The Hard To Love series

by T A. McKay

  He doesn’t let me move, keeping me close to his body as he kisses me again. His tongue flicks out and caresses my lips. I close my eyes and sigh, loving the feeling of what he's doing.

  “There’s only one thing I want to eat tonight and that’s you, baby.” When he calls me ‘baby’ I feel my stomach somersault and guilt builds inside me when it reminds me of Zeke. He would always call me his baby, but only in private, it was never a name that he would use in front of anyone. As far as everyone else knew I was just his trainer and, maybe at a push, his friend. That’s why I need to put him to the back of my head and concentrate on Trey. Trey isn’t embarrassed to be seen with me; he wants a relationship with me privately and publicly. He isn’t hiding me from the world. He wants everyone to know I’m his.

  I turn and stir the sauce, leaning back into his chest when he wraps his arms around my waist. This is what I've missed the most in a relationship. The closeness with someone, being held and loved, knowing someone is always there for you. Zeke showed me that I had been hiding from the world so I couldn’t get hurt again, but all I was doing was cutting myself off from the chance of feeling again.

  I watch as Trey reaches around me to turn the flame off from under the pot before taking the spoon and laying it on the rim of the pot. His lips brush over my neck before settling next to my ear. “I don’t want you to feel any pressure, I will wait as long as you need. But I just want to let you know how much I want you. You are the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen and I swear just thinking of you makes me hard.” He presses his erection into my arse, making me lean my head back against his shoulder. “I can’t stop thinking about what you’ll feel like and what you’ll look like naked. Fuck, I want to taste you.”

  If I had any doubts about my attraction to Trey, they all vanish when he whispers in my ear. My heart rate spikes when his hand travels down my abs and over my jeans. He cups my aching balls, causing a groan to leave my chest on its own accord.

  I concentrate on the movement of his hand and the way he brushes over the front of my zip before he slowly lowers it. He’s taking his time, letting me stop him if I need to. Moving his fingers up to the buttons of my jeans he stops, silently asking my permission to carry on. I answer his unasked question by grinding my arse back into him, loving the feel of his sudden labored breathing against my neck. The button pops and his hand immediately moves inside my boxers, his fingers brushing over my head, rubbing in the pre-cum that’s leaking from me. He's turning me on more than I imaged he would be able to, and his fingers feel so good against my skin. I'm concentrating so much on the feel of his fingers that it takes me a few moments to realize that my jeans and underwear are down around my knees. With the first few strokes of his hand over my dick I forget about anything else other than what he's doing. The only thing I care about is thrusting into his fist.

  “You feel so fucking amazing, Bryce. So much better than I imagined. I want to make you come, I want you to explode in my mouth.” His dirty words make my skin tingle, and I want nothing more than to come in his mouth. The need for release is taking over and I can’t focus on anything. I reach behind me and my fingers work on opening the buttons on his pants, quickly pushing them down his legs. I groan as I feel his dick hit my arse as it’s released and I grasp his erection in my hand. He’s hot and heavy in my hand, and I want to feel him inside me more than anything.

  “Fuck, baby. Can I have you, please?” It’s like he’s reading my mind but I'm beyond speaking at this point to give him an answer. The sensations running through my body cumulate in my balls and I need to stop him before I come over his hand. I try to tell him that he needs to slow down but my words come out on a stuttered pant and I'm not sure if he hears me.

  “Trey… oh god… Trey… I’m gonna… fuck… Trey.” I know I don’t make any sense but he must understand because he slows his movements. I remove both of my hands from his body and use them to support myself against the worktop in front of me. I take some deep breaths, trying to get control of myself. I think it’s working because the tightness in my balls relaxes slightly, but Trey isn’t in the mood to play fair. He moves in close behind me until his hard dick pushes in between my arse cheeks. He rubs his entire length over me, squeezing my cheeks together for more pressure.

  “Tell me if I need to stop, Bryce. I will if you need me to, but if you don’t answer me I'm gonna fuck you right here, right now. I'm going to bend you over and slip inside your body, fucking you hard against this work top.” I always thought that Trey would be sweet and our first time together would be gentle and romantic. This side of him surprises me, and turns me on more than I thought it would. I always thought I’d be with a quiet guy who would let me lead the way, but I'm beginning to think that my type is the complete opposite. I'm starting to see a trend with the guys I’ve been attracted to recently. The stronger the man, the more he pushes my limits and takes control, the more I want him. I never thought of myself as a bottom, preferring to be in control, but I seem to be learning a lot of things about myself.

  Trey must take my lack of response as acceptance because I feel his hand on the center of my back, pushing me down until my chest is flush against the worktop next to the cooker. I'm breathing so hard that I'm starting to feel a little light headed, and I try to calm myself down. I can’t believe he has me so worked up, the anticipation of him slipping into my body making me lose all coherent thought. My body shudders as I hear a condom wrapper ripping, my arse clenching in anticipation. I feel something cold drip onto my arse and I jump slightly. I would make a joke about him being prepared but I can’t get the words out my mouth as his finger brushes over my opening. He pushes it into me and I feel my hole clench around him.

  “God, you’re so tight.” He leans over my back to whisper in my ear, sucking the lobe into mouth as he pushes a second finger inside me. He wraps his hand around my erection as he brushes over that special spot inside me, and I know I won’t last much longer.

  “Oh fuck, you're dripping baby.” I feel him run his finger over my tip, spreading pre-cum down my length.

  “You need to stop, I can’t take any more.”

  Both hands leave my body immediately, and I'm about to complain until I feel his hard dick against me, pushing through my tight muscles and stealing my breath. I feel my body accepting him, my muscles relaxing as I become accustomed to his girth. He’s thicker than I'm used to, and I feel my body stretching to an almost painful degree, but the pain is welcomed. I push back against him, needing him to fill me quicker. I'm worried that if he doesn’t get inside me I'm going to come all over the floor. His loud groan makes me tighten around him and he tries to still my hips but I still push against him, my strength winning out until he's fully seated inside me. Once he’s filled me completely, we both stop moving, the only sound to be heard is our harsh breathing. When Trey pulls out from my body, leaving just hit tip inside, I bite into my arm to try and focus on something other than the sensations in my body. I can already feel my balls draw up and start to tingle in preparation for my orgasm.

  After a few gentle thrusts Trey unleashes the power behind those amazing thighs of his and he begins to pound into my hole like he's trying to make me feel him for weeks. He grabs the back of my hair, pulling on it until I have to stand. I support my weight on my hands, the throb in my head adding to the ache in my balls. I close my eyes, trying to concentrate on not coming, wanting this to never end. His hand works its way around my throat, pulling back until my head is on his shoulder, but he doesn’t ease the pressure.

  His voice is rough when he speaks into my ear, the lust clear. “Reach down and make yourself come. I want you to fill your hand for me.” The combination of him filling my body, the pressure on my throat and his words have me filling my hand like he asked within a few strokes. The orgasm takes over all my senses, blurring the world around me.

  I'm pulled back from my happy place when Trey lifts my hand to his mouth, his tongue coming out to clean the mess that’s filled my p
alm. If I hadn’t just come hard, I'm sure the erotic act of him licking my cum off my hand would send me over the edge. I feel him still suddenly behind me, the hand on my throat tightening as he twitches inside me, his own orgasm hitting as he fills the condom.

  Just as I'm starting to panic about Trey’s hand on my throat and not being able to breathe, he releases his hold and drops his head onto my shoulder.

  “Fuck. That was… fuck. I knew you would be amazing, but that was… fuck.”

  I laugh at his incoherent ramble, knowing exactly how he feels.

  I'm lying with my head on Trey’s shoulder. We moved to my bed after our impromptu sex session in the kitchen, cleaning ourselves up on the way. We’ve been here for about an hour, just chatting about our lives.

  “So you train MMA fighters? How did I not know this? The way I was pushing you around in the kitchen, I'm pretty sure you could have kicked my ass with one hand.” He kisses my forehead, making me feel special and wanted.

  “I train them, I don’t fight myself.” Our fingers twine together as we hold them in the air between us.

  “Yeah but you must know some moves if you're training them.”

  “Oh, I know some moves.” I look up at him, wiggling my eyebrows and making him smile as I speak. His smile turns to laughter and before I know it he has me flipped over onto my back with him pressed up against my body. He leans down, biting gently along my jaw and up to my lips. Even after an amazing orgasm not too long ago I feel my dick twitch to life, causing a cocky grin to appear on Trey’s face.

  “I bet you have lots of moves that I would enjoy. But what I meant was, I'm surprised you don’t fight. Or did you? Did you start as a fighter?” My gut twists a little at his question and I know I should tell him the truth but I don’t. I won’t lie, I just won’t give him the whole truth. No one knows about that part of my past apart from Zeke, and it makes me wonder why I won’t just open up to Trey.

  “I prefer to train, there’s less blood and pain involved. Well usually.” The memories of the times that Zeke winded me, or knocked me on my arse flash through my mind and I force myself to focus on Trey, trying to think of only him and me.

  “So would I know any of these fighters that you’ve trained? Any big names?” This isn’t a road that I want to go down. I don’t feel comfortable talking about Zeke yet, the pain he caused is still too fresh.

  “Do you follow MMA?” If he does and I mention Zeke’s names it might lead to more questions, ones that I'm not willing to answer.

  “Well, no. I might though if I will see your handy work. That’s what boyfriends do, they support each other.”

  I grind my hips against him while he kisses me. It’s not like the gentle kisses I'm used to from him, this one is full of passion and promise. He groans and pulls back, putting distance between us.

  “Before we go any further, I think we need to talk about something.”

  I raise my eyebrows again but this time in confusion. “How much further can we go? You’ve already taken me, but if you don’t remember that then we might have problems.”

  He groans above me as I feel him harden against my body. “Don’t worry, I remember every second of it. What I meant was, before we do it again. I need to know, was there anything you didn’t enjoy?” I'm hoping my confusion at his question is showing in my face because I think he might be losing his mind.

  “Um… again… you might not remember how much I enjoyed it, but you licked the evidence off my hand.”

  He groans again and I decide I like this little game. Being able to turn him on so much and so easily is a boost to the ego. To have a guy who wants me and isn’t embarrassed to show it is refreshing. I spent so much time hiding everything with Zeke that I forgot how much I wanted normal.

  Trey leans down and rubs his nose against mine and I love the little sign of affection. “You’re trouble, Mr. Tanner. I just need to make sure you're okay with everything I did to you. Sometimes I like things a little… rougher, and I need to know if you're comfortable with it. I will totally understand if you're not, not everyone is…” I kiss him, stopping the words and making him lose his train of thought. I feel his body relax on top of mine as he lets the kiss take over. I'm fine with everything he did, a little bit of roughness isn’t something that would chase me away, but there is something I need to know.

  I pull back so I can see his eyes as I question him. “What you did was amazing, nothing was too much. I need to know something though, and maybe it’s something we should have discussed before now. Do you bottom?”

  The look that flashes over Trey’s face tells me my answer but I let him tell me with words. “It’s not something I’ve done in the past, Bryce. Bottoming is usually a hard limit for me.”

  I wonder if that’s going to be a problem between us. I told Zeke that it wouldn’t be a deal breaker between us, but I don’t know if that was because I knew he hadn’t been with a guy before. Now thinking about spending my life with a guy and never being inside him is making me question this relationship. I don’t always top. I’ve always been verse and enjoy receiving just as much as giving, but to know I’ll never have the option again makes me feel uneasy.

  I'm pulled from my musings by Trey’s hands caressing my cheeks. My eyes move to his and I see the gentleness in them.

  “I said it’s usually a hard limit, but for you I’ll try it. I'm not saying that I’ll love it, but I will try.”

  I bite my lip as my throat tightens with emotion. The fact that this guy is willing to try something he isn’t into just to keep me happy, makes him suddenly more important in my life. It proves that he's willing to compromise in this relationship and I won’t be the only one working towards what could be a great thing. I need to make this work with him. Zeke doesn’t want me but Trey does. Trey is such a great guy, he is kind and he honestly makes my heart beat faster, I just need to let myself give him a chance. I need to draw a line in the sand and move on from what’s happened in the last few months. This is what’s good for me. This is a healthy relationship.

  “You keep saying things like that and a guy could really fall for you.”

  The smile I get in response makes my heart flutter. I think I could be happy with this man.

  “I have the day off tomorrow, how about we do something together? I know of a gym about ten minutes away that has a shop next door that sells all the equipment that you probably know how to use.” This catches my attention. I haven’t managed to find a local gym that I've liked so my training has somewhat diminished. If this one is any good then it might be worth the drive every day to get a good workout.

  “I think spending time with you in one of my favorite places sounds like fun. And you never know, you might like what you see and join with me.”

  He looks down at me with mischief in his eyes “I already like what I see.” And for the next hour he proves just that.

  Chapter 21

  I hate this part of not having a coach. Having to buy my own supplies is boring and time consuming. I don’t even know if I'm going to remember everything I need. I'm reading my list while I walk aimlessly around ‘Fighting Fit’ trying to find everything. It’s the best fighting equipment supplier in the area, and even though it’s a forty-minute drive it’s worth it to get everything in one place. It took me an exhaustive Internet search to find a place that stocked my favorite wraps, so the long drive isn’t a problem, or it usually isn’t because I'm not the one who normally does the driving. This is why I need to start thinking about replacing Bryce, even though the thought causes me physical pain. My chest aches when I think about finally giving up on the idea of having him in my life. If I fill his position then it’s admitting that he’s never coming back, and I’m definitely not ready for that.

  The experience of being with him the other night was something I would never change, and if I was to be completely honest it’s something I want for the rest of my life. That’s all I've been thinking about since I woke up alone yesterday morning. I d
on’t know why it suddenly hit me, but I made a very important discovery about my life. I can live without a lot of things, but I know I can’t live without Bryce. I only have a few days before my big fight against Dwayne and if I win, it will be a kick-start to a new, more lucrative fighting career, but all I can think is that I don’t want to do it alone. I want Bryce by my side to celebrate every win or to hold me through every loss. I just need to decide how to beg him to come back to me. I'm not stupid. I know that I've pushed him away too many times and that when I confess that I want him he might laugh in my face. I know he might feel like I'm using him, that when he wanted something more from me I ran, but now that I’ve finally decided what I want, I expect him to come back to me. It sounds bad no matter how you look at it, but I can’t change that now. I just need him and I hope he understands.

  I shake my head, determined not to spend the entire day thinking of him again. I just need to get what’s on my list and get back to the gym so I can work out some of my frustrations before heading into the steam room. This sounds like a fantastic plan and one I'm pretty sure will keep Bryce out of my mind. This plan would work perfectly if, when I raise my head, he wasn’t standing on the other side of the store right now. He’s looking at the supplements, picking up different bottles and reading them before putting them back on the shelf. He's wearing tight, black denim jeans that mold to his sexy as fuck ass, making me want to run my hands over it. His white shirt is tucked in and the sleeves are rolled up his forearms showing off his perfect arms. I get goose bumps when I remember how those arms felt around me, holding me against his chest as he slept. Those were the times that I want back. I’ve never experienced them with anyone else and I miss them. I miss him.

  I just stand and watch as he looks around, moving from the supplements to another part of the store. I know I must look like a stalker but I don’t care. It feels like it’s been forever since I saw him and I want to get my fill of his sexiness. I don’t think anyone else has ever looked as good as he does right now. He’s simply the most stunning thing I've ever seen.