’t care if you are Jordan’s daughter, getting pregnant out of wedlock is not acceptable.”

  “Jordan knocked up my mama out of wedlock,” I reminded her.

  “That was then, but this is now. I expect you to do well in school. Failing grades will not be tolerated and will be dealt with accordingly.”

  “You know what, I’m not even trying to hear you. You don’t know anything about me and you’re not trying to, either. So you can just talk to my hand.” I held my hand up in front of her face.

  “Do you know why I feel this way, little girl?” I didn’t answer her question.

  “Because I think you’re going to follow in your mother’s and your grandmother’s footsteps and become a jailbird and a failure.”

  “Whatever,” I snarled at her. “I’m not even trying to go to jail,” I said to her, even though I felt as if some situation would befall me and I’d end up in juvenile court for one reason or another.

  “Then prove me wrong,” she said. “Prove me wrong by shocking the daylights out of me.”

  I looked up at the ceiling because I didn’t want to listen to her anymore.

  �
�No boys are allowed in the house without an adult present.”

  “So does that mean that Mike can’t come in when I’m here all alone?” I was being a smart-ass because I didn’t like her rules at all.

  “You know what I mean. I don’t want any of your male friends from your old neighborhood visiting this house,” she said, raising her voice at me. I could tell that my indifference and lack of fear were irritating her. I was getting a twisted joy out of it.

  “So what are you trying to say? You think that just because I’m from the inner city that all of my friends are thugs, prostitutes and dope dealers?”

  “Let’s just say I wouldn’t be surprised if they were.” She moved my hand from in front of her face.

  “I guess you don’t know or see that Mike wants to be a thug. His pants were sagging more than anyone I’ve ever known.”

  “He’s just going through a phase, that’s all. As long as he continues to be an honor student, I can live with his temporary fascination with hip-hop culture.”

  “You have an answer for everything, don’t you?”

  “You know, Grandmother Katie will be going home soon.” She stood up. “And when she does, it will just be the two of us. And you should know I’m the only queen in this house.”

  “Is that all?” I asked, glad to see she was about to leave. It was now very clear to me that we would never get along.

  “For now. I’m sure we’ll have future conversations, because I know you’re going to mess up.” After that comment, she walked over to the door but stopped just before exiting.

  “Oh, by the way, Grandmother Katie is taking you to my hairstylist so that your hair can be taken care of. I can’t have you walking around looking bad about the head because it makes me look bad.” When she turned her back again, I stuck my tongue out at her in a gesture of defiance.

  I really liked my Grandmother Katie. She had a way of knowing just what to say and how to say it without being offensive or mean-spirited. I also liked her because she didn’t judge me. She accepted me for who I was and saw me as a young lady who was very badly bruised. I fell in love with her for understanding me in ways that I didn’t understand myself. I enjoyed talking to her more than I did Jordan, my snotty brother, Mike, and my wicked stepmother, Barbara. What made her even more special was that we’d read some of the same books and had fun talking about them. Grandmother Katie said that once she returned home she’d ship me a few books that she thought would interest me. She was planning to leave on Wednesday, which I was rather sad about because she was the only person I felt comfortable talking to.

  Late Sunday evening, I was sitting in my room with my back resting against the headboard of my bed. I was feeling rather sad because I had gone to the hairstylist and she’d had to cut most of my hair off because it was too damaged. I was also missing my mom and wished she and I could do things like going to get our hair and nails done. Grandmother Katie knocked on my door and asked if she could come in.

  “How are you feeling this evening?” she asked. That was another thing that I liked about her. She seemed to be genuinely concerned about me.

  “Kind of sad,” I said.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked. I moved my feet so that she could sit on the bed with me.

  “All my hair is gone, and I just miss my mother a little,” I admitted.

  “Well, darling, your hair is nice. I bet in time you will grow to like it. And if I were you, I think I would miss my mother, too. You should take some time and go see about her.”

  “I’m not ready. I mean, the last time I saw her she was mean to me, and I just don’t feel like getting my feelings hurt again.”

  “It wasn’t easy for you growing up, was it?” she asked.

  “I guess not. I mean, I never thought that we had it bad or anything like that. Things were just the way they were. I thought it was normal.”

  “Tell me something about you that you really like about yourself.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked because I was confused by the question.

  “Tell me something about you as a person that you really like about yourself.”

  “Nothing. My hair is whacked out, my skin looks like volcanoes are about to erupt on it, my butt is like my mother’s, it’s too big for my body and guys are always making me feel self-conscious about it.”

  “Those are all of the things on the outside. Tell me what you like about you, the person?” she asked.

  “No one has ever asked me that question before.” I paused in thought. “I don’t know what I like about me. I feel like I’m just here.”

  “Well, I’ve only known you for a short time and let me tell you what I see. You’re a very smart and shapely young woman who has been able to survive on her own with very little adult supervision. That’s a sign of character. You have a strong mind that guides you and hungers to learn, and to me that’s a sign of a very intelligent young woman. Keysha, I want you to work on the mental voices in your head that feed you negative information about yourself. You don’t need to be your own worst enemy. When you hear the voices of doubt and self-defeat, you have to quiet them with more positive things about who you are and what you can do and accomplish. If you belittle yourself, you only open the door for others to do the same.”

  “Wow, how are you able to do that?” I asked.

  “Do what?” she asked. I began trying to express myself with my hands as I spoke.

  “You have a way of getting around me and my barriers. You know how to go directly to my fears without me telling you. What are you, gifted or something?” Grandmother Katie smiled at me.

  “I listen with my heart and soul,” she said, which confused me even more.

  “No one has ever called me intelligent before,” I admitted, holding my head down. “Everyone has always expected me to mess up. When my mother and other grandmother thought I was pregnant, they were happy because it meant more money would be coming into the house.” I swallowed hard because I was embarrassed by that fact. “I love my Grandmother Rubylee, but all she ever does is try to steal from people. I don’t want to be like her or my mother. I don’t want to rip people off, but that’s all people expect me to do. Even Barbara doesn’t think much of me.”

  “Listen, baby. Let me tell you something. You don’t have to be like your mother and grandmother at all. The choices you make are your own, and if you choose not to follow in their footsteps then you will not. You are in control of what you do, not them, not me and certainly not Barbara.”

  “Tell me honestly, why doesn’t Barbara like me?”

  “Barbara cares more than you think. She just has a different way of expressing it. She may be rather blunt and frank, but she means well. You wouldn’t have made it into this house if she had not agreed to it. Give her credit for that. She may be stern—”

  “And stuck-up,” I interrupted her. She smiled and nodded her head.

  “She has her moments. I think that once you and Barbara get past this odd time you’ll discover that you guys aren’t as different as you might think you are,” she said, being sure she’d selected the right words.

  “What about my daddy? What was he like growing up?” I asked.

  “Oh, your father was a mischievous and a curious young man,” she said, chuckling as she thought about Jordan as a young man. “When he was around eight or nine, he’d heard from somewhere that you could dig your way to China. So he went into the garage and got a shovel and dug up all of my flowers because he wanted to see if he could dig to China.” I laughed at the silliness of my father’s logic. “I made him replant every flower he dug up. As quiet as it’s kept, that’s probably why he likes gardening so much. Your father is a very loving and generous man, but he also likes control and can be stern and hard. However, if you’re ever in a jam, he’ll never leave your side.”

  I didn’t really believe everything she said, but I took it for what it was worth. “What about Mike? What’s your take on him?” I asked.

  �
��He’s just a typical teenaged boy trying to find out who he is. He’s at a very impressionable age.”

  “So the thug thing is just an act?” I asked, looking for confirmation.

  “Mike is just imitating what he sees rappers do on the television. He’s lived a privileged lifestyle, and as far as I know, has never been near a bad neighborhood. His mother sees to that.” I was quiet for the moment because once again I was feeling jealous. I just couldn’t understand why he ended up with everything and I ended up with nothing.

  “Listen, I’m going to leave my phone number with you. I want you to call me if you ever need anything or just need someone to talk to.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  “Keysha, can you do me a favor?”

  “What?” I asked.

  “Smile for me. You don’t smile much and you have such a beautiful and warm smile.”

  “I really haven’t had much to smile about. Smiling would mean that I’m happy and that everything is going okay, but it’s not.”

  “It’s not going right, even just a little bit?” she asked.

  “Well, yeah, on the surface all of this appears to be perfect, but at times I wonder if it’s too good to be true and what did I do to deserve this?”

  “You see, that’s the negative voice you need to work on. You shouldn’t say what I did to deserve this. You should say ‘I do deserve to live where I feel safe and loved.’”