Alone

by Sean-Paul Thomas

  'David... Owe... What are you doing? You hurt me.'

  I remembered being with Steffi in the shower. I remembered it all, how we'd been together, putting myself inside her, grinding together. Moaning, groaning, consumed with pleasure. We both enjoyed it so much.

  Without words I glanced up at Anna for a long beat. I stared at her deep and hard, my eyes and thoughts burning with lust and want . She stared back at me with curious eyes and an even curious expression. I had no idea what was going to happen here but my loins were stirring fast and furious. I felt my hardness beginning to ache at the sight of her wet nakedness. A rush of lustful adrenaline raced through my veins, taking over my entire body. I felt I'd finally lost control of my actions, emotions and senses. Anna moved a little closer towards me so that her lower stomach and groin were pressed up hard against my upper thighs, stomach and chest. She wanted to hug me again, to comfort me. She just didn't realise, couldn't realise, that the closer she came to me, touched me, the more I wanted to take her. Just take her. She felt so damn soft and warm. It was such a good feeling to have her pressed against me like that. My hardness ached for her even more, throbbing against her groin and thighs.

  'What's wrong David. Why are you acting like this?'

  Images flashed through my mind again of Steffi - kissing her lips, her neck, her back, everywhere, all over her entire body. Suddenly I pushed Anna right up against the wall once more, kissing all over her face and neck with an unleashed passion and rage. She seemed shocked, her body felt clunky, uncomfortable, like it were seizing up, fighting my advances. Not the way I remembered Steffi's body to feel, so free, so loose and reactive. I couldn't stop myself though. The burning, aching hunger to be inside Anna was too great.

  I ran my hands quick, hard and rough all over her naked body like I didn't know where to begin. Like I wanted all of her, everything, all at the same time. I had no idea what I was doing, just utterly possessed by desire.

  'David! Please... Please stop! You're hurting me David, please... You're hurting me...'

  I could hardly hear a word Anna said. Her cries of protest lost in amongst the rushing shower water and my tidal wave of lust. In my mind I remembered turning Steffi around in the shower so her back was facing me then I entered her from behind with ease, so I turned Anna, pushing her face and front body hard against the wall. She sobbed, struggled, but I didn't care or barely noticed. 'My wife... to do with as I please' Ian's words rang through my head like a buzzing alarm. I desperately felt my way around Anna's wet groin, searching for a way inside, which I instinctively knew just had to be there. I found it. It felt soft, comforting, wet... It felt so good. It felt right. Anna struggled more, sobbing louder, but I held her too firm with my free hand and the rest of my body wedging her against the wall. She was at my mercy. I moved my hardness towards the secret entrance I'd found. It took a couple of attempts but I eventually got him inside. It was a feeling like nothing I'd ever felt. A feeling of warmth and homeliness like no other. There was a little blood as I pushed inside, but I took no notice. My mind overpowered by this alien feeling of lust and desire. Anna continued to sob as the blood trickled down her legs. She wasn't struggling as much now. Then, wrapping my arms and hands around her chest, holding onto her breasts tight, I began to thrust myself back and forth inside this new found place.

  Chapter 12

  I lay wide awake, but with the beautiful naked Anna sleeping beside me. She was curled up underneath the covers in a defensive little ball, hugging herself for dear life as she faced the wall. Perhaps she were only pretending to be asleep it was hard to tell. I turned onto my side and began watching her. It felt so calm and soothing to look at her in such a motionless state. Almost as relaxing as gazing out into the darkness beyond the windows. It felt good to watch her. Not as good and as pleasurable as the previous animal act we'd recently shared, but a different kind of good, like a comforting good. I tried to stop myself from thinking about the experience we'd just recently performed. It was hard to get those mixed painful and pleasurable thoughts out of my mind. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy the intimate act, I really did to an extent. It was the fact that Anna didn't perhaps enjoy it as much as I assumed and imagined she would. It had seemed far too forced for my liking, and something, somewhere, felt terribly wrong with the whole damn thing in the back of my mind. Something didn't quite sit right. In my heart and in a rational state of mind, I think I truly never really wanted to go through with it. But those urges were just so damn strong and overwhelming to resist. When they took over my entire body it scared me. It really, really scared me, because I wasn't in control of myself anymore. Just like when I wasn't in control when I tried to strangle Anna in the shower room. This was what scared me more than anything. Not being in control. But at the heart of it, my mind, my thoughts, my feelings, I just couldn't stop thinking why this act of intimacy between us felt so strange and wrong.

  ***

  I fell asleep for a long time. When I finally awoke a faint beeping alarm sounded from along the corridor. I tried to think where I'd heard a similar sound before. Then I remembered the beeping noise that Anna's pod had made before it fully opened and she'd came into my life. I turned to Anna. She was still asleep, still facing away from me, still curled up in her defensive little ball. Careful not to awaken her, I climbed off the bed and made my way out into the main corridor. I followed the sound of the beeping noise all the way inside the pod room. I entered, staring hard at the four remaining unopened pods which were all flashing and beeping wildly from each of their own little computer screens.

  I approached, trying to glance into each but they were all too damn dark and steamy inside. I rushed over towards the main computer in the far corner of the room and frantically began pressing at the emergency de-hibernation buttons, until eventually, all of the pods began to open. I took a few seconds to glance around at the opened pods. I couldn't see any movement or hear any sounds coming from any at all. I didn't know what to expect, maybe a whole bunch of Anna look-alikes to come leaping out at me. I won't lie when I say I felt more than just a little deflated when no movement came from a single one of the newly opened pods. I slid down onto the floor against the computer system 'This was it then!' Unless I could start remembering anything more from my previous existence, there was nothing more for me to do here. This was it for both Anna and I. To remain alone in this place for all eternity, inside this giant box of square corridors and odd shaped rooms with their bizarre contents. Nothing else to do or see here except eat, drink and hold each other close until... Until what? Until when? Until we finally run out of food and drink and no longer baring the sight nor sound of the other. I imagined Anna to be closer to that place than I.

  Something caught my eye. It was a movement, a very slight movement from the very last pod. My heart pounded in my mouth. I gazed up with wide excited eyes. A man's hairy hand emerged from within, then another hand, followed finally by the rest of his hairy body as the large man began pulling himself up onto his feet inside the pod. He was tall with a slim, athletic build. He looked older than me by maybe a few years, but not as old as the strange Ian. Like me he too had a full beard and wore a pair of those white sleeping trousers that were becoming more and more common amongst the residents of these pods.

  The man looked completely exhausted and disorientated. I watched, fascinated, as he staggered wearily out of the far pod, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head as he balanced himself up against the front wall near the exit doorway. Slowly I rose to my feet. I continued glancing over at the new arrival who coughed violently from nothing. After a few seconds he composed himself, then stretched, groaning out. He held his head in discomfort, just as both Anna and I had done before him. I froze when he eventually peered over in my direction with squinted eyes. He recognised me.

  'David!' The bearded man said tiresomely like he really knew me. 'Is that you David?'

  I felt shocked yet exhilarated that this man should know my name. I remained silent though, rooted t
o the spot.

  'David?' The man said again with more determination in his voice.

  'You! You know my name?' I said finally.

  The man rubbed his face shaking his head, desperately trying to wake himself up. He glanced all around at the opened pods.

  'David! Is everyone else awake? Are we home?'

  Again I froze in silence. This man seemed to know things. His mind seemed to be intact from the sleeping pod, and unlike myself and Anna, he seemed able to remember. He had memories. A little chill of excitement ran down my spine. Finally I might get my answers.

  'Jesus Christ, I need some water.' He groaned.

  Chapter 13

  The man staggered into the corridor finding it hard to keep his balance. He leaned onto my shoulder for support as I led him without words into the kitchen and dining area. I helped him settle onto one of the dining room chairs before making my way over to the kitchen cupboard grabbing a couple of cool water packages. I then handed them over to him. The man quickly tore off the small white lid devouring the first package in seconds. I continued to stand and watch, yet keeping my distance while I gazed on curiously. What did he know about this place? About me? And how we all ended up here in such a strange accommodation? The man let out a gasp finishing his second water package.

  'Ahhh! That was good.' He leaned back in his seat taking a good look at me for the first time. He studied every inch of my body.

  'The shuttle's so quiet. Where is everyone?'

  'I...' I paused. I didn't know what to say to this. 'I don't know.' I continued. The man chuckled in amusement at my comment and for no good reason.

  'What do you mean you don't know?' He said. Again I remained silent. I still didn't know how to answer him or even where to begin.

  'All the pods are open.' He continued. 'Where's Ian, Steffi... Anna?'

  My mind was in knots. He knew them all, all of them! And he knew Anna.

  '...Anna?' I said curiously.

  'Yes Anna!' He replied smiling like this was all some curious game. 'Where is Anna?' He continued. Why was he more concerned with Anna than the rest I couldn't help but wonder?

  'She...' I said distant. Something told me in the back of my mind that I had to be careful with what information I shared with our new arrival. This man wasn't like the odd and bizarre Ian who knew almost every little detail of my inner most thoughts and desires. This man was more like me. More real. More his own person with the ability to not think from out-with his own mind and thoughts. Just like Anna and I.

  'She's sleeping.' I finally spoke.

  'Are we home yet? Or thereabouts?' The man said yawning.

  'Home?' I said, both curious and confused. Again the man chuckled.

  'Yes, home! Why are you acting so spaced out David? Jesus!'

  'I... I don't know.'

  The man leaned towards me looking very curious.

  'What's wrong with you David? You're acting really... weird.'

  'You know my name!' I said blankly. The man chuckled again.

  'Yes, David! I know your bloody name.'

  'But I don't know you. I don't even know your name?'

  The man leaned back in his chair rubbing more sleep from his weary eyes.

  'I'm really too tired and lagged for your funny shit right now man.'

  'Do you know who I am?' I demanded.

  The man sniggered, then abruptly ceased rubbing his eyes to give me his full attention. He wore a look of great seriousness.

  'Please David! Will you stop this stupid act right now.'

  'You know my name!' I said again. 'So you must know who I am?'

  The man stared curiously up at me for a long moment. I began to both feel and look more desperate by the second.

  'Who am I? What am I doing here? Please tell me something... anything, please?' I pleaded, breaking away from my previously calm state. Suddenly the man stood right up onto his feet scaring me with his abrupt movements. I cowered away.

  'David! What the hell is going on with you?'

  I couldn't keep control of my fragile emotions any longer, so I began to sob.

  'I don't know... I don't know what's going on here. I can't remember who I am. I can't even remember how I got here? And I'm just so scared.'

  I tried to regain my composure, stopping myself from sobbing. The man unexpectedly motioned for me to approach him.

  'Come here David. Please. Come here.'

  Still trying to contain the last of my sobs I approached the bearded man. He opened his arms, giving me a comforting hug.

  'It's okay David, it's okay.' He said as he rubbed my back. Gradually feeling better I eased up on my sobs.

  'Who else is on the shuttle right now? Who else is around here?'

  'Just me...' I said pulling away from the man's arms. Suddenly thoughts and images flashed, racing through my mind. Thoughts of kissing then grinding with Steffi with such passion in the shower room followed by Steffi shrieking and screaming in sheer terror right in front of me in the dark rooms below. Thoughts of Ian smiling smugly while whispering suggestively into my ear. Then finally thoughts and images of Anna. Oh the beautiful pale and fragile Anna. Giggling playfully with me in the kitchen as we squirted each other with water. Violently strangling her up against the shower room wall. Standing with her inside the computer room with the glorious twinkling darkness in the background. Anna washing me intimately in the shower, then forcing her against the wall, forcing myself inside her as she struggled and sobbed. And then finally thoughts of Anna sleeping in the bed beside me... So peaceful, so calm.

  '...Anna!' I whispered finally.

  'Anna? Anna's here? Is she okay?' The man said greatly concerned.

  'She's...' I paused. I couldn't think of the right words to say aloud.

  'She's what David?' Continued the man more urgent. He grabbed my shoulders shaking me. 'What David? What's wrong with Anna? If there's something wrong with my wife then I want to know right away. Take me to her?'

  Wife! I felt numb inside. The small niggling thoughts of why I should resist my urges towards Anna were slowly making there way to my mind's surface. So Anna was not my wife as Ian had suggested. She belonged to this stranger in front of me and she to him, if in fact his words were truer than Ian's. But why would Ian say such a thing? Why would he blatantly lie to me like that?

  'Your... wife?' I said with hollowness.

  'Yes David! My wife Anna! Is she okay?'

  'She... She's okay.' I said distant. 'She just can't remember... like me... She just can't remember.'

  'Show me now?' Said the man determined. 'Show me where she is?'

  ***

  I remained hovering beside the bedroom doorway as the man sat himself down upon my bed. He sat comfortably next to the peacefully sleeping Anna who was still lying on her side, curled up and facing away from both of us. The man began to shake her softly, trying to stir her awake. I continued to watch from a distance as Anna gradually and wearily broke out from her sleep. She stretched and yawned and I couldn't help but think how pretty and innocent she looked.

  Finally Anna turned to face who she thought was me, but looked completely horrified to find the figure of another bearded man sitting right beside her, watching her, touching her. Anna screamed, then quickly scrambled up onto her backside and towards the other side of the bed. She cradled herself in the far corner like a frightened animal, trying her best to hide her naked breasts and genitals from the strange man's view. The man backed off a little. He was clearly shocked and bewildered by her frightened actions.

  'Anna... it's me.' The man said softly. Anna screamed for him to get away from her. 'For Christ sake Anna it's me. It's Mark.' continued the man as he reached for her again. Again she screamed for him to get away.

  'It's me baby, it's me! Your husband, Mark. Don't you know me? Don't you remember me baby?'

  Anna jerked her head and noticed me hovering by the doorway still. She turned desperately to face me. She looked a little calmer at seeing my presence.


  'What's going on David? What's happening? Who is this man? Who is he?' Anna said anxiously. There wasn't anything beautiful or sexy about her anymore in this panicky state.

  'It's okay Anna. He came from one of the other sleeping pods where we came from. He says he knows us.'

  'Anna!' The man interrupted. 'I think both you and your brother are suffering from a severe form of memory loss due to your long hibernation sleep. I need for you... for both of you...'

  An icy chill pierced my spine at the man's words. So that was it! My mind finally clicked. My deep and dark hidden thoughts of wrongfulness finally surfaced and flooded over me like the mother of all tidal waves. Brother? Sister? Wife? I was utterly speechless. Frozen in shock once more. I didn't have time to process my thoughts any further though as Anna began shaking her head wildly in a delusional state. Both of us falling, obliviously to Mark, into an horrendous state of shock. I choose to deal with it internally and silently. Anna on the other hand couldn't restrain herself from exploding emotionally.

  'What did you say?' Anna raged. 'What did you just say?' She snarled and snapped with venom at Mark. 'Whose brother? What brother are you talking about? Whose brother?' she screamed. Anna lost all control of her emotions as she spat and hissed that last sentence. She started shaking all over. All I could do was remain calm by the doorway and watch. Internally I felt sick, utterly and physically sick. My insides were decaying with filth, guilt and wrong. Anna glanced desperately up at me again, looking for me to say something, anything! To give her an answer or a reason for this madness. I felt so dirty and ashamed I couldn't meet her stare any longer and glanced away. What would become of us now? How would this situation ever right itself?

  'I don't...' Anna said, whimpering out. 'I don't have... I don't have a brother. I don't remember any bloody brother!' Anna fell silent for a brief moment, but it was only to be quiet calmness before the vile storm. She lowered her gaze downwards. Mark finally spoke again and how I wished he would just shut the hell up now. Just shut up and leave us be and not utter another single damn word to us ever more. But it was already too late. The damage had been done, and he, no doubt, was more confused than any of us about what was really happening here.