“Ava, this will change everything. Everything that you knew to be the truth, will all be a lie.”
Oh, God. This is bad. My hands are sweaty, my heart’s racing, and my knees are wobbly. I feel sick. Be strong, Ava. “I need to know. I can handle this, Chase.” I hope I can. I hope I’m ready for whatever he has to tell me.
“I hope you’re ready for this.” Still cupping my face, he says, “I love you. I loved you in college. I loved you when you married Connor, and I still love you. I think I loved you the moment I first saw you.”
He leans in and kisses me, and I kiss him back. Sweetly. Softly. Passionately. He places his hand on the small of my back and brings me to him. “I love you, too,” I whisper.
There’s a knock at the door and I wonder who could be knocking. Not now. Go away. Chase continues to kiss me. I let him. My lips feel numb from the passion. It’s a great feeling. I want more. I want Chase.
“Ava? Can I come in?”
The voice is familiar. No, go away. I don’t want to be bothered. I breathe heavily as Chase walks me toward the bed. “I want you,” he rasps.
“I want you, too.”
“Ava, it’s Chase. Can I come in?”
Wait? What? I’m kissing Chase. How can Chase be at the door knocking?
“I want you. I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid. I was afraid you wouldn’t feel the same way about me. God, I love you, Ava.”
“Ava, it’s Chase. Are you awake?”
With my eyes still closed. I try to calm my heavy breathing. My lips still swollen from the kiss. My face red from the blush. My heart racing with excitement. A dream. It was all a dream. Another knock at the door.
“Ava, I’m coming in.”
Chase
When Ava doesn’t answer, I open her bedroom door slowly. She’s in bed sound asleep. It’s not like her to sleep so long during the day. I want to go to her, but I close the door and let her sleep instead. Skylar said Ava has nightmares nightly. This must be exhausting for her. I hate that she dreams of Connor, and her past that she can’t remember. Although Ava can’t see it, I know that since her dreams are memories, then her amnesia is a blessing. God is protecting her from an unimaginable past. She made a desperate plea just hours before for us to tell her things that may help her remember. Skylar told me it’s time I tell Ava my true feelings. It’s time for me to open up about how I truly feel for her. I can’t. I can’t risk that Ava won’t reciprocate back. What if Ava wants nothing to do with me once I tell her? I can’t risk losing her. I’d rather have her in my life as a friend than not have her in my life at all.
Ava
I pretend to sleep until Chase leaves. I force myself to take shallow breaths. I can’t let him see me like this. My dreams and nightmares have always been about violence and hatred, that is, up until now. What in the hell was that? This dream was just moments shy of being a wet dream. Do I have those kinds of feelings for him? I certainly did in my dream. I touch my tingling lips. Have I ever been kissed like that? It was sexy and sensual. Have I ever wanted anyone as much as I wanted Chase? Great! Just something else to add to my already confused mind.
I get up and shower as I try to make sense of this. It’ll give me some time to get my breathing under control. It’s too much. It’s too much to add on top of everything else. Maybe I was dreaming of Xander. No, that was definitely not Xander in my dream. Chase? Will I ever be able to look at him the same?
I slip into a long-sleeved white-tee and a pair of jeans before joining my family in the living room. Chase, Drew, and Dad are gone and I’m a bit relieved. I’m not ready to see Chase so soon after that dream. Mom and Skylar are watching a rerun of Friends.
“Where’s the guys?”
“They went to Staples,” Skylar says. “You slept a long time. Do you feel better?”
“I do. Do you guys want to go see Nichole? I’d like to see how her place is coming along.”
Mom says, “I’d love to.”
“Me, too,” Skylar says, standing.
During the drive to Nichole’s bakery, I text her to make sure it’s okay that we come over. I also order take-out and call Dad and tell him that’s where we’ll be. We pull into the parking lot and I take a deep breath. Mom and Skylar didn’t talk about Lorraine, Connor, or anything unpleasant on the ride here. I hope that Nichole and Rachael don’t mention it either. I can’t forget about it, but I also don’t want it to be the main topic of every conversation either. There’s nothing I can do about it, so I’ll just wait and see what happens. It sure has done nothing for my self-esteem.
I put on a smile as we carry take-out Chinese food upstairs to Nichole’s new apartment. I’m happy to see that the outside entrance looks inviting. Since I was here yesterday, Nichole added a winter wreath on the door and a couple small wooden rockers beside the newly painted “haint blue” color door. I smile as I remember the story of this color being used to keep the spirits out of your home. Maybe I need to paint my bedroom door this color.
The door opens before we have a chance to knock. Nichole greets us warmly as Rachael stands close by. We make pleasantries before we set the food out on the dining room table.
“This place looks amazing,” I say truthfully.
Drew, Chase, and Dad arrive just before dinner. I’m nervous about seeing Chase. My hands get sweaty and I’m not sure how to act. Do I act like I’m glad to see him? Do I ignore him? Do I greet him with a hug? How did I act toward him before the dream? I can’t remember. I decide it’s best to just stay put and attend to the food. When I hear his voice, my face flushes red.
“What’s wrong with you?” Skylar asks.
“Nothing. Why?” I ask, placing the serving spoons in the General Tso Chicken and Shrimp Lo Mein.
“You’re all flushed. Are you getting sick?”
Sick! Why didn’t I think of that? “I don’t feel well.”
“Who’s sick?” Dad asks.
“Ava. She’s all flushed and sweaty.”
Thanks, Skylar. I look up through thick lashes and everyone is looking at me. “I’m sure it’s nothing. There’s just a lot going on.” At least that part is the truth.
“When did this start?” Mom asks.
Just since I had a near wet dream about Chase. “Shortly after I woke up,” I say instead. Chase looks concerned as he walks toward me. “I’m going to the restroom and splash some water on my face. It’s hot in here,” I lie. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” I need to get away. I can’t talk to him right now. I pick up my purse and head to the nearest restroom.
Closing the door tightly behind me, I lean against it. After several deep breaths, I look in the mirror. I look like a mess. Get it together, Ava. Reaching into my purse for my compact, I pull out a sack. It’s the pregnancy test I bought yesterday. I sit on the toilet before I fall down. My time with Xander runs through my mind. The things we said, the places we went, and the few times we made love. My heart hurts that he isn’t here. Can I be pregnant? I have been pretty nauseous lately. Well, there’s only one way to find out. I read the directions and decide there’s no better time like the present. I pee on the stick and wait… and wait… and wait. When I hear Chase tell Skylar in the other room to check on me, I decide I don’t have time to wait for the result. Shoving the box, the pregnancy test strip, and the instructions into my purse, I join my family and friends.
Books By Brenda Kennedy
I support Indie Authors. If you read this book, please take the time to go to the purchasing site and give it a review.
Independent authors count on your reviews to get the word out about our books. Thank you for taking the time to read my books and taking the extra time to review them. I appreciate it very much.
Disclaimer: People and places in this book have been used fictitiously and without malice.
The Forgotten Trilogy
Book One: Leaving the Past
Book Two: Living for Today
Book Three: Seeking the Future …Coming soon
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Other books written by this author include:
The Starting Over Trilogy
Book One: A New Beginning
Book Two: Saving Angel
Book Three: Destined to Love
The Freedom Trilogy
Book One: Shattered Dreams
Book Two: Broken Lives
Book Three: Mending Hearts
The Fighting to Survive Trilogy
Round One: A Life Worth Fighting
Round Two: Against the Odds
Round Three: One Last Fight
The Rose Farm Trilogy
Book One: Forever Country
Book Two: Country Life
Book Three: Country Love
Stand-alone books in the “Another Round of Laughter Series” written by Brenda and some of her siblings: Carla Evans, Martha Farmer, Rosa Jones, and David Bruce
Cupcakes Are Not A Diet Food …Now available
Kids Are Not Always Angels …Coming soon
Acknowledgements
My husband, Rex: Thank you for supporting me and for coming with me on this ride. Thank you for understanding that although I am in my pajamas, I am indeed working. You are my partner for life, and I love you.
My children: Thank you for reminding me what is important every single day. I love you.
My grandchildren: Thank you for reminding me that I am somebody; I am your grandma and nothing else matters. I love you all.
My sisters and brothers: Thank you for your endless support. I love you.
My brother David: Without you, I wouldn’t have been able to publish the first book. Thank you for making my ideas better and for all you do. Editing, proofreading, polishing, formatting, ideas, articles, and research websites. See, I do pay attention. Thank you. Thank you for pushing me until I get it right. Maybe someday I’ll learn the right place to put the commas. I love you and I can never thank you enough. I love you. David writes collections of anecdotes such as The Funniest People in Art, and he retells classics in such books as William Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew: A Retelling in Prose. His books can be found for sale on all leading online electronic book sale platforms.
Christina Badder, Owner and Operator of CBB Productions: My P.A., and my friend. Thank you for taking care of all of my promotional needs. The blog tours, author spotlights, book cover reveals, give-a-ways, Rafflecopters, ARC’s, and everything that I don’t know that you do or things I forgot to mention. I hope you know how much I appreciate your hard work and dedication. Girl, I love your work and your vision. You are so amazing and I am so glad I found you. I plan on keeping you, forever. For more info on Christina and her amazing work, see www.cbbproductions.com. Christina is also a LuLaRoe consultant, if you’re looking to purchase the softest leggings around.
Becki Angle Martin: Thank you for designing this stunning cover. You saw my vision and brought it to life. Thank you.
Thank you to all of my Beta readers: You are amazing and I couldn’t do it without you. I appreciate your honest opinions and reviews, and I love the bond that we have developed. Also, I appreciate that I can trust you and count on you. Thank you for encouraging me to write and for giving me ideas. You never disappoint. I love you guys!
Thank you to “Brenda’s Street Talkers” for sharing my books, making teasers and banners, and for the love and support I receive from you every day. I love you girls.
Thank you to all the bloggers who shared in the author’s spotlight and the blog tour for Forgetting the Past. I appreciate you more than you know.
A very special thank you to author DB Jones for your endless and continuous support. I feel like I’ve known you my entire life.
To my readers: Thank you for reading and reviewing my books. Thank you to my loyal readers who have followed me from the beginning and to those who are new to my books.
For those readers who enjoy a darker, more intense read: My daughter Carleen Jamison has recently published her debut novel, titled Inappropriate Reactions. It is Book One of the Mind Games Series. This book is intended for mature audiences only and is available on all leading platforms. You can follow her on
Smashwords Author’s page: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/carleenjamison
Facebook Author’s Page: https://www.facebook.com/author.c.jamison?fref=ts
Info for David Bruce, My Brother
Smashwords (Books for Sale, and Free Books)
http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/bruceb
WordPress Blog
https://davidbruceblog.wordpress.com
About the Author
When I first started writing, I wanted to write about real people whom others could relate to with real-life problems and real jobs. I love to read about the billionaire 20-something-year-old, but knew this wasn’t the kind of story I want to write. When my first trilogy, The Starting Over Trilogy, took form, I was thrilled to be able to make the book as close to realistic as I could.
I wanted to touch on real-life problems. Not because I want to show the weakness in my characters or to show the disturbing truth, but because I want to show my characters’ strengths. The Starting Over Trilogy dealt with domestic violence: a problem that is all too familiar to too many women and men.
Next came The Freedom Trilogy, a spinoff of The Starting Over Trilogy. The series started off with the All-American military family and the real problems some face during deployment. I picked my daughter Amanda’s brain and used her real emotions during the deployment stage. Thank you, Amanda. Then the story turned to drug abuse and rehabilitation.
The Fighting to Survive Trilogy focuses on battles of a boxer, depression, and how to move forward after the loss of a child. It tells the story of two families who are fighting the same battle.
Then The Rose Farm Trilogy took form. This series takes place in my old hometown in rural Ohio. I was excited to revisit my country roots and quickly learned that although I now live in Florida, I was never far from home. This series focuses on poverty in rural areas and how little a person needs to be truly happy. Although it takes place in my old hometown, the people and the circumstances are purely fictional, except for Rick Crooks and his sister.
I hope that in my future books I am still able to continue to write about problems most of us face while continuing to give my characters the happily ever after that they deserve. On a lighter note: I moved to sunny Florida in 2006 and never looked back. I love freshly squeezed lemonade, crushed ice, teacups, wine glasses, non-franchise restaurants, ice cream cones, boating, picnics, cookouts, throwing parties, lace, white wine, mojitos, strawberry margaritas, white linen tablecloths, fresh flowers, lace, mountains, oceans, and Pinterest. I also love to read and write and to spend time with my family.
My books, thus far, have been inspired by the things I love and the people who influence me, every single day, to be a better person.
You may follow me on:
FB author page : http://on.fb.me/1ywRwmI
BookBub Author’s Page: https://www.bookbub.com/authors/brenda-kennedy
GoodReads : http://bit.ly/1szWiw5
Twitter : https://twitter.com/BrendaKennedy_
Webpage: http://brendakennedyauthor.com
Living for Today Page 19