Star Angel: Prophecy

by David G. McDaniel

  Reflexively she squeezed Zac’s hand. Zac, the epitome of power, and he hid with all the rest. The crux of this instant in history just kept getting tighter. Everything that was about to happen, the resistance, the counter-invasion from Anitra, her own mission to capture the Codes—all of it coming together until it must soon reach critical mass and erupt out the other side, either with a free humanity as a result or utter ruin or worse.

  She looked up, drawing strength from Zac’s presence.

  He was so much more than just a boyfriend. Quite literally. They were bound to the nth degree, with a history from at least a thousand years ago and maybe even longer. From dreams and now memories it was clear what they meant to each other and, while Zac probably had not come to terms with it the same way she had, she knew he realized and accepted that they shared a love greater than the limits of time. Yes, he was a boyfriend. Yes, they could hold hands and kiss and walk in the park. Their bond, however, was far beyond all that.

  He noticed her prolonged stare and looked down with a smile.

  “It looks good on you,” he said, admiring the necklace, and as he did she saw his eyes held more. They betrayed him, and she could see he was holding to something else. The necklace wasn’t the only thing he waited to reveal.

  Caught, he looked ahead as they walked.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  He inhaled.

  “I know things are moving fast.” He made himself chuckle. “What's new, right?” He became serious. “But this mission Drake is proposing, they’re making strides and it looks like we’re actually going to do it. In fact, I can say for sure we are going to do it.

  “I never expected you to be here,” he struggled to put his concerns into words. “I know how you are, Jess. I ... don’t want you to come,” he turned to look hard into her eyes as they walked. “Please don't volunteer.”

  For a fleeting instant she was impressed he thought her that determined.

  Just wait till he heard what she had in mind.

  “Please don’t insist on coming.”

  “I won’t,” she assured him gently. “I won’t go even if they ask.”

  His relief was clear. Which she ruined, slightly, with her next statement:

  “I have something else I need to do.”

  “What do you mean?” his voice dropped. He did know how she was, and if she said she had something to do it wasn’t an idle errand. She didn’t mean, “I won’t go on the mission because I need to go pick some things up in town.” No, if Jess had “something else to do” it was big.

  Zac would know this. His worry spiked.

  She took a deep breath and stopped them walking again, turned and took his other hand, turning him to face her. He looked down into her upturned face and the expression that passed across his was now heading toward fear. Suddenly he was afraid her coming with him on the mission should be the least of his concerns.

  She held his gaze. “I came back to the farm for a reason.”

  He waited, a sort of forced patience.

  “It’s the Codes,” she said, and she could tell he remembered everything she’d told him back in her room, about the Codes and how vital they were. What they promised. What they threatened. How she had to find and secure them—more than anything. How she was after them when she came through the gate.

  Which meant she was about to be on the run again.

  “The Bok have clues,” she said as he grew ever more rigid. “They may not know it,” she explained. “They probably don’t. But I left things behind a thousand years ago.” She gathered her own thoughts, mind hurting with the scale of it all, the vast complexity that had evolved to become her existence. “The Bok may not be the end of it. I have a feeling the secrets they hold are just clues to something else.”

  Zac remained speechless.

  “And those clues,” she said, “will be hidden by them. The most guarded.

  “Which means, to get them, I’ve got to get to the Bok.”

  “I’ll go with you,” Zac said at once. Seeing a way clear, perhaps, or at least a way to oversee her safety.

  But she was shaking her head.

  “You’re integral to this operation,” she hoped she was prepared for his resistance, relieved to at least have gotten this thing out, groaning in anticipation of the fight ahead. “I can’t wait.”

  Zac was adamant. “You said you needed me.”

  “I do, Zac. I do need you. Don’t you see?” A flood of passion washed through her, quite unexpectedly. “I need you every second of every day of every instant. I can barely breathe when we’re apart. Don’t you know that? I’m sad, I’m angry, I’m driven by a purpose I can still barely explain … I know what I have to do and I know I have to do it and I know—in my soul, I know—I want only to be with you. Forever. And that … the impossibility of those two things crushes me harder than anything ever has. Can’t you see? I love you, Zac. I’m not sure love is even the right word. I can never be close enough, never have enough time with you. It’s a constant ache, and I don’t even know how to make you understand it.” She caught herself. His blue eyes were moist and he was shaking his head. Slow, little movements, side to side, an action of which he might not even be aware, and he felt her emotion and he felt the exact same way she did, she knew how badly he would refuse to let her go, and she knew, she could feel him and wanted nothing more than to take him to her and hold him with all the force of that love …

  “But I can take care of myself now,” she swallowed it down. “I need you, Zac, I do need you—so much—but …” She looked deep into his eyes. “I may not need you right by my side. Not for this. In fact, in this case, I need your support more than anything. I need your love, I need your belief. I need you, Zac, but I need those things more than I need your presence, more than I need your physical force.”

  “Jessica …”

  “I have no idea what kind of twists and turns this might take, but I know I’m capable.”

  “It’s not about that.” He was desperate. “This has nothing to do with that. Look, I know you’ve changed. I can see that. But please. Don’t do this. Don’t make me sit by. Why? We’re together. After everything we’re together. Why go separate ways? Why now? Why choose to do that after everything? Let’s do it together.”

  It was the same argument she’d been having with herself. The struggle between this opportunity to revise her plan, to take Zac with her or continue alone. As much as it made sense to have his help … it didn’t. Her gut told her to go through with things on her own, and that instinct was so in conflict with her current emotion … she felt locked between the two. Frozen. Especially in the face of Zac’s expected insistence. It was hard enough to be objective without him standing right here in front of her; it was near impossible with it. Looking up into his face, surging with all the feelings she felt for him, knowing just how he, in turn, felt about her. Knowing how valuable he would be.

  “When I heard your voice,” she said, trying to clear her head, “on the radio. When I arrived at the farm and found the vault empty and saw the agents and they connected with the team and it turned out you were here ...” she shook her head in disbelief, recalling the emotion of that moment. “My heart sang. It was incredible. I was out of my head; so happy and I couldn’t believe it, and how had we found each other again? So quickly? Two different planets! And I wondered how this changed what I was doing.” For a long moment she searched his expression, his eyes, willing him to understand what she was feeling, the conclusion she’d drawn, and how this had to be and how even if it made no sense it ultimately did, and that he should trust her and that all would be ok—even as she fought to convince herself of the exact same thing.

  “I have to do this, Zac.” She swallowed. “I’m telling you now so we can both get ready. It’s hard enough. I need you. I do need you. I need your unwavering support.”

  But he continued shaking his head gently, unwilling to hear, and as he did, as she felt the weight of his resistance
…

  It came to her.

  Something she’d been wanting to try, waiting for the right moment, and now was suddenly the perfect time. If it worked it would bolster her case. If not ...

  she spoke in his mind, tensing with worry. That it would startle him was a given. Would it ruin things? Worse, would he be unable to receive it? Telepathy was suddenly the best way to make him understand. It was also, potentially, the most dangerous. With those few words, I’m stronger now, it was out there. Now he knew everything. Who she was, what she could do and …

  This.

  His expression was blank.

  And as she waited for his response, ears ringing, tensing harder, she saw …

  He did.

  He definitely did. In his eyes, staring at her with the most wide, blank look, startled as expected—an internalized shock—floored by whatever just happened. Was it real? He seemed to be asking himself. Did he hear it? He wasn’t running from it—she held to that as her heart beat faster—and as she trembled with the realization that it hadn’t backfired she saw his reaction was, in fact, the opposite. Like … he was falling into her. Lost, alarmed, shaken to the core but diving into her, grasping for her in his mind, hoping she could save him from what she, herself, had just done.

  She felt him in that ethereal space. She was, quite suddenly, his rock in a sea of confusion. His mouth opened and closed, almost like it was beyond his control. Finally he managed:

  “I hear you.”

  She took a deep, stabilizing breath.

  Could he …

  she queried. Was it too soon?

  and it was her turn to reel. She nearly took a step back—him too, shocked with his own delivery. No hesitation. It was as if he thought the words and said them in the same instant, mastering the technique as quickly as she had back on Hamonhept.

  Quicker.

  Way quicker.

  But Zac was like her. They’d been through this together before, long before; discovered the Codes long ago and tried to protect them, and if she was further along the road to recovery, Zac would surely not be far behind.

  she said, and could see the questions; same as hers had once been: Can you read my mind? How far does it go? She pressed on:

  he started, then checked himself, losing focus, working the signals between mouth and mind, pinched his lips together and forged ahead: the words rolled faster, Incredible, his mastery; so fast, so flawless. He was speaking right along, perfectly, like he’d been doing it all his life, from telepathic zero to full speed with nothing in between and she found herself completely taken, both with the fact of that and with the words themselves, their feel; an absolute concern for her as he spoke, suffusing her from within. As if the purity of his emotion filled her.

  Reality oscillated. The physical reality of the setting; balanced against this timeless thing. Heavier clouds had moved in. Their scudding shadows cast a permanent shade. The gloom beneath the trees deepened.

  She put a hand to his cheek; felt the soft bristle of his beard. “Zac,” she said, missing his voice already. She dropped her hand to his chest, feeling the warmth against her palm. “There’s something else.” And she couldn’t hold his gaze. “Maybe now’s not the time because it’s only going to make this worse, but it’s incredible and I have to tell you and now is the time, and it’s the most amazing thing that could happen to us and I’ve been sitting on it since I got here and ...” She lost her momentum. But his hand was gently beneath her chin, lifting her face to look into his. Searching.

  Knowing.

  He knows!

  But how?!

  Knowing but not knowing, she could see, and while he didn’t actually know, she had the idea that if she gave him two guesses he’d probably get it right.

  Probably on the first.

  “We’re going to have a baby,” she told him. And as she said the words she’d been waiting so desperately to say she realized it was, above all else, the biggest thing on her mind. Not Bok, not Codes, not thousand-year-old quests or arguments about who should go where or with whom or what came next in their crazy pinwheeling lives but this:

  They were going to have a baby.

  There were a million other things to talk about, so much to talk about that she and Zac could be together a hundred years and never say it all, her and this man with whom she shared so much, bound through time, but suddenly none of that was important. They were about to share the biggest thing any two people could share, a new life, and all at once the uncertainty of their worlds, the uncertainty of Zac’s future, how long he had left to live and he was no longer the one who would always be there, the one who would never change, and now he might be dying and would he even be around to see his child and …

  She was crying again.

  Why am I crying? Would she ever come to grips? She’d thought once, not long ago, she was done with crying. She knew there were hormones that would be rushing through her and all that, but she was barely past conception. Surely nothing had changed about her yet. So far, though, every time she went down this road she could not control the emotions.

  Zac was holding her. Everything else forgotten. Everything, all of it—the whole world, gone, to the wind, and he was positively radiating with a sudden and overwhelming joy.

  She couldn’t believe it.

  “When?” he was asking, such an amazing look on his face, suddenly and all at once, a true transformation, craning his head to look into her eyes as he simultaneously held her with one arm, feeling of her flat, taut belly with the other. There was nothing there to feel but he explored her entire midsection all the same. “The farm? Before you left? You’re not showing. Should you be showing?” It was a complete inversion of the prior moment and he was thrilled, to her utter surprise. Why am I surprised? After the weight of the conversation they were just having he was beaming, so happy—so, so happy, even beyond anything she ever expected—overjoyed to the point he’d flipped to raw enthusiasm.

  It excited her.

  Zac. Elated. Mind fully on this. And while she’d thought he would receive the news with at least a little bit of happiness she’d not quite expected it to this degree. In fact, he was so caught up in his own delight she imagined he probably mistook her tears for tears of joy. She tried to smile with him, to pretend they were, unable to stop them from falling but thinking she might at least carry the illusion. Honestly she wasn’t entirely sure how she felt. She was happy; in a way she was blown away. This was the most incredible thing, and to share it with Zac …

  Maybe they were tears of joy.

  She shook her head. “Back at the house,” she sniffed, looking down at her tummy with him, in his embrace, putting a hand on top of his as he continued to rub her gently, so cute in his determination to find any sign of their child. Unexpectedly she giggled. “In my room.”

  “Really?” He was astonished. “So soon?”

  She nodded.

  “When did you find out?” his face was close, breath warm and wonderful. Just beaming, and she let herself roll with the power of it, reinforcing her own happiness until it pushed away the last of the ache.

  “On Anitra,” she said. “Before I came here. The doctors told me. I kind of already had the idea.” She shrugged. “Somehow it wasn’t a surprise.”

&nbs
p; He was smiling so wide. “Amazing,” he said. “We were just together.” Then: “I really am changing. This is incredible.”

  She kissed him.

  “I never, ever thought I would see this day,” he marveled. “I couldn’t. I couldn’t even dream of it. As much as I wanted to, it was lost to me.”

  “You never thought you’d be a dad?”

  He shook his head. “Kazerai can’t. My destiny as a Hand of God meant no children. It was probably the hardest thing about taking on the role. When I was younger I always wanted to be a dad. In fact, I kind of imagined having a bunch of kids. But Kazerai can’t conceive. Something about the process in the Crucible.” Then, in a bit of wonder: “I truly am changing. The last of a breed, forging new territory.”

  At the thought that, and of all the other changes that went with this news, coupled with the uncertainty they brought with them, she very nearly lapsed back into despair. Forcibly she buoyed herself and told him:

  “It’s a boy.”

  His eyes went wide, stunned.

  “How do you know?” Then: “How can you even know that? It has to be barely anything yet. Cells. Were the doctors able to tell? Do they have a way to—”

  “I know,” she said. “We’re going to have a son, Zac. You’re going to have a son.

  “You’re going to be a father.”

  She almost cried again but he was so happy … the happiness absolutely pouring off of him, in waves, so pure and so unexpected that it continued to soothe her own pain, his positive emotion enough for them both, and he believed her if she said it was a boy and even though it didn’t make sense that she could know, that anyone could know, not much made sense right then and yet was true and so he believed her, utterly, and that was enough.

  She let the strength of his excitement carry her.

  She kissed him and he kissed her, nose to nose. Glowing, face right there, clear blue eyes looking into hers, inches away. As happy as any man ever could be. He believed in her, in every way, and while she knew the introduction of this new variable, their unborn child, would bring with it more conflict, more reason for him to refuse to let her do what she knew she must, she let go all of it, utterly, and reveled in the purity and the absolution of the moment.