Little Bits of Sky

by S. E. Durrant

  It says 1947 on it so it’s really old but the paper isn’t yellow or falling apart. It looks like she wrote it yesterday. I don’t think anyone ever touched it apart from Glenda and now me. The writing’s old-fashioned and neat and all the letters are the same size and they all lean in the same direction. This is what it says.

  24th September 1947

  To whom it may concern

  I hope whoever finds this letter is a girl. There are too many boys here already. If you are a boy please put this letter back.

  My name is Glenda Hyacinth and I am eleven years old. I live in Skilly House, which is an orphanage. I don’t remember my family but I miss them terribly. I especially miss my mother. I hope whoever is reading this has a family and there are no orphanages any more and everyone has somewhere nice to live.

  I got the cane at school today because I didn’t know my times tables. I was supposed to recite them all the way to twelve but I couldn’t even remember them up to eight. I had to stand in the corner and practise over and over and I missed my break and I had to hold my breath so I didn’t cry.

  The thing I’m best at is handwriting. Even my teacher says so. I hope you think so too. I always make sure the letters touch the lines.

  What I like doing best is playing in the bombsite over the road. There used to be a big house there but now there’s only rubble because the Germans bombed it. I pretend the house is still there and I live there and I’m helping my mother cook the dinner and lay the table. Once I found a red ribbon and I washed it and kept it and now I wear it and once I found a photograph of a family but I didn’t keep that. I dug a hole and buried it in the ground.

  I also like climbing the tree in the garden. If I could fly I would climb to the top of the tree and fly away and never come back.

  With love from

  Glenda

  I was so amazed I read it over and over just to make sure it was real. And all the time I was reading I kept checking the door in case Zac came in because I don’t want him to laugh or tell everyone. And now I know the letter off by heart. I’ve always thought about Glenda and now I feel like I’ve met her. Then I wrote a letter back.

  14th May 1989

  Dear Glenda

  I hope you don’t mind me writing but I found your letter under the floorboard. I am a girl though I share the room with my brother Zac. I hope that’s OK. He always wants to share but I don’t really mind. I think I’d be lonely on my own. I hope you weren’t too lonely here. I’m ten and three quarters. Zac’s nine.

  My real name’s Miracle but everyone calls me Ira. Zac’s real name is Zackery.

  It’s really nice to read your letter. I know your name because it’s on the windowsill. You must have pressed really hard because it’s gone in really deep. I think it will be there forever.

  I’m sorry you got the cane for not knowing your times tables. If I was hit for getting my times tables wrong I’d be black and blue but my teacher doesn’t hit me for not knowing. She just rolls her eyes.

  There isn’t a bombsite over the road any more. There’s a block of flats and lots of people live there. I don’t think they know ghosts are watching them when they’re making cups of tea or eating breakfast. There isn’t a tree in the garden at Skilly now either. A storm blew it over. Me and Zac saw it. It was amazing.

  Skilly House is still an orphanage but people call it a children’s home now. Me and Zac don’t have parents either and I miss them too. Missing them is like a hole in my heart.

  I’m going to put your letter back under the floor and I’m going to put this letter there too and in the future maybe another girl will find them. Maybe by then people will think care kids are special and treat them even better than other kids and Skilly will be like a palace and everyone will want to go there. Can you imagine it?

  I know you must be really old now or even dead but I’m going to think of you as my friend. You can think of me as a friend too if you like, even if you are a ghost. And if you want to watch me and Zac sometimes that’s OK.

  Love from Ira

  PS Your writing is much better than mine. I can’t make all my letters touch the lines. I can’t stop them going in all different directions.

  Then I got an envelope that was left over from a birthday card and I put my letter in it and wrote Sorry about the envelope on the back because it was pink. Then I wrote To Glenda on the front and put it under the floorboard with Glenda’s letter.

  And now I feel like I’ve got a new friend, even though she’s a friend from the past. Even though she’s probably dead. I’ve always wanted a special friend and now I’ve got one.

  Me and Zac are going on holiday! It’s our first ever! All the Skilly kids have been on holiday except us. I don’t know if it’s because there’s two of us and we want to stay together but we’ve never been. We’ve been on outings, just not holidays. Anita took us to the National Gallery in Trafalgar Square to look at the old paintings. I really liked them but Zac got bored and set off an alarm by going over the rope that stops people touching them. Afterwards we had a picnic in Trafalgar Square and climbed on the lion statues and fed the pigeons. The pigeons went crazy. All you could see was their fluttering wings and nodding heads.

  I’ve been on a boat on the Thames with my class too. We went under the bridges and a man told us the history of London and pointed out special buildings. We couldn’t see him. His voice was coming out of the ceiling but I think he was standing on the top. I didn’t enjoy it though. I felt so sick I couldn’t look up.

  But me and Zac have never been away for a week, or even for a night, and come back. If we ever go away for a night we don’t come back. Ever.

  The holiday’s organised by City Kids, Country Kids. It’s a charity where people who live in the country let city kids stay with them. It’s like when country people had evacuees like Silas – only now they don’t have to keep them for years; they can keep them for a week and send them back. It’s better that way in case they don’t like them.

  Mrs Clanks called us into her office. We were worried because kids usually go in there to be given bad news or told off. I’ve been in twice before today. Once was because I lied to cover up for Zac when he took a packet of biscuits from Hortense’s tin that was hidden behind the rice in the pantry. Now the tin’s behind the cereals on the fridge and he can’t reach it, even standing on a chair. I got into as much trouble for lying as Zac did for stealing the biscuits. Mrs Clanks said if we did that sort of thing we’d ruin our lives. She didn’t shout. She just stared at us like she could see how awful we are inside. She made me feel cold.

  The other time was when my school report said I was looking out of the window in lessons. Mrs Clanks tapped her finger on her desk and said, “If you’re not careful you’ll come to nothing,” which means my life will be wasted. But I think my life’s wasted anyway. What sort of life is a care kid’s life except a waste?

  But this time when we went in she was sort of smiling. It made my heart jump (not in a good way) because I wondered if she was going to send us away and that’s why she was happy. She had a yellow ribbon in her hair.

  Wearing a ribbon is Mrs Clanks’s distinguishing feature, which means it’s the thing that makes her different. If someone didn’t know what she looked like you’d say the woman with the ribbon. It’s like burglars wear striped jumpers and Frenchmen have curly moustaches. I don’t like it though. It just looks weird. Maybe she wants to look young but it doesn’t work. It makes her look even older.

  When we sat down she said, “I have good news. I’ve found someone to take you for a holiday.”

  Then she waited for us to say something. But we didn’t speak. We were too shocked.

  “It wasn’t easy to place you together,” she said, “but a lady called Miss Freeman will take you. This is a big opportunity. You are going in the summer. I will take you on the train, you will stay for a week and I will pick you up and bring you back to Skilly.”

  I felt faint after that. I couldn’t wor
k out if I was happy or worried and I felt dizzy with it. Because going on a train with Mrs Clanks is the worst way to start a holiday. But then she’s going to leave us there so that’s OK.

  “You must be polite at all times,” Mrs Clanks said, “and do any jobs required of you, and afterwards Miss Freeman will tell me how you’ve behaved. What do you think?”

  I wasn’t sure what I was thinking so I nodded and said, “Thank you.”

  Zac screwed his eyes tight shut and just sat there. It’s what he does when he wants to hide. It’s like when little kids put their hands over their eyes and they think you can’t see them. Except Zac’s nine years old. I’m hoping he’ll grow out of it soon.

  Mrs Clanks looked at Zac for a few moments.

  Then she said, “Well, off you go then.”

  I pulled Zac’s arm and he followed me out. He didn’t even open his eyes. He was tripping over me. When we got in the hall he leaned against the wall because he felt wobbly.

  He thinks Mrs Clanks is going to leave us in the forest like Hansel and Gretel and let the animals eat us. I’m worried too. Not about being left in a forest but in case we don’t come back.

  I told Hortense and she said, “Ira, don’t you worry, you’ll have a wonderful time. You won’t want to come back but when you do we’ll be here.”

  Silas said, “You’ll never forget it, Ira. Take it with both hands.”

  When he said that, it made me think of Christmas dinner because I always take that with both hands. It’s my favourite meal apart from the stuffing. My other favourites are sausages and mash when Hortense cooks it, and fish and chips eaten on a beach when you have to chase the seagulls away. I haven’t had fish and chips on a beach yet. It’s a favourite for the future.

  After I talked to Silas and Hortense I didn’t feel so worried. Then I told everyone else. Esther got a bit huffy, even though she’s had two holidays and we’ve had none. I expect she wants another one. Jimmy’s annoyed too. He said, “How long for?” and I said, “A week,” and he said, “Oh yeah…” like “yeah” had lots of dots after it, like we weren’t really coming back. And now he’s ignoring me. Sophia and Miles wish they were going and Milap said, “That’s nice,” and Harit said, “I’m going to get you for that!” and chased Zac round the garden.

  Ashani’s really excited. She said, “You’ve got to start packing NOW,” even though we’re not going for weeks, and then she wrote me a list. It said:

  what to take on holiday

  faverit toy

  faverit outfit

  faverit thing to do

  All the favourites were spelt wrong. I didn’t say anything. I just gave her a hug and said, “This is for my faverit girl.”

  I’ve told Glenda about the holiday too. I told her in my head. I wonder if she ever had a holiday. I hope she’s pleased because she can have our room to herself for a week.

  Ashani went to see her new family yesterday. It’s the third time she’s been. They might adopt her. They’ve got a garden and if she goes to live there they’ll buy a goal so she can play football. They’ve got a grown-up daughter who’s at university and Ashani met her and said she’s nice and wears glasses and green nail varnish and she smokes so her breath smells funny. Ashani said she likes the family but last night she came into our room in her bunny pyjamas and she was crying. She didn’t know why. She just felt all mixed up inside.

  I let her sleep in my bed. Zac didn’t mind. He doesn’t come in my bed now and anyway Ashani’s his favourite. This morning she was back to normal. She did bunny jumps all the way down the stairs while Zac was a fox chasing her.

  I hope Ashani’s family don’t just want to foster her so she has to move again.

  Milap and Harit went to see their mum and dad today. They were so happy. They couldn’t stop talking about it. They went on a rowing boat in the park and then they went to a café. Milap had egg and chips and Harit had egg, beans and chips and their dad had egg, beans, chips and tomato and their mum wasn’t hungry so she just had a cup of tea. It sounded lovely.

  But when we were having tea Milap wouldn’t eat anything.

  Hortense said, “Go on, have a little bit; you’ll be hungry later.”

  She said it nicely but Milap suddenly jumped up and threw his plate on the floor. The plate smashed and the food went everywhere and it was spaghetti bolognaise so it made a big mess. Bits of spaghetti were stuck to the cupboards. They looked like worms.

  Then Milap shouted, “I hate it here!” and after that he couldn’t stop shouting it, like it was the only thing in his head. He shouted, “I hate it here! I hate it!” over and over and then he ran up to his room and even though he slammed his door we could still hear him shouting.

  Harit didn’t say anything. He put his hands over his ears and opened his mouth like he was screaming but no sound came out. Not even a whisper. It made me feel awful because I couldn’t tell how bad it was but I knew it must be very bad. It was even worse than Milap shouting out loud.

  Hortense took Harit away and Silas sat with us while we finished our tea, except no one did finish it because we all lost our appetites. Because if Milap can shout like that and throw his plate and he’s really gentle and sweet it made us think what the rest of us could do. Because we aren’t like other people. Other people have all their emotions spread out like all different shades of colour, like if you go from red through purple until you end up with blue. But we have our emotions right next to each other so one moment we’re happy and then suddenly we’re angry and sometimes we don’t feel anything at all. It’s scary being like that.

  Me and Zac go on holiday tomorrow. While we were packing Ashani came in with her Crystal Palace shirt.

  She said, “Do you want to take this with you? You can if you like.”

  She meant me because Zac supports Arsenal.

  I said, “No thanks, Ashani. It’s too precious.”

  She looked glad.

  Then I said, “I wish I could take you instead,” and I tickled her and she laughed and said, “Me too.”

  Zac felt sick this morning. He said he was too ill to go on holiday.

  I said, “You have to go. It’s a big opportunity.”

  He said, “We won’t come back, will we?”

  I said, “Of course we will. We’re only going for a week.”

  He didn’t believe me.

  Then I said, “Well, I’m going anyway, even if you don’t come,” which wasn’t true. I’d never go away without him. I didn’t think he’d believe me but he did. He stuck out his bottom lip and didn’t say another word.

  Mrs Clanks told us to put on our best clothes, the ones we don’t normally wear because they’re so uncomfortable. Zac wore his white shirt with the collar that digs into his neck and his shorts with the itchy waistband. I wore the green dress I’ve had since I was nine. It was too big when I got it and now it’s too small. We looked like cartoons with wobbly faces drawn on. Only we didn’t look funny.

  Hortense gave us sandwiches for the train. Her eyes were shiny and when I said “Bye” she hugged me really tight. I wanted to stay like that forever. Zac stood completely still when she hugged him but I knew he didn’t want to move either. He wanted to stop time. I wish Hortense could adopt us. I wish she was our mum.

  Then I said, “See you,” to Jimmy but he looked away.

  We got in the back of Silas’s old car that he always has to empty before we get in because he’s always picking up junk. Then Mrs Clanks got in the front. She had a spotty ribbon in her hair. She didn’t say “Good morning.” She just said, “Seatbelts on?” After that no one talked. It reminded me of when we came to Skilly.

  Silas waited with us at the station. When the train came Mrs Clanks said, “Coach C, this way,” and ran down the platform. I thought her ribbon would fall out. I imagined it lying in the dust but it stayed in.

  As we got on the train Silas said, “Now, don’t you forget why you’re going – to have some fun.”

  I had a lump in my t
hroat and it was hurting. Zac pressed his face into Silas’s jacket.

  “And you, little one,” Silas said. “Run and run and use up that energy, eh?”

  We got a table on the train. Me and Zac sat one side and Mrs Clanks sat on the other. Silas put our bags on the rack and said, “I’ll see you next week. I’ll be waiting for you.”

  He waved us goodbye from the platform and we watched him get smaller and smaller until the train turned a corner and he was gone. Zac was nearly crying.

  Mrs Clanks got some papers out of her bag.

  “Do you mind if I work?” she said.

  We shook our heads because we didn’t mind. We were glad. We didn’t want to talk to Mrs Clanks. We never talk to her, except when she tells us what to do and then we don’t talk anyway. She does.

  Sometimes we imagine she’s a robot and we pretend to be her. We wind her up and do her stony face and make her move faster and faster and crash into things. Zac’s really good at it. Even when he falls on the floor his face stays completely blank. He’s really funny.

  But I think it’s best to be like a robot if you do Mrs Clanks’s job because whatever happens she always looks the same. You need to be like that when you look after care kids. She doesn’t shout and she doesn’t cry even when kids are really upset, and her smile’s the same whether she’s saying “Hello” or “Watch out!” It’s the kind of smile you need if you don’t know if the news you’re giving is good or bad.

  As soon as we couldn’t see Silas any more Zac started wriggling. I got out my sketchbook.

  “Do a picture of Mrs Clanks,” he whispered.

  I drew her with a tiny head and tiny hands reading a gigantic bit of paper. Zac tried to draw a moustache on her but I wouldn’t let him. He made such a fuss I shut the book.