Better With You Here (9781609417819)

by Zepeda, Gwendolyn

  I was thinking that maybe she left her husband because she wanted to sleep around with other guys. Or maybe she’d already slept around and her husband had caught her. It sounded like he was a lot older than her. I thought, Maybe the old guy can’t get it up anymore. You know? I mean, they have pills for that now. But maybe Haley didn’t want to mess with him anymore. I didn’t know. I just thought, Well, whatever. Because Natasha liked her, thought she was nice and funny and whatever, so I just went along with it.

  Why? Because…because I liked hanging out with Natasha, and it was no big deal to hang out with Haley at the same time.

  Why? Well, like I said, Natasha’s pretty cool. She cracks me up. She knows a lot of stuff, and she’s willing to help people, but she’s not snotty about it. I never felt like she was looking down on me.

  For instance, there were so many times that I thought, Okay, this is it. Now Natasha’s going to ditch me. When I told them my kids had different dads and that neither of them paid child support, for instance.

  Then I was ready for them to kick me to the curb when I told them I worked at a strip club. I didn’t want to tell them, but I couldn’t lie either. We were sitting there at the park, watching our kids play, and I thought, Here it comes. I’m going to tell them and they’re going to say, “Okay, we have to get out of here. Good luck with your life, you skanky ho.”

  No, they wouldn’t have said it like that. But you know what I mean. They would’ve been, like, disgusted.

  No, they weren’t. You’re right.

  I guess because they understood that I was doing it because I had to. I was doing it for my kids.

  No. Nobody could blame me for that. You’re right. A good person wouldn’t.

  Well, anyway. I bet Natasha’s sorry now that she was such a good person, huh? Because it totally came back to bite her in the ass.

  Alex

  We didn’t get real costumes this year. It’s because my mom doesn’t have enough money, since we don’t live with our dad anymore. I’m wearing my Venom mask. Mom got my Venom pajamas and put some kind of glitter stuff on the web part, to make the lines show up. She said nobody will know they’re pajamas, but I think they will. She made me put them on, with her black gloves. I don’t want to go outside.

  Lucia’s a witch. She’s wearing this shiny gray shirt that Mom wears to work sometimes, and it fits her long, like it’s a dress. She has the witch hat we got for $2.99 at Walgreens, and she’s super happy because Mom drew big eyelashes on her face with glitter makeup.

  I wish we could go trick-or-treating with Dad, in the neighborhood where we used to live, where that one lady always gave us candied apples and we were allowed to eat them because we knew who she was.

  Jared and his mom are waiting for us in front of Angelica’s apartment. Jared’s SpongeBob. His mom is dressed in regular black clothes, but she has cat ears.

  Jared tells me, “I like your Spider-Man!”

  Behind us the elevator buzzes and opens. Tiffany and Miss Buena come out, and Tiffany’s dressed like a princess. She runs up to Lucia, and they start spinning around to make their dresses puff out.

  Jared’s mom knocks on Angelica’s apartment door. Nothing happens. She knocks again. Then Angelica’s mom comes out and says, “Hey. We’re trying to hurry up and get ready in here.”

  Miss Buena says, “Well, can we come inside?”

  Angelica’s mom says, “Uh, yeah,” and then we all go in.

  Their apartment is kind of like ours, but with less stuff in it. Where we have our big beige couch, they have a little green one with flowers. Where we have our big bookshelf with the TV and all the DVDs and books and pictures, they just have a black table with a little TV on top. Angelica, Monique, and Baby Junior are sitting on the couch. They aren’t wearing costumes.

  Tiffany grabs Lucia’s hand and tells her something in her ear, and they laugh.

  Angelica’s mom says, “Uh, I don’t have their costumes yet. I was just getting ready to…”

  Nobody says anything for a long time. Then my mom says, “Yeah, I had to make costumes for mine this year. We just threw this stuff together from my closet.” I wish she hadn’t told everybody that.

  Angelica’s mom goes, “Yeah, that’s what I was going to do. Kind of throw something together.” Then she looks around like she was getting ready to do something, but there’s no clothes or glue guns or anything around her.

  “Do you want us to help you?” Miss Buena says.

  “Uh. Sure,” says Angelica’s mom. But I can tell she doesn’t really want them to. But they’re going to anyway. There’s nothing else to do.

  I hear my mom take a big breath next to me, like she does when she’s getting ready to clean out the closets. She says, “What do you guys want to be? How about…Gypsy princesses?” She goes to Angelica and tells her, “You want to be a Gypsy princess, m’ija?” Angelica nods her head. Then Monique does, too.

  My mom stands up straight and says, “Okay, we need scarves or tablecloths. Any kind of fabric. And maybe beads or necklaces. Do you have anything like that?”

  Angelica’s mom goes, “Uh. Maybe,” and then walks into the other room.

  My mom tells everybody else, “Let me run to our apartment real quick. I’ll be right back.”

  Angelica’s mom comes out of the other room with a scarf and a necklace. Then my mom comes back in the apartment with a whole bunch of scarves and necklaces, and a shirt, a belt, and some glitter paints and decorations from the box of stuff she always uses on our projects, plus the little zebra-stripe bag from her bathroom.

  Then all the ladies get around Angelica and start putting stuff all over her like she’s a Christmas tree. Except for Miss Buena, who sits on the couch and gives them ideas. Then Jared’s mom says, “Oh, I just remembered. We have another costume upstairs. A pumpkin. Maybe it’ll fit Baby Junior.” She leaves.

  Jared comes and stands by me in the corner. I make a pose like Venom. My mask is starting to itch my face, but I don’t want to take it off yet. I like how I can see everybody through it but they can’t see me.

  When Jared’s mom comes back, she’s not wearing the cat ears anymore. She has a pumpkin costume, but my mom says it looks too big for Baby Junior. Monique jumps up and says she wants to wear it.

  “Mommy,” says Jared, “that’s my costume.”

  “Yes, it is your costume, but it doesn’t fit you anymore, remember?” his mom says.

  He doesn’t say anything else. I bet he’d start crying, though, if all these other kids weren’t here.

  Lucia and Tiffany and Angelica are all spinning around now. Angelica looks like a lady on TV, kind of. Jared’s mom puts the pumpkin costume on Monique, and my mom puts makeup on Baby Junior’s face so he looks like a clown. And then, finally, it’s time for us to go. We all go out to the parking lot.

  Tiffany and Miss Buena get in the car with Jared and his mom. We have the biggest car, so Angelica and them will ride with us. We have to wait for their mom to go get Baby Junior’s car seat.

  Mom says Angelica and I should sit all the way in the back, since we’re the oldest. She means that we’re the only ones who know how to behave.

  Mom said we could go to Walgreens and get me a flashlight. I remind her, and she has to call the other ladies to tell them to meet us there.

  Walgreens has a lot of cool costumes, like Wolverine and Batman. And their Venom has plastic on the front so it looks like big muscles. Jared’s mom sees me looking at it and tells me, “Aren’t you lucky that your mom knows how to make better costumes than that?”

  I say yes so she won’t think that I didn’t learn manners. I let go of the Venom costume and go stand at the front of the store with Mom and Lucia. Angelica and the others are there, too, waiting for my mom and Jared’s mom to pay for the flashlights.

  There’s a big table full of teddy bears next to us, and Angelica picks one of them up. The sign says DOLLAR DAYS 2/$10.00, so she can get one if she has five dollars. Or if she has fiftee
n dollars, she can get three and share them with her sister and brother. I wouldn’t—I’d keep them all for myself. But I don’t like teddy bears. Only girls do. I have seven dollars and seventy-five cents in my pocket, left from the ten dollars my dad gave me. I’m saving it.

  Angelica’s mom comes up to her and grabs the teddy bear out of her hand. She says, “Put that shit down. I’m not buying that.” I guess she’s mad. When my mom’s mad, she says “shoot” or “freaking.” She only says “shit” or “goddamn it” when she’s really, really mad. I think Angelica’s mom is in a bad mood because she didn’t want to go trick-or-treating with us. That’s why they didn’t have costumes, I guess.

  I look at Angelica, but she doesn’t say anything. She looks down so her hair covers her face, kind of like a mask. I could give her five of my dollars if she really wanted the bear. But I don’t think she does anymore.

  It’s better to trick-or-treat when you’re with a lot of kids, because sometimes the people get confused and give you two handfuls of candy by accident. It’s good to have extra moms, too, because then they talk to each other instead of yelling at you to be careful and stay off people’s grass.

  There’s a bunch of pumpkins and scary decorations in people’s yards. The best was the Frankenstein sitting on the bench that made noise when you got close to it. Jared and Lucia got real scared, but Monique ran up and kicked it until her mom made her stop.

  I have to take off my gloves, because it’s too hard to hold my bag with them. But everybody who gave us candy said my costume was cool and awesome. Especially the dads. We’ve only done eight blocks, but Baby Junior’s tired and all the moms have to take turns carrying him. And Lucia and Jared are whining that their feet hurt, so we have to go back to the cars.

  In our car I trade Angelica all my gummy snakes for her Sour Pops. Then she trades me her Powder Kegs for my candy corn.

  Mom says, “Do you guys want to come over and hang out for a little while?”

  Angelica’s mom says, “Okay.”

  We’re playing hide-and-seek with the little kids, but me and Angelica are playing spies, too. We’re spying on the moms. It’s easy. We take turns hiding in the hall and listening to them, and then we go back and make reports.

  Angelica just finished her turn, so she comes back to the bunk beds and says, “General, I’ve returned.” We salute to each other.

  “Give me your report, Lieutenant.”

  “The enemy is talking about cat ears.”

  “Cat ears? Explain yourself, Lieutenant.”

  She says, “Your mom asked Jared’s mom how come she took off her cat ears. Jared’s mom said she didn’t know. Your mom said it’s not fair that only the kids get to have fun.”

  That’s a boring report. Last time they were talking about the candies they used to have when they were little, and Miss Buena said she’s not supposed to eat candy, but sometimes she does anyway. That was boring, too. Now it’s my turn again. Angelica salutes to me, and I crawl into the hall.

  All the moms are sitting in the living room, just like before. They were eating the candies that none of us wanted, but now they’re drinking wine and beer. I know Mom had a bottle of wine that one of her bosses gave her. But she doesn’t drink beer, like Dad does. Someone else must have brought the beers from one of the other apartments. They’re all laughing right now. Miss Buena tells my mom, “So what’s going to happen next?”

  Mom says, “We have to go to mediation. She said it won’t be until after the holidays, probably. She’s trying to get this woman to do it, Susan Graham. She’s supposed to be the best mediator in the Dallas–Fort Worth area. That’s what Joanne keeps saying anyway.”

  “Wait, I don’t get it,” Angelica’s mom says. “What’s she going to do? Listen to y’all and decide who’s telling the truth?”

  “Not exactly,” my mom says. “She’s supposed to help us reach an agreement on what to do. That’s what we did before the divorce. A mediator helped us agree on how to split our property and decide on child support and all that.”

  Miss Buena says, “I don’t understand. Why didn’t he try to get custody back then?”

  My mom says, “He didn’t want to take care of them by himself. Now that he has Missy, he thinks he can get her to do all the hard parts for him.”

  She’s talking about my dad and how he wants us to live with him. I guess Dad told her about that, and now they’re going to talk to a mediator to help them decide if I’ll be going over there or staying with Mom. But not until after the holidays, Mom said. I guess that means they’ll decide after Christmas vacation.

  “I found you, Alex!” Lucia says. She’s behind me, coming out of Mom’s bedroom, talking real loud. Monique and Tiffany are behind her. I crawl back to our bedroom before Mom and them see me and know I was listening to them talking.

  We’re all in my bedroom now. “You’re it, Alex!” Lucia says. Then Tiffany tells Monique that her hair looks like scribbles, and Monique tries to hit her. Angelica has to grab them and make them stop fighting.

  I cover my eyes and start counting so that Lucia and them will run away. Angelica stays next to me until they’re gone, and then she says, “General, do you have anything to report?”

  “No, not yet. Let me go back. Wait here.”

  We salute, and I crawl back to my listening spot. But Mom’s not talking about us anymore. I wanted to hear what she was going to say—if she wanted us to live with Dad, too, or if she was going to keep us. Or what if she wants me to go with Dad and Lucia to stay with her?

  Jared’s mom is talking now. She says, “So are the dancers very pretty? I guess you’d have to have a really toned body, wouldn’t you?”

  Then Angelica’s mom says, “Not as far as I can see. Neno’s got girls in there that are fat. Girls with stretch marks on their guts, track marks on their arms, knife scars, mustaches, you name it. One time we had this girl with an extra finger on her right hand—like an extra pinkie, off to the side. She used that thing to hold her tips.”

  I hear my mom laughing. She says, “No she didn’t. You’re messing with us.”

  Angelica’s mom says, “Nope. I swear to God, girl. I wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

  They laugh again, but then Miss Buena says, “Sara, I wish you could find something better. I worry about you when you have the kids spending the night at my place. Aren’t you scared, being there at night with those kinds of people? What if they’re drug runners? What if they have one of those drive-by gang wars one night when you’re working?”

  Angelica’s mom says, “Gero, you don’t have anything to worry about. They aren’t drug dealers, they’re just normal guys. A lot of regular old boring guys just there to watch strippers.”

  I know what “strippers” means. It’s ladies who take off their clothes, like in that song about the place in France where the naked ladies dance. I know because I heard my dad talk about it to his friend one time.

  “Alex, come find us!” It’s Tiffany. She’s hiding right behind me, behind the bathroom door. I go in and tag her. Then I go into my mom’s bedroom and tag Lucia and Monique. We all go back to my bedroom, and Angelica’s waiting for me to tell her what I heard. But Monique and them want to play hide-and-seek again. So this time Angelica starts counting and makes them run away. Then she tells me, “What do you have to report?”

  I say, “Your mom’s talking about a stripper with two pinkie fingers.”

  She looks at me for a long time. Then she says, “You’re lying.”

  I say, “Is your mom a stripper?”

  She says, “No. She works at a club. She makes shots and cocktails.”

  I say, “What are those?”

  She says, “Cocktails are fancy drinks for grown-ups. Like beer and wine with cherries and lemons on top. Shots are little drinks with no fruit on top.” Then she moves her head forward so all the hair goes on her face.

  I’m going to ask my dad if they have cocktails and shots where the strippers are.
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  No, I’d better not, because then he’ll ask how I know about strippers, and I’ll have to say it’s from spying. He doesn’t like it when I act like a spy.

  Tiffany’s yelling. We hear her say, “You’re a cheater!” Then we hear Monique say, “No, you!” and Angelica has to go over there to make them stop.

  Everybody’s gone now. It took them a long time to find Baby Junior, because he fell asleep in my mom’s closet. Monique and Lucia fell asleep on the floor, so Monique’s mom had to carry her back to the apartment and Angelica had to carry Baby Junior. Then Mom had to take Lucia’s costume off and put her in bed. But I’m still awake.

  “You want to watch TV with me, sweetie?” Mom says.

  We watch the show about the detectives. At the end of it, I’m tired. Mom puts her hand on my shoulder and says, “Did you have fun, baby?”

  I say, “Yeah.” I didn’t think I was going to, but I guess I did.

  The show about doctors comes on. I almost never stay up late enough to see that one. I say, “Mom, do you want me to go live with Dad?”

  She says, “Do you want to live with him?”

  I say, “I want it to go back the way it was, when all of us lived together.”

  Mom doesn’t say anything. I look at her to make sure she’s not crying. She isn’t, but she looks sad. “Baby, I wish we could go back to the way it was and everybody could be happy. But you remember we talked about this before. Your dad and I just can’t get along anymore.”

  “I know,” I say. “But I don’t want to live somewhere else if you’re not going to be there.”

  She leans over and hugs me, real tight and for a long time.

  Sara

  So I was working at my cousin Neno’s place. The strip club, out by the airport. Lucky’s Cabaret, he calls it.