The Summer of Letting Go

by Gae Polisner

  “I do,” she says. “I’ve told you that.”

  “I know, Zette, but it doesn’t matter how much you tell me if I don’t believe it myself.”

  “Well, great,” she says. “So I guess you do now. Hooray for that. Really. But it still didn’t give you the right to do what you did.”

  “I know.”

  “That’s it? You know?”

  “No!” I say. “That’s not it. Because I’d never want to hurt you. But I’m confused, too, Zette, because I really like Bradley. I mean really, really like him. And, believe me, I know that shouldn’t matter, because you’re my friend and that’s the only thing that should matter at all. And it is the only thing that matters in my head. Except, somehow, I can’t stop feeling the way I do. So I’m having a hard time, even though I know that makes me a terrible person.” Tears spill down my cheeks. “You have every right to hate me, Lisette. I think I would hate me, too.”

  She closes her eyes, and I figure I should go. I’ve said what I came to say. I can’t ask her not to be mad at me. I turn to leave, but pause at the bedroom door. “But I hope you don’t hate me forever, that you’ll find a way not to, one of these days.”

  “Beans.”

  “Yeah?”

  “You’re not a terrible person.” She walks over and pulls me back by the arm. “You should have told me, that’s all. I would have understood.”

  “But I . . .” I stop and stare at her. “What do you mean you would have understood?”

  “Beans,” she says, sitting and pulling me down with her, “you’re my best friend. You always have been. And you always will be. You should have told me how you were feeling. You shouldn’t have lied to me. That way maybe I wouldn’t have been so mad. Or maybe I would have been a little mad, but I’m pretty sure I would have tried to understand.”

  “But he’s your boyfriend.”

  “True,” she says thoughtfully. “Or was.”

  “What do you mean?”

  She holds her finger to her lips and lowers her voice a little. “Okay, so I’ve been trying to tell you. I don’t even like Bradley anymore. Not that way. I mean, he’s a great guy and all, and you two should be together. But I’m dating somebody else. I met him at camp. I’m totally crazy for him.” I raise my eyebrows in shock a little. “I could have told you that and spared you all the drama,” she says, “if you would have answered my texts. I was trying to tell you, Beans.”

  “You were?” My mind’s racing to other places like, does Bradley know? Still, I manage, “So, wow, that’s great I guess. Tell me about him. Who?”

  “His name’s Tyler. Tyler Dittman.” I must make a face because she laughs. “I know, right? But trust me, he’s way cuter than he sounds. Anyway, that’s why I came to the playground to find you the other day. I was so excited, and I wanted you to be the first to know. But then all that stuff happened. And, anyway, that’s beside the point, because, if you must know, I am totally, truly in lust with him.”

  “Tyler,” I say. “Dittman.”

  “Right. You’ll see. Oh, and guess what? Turns out he goes to Longacre. Longacre, Beans! That’s only, like, twenty minutes from here. But, still, even if I hadn’t met Tyler, I want some credit. Because, believe me, I know everything you’ve been through, and you deserve to be happy. You deserve something really good to happen. And if that something good is with Bradley, well, you should have known I’d be happy for you. Or at least I’d have tried to be. I mean, there’s no one who knows better how hard it’s been for you since Simon died.” I look away. It’s still difficult to hear this about me. “Not that any of that gives you permission to go around kissing other people’s boyfriends.” She pushes me affectionately. “So tell me, how was it?” she says.

  I blush. “Like a sparkler. Just like you told me it is.”

  “See? Oh, speaking of which, I forgot to give you this.”

  “What?” She walks to her dresser and comes back with her hand in a fist. She opens it and drops my half of the pink heart pendant out on the bed. I look at her, tears welling in my eyes. “You sure, Zette?”

  She rolls her eyes again, but hugs me. “Yes, Beans, of course I’m sure. You’d better keep it. I mean, seriously, who else but us would wear such a cheesy thing?”

  forty-three

  Two days before school starts, it’s raining out and I’m lying on my bed.

  I fiddle with the pendant around my neck—not my half of the heart pendant from Lisette (that’s back in my closet), but a small wooden heart that Mrs. Schyler had Joey make for me. It came in the mail just yesterday.

  Dear Francesca,

  We’re settled here and it’s wonderful, but, oh, how Frankie and I miss you! The good news is, we will actually be back for a visit mid-October and do expect to see you plenty then!

  Meanwhile, a small gift is enclosed. I asked Joey to make this piece especially for you. I love how the heart is imperfect, don’t you? And yet, the circles within never break or disconnect.

  This one is made from the wood of a yew tree, so it made me think of you completely . . .

  With love and gratitude,

  Brooke

  I hold the heart up to the light from my window so it shines around its pale blond edges. A yellow ring the color of Simon’s hair. The inner wood is darker, a pretty pinkish brown with fine bloodred veins that meet at a point in the center.

  When I got it, I looked up yew wood on the Internet. The first website I opened said that a yew tree is a sacred tree of rebirth and transformation, and that botanists believe that one single yew tree can give birth to so many new trees that the seed of that first tree may span all of time and history.

  I can’t say it really surprised me. Think what you will, but I know that Simon is like that tree, and that he and Frankie are connected. I know in my heart that Simon’s soul is living in Frankie Sky. And when I wear my pendant, I swear I can feel Simon near me.

  • • •

  Dad’s off to work and Mom’s at the Drowning Foundation. Well, the renamed Simon A. Schnell Foundation for Water Awareness and Safety.

  Hey, it’s not a huge change, but it’s an improvement.

  I lie on my bed. On one side of me is Fisher Frog, and on the other side, Bradley J. Stephenson.

  Did I forget to mention that? He’s been here pretty constantly the past few days.

  In other news, today I turn sixteen, which is why the remains of a birthday cupcake sit on my nightstand by my bed. Bradley bought it for me. It’s a mess now, half-eaten, but before, it was the coolest cupcake you’ve ever seen. A red crab covered in fondant, with two fat pincher claws and black-and-white googly eyes.

  “The only kind of Christmas Island crab that’s edible,” Bradley had said, handing it to me. Now, as he kisses me, his mouth still tastes like cherries, red velvet, and sugar.

  Next to the cupcake wrapper are my two sand dollars, and next to those, a framed photograph of Frankie Sky and me together by the pool. Beside that is the small plastic statue of Saint Florian. Mrs. Schyler gave that to me, too, but she promised to get Frankie another one as soon as they were settled.

  Yes, they live in Cape Cod now, but they’re coming home to visit in October.

  I stop kissing Bradley for a minute to glance at the man in the funny hat with the feather and the ivory robes with all the folds.

  Not even the ocean can drown our souls.

  That’s the truth, I think. Not even.

  The End.

  Acknowledgments

  Thank you to: Elise Howard, for loving this story as much as I do, and making it shine;

  Jim McCarthy, for his guidance and patience, and for fielding my constant frantic emails;

  Emily Parliman, Brunson Hoole, and Kate Hurley (who knows a sand dollar is not really a shell), Eileen Lawrence, Emma Boyer, and all the other amazing people at Algonquin Young Readers who worked so hard, and keep working, to make this a beautiful book and share it with the world;

  Lori Landau, for her talent that
inspires me to look more closely at the world;

  Annmarie Kearney-Wood, who has read this book more times than I can count;

  Kelly Hager, my tireless cheerleader who promised me the book would sell;

  My early, insightful readers: Holden Miller, Lori Landau, AKW, Becky Kyle, Heidi Peach, Jeff Fielder, Paige, Mom, Dad, David, and Solea, who changed her mind and kept reading, making me believe the story held some magic . . . and Amy Fellner Dominy, who always reads with a keen, expert eye;

  Paul W. Hankins and members of the Nerdy Book Club, who endlessly honor me by sharing my work;

  James King, and all the Graduates, for their humor and understanding, and all my Facebook friends who cheer on every excerpt.

  And lastly, Frances Foster, who believed in me first, and gave me a chance.

  If I’ve left you out, please know it’s because my memory is not as good as it used to be. I am forever grateful for your encouragement and support.

  The Summer of Letting Go

  by Gae Polisner

  Questions for Discussion

  ALGONQUIN YOUNG READERS

  Questions for Discussion

  1. Since the day her brother drowned four years ago, Francesca has felt that her only identity is “the girl who let her baby brother die” (page 234). Is that how you saw her throughout the novel? Have you ever felt like one event defined you?

  2. Francesca seems to be connected to a boy named Bradley Stephenson in ways her best friend, Lisette—Bradley’s girlfriend—is not. What are some of the connections Francesca and Bradley share? Have you ever had romantic feelings for someone that you felt you shouldn’t have? Should Francesca have told Lisette sooner how she felt about Bradley? Would you have? Why or why not?

  3. Francesca becomes determined to find out the truth about her father’s possible affair with their neighbor, Mrs. Merrill, and jumps on the case like a detective. The author drops clues about the truth of this relationship but doesn’t tell the whole story at once. Do you like the suspense this literary technique creates? Did it tempt you to flip to the end of the book for the answer? Does Francesca ever learn the whole truth about her father and Mrs. Merrill?

  4. Francesca’s mother is mourning her son’s death in her own way. What is Mrs. Schnell doing to try to move on with her life? In what specific ways is she not moving on with her life? How does her grief affect Francesca and Mr. Schnell?

  5. One of the most emotionally wrenching scenes in the book takes place when Francesca’s mother finds Francesca going through Simon’s room on page 178. Why is this scene so powerful?

  6. In an online author essay, Gae Polisner writes, “In my head, the book became my ‘swimming book,’ the book where water would both take away and restore.” How is water a restorative force in this novel? How does water imagery relate to Francesca’s musings about transmigration of the soul and reincarnation?

  7. On page 313, Francesca asserts, “I know in my heart that Simon’s soul is living in Frankie Sky.” Does she mean what she says literally? Do you think such a thing might be possible? If Francesca is not speaking literally, then how does Francesca mean Simon lives on through Frankie Sky?

  8. Curious coincidences abound in this story—not only the overlap between Simon’s death and Frankie’s birth, but also Bradley’s gift of the sand dollar and Frankie’s mother’s experience with Saint Florian, the patron saint of drowning. On page 227, Francesca starts to think these events can’t really be coincidences, “but something bigger and magical at work.” Do you think our lives are random, or do you think there’s “something bigger and magical at work”? Have you ever experienced strange events that seemed like more than coincidence or that made you wonder if fate was at work or your life was part of a bigger plan?

  9. Part of Francesca wants it to be true that her father is having an affair with Mrs. Merrill. On page 251 she says, “Because if Dad could make such a huge, horrible mistake and still be a good person, then that would mean, technically, I could be, too. I could still be worthy of loving, even if I let my brother drown.” Why is forgiving—and being forgiven—important to Francesca? Are there ever situations in which forgiveness is impossible? Why or why not?

  10. The massive, real-life migration of Christmas Island crabs becomes a touchstone for Bradley and Francesca in their budding romance. On page 266, Francesca quotes the nature-channel narrator: “It appears for these small creatures, at least, an innate sense of purpose, a higher calling, if you will, overrides logic or good sense.” How does the story of the Christmas Island crabs tie in well with the novel’s themes? (Take a few minutes to investigate an online video of the Christmas Island crabs! As Francesca says, “It’s freaky, but mesmerizing.”)

  11. The novel is called The Summer of Letting Go. Besides Frankie, what other characters are letting go of something . . . and what are they letting go of?

  Visit www.algonquinyoungreaders.com/book/the-summer-of-letting-go to read Gae’s personal essay, Q&A, and more.

  Questions for Discussion prepared by Karin Snelson

  GAE POLISNER is the award-winning author of The Pull of Gravity, also for young adults. She is a family law mediator by trade but a writer by calling. She lives on Long Island with her husband and two sons. When she’s not writing, she can be found in a pool or, in warmer weather, in her wet suit in the open waters of Long Island Sound. The Summer of Letting Go is her second novel for teen readers. (Author photo by Rick Kopstein.)

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  Published by

  Algonquin Young Readers

  an imprint of Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill

  Post Office Box 2225

  Chapel Hill, North Carolina 27515-2225

  a division of

  Workman Publishing

  225 Varick Street

  New York, New York 10014

  © 2014 by Gae Polisner.

  All rights reserved.

  Excerpt from Frog and Toad Together, by Arnold Lobel. Text © 1971, 1972 by Arnold Lobel. Used by permission of HarperCollins Publishers.

  “My Sharona” words and music by Douglas Fieger and Berton Averre. Copyright © 1979 by Wise Brothers Music LLC, Small Hill Music, and Eighties Music. International Copyright Secured. All Rights Reserved. Used by permission.

  eISBN 978-1-61620-402-0