Living for Today

by Kennedy, Brenda

  He thinks before saying, “Okay, I’ll come up with something that doesn’t require much walking, but it won’t be a tour trolley kind of date.”

  “You have something against trollies?”

  “No, not at all. I just want something a little more special for our date. Something more memorable, perhaps.”

  “It’s a date.” I laugh.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “It’s like we live together, but when I say it’s a date, I realize we really aren’t living together at all.”

  He thinks for a moment. “We’re very comfortable together, aren’t we?”

  “We are. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  “Good, me either. Now git, so I can finish my writing.”

  I stand from the bed. “Okay, will I see you for dinner?”

  “Are we having turkey?”

  “God, I hope not.”

  “Good, then I’ll be there.”

  “I’ll make us a homemade pizza.”

  “Sounds good, and maybe we can watch a movie later.”

  When I leave Xander’s room, I make sure I leave the door cracked slightly. If something happens, I want to know. He has a doctor’s appointment coming up next week and I pray for good news. I know his cancer is terminal, but when he seems so healthy, it’s hard to grasp the idea that he’s dying. Dying? Is this even possible? I want more time with him. I want to see where this relationship is going. While Xander writes his book, I decide to google his type of cancer. I want to fix him. I don’t want him to leave me so soon after meeting him. It isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair.

  I’m sad when there isn’t any hope, or a slim chance of hope. The risky surgery is his only chance, and it’s a very slim chance. Any hope is better than none, isn’t it? His mother said he was more afraid of the risks of the surgery, than of dying from the cancer. I get that, I think. Maybe. But if there was a chance you could live, wouldn’t you want to take that chance? Remove the tumor and live the rest of your days able to do what you want. I know he’s afraid of being left in a vegetative state after the surgery. I know it’s selfish of me, but I want him to take that chance. I would be right there by his side either way, wouldn’t I?

  Skylar worked the tearoom today while I researched Xander’s cancer, then she left to do some Christmas shopping. Finally, I close my computer and start making the pizza dough from scratch.

  Xander walks into the kitchen wearing his signature smile. He saunters over and brushes some flour off of my cheek. He bends down and kisses me sweetly. “This is a good look for you,” he whispers.

  I instantly get goosebumps. “Thank you. Did you finish your book?”

  “I did.”

  “Really?”

  He steps back and laughs. “Why are you so surprised?”

  “Because it takes years to write a book, doesn’t it?”

  “For some people. I already had the main idea in my head, I just had to put it to paper. I’m one of those authors who don’t suffer from writer’s block.”

  “May I read it?” I ask excitedly. We’re in a relationship. It’s okay that I ask to read his book early, right? I smile and collect the pizza dough from the bowl.

  “When I get it back from my editor, you can.”

  “I can?”

  “Yes, I would like to know what your thoughts are.”

  I am beyond excited and I try hard not to show it. “Do the main characters get a happily ever after?”

  He looks serious. “No, do they need one?”

  My heart drops. Yes, they need one. He’s a romance writer, he should know this. You can’t have romance if there’s not a happily ever after, can you? I toss the dough in the air and catch it. “I just hope you don’t disappoint your biggest fan.” I hope he hasn’t seen the movie Misery or read the book. In it a writer kills off his main character, thus making a happily ever after impossible. His biggest fan holds him hostage and makes him rewrite the book.

  He smiles. “Maybe I need to do a re-write.”

  Maybe you do. “It’s your book, do as you see fit.” Xander puts on an apron and flours his hands before scooping up the extra dough in the bowl. He watches me before he tosses his dough in the air. I watch as it goes higher than it should and falls through his fingertips as he attempts to catch it. He cringes and I laugh.

  “I don’t think you’re supposed to puncture the dough.”

  “Maybe I should stay out of the kitchen and stick to writing.”

  I place my dough on the pizza pan. “Here, add the toppings while I try to fix this mess,” I tease, picking up the dough from the bowl.

  “Now this is something I can do. Before I forget, make sure you’re available Wednesday night. For date night.”

  I smile. “Okay, it won’t be a problem.”

  After we eat, we sit down and watch a movie. His first mistake is to let me pick the movie. You’ve Got Mail is my all-time favorite movie, and I’ve never missed an opportunity to watch it. As you would expect, it has a happily ever after. I think it’s like a boxer listening to the theme of Rocky during his workout. It’s a given, right? His second mistake was to let me cuddle into him during the movie while on a full belly.

  Xander

  As soon as I wrote the last word in my book, I sent it off to my friend and editor, Wesley. I thought about letting Ava read it, but quickly decided against it. This book is personal to me. It’s my story and when she finally reads it, she’ll truly know who I am and what’s in my heart. I hope my true feelings don’t frighten her.

  Ava sleeps through most of the movie and I let her. I’m disappointed when she wakes up. I was hoping she would sleep until morning so I had an excuse to hold her all night. I haven’t known her long, but I have this longing or desire when I’m near her. Who am I kidding? I have a need and a desire to be with her when I’m not near her. She’s special and now that my book is done, I want to spend every second I can with her.

  She adjusts her eyes to the television as the credits roll up the screen. I watch as she blinks when she realizes she’s slept through most of the movie. She yawns before sitting up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Did you enjoy the movie?”

  “It’s one of my favorites,” I lie.

  She giggles. “You’re a terrible liar.”

  “I was too busy watching the beautiful girl sleeping on my shoulder. I didn’t really notice anything else.”

  She jumps as if she’s frightened or scared. “Your meds! You forgot to take your meds.”

  I reach on the end table and rattle a bottle of pills. “Took them.”

  She holds her hand over her heart. “Thank you, God.”

  “Don’t worry. With God’s help, I have everything under control.” Well, not everything. But my meds, I definitely have those under control.

  “I know you do. I just worry.”

  Of course she does. “I should leave since you have house guests. They’ll be expecting a gourmet breakfast at sunrise.”

  “I hope not.” She stands from the couch and I stand with her. “They’ll be disappointed on both accounts. Nothing gourmet gets served from this kitchen, and I’m barely awake at sunrise.” I look at the clock and realize I have nothing to do. Normally, I would work on my book, but since it’s done, I have nothing to do.

  “What’s wrong?” she asks.

  “I think it’s the first time in my life that I don’t have anything to do.”

  “It’s bedtime. You don’t need anything to do.”

  I laugh. “I’m not tired.”

  She looks at me and she gets a big smile on her face. “I’m not tired either. Do you know how to play chess?”

  Say it isn’t so. A girl who likes chess. It’s almost too good to be true. “I do.”

  “But are you any good?” she asks.

  I cough. “I’ve won a game or two.” Should I tell her I was in a chess tournament in high school? Nah, I’ll keep that to myself.

  “Come on. Show me what you got.
”

  “I’d love to.”

  I follow her into her bedroom and watch as she pulls a box down from the top shelf. “We should play in here, since the game could last several days. Do you have a problem playing in my bedroom?” She bats her eyes and I laugh.

  I swallow to keep from choking on her choice of words. I watch her to see if her words could have a double meaning. “Are you going to use it as a distraction?” Please say yes.

  She laughs and rolls her eyes. “You wish.”

  Yes, I do. She removes a stack of books from a round table in the corner of her room before setting up the game.

  “Do you need help setting up the pieces?” I ask.

  “Why? You don’t think I know where these little things go?” She wiggles a black pawn in her hand.

  I laugh. “Just trying to be a gentleman. That’s all.”

  “No, I have it.” She bends over to place the pawns in a row, and I try hard to not look. Now, I’m positive she’s going to use her… assets as a distraction.

  Finally I walk over to the other corner of the room to get a second chair for me to sit on. “When you’re done playing with those little pieces, let me know. I don’t have all night.”

  She laughs. “Okay, smart ass. Game on.”

  Ava is far better at chess than I ever thought she would be. She’s quite competitive and fun to play with. At 2:00 am I decide it’s time for us to call it a night. Her competitive side wants to keep playing, but her rational side knows she needs to get to bed. She has a business to run. “I feel bad for keeping you up so late.”

  “You should,” she teases.

  “Because I feel responsible, I’ll help you with breakfast.”

  “Good, I’ll see you at 6:00.”

  Wait? What? “6:00?”

  “That’s right. We start early to make sure everything’s ready.”

  I look at the clock, and it’s already after 2:00. “Okay, I’ll see you in a few hours.” I turn to leave with no intentions of being here at 6:00 am to help cook breakfast.

  “Not so fast.” I stop and turn around to face Ava. She throws a blanket and pillow at me and says, “Sleep on the couch so I can make sure you’re up.”

  I catch the flying bundle of bedding. “What? I’m crushed that you actually believe I would stand you up.”

  “Save it.” She rolls her eyes again. I laugh as I walk out of her bedroom. “You weren’t coming back in the morning, were you?”

  “Wasn’t planning on it,” I say, shutting the door behind me.

  I sleep on the couch as she instructed, or should I say, I try to sleep on the couch. It’s hard to sleep knowing that Ava is just a few steps away. I replay the relaxed fun evening we had and the constant smile on her face is imprinted on my mind. When I hear screaming coming from her bedroom, I stand just as Skylar runs through her bedroom door. She startles when she sees me in their living quarters but her focus is on Ava. “She’s having another nightmare,” she says as she runs past me in her nightgown.

  Another nightmare? I didn’t know Ava suffered from nightmares. I’m right behind Skylar and Ava is sitting up in bed with tears streaming down her face.

  “Was it about him?” Skylar asks.

  Him? Who’s him?

  Ava nods.

  “Was it the same dream?”

  Ava wipes away her tears. “No, it was a new one.”

  “Let me get you some water.”

  Skylar leaves and I sit on the edge of Ava’s bed. “What was your dream about?” I ask as softly as I can.

  She cries as she clutches the pillow on her lap. When she doesn’t answer me, I ask, “Can I hold you?”

  She removes the pillow and leans into my arms. I can feel her body tremble. Whatever the dream or nightmare was, I know it was pretty bad. “It’s okay, you’re safe now.”

  “Here’s your water, Ava. Are you all right now?” Skylar asks as she walks closer to the bed.

  “I will be. Thank you.”

  “Okay, I’m heading back to bed. Xander, stay with her.”

  Skylar leaves, Ava lies under the covers, and I lie on top of them and hold her closely. “Are you ready to talk to me about your dream?”

  “Do you know how I know Nichole?”

  I think about past conversations and I can’t recall ever hearing how they all know each other. I take a wild guess. “Friends of the family?”

  “No. Nichole and Brett had a son named Connor. Connor was my husband.”

  “She was your mother-in-law.”

  “Do you remember I told you about my amnesia?”

  How can I forget. “Yes, of course.”

  She closes her eyes and says, “I have nightmares that my husband used to hit me.” I don’t move. “He once pushed me down a flight of stairs.”

  “You dreamed this?”

  She nods her head and opens her eyes. She looks sad. “I have a scar in the same place where I was wounded in my dream, so I went to my doctor and he did x-rays and a CAT scan of my body.” Please don’t be true. “Do you see these front teeth?” she asks.

  I smile to lighten the mood. “I do and they’re beautiful.”

  “They’re not mine. They’re implants.”

  I instantly feel anger. “He knocked your front teeth out?”

  “He also broke some of my ribs and my right wrist, and I have a few scars on my scalp.”

  “Oh, Ava. I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

  “Sometimes I have nightmares about some of the fights Connor and I had.”

  “Are they memories?”

  “Some are. I’m not sure about the others.”

  “The nightmares are usually the same ones, but tonight… it was different.”

  “Another fight?”

  “It was the night of the accident.” She shivers, so I hold her closer. “We argued about someone’s kid or kids, he hit me, and then we wrecked.”

  Like father, like son, I think to myself. If this is true, that bastard deserved to die. “I’m sorry, Ava. I’m here and I’ll protect you.” I kiss her on her forehead and hold her close. “I’ll always be here to protect you.” Well, I’ll be here for as long as God lets me.

  Ava

  When I wake up, the sun is shining brightly. I get out of bed in a panic. Xander isn’t beside me. It’s late. I slept in. I never sleep in. I hear laughter coming from the dining room. Our guests are up. I rush into Skylar’s bedroom and she isn’t there. Good. Maybe she’s in the dining room with the guests. I want to go out there and see what’s going on, but I can’t face our guests looking like this. She and Xander must have gotten up and made breakfast. When I walk into our kitchen, the coffee pot is on. I try to calm the panic of sleeping in. I know Skylar has things under control, and possibly Xander, too.

  I pour my coffee and sit at the breakfast bar. Only a few guests were here for the night. Maybe it wasn’t such a task to prepare breakfast for so few people. Still, Skylar shouldn’t have had to do it by herself. I’m upset with myself for not being up to help them.

  When I hear the outside door open, I’m shocked when I see Xander walk into the living quarters. I thought he was out there helping Skylar. I could have sworn I heard him talking.

  “Good morning,” he greets me warmly.

  “Hey.”

  He walks over and kisses me.

  “My alarm didn’t go off this morning.”

  He sits down beside me. “I shut it off. I thought you needed your rest.”

  I’m a little upset. If he wasn’t going to help Skylar prepare breakfast, he should have woken me up to do it. “I would have rather been up to help Skylar. I hate that she’s out there on her own.” I stand up so I can shower and at least help Skylar with the cleanup.

  “I was going to help her, but Drew was here.”

  “Drew? What’s he doing here?”

  “I have no idea. It’s none of my business.” He laughs.

  It’s none of my business either. “I need to shower. I’ll be out in a few min
utes.”

  “I’ll wait if that’s okay with you?”

  “Sure, it’s fine.”

  I text Skylar before showering. I knew she and Drew were interested in each other, but wow, I had no idea they were becoming an item. He spent the night with her; I assume that means they’re an item. I’m also assuming they slept together, so there must be something between them. Xander stayed with me last night and we weren’t intimate. Maybe I’m jumping to conclusions.

  Ava: Is Drew here?

  I shower, dry off, braid my hair, and dress in warm clothing. It’s a brisk November morning. I check my cell phone for a text from Skylar.

  Skylar: He is. Come out and join us. The guests are all gone for the day.

  She doesn’t say why he’s here. She’s an adult. She doesn’t have to answer to me, or tell me anything about her personal life, does she? Why do I even care if she has an overnight guest? Because Drew and Xander are brothers, and I was seeing Xander first. I don’t want something to happen to cause conflict between all of us. If she dates Drew and it ends, will it be awkward between all of us? We’ve never dated brothers before, and now that we live together, I fear this might be a problem. B

  When I finally walk out of the bathroom, Xander, Drew, and Skylar are sitting in the living room in our living quarters. Everyone’s laughing and looks genuinely happy. Ava, you worry for nothing. Relax and enjoy the time you have left with Xander. The thought of losing Xander to cancer causes an instant crushing pain in my chest. If Xander dies and Skylar continues to date Drew, will I be reminded of Xander every time I see him? I force a smile when Xander looks up at me.

  “Hi,” I say to everyone. Xander pats his lap for me to sit on, and I do.

  “Drew and Skylar are going to watch the inn this evening for our date,” Xander says as he runs his hand up and down my arm. “I asked them to come with us, but Skylar reminded me someone needed to be here.”

  “If you guys wanted to come with us, we could always ask Lou Ann and Steve to house sit for a few hours this evening,” I suggest.

  Skylar says, “We thought about that, but we’ll probably be better off just alternating date nights.”

  Alternating date nights? How long is Drew going to be here? Since Skylar and I are both single, this may work out for the best.