The Sensorians: Trust

by Brigitte Morse-Starkenburg

  “I feel great. Why's everybody asking constantly. Can't you sense I'm fine. I thought that was the whole benefit of being a Sensorian.”

  I knew I sounded irritated, but I couldn't help myself.

  “Exactly.”

  He leant back into his chair and folded his arms, staring at me. I stared back. Not giving an inch. I didn't understand what he was getting at.

  “You're in denial. You have just spent a month in isolation with hardly any sensory stimulation. You come out and you act like you've just been on holiday. It's not right.”

  “I am not in denial. I am absolutely fine. A bit tired, but fine. Why can't you see that!” I said exasperated.

  “That's the fucking point. I can't see it. And if I don't sense it, it's not true. You're lying to me and to yourself.”

  “Oh. So now you know me better than I know myself, do you? Bit arrogant isn't it!” I bit back.

  Zack threw his hands up in frustration. He just sat there staring at me whilst I stared back in defiance. After a few awkward minutes, he leant forward and I was getting ready for a bollocking. But it didn't come.

  “Okay. So you think you're fine. Good. Get yourself ready then. We're going out.”

  That took me by surprise.

  “Just remember I'm still your trainer and therefore your superior. This is the last time you're rude to me. Your grace period is over and as you think you're perfectly fine, you can be held responsible for your behaviour. Understood?”

  “Yes Sir,” I remembered my manners.

  I texted Zaph, to see if she would come out too. I didn't actually know where we were going but it didn't really matter. I missed Zaphire today and I wanted her to come. Maybe there was a little self protection there too. I didn't really want to be on my own with Zack at the moment. I got an enthusiastic text back, but she said she had to double check with Zack first. A few moments later I heard my phone ping. I checked it eagerly.

  Coming crazy girl! Get your dancing shoes on! Plus a whole string of excited face emojis and love hearts. I couldn't wait! I had to find something suitable to wear. I hadn't been out in ages!

  I couldn't quite ignore a little voice in the back of my head nagging. I was a little suspicious of Zack's motives. I pushed it to the back of my mind. Who cared what his motives were. I was ready to have some fun.

  CHAPTER 9

  Zaphire

  I knew my brother was up to something. He looked smug and determined. Never a good combination. I wasn't going to let it spoil the fun though. I grabbed a whole load of clothes and went to Eli as she'd begged me to come over and help with outfits. That, I could do. I loved fashion and looked forward to dressing up my girlfriend. I savoured those words in my mind. I hoped she'd look to me as her girlfriend too. It didn't take long to choose an outfit, even though she wouldn't actually take any of my recommendations and she only ended up borrowing one of my jackets. She didn't need my clothes to look stunning.

  Brody came along as well. He was always up for some fun. We went to the pub first. Eliza tried to sneak a cider, but Zack wouldn't let her. I gave her a few sips of mine to make her sulky face smile again. I noticed Eli tuning out quite a few times, probably struggling with the onslaught on her senses. As we were mixing with normal people, no one was hiding their sensory outputs as they didn't need to and they wouldn't know how to either. As Sensorians we were used to shielding in public places and only tune into what we wanted to, but it still cost Eliza a great deal of effort. I was about to pass some ear plugs to her to at least dampen one of her senses, but Zack stopped me.

  It dawned on me what Zack was trying to do. How had I not seen that coming? I was annoyed as he was clearly setting her up to fail. He could be so harsh. I took him aside for a moment.

  “What the hell do you think you're doing, brother,” I hissed at him.

  “Welcome to the party, sis. You haven't been on the ball at all, have you. Wonder why the fuck that is?” he mocked.

  He was right. I hadn't thought of the impact on Eliza at all, I'd just been thinking of myself and having fun with her.

  “I'm taking her home,” I decided, but Zack grabbed my arm and forbade it.

  “She has to be shown she's not invincible. She won't talk. This is the only way she's going to realise. Don't interfere. That's an order.”

  Bollocks. I had to work hard not to defy him. I longed to just walk off with her and flick him the finger. But I couldn't. He was responsible for her and I had to obey, frustrating as it was. Eliza was blissfully unaware as she was shielding so much, she didn't even notice our quarrel. It was going to be a long night.

  The bell for the last round rang and to my relief Zack signalled to go. Eliza was visibly relieved to be outside, but put a brave face on.

  “You okay?” Zack asked her.

  Tell him you're tired and want to go home. Be sensible Eliza. Please. She needed to show him she'd recognised she wasn't coping, but I couldn't warn her.

  “Yeah! Feeling great. Awesome to be out. Wish you'd let me have a drink though,” she laughed.

  Zack glanced up at me. My heart sank.

  “Brilliant. Let's go dance then,” he decided.

  Brody whooped. He was well up for it, but checked Eliza over, looking concerned. Zack signalled him to leave it.

  Eliza threw Zack a bewildered smile.

  “Dance?”

  She sought my eyes and I felt Zack's death stare burning. I forced an enthusiastic smile. In her state she wouldn't be able to interpret any subtle signals that would have told her I was being coerced.

  “Yes, let's go dance, my sweet. It'll be fun!”

  I stared icily at Zack. This was such a bad idea. Eliza had managed to survive the pub but she had realised it was tougher than she'd thought. She would admit it to me tomorrow, I was sure of it. Then he would have achieved his aim to make her realise her weaknesses. No need to push it this far. But he was determined. And I had to play along.

  Once inside, Eliza went wild. She leapt onto the dance floor and dragged me along, flinging her arms around my neck and flicking her hair from side to side to the mesmerising beat of the music. I forgot my worries for a moment and lost myself in her crazy fired up eyes, dancing wildly myself. Maybe it would be okay. I just needed to keep checking on her. Don't know why I was kidding myself. Wishful thinking I suspect.

  “Eli, if you wanna go outside for a bit, just let me know,” I whispered in her ear.

  She nodded but kept dancing. I'd never seen her so unleashed. Only moments later the inevitable happened.

  She froze on the dance floor. I followed her stare leading to Zack intimately dancing with, and kissing a beautiful brunette. I sighed. Of course. It would be that to send her over the edge. I was just about to gently take her outside when she stormed towards Zack, forced the two apart and screamed, wildly flinging her arms around.

  The poor brunette looked mortified, slapped Zack in the face (good shot) and stormed off. Eliza was in full on meltdown and someone had alerted security, who were fast approaching through the crowd. Zack just stood there watching her, his hands on Brody's chest who had tried to go to her. I lurched forward to try and get to Eliza before the bouncers did, but Zack stopped me forcefully, grabbing my arm.

  “Leave her. She needs to sink this low and bear the consequences,” he warned.

  Eliza lashed out at some people who did try and help her. She looked like a wild animal but then sank to the floor, crying and pulling at her own hair. I felt my tears stinging behind my eyes. I hated Zack for putting her through this. The guys from security roughly lifted her up from the floor and escorted her to the exit. Zack, Brody and I followed.

  “Are you responsible for this mess?” one of them asked Zack when they were outside.

  “In more than one way,” I grumbled under my breath.

  Zack just nodded. Face hard as stone, whilst taking over from the men.

  “Take her home. She needs her bed,” one of them ordered.

  They walked
off, shaking their heads.

  I took over from Zack, pushing him away roughly.

  “I'm here, my love. I've got you,” I gently whispered in her ear. She relaxed almost instantly.

  “I'm so sorry,” she groggily mumbled when I gently put her seatbelt on in the taxi home.

  I could murder Zack.

  CHAPTER 10

  Eliza

  This was bizarre. Zaphy, in my bedroom at Mum's.

  Last week, it felt like this day would never come. After my intensely humiliating exit from the club some choice words were said by Zack and Markus the following day and it really hit home. Reality had sunk in.

  I'd been angry with Zack for pushing me over the edge and so had Zaph. In fact she still wasn't on good terms with him, but at least they were just about civil now. To start with Zaph wouldn't even be in the same room with Zack for fear of overstepping the mark. She said she couldn't be held responsible for her actions, if near him.

  I understood why he'd done it and harsh as it was it had worked. But I agreed with Zaphire, I would have gotten there anyway. I realised how difficult it was to be fully functioning outside the safe boundaries of the compound the moment we stepped into that pub. But Zack liked to push and secure results quickly. That's how he operated and he wasn't going to change.

  In the past few days I had worked hard on shielding, and on recognising my trigger points and weaknesses. I needed to withdraw as soon as I felt myself starting to become overwhelmed. It could be awkward or even dangerous if I ignored those signs again and lost my objectivity or, even worse, had a full blown meltdown. That's what Zack had tried to make me realise.

  The day before yesterday he had finally given me the green light to go home and I couldn't wait to tell Zaph. But when I did she reacted less enthusiastically than I'd expected. Last night the cat came out of the bag when she came to my room. I sensed she was on edge. Something was bothering her.

  “Hey,” I started, taking her face in my hand and trying to kiss her. She moved her head sideways, avoiding my lips. That didn't bode well. “What's wrong?” My heart jumped a beat. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to know. I picked up some very negative vibes.

  “I need to know something. I've tried to ignore it, telling myself I was over reacting and paranoid, but I have to ask. It's eating me up,” Zaphire tentatively stated.

  It was very unlike Zaphire to behave this anxiously so I took her hands gently in mine. She was trembling and her nerves were hurting me. I tried to shield, but she stopped me.

  “Let it in, please. I need you vulnerable so I can read you properly. I don't want you shielding or cloaking. It's important.”

  I reluctantly agreed, still scared of suffering another sensory overload.

  She took a deep breath, her heart rate spiked and tiny beads of sweat covered her face.

  “Have you still got feelings for my brother?”

  I felt slightly sick. I felt myself turning red and hot, unable to control any of the signs I was emitting. I tried to sound calm.

  “What makes you ask?”

  “Isn't it obvious? The other night...when you froze..”

  I realised what she was alluding to. It was complicated and I wasn't sure she would understand.

  “Oh that.” I smiled a little.

  “Yes. That,” she nodded, fearing the worst. She looked defeated.

  “No. Zaph... It's not like that. Trust me,” I pleaded. I took her face in my hands again and looked straight into her eyes. “It's not like that at all,” I repeated softly.

  “Explain to me what it is like then. Something is going on. You clearly feel something for him,” she replied desperately.

  “I love you, Zaphire. You alone.”

  I tried to reassure her, but her body language showed she didn't believe me. I had to try and explain what this thing was with Zack, but I was scared she wouldn't understand, destroying what we had. It was my turn to take a deep sigh.

  “Okay. But promise me you'll hear me out. Please try and understand.”

  I forced myself to look her in the eyes, but I was struggling. I wasn't sure where to start and how to explain my feelings for Zack to her, I didn't even really know what they were myself.

  “I seemed to have this....physical attraction....”

  Zaphire jumped up and paced towards the door.

  “I knew it!” she hissed.

  I went after her and grabbed one of her arms.

  “You promised to hear me out!...Please Zaphy. Listen to me,” I begged, grabbing the other arm, shaking her, trying to stop her from leaving my room.

  She stopped momentarily and I quickly continued.

  “It's nothing else. I swear! I can't deny there's something and I can't hide it. But I love you, all of you. And I've chosen you. Not him. Please believe me. You must sense I'm telling the truth!”

  She sat back down, looking a little dazed. I curled up next to her, hoping she would give me a chance to explain.

  “I don't know exactly why, but when I saw Zack kissing that girl, something just snapped inside. I wasn't myself, remember. It all became too much. I somehow felt cheated by him, even though I knew he'd been seeing girls all along. It was hard to ignore when he came in my cell reeking of sex. I was just angry with him but tried to repress it, and then it just became too much and the frustration spilled out. I am so sorry Zaphire.”

  I hoped that was enough. To be completely truthful, I didn't quite understand why it had upset me so much. I didn't really want to delve into that too much myself, maybe a little afraid of what I might find out about my true feelings for Zack. I put my hand gently on her arm and she didn't push it away. She felt more at peace. Hurt, but I could feel she was trying to understand. That's all I could ask for.

  “So, if our relationship is going to work I have to accept you have a sexual attraction to my brother. Great,” she remarked with a sarcastic edge.

  “It's only physical, Zaph. Purely chemical, I promise.”

  I hoped it was enough to convince her .

  “I suppose we are twins...,” she managed to joke a little.

  Resilient as ever.

  The next morning I sensed she had made some sort of peace with it. Resolved to make it work and excited to spend time with me at my mum's.

  I could hear mum calling us down for dinner. We were going to have a quiet night in and meet up with my friends the day after. I needed to tell my mum everything that had happened over the last month. She had been kept up to date, but she was full of questions understandably. I told her as much as I was allowed and what I thought she could cope with. She didn't need to know everything. I did tell her about Zaphire and me though. It was awkward but I didn't want it to be a secret.

  “You and Zaphire are in love?”

  She sounded surprised but she smiled.

  “Well, that's fantastic. Love is good.”

  She gave us both a big hug. My mum was awesome.

  CHAPTER 11

  Zaphire

  It was difficult to accept Eliza fancied my brother, though she assured me it was purely physical and she didn't want to act on it. I reasoned it away as best I could and I had put on a good show of acceptance, but there was just a tiny little niggle in the back of my mind that kept me slightly on edge. Eliza had been so preoccupied with her mum and meeting up with her friends that she hadn't completely tuned into me and seemed happy to think I had come to terms with it. I needed a bit longer to think but I also wanted to make the most of my time with her, here in her home town. I locked my doubts away for the moment and tried to concentrate on the conversation that was going on between Eliza and Bella.

  “.....and then I'm going to move there once the offer is confirmed.”

  Bella was talking about her University offer and her plans for the future.

  “What about you?”

  I checked Eliza's vital signs and, though she started to emit some stress signals, all was still under control.

  “Not sure. I might take a gap ye
ar and work. I could possibly get an apprenticeship somewhere.”

  “Oh. That's new?”

  Bella looked confused. Eliza was seeking reassurance from me, but I thought she was handling it so I just nodded and left her to deal with it.

  “Don't you want to take up your offer to study Biology? You were so pleased when you heard you got a place?”

  “It was a conditional offer, so I still need to get the grades. Not sure if I managed with all the disruption, so I have just been thinking of other options. Just in case.”

  I could sense Bella's worry but also her guilt for pushing it. She wasn't going to dig deeper for now, which was just as well because Eliza was starting to struggle with the barrage of signals she had to deal with. She cleverly changed the subject.

  “How's Jimmy?”

  She prodded Bella playfully in the arm, who burst out into an infectious laugh. It made Eliza smile instantly, though even joyous feelings can be hard to cope with. Eliza had been out for a week or so but she was still a little vulnerable.

  “Jimmy's great,” Bella swooned.

  “But tell me about Kas. What happened to you two?”

  She looked concerned but Eliza stalled.

  “What did he tell you?”

  Bella shrugged her shoulders.

  “Not much. He went off somewhere to meet you, leaving just a text message to his parents and came back distraught! All we got out of him was that he'd managed to see you, but that both of you had decided it wasn't going to work between the two of you anymore. He doesn't want to talk about it, but he's not been himself since.”

  Eliza nodded her head slowly. She was struggling. I decided to step in.

  “It was tricky for Eliza. We had just met at the time and were getting to know each other when she realised she was falling for me. She didn't know how to tell Kas but didn't want to lead him on either. It was a difficult time for her.”

  Not sure if that helped. Eliza had turned bright red and shuffled uncomfortably in her chair, fiddling with her hair trying to hide her face. She had told Bella about us, but clearly wasn't at ease talking about it. Bella felt awkward too.