Damage Control

by Lynn VanDorn

  “I'll do it,” he said. “We'll do it.” His face, while still blank, was at least back to a normal color.

  “But,” Tyler began. Before he could list more reasons why this insane idea wouldn't work, Josh cut him off.

  “Tyler.” His voice was as sharp as a razor.

  “What?”

  “Shut up.” Josh looked first at Alicia, then at Ryan. “We'll do it. Tyler can move in with me. It'll look better, and I have the extra bedroom. It won't be difficult. I'm pretty sure being in a pretend relationship will come naturally to me.”

  Tyler couldn't help but study Ryan’s reaction. He smiled pleasantly back at Josh, unfazed by the hurt radiating off of the other man. Tyler considered kicking Ryan again, but there wasn't any point.

  Alicia looked around the table, as if giving everyone a chance to object. When no one said anything, she settled her gaze on Tyler. “That little declaration is the best offer you're going to get. I'd advise taking him up on it. You'd be a fool to turn him down.”

  “Fine,” Tyler said, giving up in the face of Josh’s determined martyrdom. “The role of fool is already taken, anyway.”

  Chapter 8

  Josh Is a Bone of Contention

  Saturday, September 17th, 7:52 a.m.

  The Chadwicks’ lake house

  Blue Lake, WI

  One of the things about growing up Jewish in the United States is that there is a sad lack of holiday specials that feel relevant. It’s hard to get enthusiastic about Santa and Rudolph when your living room houses a Hanukkah bush and a menorah, and instead of a huge pile of presents, you get eight days of decreasingly shitty presents until the last pretty good one. Still, Josh watched all holiday cartoons when he was a kid. He wasn't sure why. They came on and he was compelled to view them, from the Grinch to Peter Cottontail.

  The best ones were the ones for secular holidays, though, Halloween specials being his favorite, and the acme of them all was the Peanuts’ Great Pumpkin episode. Josh loved it from his first viewing as a toddler, but as he got older, something about it bothered him more and more. The joy Josh felt when watching it, knowing that in the next day or so he'd be out trick-or-treating, was mixed with a melancholy that he couldn't articulate.

  It wasn't until he was much older that Josh realized what it was: the cartoon was a perfect metaphor for how life was often more shitty than not. There was no Great Pumpkin; instead of candy, you mostly got rocks; and for every sad sack Charlie Brown there was a corresponding bitch of a Lucy, holding out the football and yanking it away every single time.

  When Josh was very young he'd never understood why Charlie Brown always went back for more. He knew Lucy was going to yank the ball away. She always did. Why on earth would he think that things would ever be different?

  Then Josh met Ryan and he understood.

  There had been so many times that Ryan had yanked the football away from Josh he'd lost count, yet still he remained, taking what crumbs fell his way and thinking, every time, this time will be different, but it never was. Witness now, here he was, figuratively lying flat on his back as his very own grinning Lucy held the football out of his reach while simultaneously working out the minutia of having his little brother move in and pretend to be in a relationship with his former… whatever Josh had been to him

  Not boyfriend, even though they had been friends at the time. Best friends. Lover? The word felt wrong. Sex slave felt right, but sounded melodramatic even in the privacy of his own head, and fuck buddy was the most accurate and yet was too flippant.

  Josh had just been Ryan’s. That simple, that profound, that hopeless, and apparently there was some part of him that still felt owned. Nothing else explained why he'd dived headfirst into this mess. Josh had wanted to make Ryan feel something, even if it was just the smallest shred of regret, but there had been nothing on his face but the complacent knowledge that Josh would do what he wanted because Josh always had.

  “I want you to pay off his school loans,” said Rachel, and that snapped Josh out of his reverie.

  “What?” Josh sputtered. “No.”

  Ryan tipped his head a fraction. “Half,” he said. “Contingent upon this working.”

  “All,” Rachel said, “period. Don't even think about trying to bargain with me, Ryan. Not today. I know you have the money. I'm your goddamned accountant. I know what you're worth to the last penny and I know where every single financial body is buried. Consider the fuckery your dad and grandfather used to get up to. Roll it around in that pretty head of yours and realize I know all of it, every questionably legal detail, and right now I'm so angry with you I can barely see straight. Do not fuck with me.”

  Brad shook his head. “Just agree to it, Ryan. You're being an ass. Although honestly, Rachel, I don't know what you think throwing money at the problem is going to accomplish.”

  Rachel looked at Brad, and some sort of nonverbal communication went on between them. It ended with Rachel taking a deep breath. “Josh, are you good with all this? Really? Because you don’t have to do anything you don't want to.”

  “I know,” Josh said, but even to his own ears he sounded uncertain. “It'll be fine. No problem.” He smiled to show just how fine he thought everything was. Rachel winced, and he dropped the smile from his face.

  Ryan tried to catch his eye, but Josh wouldn't look at him. Looking at Ryan wasn't going to fix anything. It never had and it never would.

  A knee nudged his. Tyler. Josh met his eyes, now a chilly gray. Josh was surprised to see that Tyler was as angry as Rachel, but while her anger was hot, his was ice cold. He wondered if Tyler was angry at Josh for waffling or at Rachel for going into attack mode or at Ryan for being Ryan or just at the general situation. Maybe it was all the above.

  “I'll pay it, Rachel,” Tyler said, not looking away from Josh. “The whole thing, regardless of what happens. If this doesn't work, it won't be Josh’s fault.”

  “No, that’s crazy,” Josh said. “I mean, do you have any clue how much money that is?”

  Tyler looked unconcerned. “A lot?”

  “I still have over a hundred thousand left to pay off,” Josh said. “That's a lot of money for a fake boyfriend.”

  The agent laughed. “You might be surprised. Tom warned me that if we had to hire someone it wouldn't be cheap. Discretion is expensive. It's why that was the least desirable option.”

  Rachel frowned. “Tyler, this is your brother’s idea, he should have to pay for it, not you.”

  “This entire discussion is absurd,” Ryan said. “Rachel, you and your demands are totally out of line, and Tyler, you should be letting me negotiate for you, not just agree to any random dollar figure without an argument. That's why negotiating is my job and acting is yours.”

  Brad groaned. “Christ, Ryan, you are not helping. I don't know what's gotten into you, but you sound just like Dad and you need to cut it the fuck out.”

  “I'm just looking after Tyler’s best interests,” Ryan said, sounding both pompous and wounded.

  Ass, Josh thought, and surprised himself. He'd never felt this disgusted at Ryan before. Hurt, yes. Angry, often. Disgust, however, was new. Maybe he was finally getting over him. If that was the upshot, perhaps this wasn't such a terrible impulse decision after all.

  “I'm not stupid,” Tyler shot back, “and this is my mess. I'll pay for it. Not you. Me. I have the money. Yeah, I’ll have to liquidate some stock, but whatever.”

  “That’s not the point,” Ryan said.

  “That might be the only thing Ryan and I agree on,” Rachel muttered, loud enough for the entire table to hear.

  “Rachel, find some other way to punish Ryan, because we all know that's what this is,” Tyler said, his voice rising with his irritation. “He hurt your big brother and you want to kneecap him. Look, I get it. We all get it. I think even Alicia gets it. But extorting money from him isn't going to fix anything, okay?”

  Rachel didn't look like she agreed in the slightest, but she didn'
t say anything. Josh still wasn't looking at Ryan, so he had no idea what his reaction was, other than hearing him let out an exaggerated sigh.

  Tyler continued in a softer tone. “I agree that Josh should be compensated for agreeing to help me. This is more than just a favor. I'm asking him to turn his entire life upside down for what could very well be several months. I understand what that means, probably more than anyone in this room. Doing that for me free of charge would be insane. But if he's willing to go through with it I'll pay for it, not Ryan, and not anyone else. You two,” he said, pointing to Ryan and Rachel in turn, “can butt the fuck out of this. Josh isn't your bone to fight over.”

  Rachel turned on Tyler. “He isn't your bone to do anything with.”

  Tyler’s tone turned sharp. “Really? Because two seconds ago you were negotiating with my brother like you were Josh’s fucking pimp.”

  Tyler’s agent watched the scene play out with wide eyes.

  “Could we not do this?” Josh asked, and everyone looked at him.

  The agent cleared her throat. “This has been entertaining as all get-out, but I have a serious question for our potential boyfriend: are you having second thoughts? I need to know ASAP, because if you're not on board we need to find someone who is, and we have very little time in which to do it. And, if my opinion means anything, I hope you say yes. Finding someone to do this who can be trusted not to spill the whole thing to the media won't be easy, and it could easily be as expensive as you've turned out to be. It's a large part of why I'm not fully behind this plan.”

  “No,” Josh said. “I said I'd do it, and I will.”

  “Fantastic. You’re practically tailor-made for this. Apparently trustworthy, respectable, and handsome enough. Hopefully you'll photograph well.” She looked back and forth between Josh and Tyler, squinting a little. “I think the two of you will look okay together. How tall are you? Stand up.”

  Feeling like a small child, Josh stood obediently.

  “You, too, Tyler. Let's see the two of you side by side.”

  Next to him, Tyler also rose. His head came to just above Josh’s shoulder. It brought home how short Tyler was, especially since Brad and Ryan were both a few inches taller than Josh. He wondered what it was like to be the little brother who never grew out of being little.

  “Not terrible,” Tyler’s agent said. “Tyler’s 5’9—”

  Brad coughed, “5’8.”

  “I’m 5’8 and three quarters, thank you so very much,” Tyler said, sounding peeved.

  Alicia narrowed her eyes. “We have him listed as 5’9. You're what, six feet or so, um… Josh?”

  Josh nodded.

  “Don't wear any shoes or boots with thick soles or any kind of heels to them and you won't loom over Tyler too much. Yeah. You'll do.”

  “Thanks, I guess.” Josh sat, then massaged his eyes, his headache having returned with a vengeance. “Tyler, are you okay with living with me and going through with this? It's what everyone here seems to want, but it's your life, not theirs. Also, you don't have to pay me.”

  Tyler rolled his eyes. “Living with you and pretending to be madly in love? It's just acting. It's what I do, like Ryan so helpfully pointed out. You’re the one with your work cut out for you, not me, and you'll earn that money putting up with me. Trust me on that.”

  “I can pretend. I pretended for over half my life not to feel something. I'm pretty sure I can figure out the reverse.” He looked at Tyler so he wouldn't see Ryan’s reaction, or lack thereof, to his words.

  Tyler stroked Josh’s thigh like one would pet a strange animal that was injured and might bite. His smile was flirtatious. “You keep telling yourself that. But don't worry, I can be infatuated enough for both of us. You just hang around and be handsome. Making people believe I'm crazy about you will be a piece of cake.”

  Josh snorted. “So, we're doing this?”

  Tyler’s fingers on his thigh traced a lazy line up his leg and over his hip. “Looks like it,” he said.

  Josh narrowed his eyes as Tyler’s fingers traced over his ribs. “I still can't accept the full payment of my school loans. It’s too much money.”

  “Fuck that,” Tyler said. “I'm a notorious pain in the ass. Consider it combat pay. Also, there's Oliver.” His fingers drifted lower over Josh’s stomach.

  “Who's Oliver?” the agent asked.

  “My cat,” Tyler said. “And we're kind of a package deal.”

  “The cat’s fine,” Josh said. “For the amount of money you're proposing, I could throw out every piece of furniture I own and buy brand-new.”

  Tyler smiled and it reached his eyes.

  Josh didn't want Tyler’s money, but he was sick of arguing about it. He was also beginning to think that Tyler was going to be more trouble than he'd originally thought. Tyler’s fingers ventured a little too low, so Josh caught his hand and placed it on Tyler’s knee while he looked at Alicia. “Can we go over what exactly will be expected from me, I mean us?”

  “That’s Tom’s call, not mine. Once I give him the good news that we've got someone willing, he'll be in touch.” She reached over and patted Josh’s arm. “You seem like a good sport. Please don't stab Tyler in his sleep, okay?”

  “Um, sure. I never stabbed Brad, and he's a lot more annoying than Tyler.”

  “Thanks a lot,” Brad said, not seeming offended in the slightest.

  “In the meantime,” the agent said, “practice on the whole pretending to be a couple thing. Work on being relaxed in each other's company, okay? Josh, stop looking at Tyler like he might bite you. Tyler, don't bite him.”

  A wicked grin slid onto Tyler’s face. “No promises.”

  “Behave,” Alicia said. “That’s an order. You cannot afford to screw this up.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Watch it. No one likes a wiseass. Now, Ryan, take me back to Chicago. I need to see about getting a flight home out of this hellhole. I've got a ton of work to get done.”

  Josh found it was easier to breathe and think with Ryan gone. The first thing he noticed was that beneath layers of painted-on charm and flirtation, Tyler looked like death warmed over. It was as if he'd been wearing a pretty disguise for the agent, and with her gone he felt safe enough to let it slip.

  “We should consolidate to one house,” Josh said, “and it should probably be my rental. While it's unlikely that you'd be tracked down to your family’s vacation home, it's even more unlikely that you'd be tracked to an unrelated house down the lake from it. Until we hear from this publicist guy, we should probably keep you out of sight.”

  Tyler shrugged. “Okay with me,” he said, then yawned. “I can start packing.”

  “You need more sleep, Ty,” Brad said. “We can take care of packing and moving your stuff. What do you have, one suitcase and groceries? Pretty much the only thing I need you to do is to crate Oliver.”

  “I'll carry the cat over and get Tyler settled,” Rachel said. “You and Josh can go into town and get his phone replaced. That way, at least they'll have one working cell phone between the two of them. Meanwhile, I'll clean this place up. By the time you guys get back, I should have everything taken care of.”

  “Okay,” Brad said, but he gave her a long look. “I guess we can just about handle that.”

  Tyler went up to Josh and looped his arms around his neck. “Do I get a goodbye kiss?”

  Josh froze and Tyler chuckled. “That’s what I thought.” He gave Josh the barest whisper of a kiss on his cheek. “You need to loosen up,” he said. “This is your life for the foreseeable future.”

  “Give me more than a minute to adjust.”

  “Start working on it,” Tyler said, then he went looking for his cat, Rachel trailing behind him.

  Once in Brad’s car, headed toward town, Josh felt some of the tension that had been building all morning start to ease. “This has been one hell of a start to the week. I'm going to end up needing a vacation from my vacation.”

  Brad s
norted. “I hate to put another thing on your plate, but I need to ask you a favor.”

  “In addition to pretending to be the love of your brother’s life? I can't believe I just signed on to be Tyler’s boyfriend. Fake boyfriend. Although I was kind of Ryan's fake boyfriend, too.”

  Brad snorted. “Being my brother's fake boyfriend seems to be your fate, doesn't it? Seriously, though, yes. Something besides that. If I leave you supplies, would you be willing to sew Tyler up if he needs it while Rachel and I are on our honeymoon? It would be a huge load off my mind knowing that base is covered.”

  “Sure, I guess. I could've given him stitches last night if I hadn't been drunk and minus everything needed to do the job properly.”

  “Excellent. I really appreciate it.”

  Josh frowned. “How likely is it that I'll need to perform this service?”

  Brad shrugged. “Depends. When he's stressed, Tyler seems to fall back on one of two shitty coping mechanisms. Either he cuts or…”

  Not sure what could be worse, Josh asked, “Or what?”

  Brad’s cheeks burned pink. “Um. Normally I wouldn't say anything, but…”

  “Come on. Since when do you have discretion?”

  “You'd be surprised,” Brad replied. “Okay. His other coping mechanism is sex.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me. Tyler either cuts or gets laid when he can't deal. And since getting laid is currently off the table, he's going to cut if things get bad enough. I just thought you should be prepared.”

  Josh remembered Tyler’s hand sliding down his abdomen and heading for his groin, and the kiss that he could still feel the ghost of on his cheek. He began to think he was in way over his head, and there didn't seem to be a life preserver in sight.

  “Okay, yeah. I'll make sure that you come home to two brothers. Don't worry.” Josh figured he could worry enough for both of them.

  Brad spared him a glance. “You’re the best, Josh. Forget everything I've ever said about you. So, speaking of being worried, should we be at all concerned about leaving Tyler and Rachel together?”