Behind the Scenes: An Alpha Billionaire Romance Novel

by Jessica Blake

  “You just want me for sex,” I say.

  His face is a frozen mask. “I never said that.”

  “That came out too harsh. I’m sorry. I know you never said that, but I’m asking you about it now.”

  “We already went over this.”

  Something lurches in my chest, but I go on. “I’m not sure we did. I’m not looking for someone to just screw, but I’m afraid that might be precisely what you want.”

  I hold my breath while I wait for him to deny what I’ve just said; while I wait for him to confess that he’s just as into meaningful relationships as I am.

  He sighs and turns away from me. “I want to give you more.”

  “Can you?”

  He plants a hand on his hip and looks down at the sidewalk. His silence is enough of an answer. A fiery burn starts in my chest, spreading up to my throat and my eyes.

  “If you can’t…” Emotion attempts to block the words. “Please just tell me now.”

  He keeps looking at the ground. “I want to.”

  The music coming out of the club takes a turn and becomes a familiar song.

  “I have to go,” I rasp. “Eryk is on.”

  I rush past him and back inside, not stopping to see if he’s following. There’s no time right now to even process what just happened. My friend is onstage and seeing him is the reason I came here — not getting made a fool of by Simon Mulroney again.

  I blink back tears and weave my way back to my friends. Brendan glances at me, his brows slightly pushed together. I turn away from him before he has the chance to see the wetness in my eyes.

  Eryk is almost to the first chorus of his routine. The crowd yells and whistles at him, soaking in each polished step and flirty glance. I smile at him, just in case he can see down into the dark crowd.

  I keep my eyes trained on the stage the entire song. When Eryk finishes, I clap as loud as I can.

  “Yeah, Eryk!” Crystal yells, jumping up and down.

  Eryk blows kisses while he slinks backwards and off the stage. Someone steps up next to Dana and every cell in my body jerks.

  Simon.

  He stayed.

  He glances at me, one corner of his mouth lifting up in the slightest smile possible.

  Crystal swivels around, unintentionally stepping between the two of us. “Let’s get out of here,” she says. “I’m sweating like a pig.”

  “What about Eryk?”

  “He already texted me. He’s not waiting around for the rest of the show. Come on.” She grabs my hand and pulls me. The other three follow behind, although before they do, Brendan shoots Simon a look. Laced with contempt, it’s not one to be easily misinterpreted.

  If Simon sees the look, he doesn’t let on.

  We explode onto the sidewalk, the girls standing slightly off from the men. Dana plays with a strand of her hair, looking the most uncomfortable of any of us. In fact, she looks like she’s dangerously close to barfing.

  “Hey, bitches!” Eryk exits Micky’s, pulling his wig off as he does so. His face is slicked with sweat, but Crystal’s makeup job is still in place. She must have thought ahead and made sure to only use waterproof cosmetics.

  His step noticeably slows down when he catches sight of my boss.

  I speak up. “Eryk, this is Simon Mulroney.”

  Eryk holds his hand out for a shake. “It’s a pleasure.” He shoots me a grin that everyone can see. Thankfully, he doesn’t mention seeing Simon at that bar.

  Brendan clears his throat. “Nice show up there.”

  “Thanks, Brandon,” Eryk responds, turning away and pulling his wig back on.

  I send Eryk a look meant to cut him in half. There’s already too much going on tonight, and before we left the apartment, he gave the impression he would at least try to play nice.

  Brendan acts like he doesn’t notice the attitude, which is commendable. Once we’re alone, I’ll have to apologize to him for Eryk’s behavior.

  “What now?” Brendan asks.

  “There’s a karaoke bar near here,” Crystal says. “Want to go?”

  “Sounds great,” Mr. Mulroney says.

  A short silence follows during which Dana narrows her eyes at me.

  Crystal claps loudly. “Let’s go!”

  She loops her arm through Eryk’s and they lead the way down the block. The two other men follow behind, but Dana grabs my arm and holds me back.

  “Why did he take you outside?”

  “He just wanted to say hi. It was loud in there.”

  I’m an awful liar. The fact that I said the words to the ground is probably enough to give me away.

  “Sydney,” she says, real low. “Is something going on between the two of you?”

  “No,” I quickly say. “We’re gonna lose them. Let’s catch up.”

  She still holds onto my arm. “You can tell me if something is happening.”

  I look down the street. The others are still walking, oblivious to mine and Dana’s conversation. “Okay. Thanks.”

  “He’s changed.”

  That’s got my attention. I look up and into her eyes. “What do you mean? Changed in what way?”

  She shakes her head. “He’s just… he’s always been unpredictable, but he’s gotten even more so since you started. And now, this — showing up to a drag show. That’s not the Simon Mulroney I know.”

  “He’s a hard person to know,” I murmur. “He’s not exactly an open book. Maybe he loves drag.”

  “Not when his assistants are there. He doesn’t love anything having to do with us.” She lets my arm go. “I wouldn’t tell anyone. I’ve got my own secrets too, and I know what it would mean for them to get out.”

  I slowly nod. I want to trust her, but I’m just not sure yet if I can. “Okay. Thanks.”

  We start walking, and I push my legs as much as possible without flat out breaking into a run. I’m terrified of whatever conversations might be occurring ahead of us. Mr. Mulroney plus Brendan? That equation doesn’t sound like it can possibly have a positive result.

  They’ve already arrived at the karaoke bar, and Mr. Mulroney — Simon — holds the door open for the others. I’m the last one in, and as I go, his eyes catch mine. The heat between us is sweltering, but he makes no move to reach out and physically touch, and neither do I.

  The others slide into a round booth near the front windows. I take a seat on the red vinyl, right next to Brendan.

  Which means I’m now between Brendan and You-Know-Who.

  Across from me, Dana sets her hands on the table, looking like she’s in the middle of a board meeting. Brendan doesn’t seem much more comfortable himself. The only people who are totally relaxed are my roommates.

  Crystal bangs her palms against the table. “Let’s do shots!”

  “I’m singing first,” Eryk says. “I’m going to hold onto my dignity until I’ve done at least one song.”

  She snickers. “Says the man in stockings.”

  “You’re just jealous because your legs have never looked this good,” I tell him.

  Crystal rolls her eyes. “If your legs look amazing, it’s only because of genetics.”

  Eryk makes a face and scoffs. “Genetics Do you hear yourself right now? Someone put this crazy girl in her place.”

  “I’m on your side, Eryk,” I say. “You’re the perfect woman.”

  Dana chuckles and relaxes a bit. The two people on either side of me are both stiff as boards. Obviously, the fun side of the booth is across the table.

  “What do you think, Simon?” Eryk says, resting his chin in his hand. “What do you think is the perfect woman?”

  I’d kick Eryk under the table, but I’m only a fraction of his height and can’t reach him. Instead, I settle for a Defcon glare.

  Mr. Mulroney doesn’t skip a beat. “The perfect woman is the self-made woman.”

  “Wow,” Crystal breathes. “I like that!”

  Brendan shifts on the cushion, making the vinyl squeak. He glances at
me and we catch eyes. There’s something there that wasn’t earlier. Is it anger? Disappointment?

  He knows about me and Simon. He’s got to. It’s probably way more obvious than I thought it was.

  “Sydney and I did karaoke once,” Brendan loudly announces. “In Myrtle Beach. Remember, Sydney?”

  I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “Yeah. That was fun.”

  “Spring break,” he grins. “It got pretty wild.”

  My stomach clenches. Is he trying to be suggestive or am I imagining it?

  Just like the man on my right can’t give me what I want, I can’t give the man on my left what he wants.

  So what is Brendan trying to do? If he’s trying to stake his claim, there’s no point. The only people I’m going home with tonight are my pansexual roommates.

  “Remember the first night?” he asks me. “We stayed up all night and went skinny dipping in the pool, just the two of us.”

  I clench my teeth together and simply nod. Eryk stares at Brendan like he’s bored out of his mind. Crystal is smiling, but it’s a strained one. Dana just looks confused.

  “What do you do for fun, Simon?” Eryk asks, breaking into the conversation and I could have kissed him on his glossy red mouth. “Do you have a pool?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Ooh, fun. How big is it?”

  “I don’t know the square footage, but it’s a nice size.”

  “Let’s get drinks,” Crystal says.

  Dana immediately stands up. “I’ll go with you.”

  They hurry for the bar. A young Asian woman with long hair takes the stage. A Madonna song from the eighties begins, the lyrics scrolling down the screens above and behind the wannabe singer.

  “Do you always hang out with your assistants?” Brendan asks, looking at Mr. Mulroney. His tone of voice is pleasant but hidden underneath it is a scathing attitude.

  “Only the best ones,” Mr. Mulroney tersely replies.

  Brendan chuckles. “I wouldn’t think you’d have much fun with them. They’re so much younger than you.”

  I turn my torso towards Brendan, hardly able to believe the nasty attitude coming from him.

  “What do you mean by that?” I ask him. “That Dana and I are stupid?”

  He blinks and jerks back. “What? No. I was just saying…”

  I cut him off. “That’s exactly what you made it sound like. And, for your information, Simon’s not much older than us. He’s thirty-one.”

  Brendan’s face reddens slightly. Eryk presses his hand to his mouth to stop himself from laughing. I shoot him an angry look, but he just continues to chortle into his palm. This night is going downhill fast.

  I turn to see how Dana and Crystal are doing with the drinks, but Mr. Mulroney is blocking my view of the bar. His blue eyes are soft, and they slide up and down my face.

  I almost lean forward and kiss him, despite everything. Our faces are only inches apart, our legs pressed together underneath the table.

  His fingers pressing against the small of my back make me suck in a breath.

  I hate that he does this. He takes whatever he can manage to from me, then stands there and watches me come undone. And in the end, I’m left with nothing but longing for things to be different. It’s like that each time and yet I keep going back for more; keep gravitating towards the pain like a moth to its fiery death.

  A man like Simon Mulroney only expects a small amount — sex, a fun afternoon — and so he often leaves satisfied. I want so much more than the light stuff and always end up feeling short changed. It happened at Bronson Caves, and it happened in his office.

  And it will happen again and again if I let it.

  I stand up, knocking his hand to the side as I do so. “I’m not feeling well. I’m going to go home.”

  He stares at me for a second, seemingly confused, and then rises as well. “I can take you.”

  “I can take myself,” I grit through clenched teeth. “Eryk, can you take Crystal home with you?”

  Eryk nods, the expression on his face mirroring Mr. Mulroney’s. “Yeah.”

  I don’t look at Brendan. After his attitude tonight, I don’t care what he’s feeling or thinking. I can excuse Eryk because he’s been my friend for a long time, there for me through thick and thin. Brendan, on the other hand, just walked back into my life after years away, and for some reason seems to think I’ve just been twiddling my thumbs, waiting anxiously for his return so he can sweep me back to Hillbilly Holler.

  “Excuse me,” I say to Mr. Mulroney.

  He moves out of the way, but his face makes it clear he knows I’m not leaving because of a stomach ache. Hot tears are already forming in my eyes, and I need to at least make it to the sidewalk before I flat out bawl.

  I push my way past him and through the door. I’m only a few steps down the street when someone comes out behind me.

  “Sydney!” Mr. Mulroney calls.

  I slow down a bit, but then remind myself that’s a mistake and keep walking. He runs up and falls into step next to me. “I’m sorry.”

  I don’t look at him. “Stop saying that. You do whatever you want to do, Mr. Mulroney, but your lifestyle just isn’t for me.”

  He steps in front of me and I halt.

  “I do kind of like it when you call me Mr. Mulroney,” he whispers.

  With a growl, I push past him. He stops me again with a hand on my wrist.

  “I’m kidding,” he says. “I was just trying to lighten the mood.”

  I blink back the tears. They still haven’t fallen, and now that he’s here I refuse to let them. “There’s nothing you can do to lighten the mood. Just let me be.”

  “I do care for you.” The words are warm and low.

  “Not enough.”

  “Sydney…”

  I place my hand on my hip, but don’t pull my other arm out of his grasp. “What?”

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Then don’t.”

  Before my eyes, his entire demeanor changes. He stands up straighter and inches closer to me. His breath comes down onto my face in hot waves.

  “Come back to my house with me,” he says. “I would do the sweetest things to you.”

  Despite the positive way my body responds to his promise, I stand my ground. “That’s impossible. You don’t know the first thing about being sweet.”

  “You haven’t given me the chance,” he says, his voice taking on a slight hardness.

  I stare at him. “Each day is a new chance to be sweet and kind, and for some reason, you don’t take those opportunities. I don’t understand anything about you, other than the fact that you’re callous. Do you not remember everything that happened the first day we met? What am I supposed to think of you?”

  His face sets into a grimace. “You weren’t exactly a princess your first day.”

  I snatch my wrist out of his hand. “You are such an asshole!” A couple walks by, staring at me yelling, but I don’t care. “You just showed up tonight out of nowhere and started acting like you own me. And yet you can’t give me anything of real substance, so how can you possibly think that I’m yours?”

  “How do you know that? How do you know I can’t give you anything?”

  Every negative emotion known to humankind flashes through me. “Because, from the beginning, you treated me like I was worthless,” I whisper.

  He edges forward, so close I have to tilt my head to look up at him. “I was a fool. You showed me you’re capable and smart.”

  “Even if I weren’t those things, that would be no reason for you to treat me any less well,” I whisper back up at him.

  Sadness glints in his eyes. “I know.”

  “So why do you do it? Why are you so callous?”

  He twists his head away from me and looks down the street. “You don’t want me to answer that.”

  I scoff. “I just asked you, so I’m pretty sure I do want an answer.”

  “There are things you don’t un
derstand.” His jaw hardens. “You’re not old enough yet.”

  I scoff again. “Don’t play that card. If I’m such a little girl, why are you interested in me?”

  He looks at me. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “No,” I agree, my fist on my hip. “Why did you?”

  He exhales and doesn’t answer.

  “You were engaged,” I state. “Does that have anything to do with what I supposedly don’t understand?”

  He doesn’t seem surprised that I know.

  “Yeah,” he sighs, looking back at me. “But I wasn’t cut out for a serious relationship.”

  I swallow hard. The statement seems so final and sad.

  But what did I really expect? For my dick and standoffish millionaire boss to walk into the office one day and sweep me off my feet? Even Disney movies aren’t written with that kind of ending anymore. Nowadays, the princesses get saved through the bonds of friendship or girl power.

  I’m living in a fantasy not even five year olds could believe in.

  “And yet,” he slowly continues. “I can’t help but want you.”

  I shake my head. “Not in a shallow and soulless way. That’s not for me.”

  A sad smile plays on his mouth. “Just that alone makes you even more of a catch.”

  Then catch me. Send your line out and reel me in.

  But he’s not going to. I know it. I don’t know all the details of his past, but I know he’s a broken man, and I know people don’t just change overnight.

  “Brendan likes you,” he says. “Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea for you to be with him.”

  It feels like a knife in the heart. “Is that what you want?”

  There’s no pause before his answer. “No, but it doesn’t seem like I’m any good for you.”

  I bite my lip. “No,” I softly say. “You’re not.”

  “I’m trying to do the right thing.”

  I give that some thought. “Do you know what the right thing is?”

  The question seems to make him sad. “No.”

  I have to leave before things become even more confusing. Before I dig myself into a hole I’ll never be able to climb out of. Before I reach out and give myself over to the man in front of me, only to risk being left abandoned in the gutters of the heart come morning.