by Lynn VanDorn
He already felt better with them in his pocket, and it wasn't like he was necessarily going to use them. It was just good knowing they were there.
It was enough that he felt like he could face googling himself while waiting for Josh to get back. What he found after only a cursory search was a train wreck that would have been bad enough if it was happening to someone else, but it was happening to him, and the horror was all too personal. The reactions he saw ran the gamut, but the most common response was mockery. So many Twitter and Facebook jokes. He had become a meme—someone had cut an image of just his face looking shocked, and it had become the template for all sorts of hilarity.
There was also a surprising amount of sympathy and outrage over the video being leaked—some on his behalf, some of the latter directed at him for having participated in such a disgusting display, as well as a dismaying number of people convinced that he or his people had leaked the video on purpose to garner attention and buzz.
He'd survived taunts before. He could handle insults and name-calling, had been doing so all his life, but this was a huge step beyond. This wasn't ridicule from a few high school bullies. This felt like it was coming from the entire world. Tyler put his hand in his pocket.
No. Not the entire world. A tiny, bored part of it who will not dwell on this forever. I just need to ride this out and not panic. They want me to fall apart, to be broken under this wave. Not because they hate me, but because it's interesting and entertaining.
Tyler hadn't heard that voice in his head for a while, the one he thought of as his backbone, maybe because he hadn't needed it since it had screamed at him one morning that David had to go and this time for good. It was the voice that held his hand when things got a little shittier than he thought he could bear, saying, I am better than this, and I will not let him break me, and one day I will twerk on their fucking graves. It was the voice that had gotten him through beatings and taunts, rejection and humiliation, and Bridges. It had whispered to him during every lecture from his father when he was told he was useless and wrong and dirty and unlovable: I'm nothing at all like what he thinks. One day I will be free and he will have no power over me.
That voice had been right on every count, and he listened to it now. It had never steered him wrong before. The solution seemed obvious. He'd been allowing things to happen to him. Today, however, he was going to start fighting back. Not by opposing the wave of morbid curiosity that surged around him. No. He was going to ride that motherfucker back to shore, starting today with his scheduled internet Q and A. If people wanted to be entertained, Tyler was going to be their man. He was going to entertain the hell out of them. As for everyone else, fuck ‘em. Cowering wasn't helping, hiding wasn't an option, so the only way forward was to brazen it out.
With that in mind, Tyler watched the video, or at least the most common clip that was going around, to refresh his memory of how bad it was. It was both better and worse than he recalled. It was obvious what was going on, but it was still far less pornographic than he'd remembered. They weren't being videotaped by a person, but by a stationary camera the boys hadn't known was there. The angle was odd and made things difficult to see. But, like Ethan had said, Tyler’s face, largely the same now as it had been at sixteen, was easily recognizable, at least before he started sucking on Robbie Marchant’s dick.
The odd thing was that he couldn't say the same of either Robbie or Jason. The faces of the football players had been obscured in the video by being cropped away or fuzzed out.
Tyler was puzzled by that. It was possible the person hosting this clip had done the alteration, but why try to protect the other boys? Tyler started searching for any video footage where their faces weren't obscured and couldn't find anything. The only reasonable explanation was that they had been scrubbed before the video had been put online, but the question was why. And on the heels of that, who. It seemed unlikely that someone unconnected with Tyler would have bothered to scrub out the other faces but leave his recognizable.
Not that it seemed to have protected them. The video had been posted less than a week ago and internet detectives had already outed the two other participants, the poor bastards. He wondered how they were weathering the storm. Tyler thought he should probably reach out to them and maybe try to apologize or commiserate or something, although how did one even go about that? Was there some sort of “sorry that our videotaped threesome ended up on the internet” protocol? Maybe he could send an Edible Arrangement. Nothing said, “I hope this hasn't ruined your life” like pineapple slices cut into daisies.
Tyler texted Ryan, who immediately Skyped him. Tyler hadn't gotten much beyond explaining that the video had been altered from what he remembered when he felt teeth on his neck and saw Ryan flinch. Not a lot. It was just the smallest twitch. And it was followed by a frown.
The frown was probably what made him do it, pulling Josh in and thoroughly kissing him while Ryan watched. He wanted to prove something to Ryan, although he couldn't say exactly what. It felt like he was expressing ownership, which was absurd. But the more he thought about it, the more that kiss felt like he was marking his territory. So, he sent Josh away before he did something humiliating like prostrating himself at Josh’s sweaty, sneakered feet.
Safely alone, Tyler put his hand back in his pocket and fingered the blades in there. He would worry about Josh later. Now he just needed to worry about saving his career.
Okay, Tyler, let's do this.
He opened the Reddit app he'd downloaded onto his phone and familiarized himself with how the site worked. At first it seemed like a confusing free-for-all, but he perused a few threads to see how the interface worked, then went to the sub IAmA, where Tom had arranged for him to be on in about half an hour. First Tyler reread the instructions he’d been sent by the site’s liaison, then he looked at some of the current threads to see what he'd be getting himself into.
The people answering questions over the past day were quite the spectrum. There was an employee at Home Depot, a few athletes, a neuroscientist, an indie film director, a comedian, two politicians, some person with a poop fetish, a Japanese astronaut, and the weatherman from the Today Show. Tyler looked at some of the questions being asked, and they were all over the place, too. It did give him a pretty good idea of how to answer his questions, though.
When it was time, he created his thread like the liaison had told him.
I am Tyler Chadwick, actor, occasional model, and the star of that underage gay threesome sex tape that’s being circulated illegally on the internet. AMA.
Okay, if that didn't bring people in, nothing would.
Next, he posted a link to the picture Josh had taken of him, a link to his IMDb page, and the following bio:
Hi, I'm Tyler Chadwick. I grew up in a Chicago suburb, but moved to San Francisco with my mother when I was 17. I studied theater at UCLA and started doing work in commercials shortly before graduation. That led to a few spots in TV shows, bit parts in a few movies, then my first big role as Andy in Blood and Water, and later Duckie in the remake of Pretty in Pink. My latest role is Druindar in The Silver Arrow, which is scheduled for release on Christmas Day (note my glorious blue hair). I've also done modeling for Yves Saint Laurent and Hermes.
Today I'm here to answer questions about video footage that was leaked less than a week ago to the internet of a very jailbaity 16-year-old me and two equally underage football players. Shame on you for watching something so expressly illegal. Naughty. Chris Hansen would like for you to please take a seat over there. For those of you who haven't seen it, spoilers: I am the cheerleading meat in that football sandwich. There, now you don't have to risk the wrath of the FBI by watching underage accidental porn.
I'll be here for 90 minutes and I'm hoping that people ask some questions because I am easily bored. Okay, Reddit, ask me anything.
The questions started pouring in right away and every time Tyler refreshed the screen after answering one, it seemed like there'd be three more,
and responses to his answers as well. He tried to keep up as best he could, and in the end, went on for two hours before he called it quits.
Allthepie
Okay, I'll go there. Why the weight room at your school?
HRHTylerChadwick
I didn't care if I got caught. I was going through a rebellious stage at the time. Just didn't realize I was going to get caught on tape.
Allthepie
Was it worth it? Did you get into trouble?
HRHTylerChadwick
I got into so much trouble. I was suspended and had to drop cheerleading, but later I tried out for the school play and that's when I fell in love with acting, so it must have been fate.
tacocat
But was it worth it?
HRHTylerChadwick
Not really. It wasn't the end-all, be-all I thought it would be when I talked them into it. Don't get me wrong, it wasn’t the worst sex I've had, but it was a long way from being the best. The problem with seducing straight boys is that they often have no clue what they're doing. Especially as teenagers.
tacocat
They were straight? Because it looked pretty gay to me.
HRHTylerChadwick
Well, I thought they were straight at the time. There is very little more attractive to an oversexed gay teenaged boy than a straight jock. Or maybe that was just me. Anyway, if they were gay, they weren't out at the time. For the record, I never had any intention of outing either one. The only thing I wanted was to get off.
Banana4Scale
Is Aaron Goldberg as awesome in real life as I hope he is?
HRHTylerChadwick
He’s amazing. Great director and super nice guy. I'm really hoping this crap doesn't blow back and drag down The Silver Arrow. Neither he nor the film deserve that.
PM_MeYourPerkyTits
Are you a fan of The Silver Arrow and the rest of the books?
HRHTylerChadwick
Fuck, yeah, I'm a fan. I was so excited when I got the part of Druindar I about creamed my jeans.
The_Puffin
Do you think there'll be any sequels?
HRHTylerChadwick
Depends on how well The Silver Arrow does. Hollywood loves a franchise, though, and there are two more books. I’d love to do the whole trilogy.
UsernameRemoved
Has the leaking of the video affected your life much?
HRHTylerChadwick
It hit while I was on vacation with my boyfriend. His vacation, really, not mine, since I just got done with shooting The Silver Arrow less than a month ago and haven't been up to much. But he's got a real job, being a doctor and all.
dankmememaster
Your boyfriend is a doctor? How did you meet?
HRHTylerChadwick
I've known him forever. His sister is getting married to my brother in a few weeks. It's only been somewhat recently, though, that our relationship turned into a romantic one.
dankmememaster
You say he's an old family friend. Does that mean he lives in Chicago, where you grew up?
HRHTylerChadwick
Yes, in the area.
asciinoquestions
Your boyfriend is a doctor in Chicago and you live in LA? How does that work, exactly?
HRHTylerChadwick
We’re still working it out. I'd planned on spending the next month or so in Chicago visiting my family. After that, we'll see, but I'm sure it'll involve racking up tons of frequent flyer miles. And lots of Skype. I’m hoping I can talk him into moving to LA.
Fat chance of that ever happening, Tyler thought. I don't think you could pry Josh out of Illinois with dynamite. The only reason he went to Stanford was because of Ryan, and when that didn't work out, where did he go? Right back home.
LumpyPotatoPrincess
What's it like waking up and finding out you're a meme?
HRHTylerChadwick
Not great, to be honest. But at least it's a funny meme. That's some comfort.
Its_a_tumor
Is Chris Steward hard to work with? I've heard he's a raging egomaniac.
HRHTylerChadwick
Compared to me, not so much. Seriously, he's a great actor and a good person. It was a privilege working with him and I learned a lot from him. Hopefully I'll get to work with him again (fingers crossed for sequels). We got to be good friends during the filming, so even if there aren't any sequels, I'm sure we'll still hang out.
Its_a_tumor
Good friends? Like how good?
HRHTylerChadwick
Get your mind out of the gutter. Chris is straight and has a lovely girlfriend. Besides, even if he wasn't taken, I am.
DarkPastamancer
Is your boyfriend hot?
HRHTylerChadwick
Give me a minute and you can judge for yourself.
DarkPastamancer
Oh, we’ll judge the fuck out of him. Buckle up.
Tyler called Josh over. He was engrossed in playing a game on his phone, so it took a few seconds for Josh to even acknowledge him.
“What?” he asked, sounding pissy and not getting out of the recliner.
“The internet wants to know if you're hot. Hold this and I'll show them.”
Tyler handed Josh a sign that said: I am /u/HRHTylerChadwick’s boyfriend. Envy me.
“You have got to be kidding me,” Josh said.
“Come on, old man. Time to earn your salary. Give me a smile.”
Josh smiled the fakest smile ever and Tyler frowned.
“Wait. I've got a better idea.” He climbed onto Josh’s lap and kissed him. “Okay, now say ‘cheese.’” He snapped a few pictures of the two of them and decided to post the one that had Josh looking like he was thinking of doing unspeakable things to Tyler. “Oh, yeah, that’ll do.”
He thought about sliding off Josh’s lap and then decided to stay. He was nothing if not capable of multitasking.
HRHTylerChadwick
Okay, here’s a picture of the two of us. Is he not fine?
NarwhalBacon
I think my ovaries just exploded. Would you two be open to another threesome?
HRHTylerChadwick
I think we're good, but thanks for the offer.
squattingslav
How do we know this isn't a publicity stunt?
HRHTylerChadwick
I'd like to claim I'm the sort of evil genius mastermind to engineer a threesome at age 16 to be filmed by my school’s CCTV just so I could use it 9 years later to promote myself after getting a supporting role in a film that's probably going to make a ton of money, but I am just not that crafty. Thanks for the vote of confidence, though.
2brknarms
Do you think being gay will affect you getting future roles?
HRHTylerChadwick
Maybe. I hope not. But if so, fuck them. I'm not ashamed of who I am and it doesn't have any impact on my ability to act.
Banananananana
What about the threesome footage? Are you ashamed of that?
HRHTylerChadwick
I'd love to be able to go back in time and have that not exist, but I can't. I can only move forward and hope people realize that I was a teenager there. So were the other two kids there with me. This was something that should have been destroyed nine years ago, but wasn't. Then it was put out there to hurt me, and others have gotten hurt in the process.
Essentially, it's cyberbullying, and while I can weather it, the two guys with me shouldn't have to. I know they've been identified, but I sincerely hope that people will leave them alone. How many people would like bad sex from their adolescence all over the internet?
ApothosisAvocado
Bad sex? That's disappointing.
HRHTylerChadwick
Meh. Okay, maybe not bad. Mediocre, though. Threesomes are overrated. Take it from me. I know.
ApothosisAvocado
Man, that's just depressing.
HRHTylerChadwick
That’s me, Tyler Chadwick, destr
oying all your illusions. There is no Santa Claus, Columbus did not discover America, and threesomes are overrated.
Tyler lost track of how many questions he got and answered. He addressed a few of the negative ones, but ignored the outright insulting ones. There were so many questions that he could have kept going for at least another hour, if not longer, but Josh finally grabbed his phone and held it above Tyler’s head until he promised to stop so they could eat lunch and then do something that didn't involve the internet.
“Like what?” Tyler asked.
“I'm sure we'll think of something if we apply ourselves. Sign off on this thing, and we'll see what we can come up with.”
“I thought you wanted to eat lunch,” Tyler said, snatching his phone away from Josh and editing his bio to read that he was done answering questions and thanking everyone who participated.
Josh took the phone back and put both his and Tyler’s phones on the side table. “Lunch can wait a few minutes.”
Lunch ended up waiting a bit more than a few minutes, and between answering all those questions, then being distracted by Josh, Tyler forgot until much later about what he had in his pocket.
Chapter 19
Josh Does Not Condone Dragon Murder
Monday, September 19th, 12:43 p.m.