The Lies of Pride

by Lily Zante

  She’s right. There are potted plants and flowers all around, and the lights have come on. I’m seeing them all for the first time. The whole of the balcony area looks so pretty, that even I am taken aback.

  The air is cool, and it’s quiet up here. I look down at the sea of lights spread out before us.

  “Why have you never come out here?”

  “I didn’t have anyone to enjoy the view with.” The words escape my lips before I get a chance to stop them.

  “It’s wasted on you.” She deftly ignores it.

  Coming out here to enjoy the view is nowhere on my list of important things to do, but watching Nina enjoy it gives me a sense of satisfaction. “I get in from filming, and there’s nothing to do but shower, eat, and look over the next day’s lines.” I tell her.

  “Or go to the diner in full makeup in order to deceive.”

  “Deceive?” I cry out in mock exaggeration. “I wasn’t trying to deceive you, Nina. I told you I’d be coming in disguise. I just didn’t say when.”

  “Maybe deceive is the wrong word. I’m pleased you did that.”

  “I’m pleased you came here.”

  She looks away, and I feel bad that I might have ruined the moment, changed the mood of the evening without meaning to. “I’m not looking for a girlfriend, Nina. I’m looking for a friend.” I’m not entirely sure I mean that, but if it will make her continue talking to me, then that’s what I have to say.

  “That’s a relief,” she answers, “Because I’m not girlfriend material.”

  It shocks me how much this woman seems not to like herself. How she doesn’t value who she is, or what she means to others. She’s vulnerable, and soft, yet hard all at once. She is many things all wrapped up in different layers, like those little Russian dolls. “Why do you say that?”

  She seems to be contemplating her answer, and her gaze lands somewhere in the distance. “Because I’m not.”

  “But the reason?” I press.

  She rolls her eyes and looks away. It’s obvious that she doesn’t want to talk about it, and that this is her pushing me away again.

  “You were telling me about Harper and your brother going to the mountains, before the food delivery came.”

  “He’s going to Dwayne Bank’s place where he went last year. Harper’s going at the weekend and she asked me if I’d like to come.”

  “And are you?” From what I can tell, Nina only ever works, or goes to night school or does her assignments. Her friendship with Joni sounds flaky. It doesn’t seem that she has much going on, or lets many people in. “It will be good for you.”

  “She also asked if you’d like to come along?”

  “Me?” I’m so shocked by her suggestion that I almost turn to look around behind me. “Me?” I ask again.

  “Harper suggested it. It wasn’t my idea.”

  I frown, unsure if she’s saying that because she feels a duty to pass on Harper’s message or because she doesn’t want me to come along. “It’s not a date or anything,” she adds.

  “I didn’t think of it as anything like that.” But still, I’m shocked that she’d even ask me.

  “Harper thinks you’d get to see more of what my brother does when he’s working out, and … and … it would be a break for you, if you’re looking to take a break.”

  She shrugs. “I could do with a break.” She says this so quietly that I’m sure she didn’t mean for me to hear it. But I did hear it.

  “From what?” I ask quietly.

  “What?”

  “You said you needed to take a break.”

  “From the diner, and people.” She goes quiet as she looks over the balcony.

  “Dwayne Bank’s place in the mountains,” I say to myself. I’m considering it. It seems like it could be the perfect break for us both. “When?”

  “Next weekend. I mean, I know it’s short notice, but they did ask you last time, and Harper reminded me to ask you again.”

  “Next weekend?” My heart drops. Dottie reminded me yesterday about Alyssa’s film premiere again.

  She reads my reaction. “You can’t make it?” Now she sounds disappointed. And I love that she does.

  Maybe, just maybe, Nina sounds a little disappointed. “I have a film premiere I have to attend.”

  “Oh.”

  I wrap my hands over the balustrade of the balcony, and stare at the view of the city spread out before me like a jewel studded carpet. It’s dark now, and the tiny twinkling city lights glow like a thousand fireflies over the city. It’s breathtaking, and serene, and beautiful, and it’s insane that I haven’t been out here before. I’m also glad I’m out here for the first time to enjoy it with Nina. “I can’t get out of it.”

  It’s a secret. An industry secret. This fabricated romance between me and my co-star Alyssa Watts. I need to tell Nina before she hears about it from someone else.

  “That’s a shame,” she says, before I can say a word. “Harper was looking forward to it.”

  “Harper?” I stare into Nina’s eyes. They’re dark, and under the night sky, they sparkle like onyx. I can’t decipher her expression though. I can’t tell if she’s disappointed, or relieved.

  “She’s a huge fan of yours.”

  “Why are we talking about Harper?” I ask. I want to talk about us. I want to know what Nina feels. I want to know if she feels anything for me. Or is this in my head? I never get it wrong, but I can’t read her. I can’t tell with her. “You could still go, though,” I say. “If you want a break, and you need to get away.”

  “And feel like a gooseberry,” she replies, looking out. The disappointment in her voice is hard to miss. My spirits start to soar, because it sounds like she kind of wanted me to come along with her.

  I get it.

  It would be safe, with Harper and Elias. It wouldn’t be a getaway just for the two of us. I sense that would frighten her. And then I have an idea. It’s crazy, and wild, and completely spontaneous, but I trust my instincts, and the worst that can happen is she could say ‘no’.

  But it would give me an inkling of how she feels.

  “You could come with me to LA, to the film premiere.”

  She turns at me in surprise.

  “I have to attend this event. It’s with my co-star, Alyssa Watts, so it’s not as if you’re going to be linked with me, if that’s what you’re afraid of. But if you need a break, why don’t you come along, anyway? Dottie will be there.”

  The fact that she doesn’t say ‘No’ straightaway is a good sign. She’s thinking about it. I hazard a guess that mentioning my co-star, and Dottie being there are two pieces of information that might just sway her decision.

  “What would people think?”

  Good question. I have no idea what Dottie or Rudy might think, and I don’t care. Dottie would ask questions worthy of the FBI, and Rudy won’t be too happy. But the fact that Nina is asking me that question, instead of hitting me with a big fat ‘No’, is a good sign. Heck, it’s a great sign. “Leave that to me.”

  Alyssa and I aren’t real, but Nina and me, we could be, if she wants. “If it wasn’t for the film premiere, I’d have gone to the mountains with you, but this is a contractual obligation I have to fulfil. I can’t back out. If you want to come along, then come.”

  She’s still mulling it over. I’m not used to women taking so long to consider their answer, not when it comes to something like this, a weekend away with me, but this time there will be no sexy interludes.

  I’m okay with that. Nina isn’t the type of woman to be interested in something like that.

  “It would be a new experience,” she says slowly. “And I’ve never been to a film premiere.”

  “I’ll be with my co-star,” I tell her quickly. “She’ll be on my arm, and all that.” It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her about the fake romance, but I need more signs from her that it would matter.

  “That’s okay,” she murmurs, surprising me again. Most women I know would have as
ked me a whole heap of other questions. “You and Dottie could hang out during the premiere. I can get tickets, don’t worry about that.”

  “It would be a weekend away,” says Nina, as if she’s slowly thinking about it. “And you’ll be with your co-star.”

  I hate it when she says that. It’s almost as if she’s coming because she thinks I’m a safe bet. I won’t do anything. I won’t. I don’t even know why I offered this.

  “I’ve read some stuff in the papers, well, Joni did, and she showed me.”

  “What stuff?”

  “About you and your co-star.”

  What am I supposed to say? I nod.

  “I guess that must happen a lot, in show business?” she asks.

  I scratch the back of my neck. “That’s show business.” How unreal is this conversation?

  “Were you and Leanne Rose ever … ?”

  All of a sudden she wants to know about my love life. Well, this is weird. “No. Me and Leanne were just friends. Her mom got sick and passed away, and she was heartbroken. I was there for her.”

  We gaze at the glittering view, wrapped in a seal of silence.

  “Just a weekend?” she asks, after a while.

  “Just a weekend.”

  “Can I think about it?”

  “Take all the time you need.”

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  NINA

  * * *

  It’s the most spontaneous thing I’ve done. Butterflies kiss the insides of my stomach each time I think about it. Going to LA with Callum Sandersby? Me? How did I ever allow myself to consider such a thing?

  It’s only when I get home after such a lovely evening, when I’m alone with my thoughts, that I start to have doubts.

  It was all well and good, taking the leap, telling Callum I’d go with him, while I was standing on his beautiful hotel balcony, seeing the lights of Chicago spread out before us like a million stars in the galaxy.

  But here, in the stark reality of my apartment, I’m scared that he’ll think I want more.

  What will it mean, me going with him?

  He’s not going with you.

  He has a date. He’s going with his co-star, I remind myself. It’s part of the reason why I considered it. I have read the papers. I have looked him up online. I know there’s gossip about him and his co-star. I’m not sure I believe it though. He didn’t say much about it when I asked him.

  Callum knows me, he knows me better than I give him credit for. This isn’t a sleazy weekend away. This is us two being friends.

  I pick up the phone and call the only person I can talk to about this.

  “Are you alone?” It’s late at night, and I know the answer already. Harper’s probably with my brother.

  “I am now.” I hear a door shutting.

  “I’m going to a film premiere in LA with Callum.”

  “Oh my god,” her voice is breathless. “Tell me more.”

  “You can’t tell Elias, he’s so protective, and there’s nothing going on.”

  “What do you mean there’s nothing going on. You’re going away with Callum Sandersby.”

  I put her straight, and tell her about our evening, and that I’d asked him to come to the mountains, but he couldn’t, and how he invited me to go to the premiere instead. I tell her there is no romance, and that we’re friends, and we’re going in a group. “It’s not what you think,” I insist.

  “Are you going to be on the red carpet?”

  The idea stabs me like a knife to my chest. “No way. I’m hiding in the shadows. He’ll be with his co-star, for the publicity—”

  “You need a dress. You need shoes. You need accessories. And sexy lingerie.”

  “Harper! It’s not like that.” But her words set my heart racing. What am I letting myself in for?

  “Come over, and we’ll go shopping. You’re going on a date with the biggest hunk in Hollywood.”

  “I’m not going with him, and this isn’t a date,” I insist. Trust her to see it like that when I don’t see him like that at all. He’s just a normal guy to me. Is it because of how we first met, in that alleyway, with him getting beaten up? I’ve never seen him as a superstar.

  “I am going with his personal assistant.” I set the record straight. “And he’s going with his co-star.”

  “You need underwear. Sexy underwear. And heels. Sexy, fuck-me heels.”

  “This isn’t that kind of weekend.” But it doesn’t matter, because she has selective hearing and she chooses not to hear me.

  * * *

  CALLUM

  * * *

  “The girl who’s been bringing your lunch?” Dottie’s mouth falls open. “You know you’re supposed to be hopelessly in love with Alyssa?”

  “Nina is a friend. She’s Elias’s sister. She invited me to the mountains, where Elias is training, but I can’t go.”

  Whatever. I can’t believe I’m having to justify Nina coming along with me to my personal assistant. “Just make sure her name is down on the list, so she can actually get into the theater.”

  “Does Rudy know?”

  I exhale slowly, because he’s going to be harder to break this to. I’m an A-list actor, and who I take along with me shouldn’t be so goddamn hard, but this whole cloud of PR surrounds me wherever I go, whatever I do, and the studio has banked millions on my latest film. Even though we’re not starting the whole crazy merry-go-round of post-film publicity until later, I still have to be mindful of who I’m seen out with.

  “Don’t worry about Rudy. I’ll speak to him.”

  “And how is she getting there?”

  I smile at Dottie sweetly. “With you. You’re both spending the weekend together. You’ve seen her enough times at my trailer, delivering lunch.”

  Dottie sighs out loudly. “So you want me to get her flight and hotel tickets?”

  “Book the hotel. Separate rooms. Don’t worry about the flight. She’ll probably want to do that herself.”

  Dottie raises both eyebrows as if I’m asking something big of her. “Okay, whatever you say.”

  I call Rudy next, and manage to get through his barrage of questions. He reminds me numerous times that Alyssa and I have a budding romance in the pipeline. I do my best to soothe his worries. “There’s nothing going on with this girl.”

  “Then if there’s nothing going on, why are you taking her?”

  “She’s a good friend. She’s Elias Cardoza’s sister. Think of the buzz this could create for the film.”

  “Are you fucking her?”

  I grind down on my molars. I hate his pointed questions, but more than that, I hate the use of that word, especially when he’s referring to Nina.

  “No. She’s just a friend.”

  “Since when have you been ‘just friends’ with a woman you’ve met while filming? You don’t have time for jack, so either you’re lying, or you’re desperate to get a ticket to the Cardoza fight.”

  “That’s obviously it. It’s impossible to get tickets.” I hate having to explain myself to him and I hate having to label what Nina is. How is it that I’m this big Hollywood star and I still have to deal with these stupid little romance problems?

  Rudy sounds pissed. His voice is tight. I can imagine those shrivelled little eyes of his getting even narrower as he imagines a publicity clusterfuck. “You have a contract, Callum.”

  “And I will honor it.”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  NINA

  * * *

  “This one,” Dottie says, picking up Harper’s short and sexy black number off the bed. “Actually, no. This one.” She picks up another of Harper’s dresses which I’ve laid out on my hotel bed. The one she likes is off-the-shoulder.

  The only problem is that it’s bright red, my least favorite color. Harper insisted I take it when I couldn’t find the time to go shopping with her. Even now, I can guess that she’s worried I don’t have any sexy lingerie. I don’t own sexy lingerie, and I will never make her understand tha
t this trip is the last place I will need it.

  “Isn’t that too bright? Too noticeable? Aren’t I supposed to be hidden in the shadows?”

  “Don’t worry, you won’t outshine Alyssa. We’re not going to be on the red carpet. We’re entering through a side door, and we’re going to be sitting at the back. We definitely won’t be seen by the cameras.”

  “It’s so bright,” I lament.

  “This might be the only time you get to go to something like this, make the most of it.” Dottie and Harper are so similar, it’s eerie.

  Everything has happened so fast that this still feels like a dream to me. I’m grateful that Harper lent me a few of her dresses, and it’s a good thing she made me take more dresses than I would have if I’d been left to my own devices. Most of them I would never even have considered, except that I’m wearing one of them now.

  Callum’s personal assistant has been super friendly and nice to me, which helps, because he told me to stick with her and I do.

  Like chewing gum.

  I don’t know anyone here apart from him. I’m out of my depth. This is as far from the diner and my normal life as it can be.

  It helps that I’ve met Dottie on a few occasions before. It helps that she’s my age and she’s likeable. I don’t know her, but so far, she seems nice enough. Our hotel rooms are next door to one another, and apparently Callum is on the next floor up, in the fancier apartments.

  I can’t imagine him being anywhere else.

  I end up wearing the bright red look-at-me dress. It’s a little loose on me, but I don’t mind that. In fact, I’m grateful for it. I would hate for it to be like a second skin, which is how it must fit Harper.

  I follow Dottie around. We came on separate flights, and I’ve tried to pay her back for the hotel room, but she won’t hear of it.

  I haven’t seen Callum since I arrived here this morning. He arrived here yesterday, and he called me before I flew out, to ask me if I was okay.

  I am okay. Surprisingly, I’m better than okay. I’m not in my apartment, and there’s no temptation of the blade, since I purposely left it behind.