Damage Control

by Lynn VanDorn

  “I had to fall off a dock into a lake to get Josh to notice me,” Tyler said. “He saved me from drowning.”

  “Really? Can't swim?”

  “Oh, no, I swim just fine, but when Josh jumped into the lake to rescue me, I had to let him.” Tyler looked at Josh and batted his lashes. “You know, so he could give me mouth-to-mouth.”

  “I did not perform CPR on his melodramatic ass,” Josh pointed out, although both Maria and Tyler ignored him.

  Maria laughed. “I like him, Josh. Before you guys take off, can I introduce him around? Everyone’s dying to meet the first man who’s ever come to take our elusive Dr. Rosen to lunch.”

  Now who’s not being nice? Josh wondered.

  Tyler raised a brow at Josh. “Really? That's just sad. Just when I think you're maybe not the saddest gay man in existence, you go and prove me wrong yet again.” He turned to Maria, who was trying unsuccessfully not to laugh. “I'd love to meet Josh’s coworkers,” he said, his glacier-melting smile back in place.

  Tyler was all gracious charm as Maria dragged him, with an embarrassed Josh in their wake, around the office to meet everyone. Tyler was greeted with interest, amusement, boredom, a frown (Matt, who made noises about staff wasting work time), and finally awkward silence when they got to Nik.

  Nik sat and nodded a curt greeting at them. He glared at Tyler, which made Tyler in turn give him a narrow look. Even Maria frowned.

  “Are you feeling okay?” she asked Nik.

  “I'm fine,” Nik bit out. “Just trying to work here.”

  Maria patted his arm and said, “Well, we'll leave you to it, then.”

  “Sure. So. How does the whole long-distance relationship thing work, anyway?”

  Josh wasn't sure who the question was directed at, but Tyler stiffened, then flashed Nik his brightest smile. “We’re still figuring it out.”

  “I'm sure,” Nik said with his own toothy smile. “California to Illinois and back again is one hell of a commute, isn't it?

  Tyler’s smile altered and became a little scary, but his voice oozed sweetness. “Luckily, it's not your problem, is it? Since he's my boyfriend and not yours.”

  Nik blinked and opened his mouth. Josh decided he'd better jump in before actual blood was shed. “If we’re going to have any time to eat, we should probably go. Ty, you can meet everyone else another day.”

  Nik swiveled back to his computer screen, turning his back to them. Tyler’s eyes sparked at Josh, a mixture of anger and irritation and something else—hurt, maybe—stark on his face. Then he put his mask back on, along with his most sugary smile. “Sure, no problem. What's good to eat around here?”

  Josh led Tyler back toward the waiting room. “There’s a place we can walk to that does good sandwiches. That okay?”

  “Sure,” Tyler said, sounding like more himself but still looking brittle. Josh grabbed his hand and tugged him outside, hoping that a walk on such a nice day would improve Tyler’s mood.

  There were a few photographers waiting for them outside of the office. Tyler’s face lit up like a million lightbulbs as a full-wattage smile sprang across his face. He acknowledged them with a wave of the hand that wasn't holding Josh’s in a death grip.

  They shouted a few questions that Tyler answered. All super boring shit, in Josh’s opinion, which was good, because he wasn't in the mood to watch Tyler tap dance across a minefield of barbed questions and innuendo. Maybe yesterday's kiss was responsible for the softball questions, or maybe they were all too dazzled by Tyler’s smile to be mean. Josh didn't know or care, he was just relieved that the reporters seemed to be behaving themselves today. Josh smiled at nothing and no one and hoped he didn't look like too much of an idiot.

  One of the reporters caught Josh’s eye. Unlike the others, he didn't shout out any questions. He just took picture after picture of Tyler, while looking grim as fuck. Josh tried to make out his features but between the ball cap and aviator sunglasses he was wearing, it was hard to tell what he looked like, other than having a dark, neatly trimmed beard. Josh kept an eye on him and was glad when he eventually turned and left.

  After answering what seemed to Josh to be entirely too many questions, the rest seemed to also lose interest and they started packing away their equipment. Tyler and Josh took the opportunity to walk away. Josh thought they might be followed, but for a wonder, they weren't.

  “Is it always like that?” he asked.

  “For me, no, thank God. Pretty soon someone far more famous than I am will do something interesting, and they'll swarm in that direction and go back to ignoring me. Either that, or the weather will chase them away. If I ever become legit famous, well, yeah, the real stars deal with that shit all the time, but they hire bodyguards. Also, there are ways to avoid most of this bullshit if you really want to. A lot of those pictures you see in the tabloids are staged. Way more than you'd think. Like when Tom sent the photographer up to Blue Lake, or the production he orchestrated at O’Hare. Right now, I’ve got orders to play it up and not avoid it, hence me allowing the Q and A. My life isn't like this all the time. Honestly, it's not.”

  Josh wondered which one of them Tyler was trying to convince. He squeezed Tyler’s hand and kept his eye out for more people with cameras.

  They walked the rest of the way to Josh’s favorite deli in silence, but it wasn't a companionable one. Ever since he'd gotten back from California, Tyler seemed preoccupied and mopey, and the events of the past half-hour hadn't improved Tyler’s mood any. The cheerful, sunny facade he'd shown the paparazzi was gone and it was replaced with a distracted gloom. There was something on Tyler’s mind that was making him unhappy and he didn't want to talk about it.

  At least not yet.

  Tyler still wanted him, at least physically, so it wasn’t that. The sex last night had been intense, to say the least. As for that kiss in the airport…

  Tyler had told him ahead of time there would be a bunch of photographers waiting to capture their reunion with pictures and video. Why anyone cared so much about them was beyond Josh, but he was supposed to be playing the role of devoted boyfriend and that's what he was determined to be. Tyler had come flying at him and Josh had caught him and kissed him, simple as that. He hadn't been expecting precisely that level of enthusiasm, but it didn't matter. Tyler had leapt and Josh had grabbed for him and held on for dear life, a chorus of mine mine mine mine singing throughout his whole body. He hadn't wanted to let go. There had been no pretending on his part. It had felt all too real, which wasn't a surprise, because he already knew that Tyler had come to mean far more to him than he should. The only true surprise was how Tyler had clung to him like Josh was the only solid thing in his world. His eyes had shone like a brilliant summer sky and Josh had wanted to fall into them forever.

  But now, while they sat in the restaurant and waited for their order to be brought out, Tyler’s eyes were dark and ominous like the sky before one hell of a thunderstorm. Josh wondered if he was still irritated from his little dick-swinging competition with Nik.

  Tyler seemed jealous. Josh knew he shouldn't find it flattering, but he kind of did anyway. Josh didn't think he'd ever had anyone be jealous because of him before. Certainly, never Ryan. And over the intervening years, no one else had, either, no doubt because none of them had ever been around long enough to be given the chance.

  Having Tyler gone for the past few days had been sobering. His fake relationship with Tyler felt more real to him than any other relationship that he'd had in the past, including the one with Ryan. Hell, especially that one. The irony was not lost on him.

  “I'm glad you're back,” Josh said, putting down his sandwich. “I really missed you.”

  “Did you?” Tyler asked. There was an edge to his tone like he was spoiling for a fight. “Even with that cute nurse waiting in the wings?”

  “Yeah, I did,” Josh said. He didn't particularly want to fight, especially not about Nik. “I've gotten used to you being around.”

  Tha
t seemed to put a spike in the rising balloon of Tyler’s temper, but instead of one of Tyler’s wicked grins, or even better, one of his rare, real smiles, he looked wistful. “Have you?”

  “Tyler, what the hell is wrong? Please, did I do something? Just tell me.”

  Tyler looked down at the sandwich he'd barely touched. “Was I in the wrong back there? Yeah, I was pretty rude, but he did start it.”

  How exactly did one say, “Yes, you were rude but so was he and it was super flattering and I kinda liked it because I want to be yours even though I'm not and I shouldn't like you being jealous over me but I do anyway,” without sounding like a needy douche? Josh had no idea, so instead he said, “It's fine. You’re fine.”

  “He started it,” groused Tyler, more to himself than to Josh.

  “He did start it, but Maria shouldn't have rubbed you in his face, even if I think she was doing it in a ‘cruel to be kind’ kind of way. Anyway, no harm done. Blood wasn't drawn.”

  Tyler huffed. “I'm pretty sure if you crooked your finger he'd be yours.” Tyler picked at his sandwich, pulling off the crust.

  “Why the hell would I want to do that? I'm not interested.”

  Tyler shrugged. “Among other things, proximity. It's doubtful your nurse lives as far away from you as I do. As he so helpfully pointed out, it is one hell of a commute.”

  Josh didn't want to think about that right now. “He’s not my nurse and you're here now,” he said.

  “Yes. For now.”

  “Do you want to go back already? Is that it? Are you planning on going back to LA right after the wedding?” Josh felt a stab of panic. Not yet. It was too soon, wasn’t it? It had to be too soon.

  Tyler reached out and grabbed his hand and squeezed it hard. “Hey, calm down. I'm not going anywhere. Not yet. I still need you to be my knight in shining armor, okay? Keep on saving the day for me. You aren't getting off the hook that easily.”

  A wave of relief crashed through Josh. “Then why did you say you were here just for now?” As soon as the words were out of his mouth he realized how stupid they were, and he wanted to take them back.

  “I don't live here,” Tyler said slowly. “Not anymore.”

  “I know,” Josh said, and he did. He just found it convenient to forget about that little detail.

  “I can't stay here forever. Not if I want to work.”

  “I know,” Josh repeated, and wished he didn't.

  Tyler smiled at him and it was one of the real ones. “But I'm here now. Okay?”

  “Yeah, of course.” It didn't feel okay.

  “I warned you there'd be heartbreak and tears,” Tyler said, “but not today. I'm sorry I've ruined lunch. I'm in a mood, and now you're in one, too.”

  Josh leaned forward, cupped a hand behind Tyler’s neck, and brought him forward for a quick kiss. He wanted to blurt out something insane and embarrassing like, “Please stay forever, don't leave me,” but bit it back. This wasn't the time or the place, and he wasn't at all sure his feelings would be appreciated, let alone returned. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, wore it for fifteen years. Josh let the words stay safely lodged in his throat.

  “It's okay,” Josh said. “Really.”

  Tyler gave him a searching look. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah. Eat your damned sandwich. I have to go back to work soon.”

  Tyler looked down at his crust less sandwich and another smile slid onto his face, this one full of mockery, whether for Josh or himself or both of them was unclear. “Yes, sir,” Tyler said, then picked it up and took a bite.

  –—

  Thursday, September 29th, 10:46 p.m.

  Josh’s perfectly adequate condo

  Evanston, IL

  Later that evening, after Josh had come home from work and eaten the dinner Tyler had cooked (did you eat anything besides sandwiches while I was gone?), after they sat on the couch watching Netflix (no, seriously, put down your phone and watch this with me), and after they’d gone to bed and done absolutely filthy things to each other using the various toys Tyler had brought back with him (I knew you'd like that one, you kinky old man), Tyler lay sprawled on top of Josh and seemed disinclined to move, and Josh was disinclined to move him.

  “My coworkers liked you,” Josh said, running his hand back and forth across Tyler’s nape, loving the velvety feel of the short hair under his fingers. “At least the ones who got to meet you. The others were jealous and want me to bring you back. You are popular.”

  “Mmm?”

  “Well, except with Matt. He gave me a lecture about time management when I got back from lunch. Dickhead.”

  “Who's Matt?”

  “The office manager. Middle-aged guy with the terrible mustache.”

  “Oh.” Tyler stretched sleepily, parts of his anatomy rubbing deliciously along Josh’s. “I'm pretty sure Nate wasn't crazy about me, either.”

  “Nik.”

  “Whoever.” Tyler’s voice sharpened.

  “You know, it's funny. Last week Dad sent me an email asking who I was taking to the wedding and suggesting I should ask one of the nurses in the office to be my plus one. Which is sexist as hell, by the way, because I know that was Dad’s shorthand for ‘bring a woman for a change’, and there’s a female doctor in the practice and two male nurses. Anyway, I thought that if I wasn't going to be there with you it would have served my dad right if I'd bribed one of the male nurses to be my date.”

  Tyler frowned. “I don't think it would have taken much bribery to get Neil to be your date.”

  Josh snorted. “Nik.”

  “You’re enjoying this, aren't you?”

  “Yeah, kinda.”

  “And your point is?” Tyler was starting to get irritated. Josh could tell by how his body stiffened.

  “My point is that I probably would've asked Gary, who is happily married. I doubt he would've minded a night away from his twin toddlers. I would have only asked Nik if Gary said no.”

  “Oh,” Tyler said. “Why?”

  “Because I've known Gary for years, and Nik has only been with the office a few months and I've barely spoken with him about anything not relating to work. I don't know him. I had no idea he was gay, let alone had some sort of thing for me, until two days ago.”

  Tyler sat up and straddled Josh so he could look down into his face. “Your gaydar sucks.”

  “I don't need to use it very much. Mostly I figure out a guy is gay when he hits on me. Sometimes not even then, according to Maria. She says I'm hopelessly oblivious.”

  Tyler seemed to consider that. “I don't think you're really oblivious, you're selectively observant. You see the people and things that are important to you. Everything else is just background noise that you often ignore.”

  “So, I'm not hopeless?”

  Tyler smiled and it was sweet and real and it made Josh’s heart ache to see it. “You? Never.”

  “I see you.”

  Tyler leaned down and kissed Josh, his lips as sweet as his smile. “Maybe. A little.” Then he kissed Josh again.

  Later, while trying to sleep, Josh wondered what Tyler had meant. What was he not seeing? His mind worried at that thought as he drifted off, waking only when Tyler thrashed with the panic of his recurring nightmare.

  “I've got you, I'm here,” he said until Tyler calmed and relaxed again.

  I see you, he thought. I do. But he worried that Tyler didn't think so.

  Chapter 29

  Tyler and the L-Word

  Friday, September 30th, 7:25 p.m.

  Alinea restaurant

  Chicago, IL

  Tyler: [attachment] Here. Put this on Instagram or whatever it is you do.

  Purvi: Is that supposed to be your dinner?

  Tyler: Yes

  Purvi: Are you sure it's food?

  Tyler: It's molecular gastronomy, duh. How do you not know that?

  Purvi: I was making a thing called a joke. People with a sense of humor find them funny.


  Tyler: Oh, that was a JOKE. Newsflash, if you have to explain it, it wasn’t funny.

  Purvi: Yeah. So, let's discuss why you’re being such a little bitch lately. I suspect the answer has four letters and starts with a J.

  Tyler: Let's not.

  Purvi: Bitch.

  “This is some pretentious bullshit right here,” Josh whispered in Tyler’s ear. “Not the food.” He looked down at his plate, which was a sheet of glass covered with things that were pretty and presumably edible and only vaguely resembled food. “Well, the food, too. A little.” Josh popped a mysterious gelatinous cube of something into his mouth. “Oh, man. That's amazing. But my point stands.”

  “That’s my father for you,” Tyler said. He was glad he’d been seated as far away from his father as was physically possible. He couldn't blow off the rehearsal dinner, but he could do everything in his power to avoid his dad.

  “Alinea for twelve people. Really? Who the hell hosts a wedding rehearsal dinner for twelve at Alinea? This has got to be costing several thousand dollars. For one meal!” Josh sounded personally affronted.

  “Plus wine. You should drink yours. You sound like you need it. Good. Now drink some more.” The one being a little bitch tonight was Josh, for whatever reason. Purvi had no idea what she was talking about. “You sound like Rachel, you know. Booking this place was definitely not her idea.”

  Josh glanced at his sister, who sat next to him, animatedly discussing some sort of wedding issue with their mother. “She seems happy enough. Right now, that's all that matters.” He picked up his wineglass and finished it off.

  “Better?”

  “It's such a stupid expense, but it's not my wedding and I'm not paying for it and yes, I think the wine is helping. Thank you.” He smiled at the sommelier who came to pour more.

  Tyler prodded something purple and crystalline on his glass sheet. “According to Dad it's the best restaurant in Chicago, therefore this is where we had to eat.”