Better With You Here (9781609417819)

by Zepeda, Gwendolyn

  She came over one night before Thanksgiving. I’d been working at the Dollhouse for a couple of weeks already. She showed up at my place wearing jeans and a T-shirt, looking like a kid, and she told me she needed a big favor. I was like, sure, what is it? She said she was trying to get a job as a checker over at Earth Foods, but she needed references. And job experience. So she asked me if I’d cover for her and say that she used to work at the Cabaret, as a waitress.

  I said I guess, but it would be kind of hard, since I didn’t work there anymore. If they called the club, whoever answered wouldn’t know any Haley Harrison. So she asked if I could call my cousin Neno and ask him to cover for her.

  I said sure, I guess. I didn’t want to, but it seemed like the least I could do. I mean, what else could I do for somebody like her? I wanted to be a good friend, you know?

  Then she asked me if I thought she could say that she’d worked with Natasha, too.

  I said, “I don’t know. You know how Natasha is. She likes to play by the rules. Have you asked her yet?”

  And Haley said that she hadn’t asked her, but she wanted to see if I thought she could just put Natasha’s name and phone number down and say she’d been Haley’s manager at some job. She said, “If they called her and asked, she’d probably go along with it, don’t you think?”

  And I was like, “I don’t know, Haley. I don’t think that’s a good idea.” And then I looked at her close up, and I saw that she was stoned. Not a lot, but definitely buzzing. I remember thinking, Is it just weed, or is she on something else? Because she was kind of excited. Talking fast and stuff. And I was wondering how she was going to pass the drug test if they did want to hire her at Earth Foods.

  Then she started asking if I could maybe get her a job at my place. And I didn’t want to talk about that, so I told her we weren’t hiring but I’d call my cousin and get her the hookup at the Cabaret.

  I was hoping she’d take off then, so I could call him without her being there. But she wouldn’t leave. She got all excited and started telling me how much she wanted to work at Earth Foods because she liked that they were all organic and shit. And how everyone who worked there was really nice, especially this one guy named J.D. And I was thinking, Oh, so that’s it. She wants to get it on with this J.D. guy.

  So I took the phone into my bedroom, and she followed me, practically peeing her pants, she was so excited. I was hoping Neno’s sister would answer the phone and I could tell her real fast and get it over with. But of course Neno had to be the one to answer it. As soon as he heard my voice, he was like, “Where the hell have you been?”

  And I was like, “I told you, I got another job.”

  And he was like, “That’s some bullshit, Sara. Your mom’s been asking me about you, wanting to know how come you haven’t gone by and given her the unemployment checks and the WIC. She’s pissed.”

  And I was like, “Well, she needs to call me if she has a problem.”

  And he said, “She’s been calling you. She said you don’t answer.” Then he was like, “Look, Sara, I need you back here.”

  And I told him I wasn’t coming back. So he started arguing with me, telling me this sob story about how one of his other waitresses quit on him. Then he said I should hurry up and go back to the Cabaret before I messed up on the new job and got fired. And I didn’t want to hear that shit, so then he changed his attitude and started telling me that the customers missed me, that they were asking where I’d gone.

  I said, “Who’s asking where I went?”

  And he told me the one guy came by and asked for me, that he knew my whole name and he wanted to know where I was working now.

  And I was like, “You’re full of shit, Neno.” Because I never told the customers my name.

  I finally hung up on him, then turned around and saw Haley staring at me like a kid who just missed out on Christmas. I told her, “Don’t worry about that. My cousin’s an asshole. But I’ll call again later and talk to the others. I’ll tell them to put in a good word for you.”

  She was all sad then, so I wanted to talk about something else. I said, “So where’s Jared? With his dad again?”

  She said yeah, and I said, “Well, that’s good, that his dad’s been spending so much time with him, right?”

  She didn’t say anything. For a long time, she didn’t say anything at all. She was just sitting there on my bed, looking sad as hell. I told her, “What’s going on, Haley?”

  And she started crying. She said, “You can’t tell anyone, okay?”

  I said okay, and then she told me all this stuff. That Dave and her weren’t separated at all. That he thought she was staying in a house with Geronima, because Geronima was her old nanny and was sick with some disease and that Haley wanted to spend time with her before she died. And that she brought Jared along so he could learn about his heritage or some shit like that. Because Haley’s mom is half Mexican or something, and Haley told her husband she felt out of touch with that part of her culture and didn’t want Jared to be out of touch with it, too. Or something. I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about.

  I said, “So let me get this straight—your husband thinks you’re just chilling in some old lady’s house, taking a little vacation?”

  She couldn’t say anything. She just nodded her head, and snot was already running out of her nose, she was crying so much. I got up and got her a roll of toilet paper from the bathroom, and I made sure the kids were still sitting in the living room watching cartoons. Then I came back and told her, “So your husband thinks you’re coming back any day now?”

  She said yeah. Then she started crying harder and said that she didn’t want to go back, but she didn’t know how to tell him. She thought if she got a job, she could just leave him cold turkey and tell him she was taking care of herself from now on. But she couldn’t even get a job on her own, and every time she saw Dave, she was too scared to tell him what was up.

  “Is that why you keep taking Jared over there? So you can tell him?” I said.

  She said no, that Jared kept going over there because Dave wanted him to. And he kept asking her when she was going to come home, and she was running out of time.

  I couldn’t even understand half of what she was saying. She told me this was just like some other time, when she took Jared to some class in Portland for people who didn’t want to eat flour or something. And another time when she told Dave they were going to Austin to learn Spanish for two months. She said she chickened out those times, too, and this was her best chance, because she had Geronima to help with Jared, but she was too scared to take it.

  I tried to calm her down, telling her it was going to be okay and shit like that. I was wishing Natasha was there, because she would’ve known how to deal with this better than me. I got her to stop crying at least. I told her I’d help her get the job at Earth Foods but that she needed to lay off the weed for a while. She went, “I’m not smoking right now. I’m only taking pills.” So I told her to lay off those, too, if she could. That I’d help her with the job thing but that she needed to get a grip and tell her husband what was up.

  That made her start crying some more. She kept saying, “I can’t. I’m not strong like you, Sara.” She was freaking me out.

  I told the kids I’d be right back, and then I hauled Haley’s ass out of my apartment and upstairs to hers. I made her get in bed, got her some water, the whole nine yards. I saw the pills in her room, right there on her nightstand next to a dirty wineglass. They looked like some kind of painkillers, and they said somebody else’s name. John somebody. I told her, “Whose are these?”

  She said, “My friend J.D.’s. I told him I’ve been under a lot of stress, and he had those left over from his last dentist appointment.”

  I stayed there until she quit crying again. She was talking a bunch of weird shit. She asked if I thought a guy her age would want to live with her, even though she has Jared.

  I said, “What do you mean? How old is this
guy?”

  She said, “Twenty-five.” And I tripped out, because that whole time I’d thought she was in her thirties, like me and Natasha. I don’t know why, now that I look back on it. I guess because she was always dressed up all the time, and she had her hair cut like an old lady’s.

  I told her I didn’t know, that maybe she should think about living by herself for a while and not worry about any dudes until she got her shit straight with her husband. She didn’t say anything to that.

  I was thinking, First thing I’m gonna do when I get out of here is call Natasha.

  I got up to leave, and she stopped me. She said, “Sara, please don’t tell Natasha any of this, okay? I would die if she found out.”

  I said okay, I wouldn’t tell her. I promised. What else was I supposed to do?

  Alex

  We’re at Miss Buena’s today, and Angelica’s here, too. I told her we should play Spider-Man and she could be Mary Jane. But she wanted to be Jean Gray, so we’re making up a new story.

  Everybody gets in their places, and I tell Angelica, “Okay, use your powers on the monster.”

  She puts her hand on her head and does the telekinesis.

  “You have to say words, though,” I tell her.

  “Like what?” she says.

  “Something good, like ‘I am fire! Take that, foul beast!’ Or you can say something funny, like ‘Try that on for size!’”

  We make Baby Junior act like the monster again. Angelica puts her hand on her head and says, “I am fire! You will die, monster! Die!” She does her eyes like she’s using her powers on Baby Junior. I lift him up like she’s blowing him up with her mind. Then I throw him on the bed, like she dropped him and he died. It comes out really good, except when Baby Junior laughs.

  “You’re supposed to be dead now,” I tell him.

  Tiffany stands up so she’s not in her cage anymore. “This is stupid. When do I get to kill somebody?”

  “Mary Jane doesn’t kill people,” I tell her. “You have to wait in the cage until I come save you and Lucia.”

  “I don’t want to play this game,” she says. She kicks over the side of the cage that’s made of books.

  Then Lucia gets up and kicks the side made of pillows and says, “Me neither!” She always copies what Tiffany does.

  I guess the game’s over, then. Angelica says, “Monique, come out.” Monique sticks her arms out from under the bed and screams, “Rawr!”

  “No, dumb-ass,” Angelica tells her. “Come out. We’re not playing anymore.” I can’t believe she said a bad word to her sister. Monique rolls out where we can see her and says, “You dumb-ass!”

  Tiffany and Lucia just look at Angelica and Monique with their mouths open. Then Tiffany looks at Lucia and says, “You’re a dumb-ass.” Then Lucia starts to cry. Then Baby Junior starts to cry. Then it smells like poop.

  “Ew!” Monique screams. “Junior’s Pamper!”

  Angelica makes a noise with her mouth and says, “Hold on. I’ll be right back.” She goes out the door. Baby Junior crawls off the bed and starts pulling at his shorts. I think he’s trying to take them off. Monique jumps up and slaps his hand. “No! Bad boy!” she yells. He screams and tries to bite her, but she holds his arm so he can’t.

  Angelica comes back in the room and tells me, “Do you know where Miss Buena is?”

  I follow her into the living room, then into the kitchen. The pitcher’s on the table with the sugar and a pack of mix, like she was getting ready to make us something to drink. But Miss Buena’s not there. I know Mr. Oscar’s gone, because he told me he had to go get his oil changed. Did he take Miss Buena with him when we weren’t looking?

  No, she’s probably in the bathroom. Or in the other bedroom. We go over there, to the other bedroom. The door’s open, but the light’s off. We take a step inside, and I see her. She’s sitting on the bed, talking on the phone.

  She always talks on the phone, but in the kitchen. Why is she talking in here now? I look at Angelica, and we stand close to the door so we can hear what she’s saying.

  “I understand that, Robbie. I just don’t understand why she won’t call me herself.…No, I know that. I remember. I just wish…” She sounds sad. “I don’t know. Cristina’s father, he doesn’t know about any of this. I don’t know if he would understand.…Yeah, I know.…What’s that?…Well, all right, then.”

  She hangs up. Then she turns around and sees me there. “Alex, what are you doing there? You scared me.”

  Angelica walks around in front of me and says, “Baby Junior needs his Pamper changed.”

  Miss Buena stands up and says, “Okay, okay. I’m coming.” Then she says, “You kids can call me if you need something. You don’t have to sneak around like that.”

  Natasha

  Lord help me, but I’m here with Hector again. Same hotel room. Same shirt he wore last time, too, I think.

  This time it’s awkward, because of the last time. This time I have to tell him immediately that I don’t want this to become anything serious, or even a regular occurrence. It’s strictly a one-off, for purposes of stress relief. I’ve always been the type to get tense before the holidays, even when I don’t have a vindictive ex-husband suing me for custody. Who can blame me for seeking a temporary escape?

  Hector says he isn’t looking for a serious relationship either. Of course not. He wants what I want.

  That’s really all there is to say. We’re standing next to the bed, and now I really do wish it weren’t daytime. The sun is blazing through the cheap curtains and right onto our bodies in a less-than-flattering way. I have two hours until the kids come back. That should make me feel nervous or guilty. But instead I’m thinking, Hurry! Hurry!

  So I hurry and strip, and Hector does, too. This time I get on top. I push him back, onto the bed, and climb up like a cowgirl into the saddle. It’s good that he’s already hard. Sometimes when we used to try to do this position, Mike couldn’t stay—

  Don’t think about that. Stop thinking about anything. Especially not Mike or the kids.

  Think about the condom. He’s handing it to me now. Oh, God. Did we use one the first time? Why don’t I remember? I should think about the condom automatically, like they tell you on TV. It’s the very first rule of safe sex. Why didn’t I think about that?

  Because I’ve been married too long. Because I have an IUD and I never think about anything except whether it’s been five years since they put that in. Why do I still have my IUD if I’m not married anymore? Because I’m too busy to make the appointment to have it removed, and because it still has a year to go, and I feel like I should keep it the full five years and get my money’s worth.

  I’m fumbling with the stupid condom, and Hector takes it from my hand. He whips it out of its package and pulls it on real fast, like he’s slipping into a pair of sweatpants. It looks like pantyhose in this light, like his penis has a stocking over its face and is about to rob a bank. It is. The First National Bank of Me.

  Jesus. What am I thinking?

  I haul my thigh over his torso. Is it wrong that I’m already super wet? Should I be ashamed? No, I should be ashamed if that’s not the case, right? If we needed lube or something.

  I look down at Hector, and he’s so excited. He has this expression on his face like it’s Christmas already and he’s so anxious to open the present that his eyes are almost crossed. I want to laugh, but I don’t. Mike always hated it when I giggled during sex. It was a “boner killer,” he always said.

  Stop thinking about Mike.

  I like Hector because he just doesn’t care. He’s grabbing the fat on the sides of my butt and using it to push me up and pull me back down. He’s trying to anyway.

  I grab his hands with my hands, hold them still, there on my fat, and move myself up and down, the right way.

  “Ohhhhhh,” he says, like it’s a slow-motion movie scene and somebody shot him. I laugh. I can’t help it. I laugh, yet his boner remains.

  Afterward w
e lie there in a state of shock, like a pair of fish who just jumped out of an aquarium.

  I can’t help but ask, “Did we use a condom last time?” Now that the fun part’s over, it’s on my mind, bugging me.

  “Yes, we did. Don’t you remember?” he says.

  I don’t say anything. I don’t want him to think I’m a slutty divorced mom who has sex without condoms. Never mind that he’s apparently a slutty divorced dad who always has them on hand when he has sex with near strangers, here at his favorite motel.

  “I have to leave soon,” he says. “My kids are coming back at six.”

  “Mine, too,” I say. “Wait—why are your kids gone? Do you have second and fourth weekends instead of first and third?”

  “Yes,” he says. “because I have custody of my kids. This is my ex-wife’s weekend.”

  “Oh.”

  That’s as personal as either of us wants to get, apparently, because we don’t say anything else until after we’re dressed and standing outside the motel room. And then we only say good-bye.

  I’m crossing the parking lot to my Blazer. There’s a man sitting in a two-door economy car, watching me. He smirks at me as I pass.

  Pervert. They’re everywhere. This one sits in the parking lot and watches people leaving hotel rooms.

  If I meet up with Hector again—I’m not going to, of course, but if I ever do—I’m going to tell him we need to find a nicer hotel.

  I make it back to the apartment at five-thirty. Just enough time to shower and put on a mom-like outfit. Not that the outfit I wore to meet Hector was trashy or some special date outfit or anything like that. It was just a dress, like something I’d wear to work. Why would I put on something special to meet this guy when he’s already seen me completely naked? It wouldn’t make sense to try to look different all of a sudden. Which is why I didn’t shave either. I only took the scissors and trimmed a little, and I felt stupid enough doing that.