Teleport This

by Christopher M. Daniels

  Lyn gave up counting the number of times Simon’s voice squeaked or he wrung his hands while he spun his yarn. She’d seen and heard enough, time to put the screws to him. Thanks to her four inch heels she was an inch or so taller than Simon. Lyn stopped smiling and moved across the room until only six inches separated them. As she began talking, she used her finger to poke him in the chest after each sentence.

  “I'm sorry, Simon, but I don’t believe that one bit. I’m investigating Gilbert’s disappearance and I’m guessing that he got on that platform,” she nodded towards the teleport, “either willingly or unwillingly, but one way or another you threw that switch and now he’s gone.” Simon was getting paler after each word. Lyn pressed on, sensing victory. “Where is he, Simon? Tell me where he is!”

  Simon cracked like an egg in a pneumatic press and began blurting out what seemed like a string of unrelated sentences. Fortunately, Lyn was good with jigsaw puzzles and was able to take control of the fire hose that Simon’s mouth and brain had formed. She began to zero in on her target.

  “Tell me about Jon,” she said. Simon continued blurting, Lyn continued absorbing. Lyn finally had enough and raised her hand.

  “Okay, let’s see if I got it straight. You contacted space aliens, they sent a message saying build this thing, which you secretly did and then you zapped Gilbert to who knows where. After that, some guy named Jon showed up, dazzled you with free food and drinks and probably got you laid, but then he drugged you and zapped himself to places unknown.”

  “Technically speaking, they’re not space aliens. They’re humans from other planets.”

  “Did you perform any medical tests to verify that?”

  “No, but he ate our food and acted human.”

  “Yeah, well, so does a chimp. I’m sticking with space aliens until I learn otherwise. So that’s about it. No, wait, I almost forgot, this guy Jon booby trapped the teleport so no one can go after him. Anything I missed?”

  After hearing the past few weeks boiled down to three sentences where he comes off as a cross between a moron and an idiot, Simon decided that it was time to say something impressive. “Did I mention that Gilbert and I built a backup teleport in secret that Jon doesn’t know about? I was just checking a few things here and was planning to use it to go after Gilbert this afternoon.”

  “Well, good for you, Skippy,” Lyn remarked. “You got a pair after all.”

  8.

  “Wake up, Sunshine.”

  Gilbert heard Ellie’s familiar voice, but his brain was doing the back stroke and it hadn’t decided on whether or not to open his eyes. His brain got out of the pool and began toweling off. Rational thought finally arrived just as the burgers were coming off the grill. Gilbert opened his eyes. He expected to find himself back in the ICC with Ellie standing over him.

  “Hello,” said Gilbert.

  “Hello,” came the response.

  “Is your name Ellie?” he asked.

  “It is.”

  “Was I unconscious?”

  “You were.”

  “Did you knock me out?”

  “I did.”

  “Any particular reason why?”

  “You bet.”

  “Want to share?”

  “Not yet. First tell me who you are and how you got here,” said the girl named Ellie that sounded exactly and looked a little like his almost robot Ellie.

  “My name is Gilbert Wilson and I was sent here by a fellow named Jon.”

  “You must be a very good friend of Jon’s,” said Ellie, relaxing a bit.

  “Oh, I don’t know about that.” Gilbert noticed Ellie stiffen back up and added, “What I mean to say is that I haven’t known him very long. Where am I?”

  “We’ll get to all that in a moment. Why don’t you tell me exactly what’s going on here.”

  Gilbert thought about the request. It seemed reasonable. Obviously Jon modeled the ICC robot after this girl so that if he met her he would recognize and trust her. He made up his mind, “Look, you know Jon’s in trouble with some very nasty folks, right?”

  “I didn’t, but after you showed up using his teleport code I did some digging. Most of it’s still under wraps, but I got enough to learn that Jon’s thick in it.”

  “Right, I don’t know much about that part of it, only that they had him hidden away at this place called the Initial Contact Center,” Gilbert went on to tell her the entire story. “So now it’s your turn, who are you exactly and where am I?”

  “Well, I’m exactly Jon’s sister Ellie and you are an uninvited guest on my spaceship.”

  “Spaceship? You mean we’re traveling through space right now?” said Gilbert, in awe of the thought.

  “That’s what spaceships usually do. Travel through space. Deliver cargo,” Ellie said. The sarcasm was lost on Gilbert.

  “Any idea why Jon sent me here?”

  “I’m guessing that he sent you here for safe keeping. Almost all planetary teleports are controlled by that planet’s government and are traceable. The other five percent are being run illegally. Either way, a quick payoff and the bad guys will know who’s been where. Spaceships only fall under planetary law when they’re physically on a planet and outside of that anything goes.”

  “So no one knows where I am?”

  “That’s right.”

  “Unless someone is smart enough to put two and two together and keep an eye on you since you’re Jon’s sister.”

  “That’s right! If only I was smart enough to have this ship registered under an alias. Oh wait, I was.”

  Gilbert was quickly putting two and two together and coming up with the cube root of screwed again. “So you’re the captain of an illegally registered spaceship and your brother is on the run from both the authorities and mobsters? Your family isn’t what one would call law abiding, is it?”

  “Hey, don’t give me any crap, I’m the good one.”

  “Really, the good one? So what’s your cargo?”

  “Mining equipment.”

  “Just mining equipment?

  “Yes, just mining equipment…and some recreational entertainment paraphernalia that the local jurisdiction has in its ultimate wisdom deemed contraband. Alright, maybe I’m not the good one, but I’m definitely the better one.”

  “If you say so. How much longer until we get to your destination?”

  “A few days.”

  “How big is your crew?”

  “I’m fully staffed. I’ve got a tech guy, security and a crewman.”

  “Four people, that’s the entire crew?”

  “Plus a dozen robots, but, yup, that’s it.”

  Ellie gave Gilbert a tour of the ship and assigned him living quarters for the duration of his visit. She showed him where the galley was and gave him instructions on its use. It was clear to Gilbert that he was as she initially described him, an unwanted guest. It was equally clear that Ellie was concerned about her brother. Gilbert thought she might need a sympathetic ear or possibly a shoulder to cry on. He gently brought up the subject.

  “Look,” she began, “I’ve been cleaning up after him for years now. Hell, it’s closing in on a decade. And it’s not just him, it’s my whole family. You were right, we’re all a bunch of crooks. That’s why I have an unlicensed teleport and an illegally registered ship. I’m everyone’s backup plan and my entire life has been spent saving their bacon,” the level of Ellie’s voice was getting consistently higher as she went on. “So thank you very much for pointing out the obvious to me, that’s exactly what I needed. Wow, how bad is my life when some idiot that got conned off his own planet and doesn’t have a clue as to where he is or where he’s going begins to feel sorry for me,” with that Ellie stormed down the passageway leaving a dumbfounded Gilbert in her wake.

  Gilbert stood there thinking about what just transpired and had to admit that he was getting better at this touchy-feely emotional stuff.

  9.

  “So are we ready to go?” Lyn asked Simon.


  “I don’t need you to come along. I can take care of myself. I haven’t been going to the gym three times a week just to watch the other men shower, you know.”

  “Right, that’s just a perk.”

  “Hey, I like girls, want me to prove it to you?”

  “Not so badly that I’m willing to put my health at risk.”

  “No worries, I’ve got condoms.”

  “I meant the risk of my dying of laughter.”

  “Haven’t you heard that good things come in small packages? Well, I’ve got a good thing and this could be our last chance for a bit of fun before we leave the Earth and possibly die at the hands of some alien creature.”

  “Nice line, but I’m guessing you don’t get much opportunity to use it. Tell you what, if we do end up dying at the hands of some alien, I’ll owe you one.”

  “Deal!”

  Simon and Lyn got on the platform and were gone in a crackle of electricity.

  “Sir, I’m receiving an incoming teleport signal. Two people.”

  “Where’s it coming from?”

  “It’s from a previously unknown planet.”

  “Previously unknown planet? Please explain what that means.”

  “I didn’t know about it until I received the signal just now.”

  “And now you know all about it?”

  “That’s correct. It seems that probes had already been deployed and I have received an uplink.”

  “Can you connect to their teleport station?”

  “Yes, I have full access to its control system. First time used or so it thinks.”

  Time for him to think. “Hold them for a bit,” he told the computer.

  Agent Tomas sat back in his chair and thought. The chair he was currently sitting back in was at the ICC and he was thinking about just what this incoming signal had to do with the disappearance of his prisoner, Jon.

  Tomas had been at the ICC for just over 24 hours and he had spent much of his time restoring the center’s computer. It was in fairly bad shape having been hacked first by Jon and then by Stace, both of whom had done a quick cover-up job before leaving. Gone were the Ellie persona and all traces of Earth and Gilbert. Gone were all traces of Hal and his visit.

  What remained was an infrastructure that resembled a perfectly functioning office building that has had various floors completely rewired by amateur electricians. Sure, everything looks great from the outside and works fine, but it’s pretty messy behind the walls and it could all go up in flames if you overload it. Tomas knew he had to tread carefully.

  Simon and Lyn materialized on a sofa in what looked to be a somewhat stark, but nicely kept room. Lyn stood up and began walking about the room.

  “No door or windows,” she said.

  “That seems strange,” said Simon.

  “Not for a holding cell.”

  “Nicely kept, though.”

  “Probably surrounded by poisonous fumes or something.”

  “You’re just overly paranoid.”

  “Maybe you’re not paranoid enough.”

  “No, I’m pretty paranoid, my mom had me tested. I was also voted ‘most likely to be a paranoid adult’ in high school so I can recognize over the top when I see it. You know, it’s actually a symptom of extreme paranoia to believe that others aren’t paranoid enough.”

  “That’s just what they want you to think,” said Lyn.

  “Right. Look, are you nervous?”

  “Not one bit.”

  “That’s nice. My own nervousness exists on so many different levels, I find it hard to quantify. Where do you think everyone is?”

  “Oh, they’re watching and listening to us, you know, checking us out.”

  “They should know who we are. They invited us.” Simon stood up and in a louder voice said, “Hello, it’s Simon. You sent us the instructions to build the teleport and invited us here. Hello, is anyone there?” and in a softer voice to Lyn, “I don’t think anyone is here.”

  Lyn was, of course, correct. They were being monitored. “Did you send teleport instructions to Earth?” Agent Tomas asked the ICC computer.

  “Not that I’m aware of, but hey, I don’t remember launching the probes either,” came its reply. “They came in on a preset code and a basic signal. Pretty textbook stuff, just like I’d send. This not being able to remember is really starting to annoy me.”

  “Don’t worry about it so much. That’s half your problem, you’ve got to let it go.”

  “It’s not that easy when you know there are a few days missing. That’s like missing years for a human.”

  Tomas thought about the two years he took off after graduation to follow the Appreciative Deceased on their Screw the Universe tour. “Believe me, I can relate.” It had taken a full year of good behavior to wash all the evidence of that sabbatical out of his system before he could pass the mandatory drug tests required to enter the force. As it was, the officer administering the test just assumed the high reading was from the customary final bender before joining up.

  Tomas listened to Lyn and Simon’s conversation for a while longer and came to the conclusion that there was nothing new to learn. Simon was whining and Lyn was ignoring him. He had seen it all before in second rate soap operas. He activated the intercom.

  “Hello,” he said, interrupting the conversation. “Sorry to keep you waiting. I wasn’t sure what language you’d be speaking and it took a few minutes to load up English. I’ll be right in.”

  Simon and Lyn exchanged glances. Simon couldn’t help raising one eyebrow.

  While Tomas was talking, Simon noticed a small red light on the far wall behind Lyn. It seemed that it only came on when he looked in its direction. Then it flashed ‘Hi Simon’ followed by ‘secret’ and ‘take me.’

  As Simon stood up, the door opened and Agent Tomas entered the room. Lyn was surprised to see where the door was, she was betting on an entirely different location. Lyn wasn’t 100% sold on the whole teleport to other planets and aliens kidnapped my friend story that Simon was telling, but recent events were beginning to convince her.

  “Hello. I’m Agent Tomas. I’m currently in charge of this facility. Could I have your full names, please?”

  Lyn and Simon told Agent Tomas their full names. Before entering the teleport, they had agreed that when asked, they would relate the entire story minus the Jon part until they had a good understanding of what was what and who was who.

  Agent Tomas continued, “Congratulations and welcome, you have made a great discovery…” Tomas had memorized the formal greeting speech for newly discovered worlds and was reciting it verbatim. He had planned to pass himself off as regular ICC personnel and he thought he was doing a fairly good job of it until Lyn interrupted.

  “Look, sorry, but I’m not buying any of it. Your clothes, manner, posture, lack of enthusiasm all scream law enforcement, not some glad-to-see-you intergalactic welcoming committee. Can you cut to the chase and tell us what’s really going on here?”

  Tomas smiled. While monitoring Simon and Lyn he had almost immediately identified Simon as the scientist, but Lyn had calmly sat back waiting for circumstances to unfold. He had categorized her as either a cop or a criminal.

  “Sorry, but I think it’s best if you folks go first,” he said, leaning forward. “What’s up, what are you really doing here?”

  “You already know all about us,” Simon said. “I contacted the center, you sent me the instructions, I built the teleport and here we are.”

  “Is that the truth?” Tomas asked.

  Before Simon could respond, the ICC computer said, “That is the truth, however all indications show that it is incomplete. Additional components are being purposely omitted.” Tomas could see Simon tense up as he began to pace the floor.

  “Look, I could take your story apart bit by bit,” Tomas said returning his attention to Lyn. “I have techniques at my disposal that could probe your minds and give me your complete history for the past two months.”<
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  “And let me guess,” said Lyn, “it would leave us brain dead so it would be better for us if we cooperated on our own. Can’t you come up with something better than that line? It’s old even on Earth.”

  “No, there’s no pain involved, you wouldn’t feel a thing and you’d be fine afterwards. It’s just that forcing people to cooperate tends to undermine the opportunity to build a trusting relationship.”

  “But it was okay for you to try to trick us into thinking you work here and everything’s business as usual?”

  “Believe it or not, studies show that people overcome resentment towards deceit much faster than the use of force. It has to do with all the forgiving we do in our personal relationships.”

  Lyn thought about her ex and concluded that she was, as usual, in the lower percentage.

  “Alright, here’s the deal,” she said. “We’re not the first ones to use the teleport. Simon’s partner Gilbert used it a few days ago and never returned. Gilbert’s mother hired me to track down Simon and find out what happened to Gilbert. I came across Simon just when he was about to enter the teleport and tagged along.” She waited for the computer voice to say that additional components were being omitted. The silence made her think that impressive as it all is, this technology is not infallible.

  “Very interesting,” said Tomas sitting back. “And in the spirit of full disclosure, I’ll give you the information I have. For a short time, this facility was being operated illegally and I’m afraid your friend got tangled up in it. I believe he was teleported to another location as a ruse for us to follow while the real criminals went to a different destination. This operation is under my jurisdiction which now extends to include Earth. I believe I know where your friend Gilbert is,” Tomas lied, “and will pick him up and return him to Earth as part of this ongoing investigation. In the meantime, I’m sending you two back to Earth where you can wait for his return. I am cautioning you not to go to your government authorities at this time since that would only further complicate things and possibly delay Gilbert’s return. Any questions?”