Past Forward- A Serial Novel: Volume 6

by Chautona Havig

  Chad shook his head and nuzzled Kari’s cheek. “Mama wants to see a community where a charter dictates what people can do with their own property. Does no one but me see the irony in this?”

  She turned, a thin piece of steak hanging from her fingertips. “He won’t limit people’s right to their own property, will he?”

  “How else will he ensure that people don’t try to bring in a dollar store or whatever he wants to avoid?”

  “What’s a dollar store?”

  They’d been married for over three years and still she didn’t know about something as common as a dollar store. Shaking his head, Chad muttered, “The antithesis of the kind of store you’d appreciate.”

  “I thought that you said the city council rejected an application for a McDonald’s in Fairbury.”

  “They did.”

  “So they can just prevent those kinds of businesses that way. They don’t need to limit what a homeowner does with his own property that way.”

  “What if a homeowner wanted to build a plastics manufacturing plant in their front yard?”

  Willow rolled her eyes. “Honestly Chad, it’s not even possible.”

  “But if it was, and if they did, this community that Myner wants would disappear.”

  Portia barked outside. Chad stood, grabbing Kari’s blanket. “Bill must be here. Portia only barks at strange cars.” At the front door, Chad called back, “Lee’s with him.”

  A flash of light arrested Willow’s attention mid-bite. “You’re wearing a ring. Left hand. Lee? Bill?”

  The couple beamed, Bill laughing at Willow’s confused excitement. “I told her we wouldn’t make it through lunch without you noticing.”

  “I’d have noticed sooner if she hadn’t been playing with the children while I finished lunch.” Willow gave a mock snort of disgust. “Hmph.”

  “Had to try. He promised me curry if you didn’t notice until later.”

  “Notice what?” Willow’s blank expression produced chuckles from Chad.

  “That’s my wife. She appreciates good food.”

  “I’ll get you curry anyway, okay?” Bill took another bite of his pizza. “This is the best stuff ever.”

  “Willow has been trying her version of a stuffed crust that puts the meat inside.” Chad dribbled a bit of pizza sauce on Kari’s head. “Oops.”

  “The meat just comes out tough. I haven’t figured it out yet.”

  Lee’s eyes brightened. “That would be a brilliant way to add tofu! You could get the protein without affecting the flavor or the texture!”

  “Soy curd?” Willow’s nose wrinkled. “No thanks, but I’ll try it next time you come out—one for you anyway.”

  The back door rattled and a knock preceded Becca and Josh into the room. “We’ve got Argosy Junction for the reception—free! Matt set it up for us!” Becca blushed. “Oh, sorry. Didn’t see a car—wow. Awkward.”

  “Congratulations. Willow said you’d been planning a country wedding in the city. Argosy Junction is a perfect choice for music.” Bill stood and offered Becca his seat. Chad waved him back.

  “She can have mine. This little munchkin is going to bed just as soon as her mama gives her some lunch.” He took the washcloth Willow used to keep the boys’ mess to a minimum and let her take the baby. “I’ll take DT duty.”

  Josh laughed, Becca snickered, but Lee and Bill stared at the rest confused. Bill gave up a moment later and said, “I give up. What is DT?”

  “Double trouble.” Chad laughed at Willow’s frown as she carried out the baby. “Willow thinks saying that will teach them to fulfill the expectation.”

  Becca’s eyes widened. “She’s wearing a ring.”

  “I get that a lot lately.” Lee beamed.

  “Congratulations, man!” Josh hugged an awkward Bill, almost gushing with excitement. “Picked a date yet?”

  Bill and Lee spoke in unison. “June.”

  “Eight—nine—no eight months.” Chad shook his head. “You guys are crazy.”

  “Lee says she needs until September but I insisted on June.” Bill sighed. “Just thankful that both sets of our parents got married in June so I had a good excuse.”

  “I’ll never get everything done in time,” Lee insisted. “I just don’t want him to have an excuse to back out.” Lee turned to Chad. “And while she’s upstairs—” A piece of pizza whizzed past her head. “Whoa!”

  “Liam…” Chad tried to sound stern, but he barely repressed a snicker.

  “As I was saying before being bombed with a pizza missile,” Lee chortled, “I wanted to know if you thought Willow would want to do bridesmaids dresses or if she’d feel obligated if I asked…”

  Chad shrugged. “Ask her. If she doesn’t want to do it or doesn’t think she can, she won’t. This is Willow we’re talking about.”

  “I know, but—”

  A knock at the front door made Chad groan. “Man, I need to reconsider Kari’s greeting process.”

  “Better rethink that,” Becca muttered. “It’s your sister.”

  “What is this, an engaged couple convention? Sheesh.” Chad pointed to the boys as he rushed to answer the door. “Would someone keep them from plastering the walls with pizza?”

  Cheri flung herself at him as he opened the door. “We got it! The maze! We got it. There was a cancellation and we were the first people on the wait list to take it. We’ll lose our deposit for Rockland Park but who cares!”

  Chad glanced at Chuck. “Translate?”

  “We’re getting married at the maze.”

  “Got it. Good. That’s a pretty place.” Chad pointed to the kitchen. “Bill and Lee are in the kitchen. They set a date.”

  With the kitchen overflowing in engaged couples, Chad rushed upstairs. “We’ve got wedding dates galore. I think we’re trendsetters—they’re just a few years behind. Y’know, like we’re New York and they’re… Iowa or something.”

  Willow stared at him. “Is what you just said intelligible to you?”

  “I need a psychiatrist, I know. It’s just so cool. My little sister is getting married to the biggest jerk we know… and I approve! Your old boyfriend—”

  “He was never a boyfriend, Chad.”

  “Fine, your old crush,” Chad ducked the flying burp cloth and laughed. “You know I got you there. He’s here and getting married to your first girlfriend. Your first employee—”

  “I get it. We’re inundated by nuptials. Got it.” She laid Kari in the cradle and draped a light blanket over the sides so the baby wouldn’t kick it off in her sleep. Willow thought of everything. At the door, she paused, kissing him. “Who knew that this house would one day be a gathering place for so many people—men and women who want to be together? I always expected it to be just Mother and me… rocking in chairs on summer evenings. I’d even planned for moving the library upstairs when she got too old to climb them.”

  Chad frowned. “She would have had to stay upstairs, Lass. No bathroom down here—not without my meddling.”

  Another knock startled them. Willow frowned as she crossed the room to the window. “Who now?” A glance below turned her head to him. “It’s Ryder.”

  Willow burst through the front door and leapt off the porch steps, skipping all of them, and raced to Ryder. She reached him just as he opened the car door. “Where are you going? Come in. Everyone’s here—”

  “I—sorry. I didn’t really notice, I mean I did but—whatever. I’ll come back when you don’t have company.”

  “It’s just Becca and Josh, Bill and Lee, Chuck and Cheri—”

  “Exactly.” He stared at his feet. “I’m sorry. I just needed—never mind.”

  She tugged on his jacket sleeve. “C’mon. Talk to me. I have hardly seen you these past few months. We miss you.”

  Ragged breaths sent little puffs of white into the air. “I thought I was ready—to see her I mean. I thought it might be a good day. But with everyone here…”

  “They’re all in the ki
tchen talking wedding nonsense. Kari’s asleep upstairs.” Willow nodded at his backpack on the seat. “Your schoolwork?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Take it up to my room. I’ll turn on the electricity. You can do your work and watch her sleep.”

  “I—”

  “I’m not going to push you, Ryder, but before you decide against it, think about something. Every time you don’t go—don’t face it—makes the next time that much harder to overcome. She’s sleeping. You won’t even feel obligated to hold her. She may be our daughter, but you are connected to her. We can’t pretend you’re not. Why should you?”

  “I wouldn’t have to hold her.” Ryder nodded, thinking. “You wouldn’t mind turning on the power? I’ve only got half a battery on my laptop.”

  “Not at all. If she wakes up, just come get me. I’ll take care of it.

  Chad’s eyebrows drew together as Willow dashed into the kitchen, ignoring the comments sent her way, and worked her way back out of the room. She sent him a look, one she hoped he’d understand, and hurried to the stairs. At the doorway to her room, she nearly slammed into Ryder’s back. He stood, leaning against the doorjamb.

  “You won’t wake her…”

  “I know—well I didn’t, but that’s not.” He sighed. “I’m so glad you took her. I wanted her here—to have a life with you guys, but I wasn’t sure with the boys so young.”

  Willow gave him a gentle nudge. “Make yourself comfortable. If you need more pillows, just grab them off the bed in that room.” She took a step and then turned again. “Can I get you something to drink? A piece of pizza? Anything?”

  “I’ll come get something if I need it. I’ve got an energy drink in my backpack.”

  “Those things’ll kill you—or so Chad says.” She leaned forward and whispered, “Someday I’m going to drink one and decide for myself.”

  An hour later, Chad led Willow upstairs. There on the bed, Ryder reclined against the pillows, eyes closed, with Kari asleep on his chest.

  Chapter 192

  October 31-

  Contentment. So much of our life here is dependent upon this idea of contentment. Paul said that he had learned to be content no matter what the circumstance. There are times that I understand that feeling. All too often, I do not.

  Chad thinks I’m silly. He says I am the most content person he’s ever met. Does it follow that if the entire world suffers from an illness, that one without outward symptoms is free from disease? I don’t crave more “stuff” but does that make me truly content? I don’t think so. I think I just hide it well or my discontent seems “valid” to him in some way.

  I let the cares of modern life overshadow the richness of this life. There are times I regret walking to town that day. What if I hadn’t? What if I had just buried Mother and continued to live as we did. Bill would have helped me—taught me everything Mother forgot. There would have been no ugliness with Solari—no knowledge of that poor Rosser man. Nothing would have changed.

  But I can’t desire that. A part of me feels like I should—like if I had just kept things as I knew them, I wouldn’t be tempted to… is it sin? Perhaps it is. I know the right thing to do in my heart. Deep down in my heart where Mother planted the seeds of what we were trying to do here, I know the right thing to do, and yet there are times I do not. So I sometimes think I am further deceived than I realize.

  But life without Chad. The idea chokes me. I know his job is dangerous—even in Fairbury. He has already been injured because of it. He could die tomorrow. The thought is horrifying, but if he did, I’d have wonderful memories of him. A life without him, on the other hand, just seems so empty—void of something I can’t describe.

  Without him, I wouldn’t have the boys—those precious little boys I dreamed of for so many years. It still amazes me that the one thing I hoped to have, the Lord gave me. I wouldn’t have Kari. I would never have met Ryder without Chad.

  Because I walked into town that day, my life changed and for the better. But with that good and beautiful change came temptations I never expected. I find myself choosing the easy part of things and not only when it is an issue of necessity. On a busy day when I want to play with the boys, I throw a roast in the crockpot in the summer kitchen instead of cooking it properly in the oven. When I’m tired, I watch the clock, anxious for Chad to return to relieve me or for bedtime to come so I can have some peace.

  I have lost my peace. I believe that the cares of motherhood, wifehood, and friendship and family have pressed on me, stripping away my carefree girlhood days. Mother kept me free from the concerns of life. I never cared or wondered about the taxes or if we spent too much in a year. I didn’t have a child to rear and try to educate and instruct in the ways of the Lord. I was the recipient. I took, and took, and absorbed until my life wrapped me in warmth and happiness.

  Now I am responsible for knowing when to teach, when to reprove, when to encourage, when to ignore. I am responsible for the care and upbringing of little souls. I am responsible to encourage my husband. The weight of it presses on me sometimes. I think it did for Mother as well, but she hid it from me. I think she did me a disservice in that regard. Then again, she never expected me to need that training. She was most likely concerned with teaching me to work with wood.

  How will I know just how much is enough, how much is too little? How will I know when to let my children roam free and explore and when to pull them close and teach them the flowers, the weeds, the trees, the insects? How will I know when their antics are simple childishness that will pass and I will miss it and when they need to be corrected for inappropriate behavior? How, Lord?

  I want to be content. I ache for it. But in these areas, I am not. I long for more—something. Wisdom, I suppose. Then again, James seems to teach us that wisdom is essential—something to be sought. Proverbs says we must get wisdom and with it, understanding. Contentment doesn’t seem to fit in there. Maybe that’s good then. Maybe it’s fine that I am not content with my wisdom. If I could only find my contentment in what used to be my normal existence again.

  Chad read the words with a heavy heart. Had he really brought her to a place where she felt like a failure for things everyone thought or did? Was it so terrible to have a bad day here or there—to look forward to the rest and quiet that comes with bedtime?

  He turned the page and laughed.

  It is amazing how sleep refreshes the mind. Lost my peace. Lost my mind is more like it. Life is rich and beautiful. Now I laugh because I’m acting like one of those people who swing up and down with crazy emotions. I don’t know why I feel so much better now, but I do.

  “Aw, Lass. Life is never dull with you.”

  Marianne stepped into the house, eager to see her grandbabies. Christopher followed on her heels, carrying several bags. At the sight of Willow descending the stairs with Kari in her arms, Marianne dumped her purse on the couch and rushed at the baby. “Oh, there’s our little princess! Look how big she is!”

  “You saw her two weeks ago, Mari.” Christopher rolled his eyes at Willow.

  “And she was smaller. Look at those cheeks! I just want to bite them!”

  Willow took a sharp breath as she did every time Marianne made a similar startling comment. You’d think with all those vampire movies out there, she’d find another way to say the baby is cute, wouldn’t you, Lord?

  “You got here early!”

  “The construction was in our favor today. No delays at all.” Marianne bounced the baby all the way to the couch. “And Gwandma was soooooooo happy because it meant she got to see her pwincess all that much sooner!”

  Repressing the urge to ask Marianne if they should be concerned about her slurred speech, Willow turned to go upstairs and answer the call of the little guys. “I had to stick them in the crib while I brought her down. Can’t leave those guys unattended for a minute.”

  “Just like their daddy.” To Kari, Marianne said, “Your daddy was the busiest little beaver ever!”

&nb
sp; Christopher dumped the bags next to Marianne. “I’ll get them. When’ll Chad be home?”

  “He said he’s going to be here by eleven—transport again.”

  She glanced around her. “Okay so I’ve got my phone, the stoves are full, and lunch is on the stove—chili. There’s cornbread batter waiting to go in the oven when I get back, or you can pop it in the summer kitchen oven—either way.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to wait for Chad? You’ll get it done so much faster once he shows up with the chain saw.”

  Christopher paused on the landing. “Leave her alone, Marianne. She likes it.”

  With a smile at her understanding father-in-law, Willow kissed Kari and strode through the house to the back door. She grabbed her coat, stocking hat, and gloves before stepping out into the cold November air. In the barn, she loaded an axe in a wheeled cart and started off toward the tree line. Portia followed her halfway across the pasture before turning back. Willow hardly noticed.

  Eyes set on the trees at the back of the property, Willow wove through the familiar trunks and branches until she found the tree she sought. Three others lay drying from the previous years’ work, but Willow preferred to do the hard work first—felling a tree for next year.

  A glance at her phone told her she’d have time to get a good sized notch chopped out before Chad arrived. She chose the drop line, due north, and sank her axe into the bark. Invigorated, she jerked the axe from the tree and drove it in again only an inch or so below the last bite. The sound echoed around her as the axe struck the mark once more.

  By the tenth blow, she’d shed her jacket. Slow, steady strokes. One every thirty seconds or so—just the way Mother taught her. “You were wise. I would have worked quickly in the beginning and been worn out before I got half the notch cut.”

  As always, her voice sounded strange—out of place in this woodland palace. Between blows, she watched and listened for the fairies to come and observe. Her mind conjured an entire kingdom cheering her on as she destroyed the home of the evil queen of the Meliai. “Your evil reign is at an end…” Willow’s mind raced to name the unfortunate dryad. “Ashlyn. You will no longer terrorize these poor sprites, fairies, and nymphs. This is a peaceable kingdom and you have shamed your position with your desire for the riches of the wood.”