Pushing Perfect

by Michelle Falkoff

  The way he said “figure” kind of melted me a little. That accent! I hated all this going back and forth I was doing in my head—it wasn’t like I could ignore how cute he was, or his voice, or how I hadn’t realized he had such nice lips until he’d pointed to them, but nothing he was saying really changed anything. He might not be a nefarious underworld figure, but I’d bought the Novalert from him, and now bad things were happening to me. I didn’t see that fact changing anytime soon. “It just seems like a dangerous thing to do.”

  “Not if I’m careful. Besides, I like being someone my friends can count on.”

  How had I ended up in a position where the person I’d bought drugs from made me feel like a bad person? A bad friend? “It sounds like you have a lot of friends,” I said. “For someone who just moved here.”

  “Well, I’m quite social, in case that wasn’t obvious.”

  “Not me,” I said.

  “I’ve noticed. Alex will put an end to that soon enough, if you let her. And I’m happy to help as well.”

  “Thanks,” I said. My phone buzzed from where I’d left it on the coffee table. I really, really hoped it was Alex, telling me about the party, or that she’d found a new Prospect, or that Bryan’s puppy dog eyes were having an effect on her. I picked it up and read the text.

  First favor: get more Novalert. Instructions to follow.

  Oh no. I started to feel sick. The Novalert was definitely out of my system now.

  I had to get Raj out of the house before I lost it. “Listen, I’m really wiped out. Thanks for coming by. You should go back to the party. I’ll see you in school, okay?”

  “Okay,” he said, though he looked a little bummed. “Until Monday, then.”

  “Right, Monday.”

  As soon as the door closed behind him I looked at my phone again. Instructions to follow? What kind of instructions? When were they supposed to follow?

  I had to go back to my lists. Raj had distracted me from what was really important: figuring out what was going on. I read over what I’d written and realized it was all stupid. The real question was simple: Who was Blocked Sender? I’d now received texts when both Alex and Raj were in the room with me, and though it was possible either one of them was working with someone else, it just seemed too crazy. And risky. Would a blackmailer really take that kind of risk? I didn’t think so. Then again, what did I know about blackmailers?

  I felt a little better at the thought that Alex and Raj were unlikely suspects, but that left me with no idea who the likely suspects were. I couldn’t do this myself. I had to trust someone. But my track record in that area was not so great.

  I had to try. I had to be better now. I steeled myself, then got out my phone and texted Alex.

  Something’s happened. Call tomorrow morning as soon as you get up.

  12.

  The phone rang at seven the next morning, much earlier than I’d expected, given that Alex had probably had a late night. “Love the cryptic text,” she said. “What’s up?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it over the phone,” I said.

  “Coffee?”

  “Too public. Can I come over?”

  “No problem,” she said. “My room’s still trashed from last night, but you don’t care, right?”

  “Not even a little bit.” Her room was the least of my concerns.

  I stopped at Philz on the way over and got us coffees and two of those amazing croissants I’d had with Ms. Davenport. “I’m cleaning,” Alex said when I got there. We’d left a pile of clothes on her bed after choosing her outfit for the party, and apparently she’d just pushed them all onto the floor before going to sleep. Now she was moving them back onto the bed.

  “That’s not exactly cleaning,” I said. “Cleaning would be putting them back in the closet.”

  “Too time-consuming,” she said. “Ooh, treats!” She grabbed a croissant and started eating it right away, crumbs getting everywhere.

  “More like bribery,” I said. “Looks like it’s working, too. How was the party?”

  “That is so not the topic at hand. I mean, it was fine. It would have been more fun with you there, though. Did Raj end up coming over? Is that the news?”

  “He did, but that’s not what this is about. Although it is kind of about him.” The easiest thing to do was just to show her, so I got out my phone and pulled up the texts from Blocked Sender.

  She took the phone. I watched her face as she scrolled through the texts and tried to read her expression.

  First shock, then recognition.

  She looked up at me. “So he got you too,” she said.

  That was not what I expected. “What do you mean? Do you know who Blocked Sender is?”

  “Is that what you’re calling him? I just went with Asshole. No, I don’t know who he is. But I got some texts like this a few months ago. Nothing to do with the Novalert—just someone who knew a little too much about me. Scary threats, just like you, then requests for favors.”

  “The same favors?”

  “No, different for me. It was like the person knew me well enough to know what to ask for. The favors were mostly about setting up offshore bank accounts and how to move money around online.”

  “How do you know about all that?”

  She pointed to her computer. “I told you about the poker, but it’s a little more serious than I let on. I make a lot of money. Like, all those clothes in there? I bought them myself. And I have enough saved to pay for college.”

  “You’re kidding,” I said. “I knew you were good, but I had no idea you were that good.”

  “Well, I learned from the best,” she said. “My uncle made millions before all that bad stuff happened.”

  “What bad stuff?” I asked.

  She took a sip of her coffee. “He was doing great, and then he threw it all away. He had a problem, though. It wasn’t just about poker for him. He gambled on everything, and not all of it was legal. He spent some time in jail, and other than some money he’d socked away overseas, he lost everything. Including this family. My parents totally cut him off, and I never see him anymore.”

  “I’m so sorry,” I said.

  “Yeah, it sucks. We email sometimes, but if my parents found out I was in touch with him they’d kill me. And if they found out about the poker, they’d cut me off too.”

  I didn’t want her to get mad at me, but I had to ask. “Why do you keep playing, then?”

  “Because it’s the only thing I’m really good at. It’s the only thing I love. And I don’t have my uncle’s problems—I don’t gamble on anything else, and poker isn’t really gambling, anyway. My parents don’t understand that now, but I think someday I can make them see. I just have to wait until they’ve calmed down about my uncle.”

  “How long has it been?”

  “A couple of years,” she admitted. “They’re not getting over it quick.”

  “I still can’t believe they’d cut you off, though. You guys are so close.”

  “You only know their happy, everything’s-going-well-so-let’s-cook-dinner side. You haven’t seen what I will diplomatically call their other qualities. Let’s just say embarrassing the family is not on the agenda.”

  I could relate. Back when my dad got kicked out of his start-up, he’d get in his car and leave at the same time he normally would every day, so no one would know he didn’t have anything else lined up yet. He’d rented a little office a couple of towns over to work on new projects, but he kept the same routine. And I heard Mom on the phone, talking to her friends or her parents, never mentioning any of the trouble she and Dad were having. Family problems stay within the family, they’d say. I wanted to note that their parents were also their family, but I didn’t think they’d appreciate it. “I know what you mean,” I said. “My parents can never find out about this.” It’s not that I thought they’d cut me off, but the weight of their disappointment would be more than I could bear. And them finding out was the best-case scenario, at t
his point—there was still the risk of the police. As far as I knew, Marbella High had never had a felon as valedictorian. I’d never get into college, either.

  If this came out, my life was over. My heart started thumping away. So much for Novalert making things better.

  “My parents can’t find out either,” she said. “But if it makes you feel better, I did what your Blocked Sender asked me to do, and it was over. I never heard from him again. If you do it, maybe that will be it.” She didn’t sound convinced, though.

  “Maybe,” I said. “But I still have to figure out how to get more Novalert.”

  “That part’s easy. Just ask Raj.”

  “I told him it was just for the test, though.”

  “Who cares? Besides, he’s so blinded by his crush on you, I’d bet he’d do anything to make you like him back.”

  I wanted to tell her that wasn’t true, but last night had made me think that maybe she was right. “I don’t want to get him involved.”

  “You’re assuming he isn’t already. If this Blocked Sender person is after you and me, who’s to say he’s not after other people, too?”

  She had a point. “He’s never said anything about it to you, though, has he?”

  She shook her head.

  “Let me think about it,” I said. “I’m supposed to wait for instructions, anyway. I don’t want to do anything until I know what Blocked Sender actually wants me to do.”

  “Fair enough,” she said.

  “And besides, we’re acting like it’s a given that I’m going to do it. Did you just decide to do what he asked right away?”

  Alex looked over at me, brows pulled together. “It never occurred to me not to. Not if it meant my parents would find out. Or the police. Blocked Sender never said who he’d tell, but none of the options were good.”

  That was true. “Who would do this to me? To us?”

  “Good question. I’ve thought about it a lot, and I haven’t been able to come up with anyone. I’ve kept the poker thing pretty quiet—a few friends know, but that’s it, and I can’t imagine anyone would tell.”

  “I started making lists. But I got stuck too.”

  “Can I see? If we talk through it, maybe I can think of something you didn’t.”

  I got my notebook out of my bag. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

  We started with the first category, the people who knew I was getting Novalert from Raj. “I think this list is probably longer than what you’ve got here,” Alex said. “If you include people who knew Raj was selling Novalert in general.”

  “Well, it has to be a longer list, unless you took the pictures.” I wasn’t really asking, but I was curious what she’d say.

  “No, that was when I was with Bryan. But if we’re going to be all logical about this, like I know you are, it makes sense to consider me. Now, Raj is in the pictures, so he can’t be the one who took them, but he might have told someone else. Or set up a camera somewhere.”

  “I thought about that. It’s partly why I don’t want to talk to him about it yet. Or ask him for more Novalert.”

  “It’s just hard to imagine, though. He’s usually good about this stuff, so it’s not likely that it’s him, but I don’t know where he actually gets it, or how, so there might be other people involved.”

  “Prescription pads,” I said. “He steals them from his parents.”

  Alex tilted her head, nodded. “Got that out of him already, did you? Wow.”

  “We were just talking, and it came up. I don’t even remember how.”

  “Well, I still don’t think he’d run around telling people in general, but I’m sure there are other people who know. And it might be that someone was taking pictures at the party and put the pieces together, then told someone else.”

  This was starting to get really scary. I’d thought this was all between me and Alex and Raj, but now it turned out anyone could know about it. How had I been so clueless? How could I not have realized what a big risk I’d taken? For someone who was supposed to be smart, I really was an idiot. “So anyone at the party could have taken the pictures,” I said, pointing to my second list. “Those are the people I know. But there were a ton of people there. Is there any way to narrow this down?”

  Alex read the names I’d listed, but before adding more names, she looked at my third list, in all its forms. “People who’d want to hurt you, people you’ve hurt . . . are you sure these are the right questions?”

  “I assumed it was personal. Do you think that’s wrong?”

  “I don’t really know. It was different when I thought it was just me—someone knew what I could do, and they figured out how to make me do it for them. Now that you’re involved, though, it doesn’t really make sense. I mean, it’s not like we’ve been hanging out that long. Not long enough for someone who has something against me to also have something against you.”

  “So we need to think about it more practically,” I said, feeling even dumber than I already did. Practical thinking was supposed to be my specialty. “This is really about someone using us to help them get what they want.”

  “I get what he wants from me,” Alex said. “I basically taught him how to hide money.”

  “You said wants,” I said.

  “What?” She looked down at her hands.

  “You didn’t say wanted. You said it was over, but then you said wants. For someone who’s a professional gambler, your poker face kind of sucks.”

  She paused. “Well, I do only play on the computer. I haven’t had to hone my physical skills. But you’re right. It’s not over. I send money, too. Every month. A cut of my winnings.”

  I understood the pause now. “Alex, that’s really serious. That’s illegal.”

  “So’s everything else,” she said.

  “I know, but money seems worse. I don’t know why, but it just does.”

  “Maybe all of this is about money,” she said. “Squeezing it from as many people as possible, however he can.”

  “So he’d be making me get Novalert so he can sell it?”

  “Or he’ll ask you to.”

  “No way,” I said. “I would never do that. Besides, why ask me? Raj is already selling—why not blackmail him?”

  We both sat quietly for a minute, neither one of us wanting to say the obvious. But I knew we were both thinking it. Either Blocked Sender was already blackmailing Raj, or else Raj was involved. Nothing else made sense. At least nothing I could think of.

  “Where does that leave us, then?” Alex said, finally.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Waiting for instructions, I guess.”

  13.

  I thought the waiting might kill me. At first I assumed I’d hear something right away, so I checked my phone constantly, fearing I’d have a new text, hoping I wouldn’t, but in a way wanting to get whatever it was over with. The longer I waited, the more possible it seemed that maybe this would all go away.

  The wait seemed endless, but it wasn’t like I didn’t have anything to do. Second quarter was winding down and I had finals to study for in all my classes. Not to mention college apps—I’d started filling out the Common Application, but I was twitching waiting for my SAT scores to come back, and I still had no idea what I was going to write about for my essay. Ms. Davenport was right that I didn’t have a good enough handle on what my skin problem meant to me, and it wasn’t like I wanted to advertise to colleges that I was secretly hideous. I’d have to come up with something, but I still had a little while to think about it.

  Exams were in full force when Blocked Sender finally contacted me again. The text arrived in the middle of the day this time, while I was eating lunch in the cafeteria.

  Get a Novalert prescription for 30 pills and await further instructions.

  My head started to throb, and I knew if I didn’t calm down I’d have yet another panic attack. It almost made me want Novalert. It would be ironic if this whole blackmail situation ended up turning me into a drug addict. I gi
ggled at the thought of it.

  “You okay?” Alex asked quietly. Raj and Justin were sitting with us too, debating the difference between effective strategies for hitting on men versus women.

  I could understand why she was asking; laughing out loud for no reason was not a thing that okay people usually did.

  I passed her the phone.

  “That’s not very specific,” she said after reading the text.

  “And I don’t see how I’m supposed to get it,” I said. “I’m not asking Raj.” Alex and I hadn’t talked any more about whether we thought he might be involved in some way, whether as blackmailer or blackmail victim, but either way, getting a prescription from him did not strike me as a good idea.

  “Any chance you could try again with your mom?”

  “I’ve asked her a bunch of times already. She’s convinced that I’m just like my dad and will have a negative reaction to drugs. I can’t tell her I already know I won’t.”

  Alex thought for a minute. “It doesn’t have to be a prescription for you, as far as I can tell.”

  “But I don’t know anyone else who has one. Or who’d be willing to give it to me.”

  “You do know someone with a prescription pad, though.”

  For a second I wished I hadn’t told her about Raj. “But how are we supposed to get one if we can’t ask him?”

  “Leave that to me,” she said, and then straightened up and started talking in her normal voice. “Hey, guys, fascinating as it is to debate the concept of gendered flirtation, Kara and I were just saying that we kind of need to chill out this weekend, in a nonparty environment. I vote movie night.”

  “I’m out,” Justin said.

  “Yeah, we know,” Raj said.

  Justin punched him in the shoulder. “Wiseass. I mean I’ve got other plans.”

  “Do you have a date?” I asked. I remembered him talking about his boyfriend back at the party.