by T A. McKay
I take a deep breath and build up the courage to approach him, but before I move I see something that has my heart breaking in my chest. A really attractive guy walks up behind Bryce, working his arms around his waist and leaning his chin on his shoulder. I can see Bryce leaning into his body, relaxing into the embrace before kissing the guy on the cheek. They look comfortable together, like this isn’t a big deal for them, that being in public together is natural. It’s the kind of relationship I wish I had with him and watching them makes it hit home that I have completely missed my chance. He’s got someone who won’t keep him a secret, someone who won’t only kiss and hold him behind closed doors. The realization hurts more than I want it to. I want to pretend that this means nothing to me and I'm happy to move on, but I can’t lie to myself this time. It’s time to be honest and admit that I am one hundred percent in love with Bryce Tanner, not that the truth will make any difference now.
I turn to leave before I lose it, the ache in my chest making me want to scream, but my foot catches the bottom of a display unit. I watch in horror as every single can of muscle spray shakes on the shelf before settling down again. I say a silent thank you that I didn’t bring any attention to myself and I carefully move away from the unit. As I take my first step there’s a tug on the backpack I'm wearing and my eyes widen in horror when I hear a crash behind me. I stand and watch as dozens of cans fall all over the floor, the crash echoing the whole store. I close my eyes, praying that maybe the incident didn’t make as much noise as I thought it did. Maybe no one noticed? I know that it’s a useless thought. There’s no way that anyone inside the store didn’t notice the idiot who knocked over a display of noisy cans. I open my eyes and my worst nightmare is realized when I see Bryce standing in front of me, and he's holding the hand of the guy he's with.
“Zeke?”
I can’t take my eyes off their joined hands, the hand that gave me so much pleasure just the other night. I wonder if he's told the guy that he was with me, because this doesn’t look like a new relationship, they look too comfortable with each other.
“Zeke?” This time his voice pulls my eyes up to his and I feel myself blushing. He's standing there looking as hot as sin, holding hands with an equally attractive guy, and I'm surrounded by a mess that I made, probably looking like shit.
“Hi, I… uh… knocked them over.” I cringe at my inability to sound like a normal human being. Of course I knocked the fucking thing over, anyone with eyes can see that. There’s an awkward silence between us and I can’t tear my eyes away from Bryce. Someone clearing their throat has me finally turning away to find the guy with Bryce holding his hand out to me.
“Hi, I'm Trey Colby.” He doesn’t sound like a jerk as he says it and I hate him for that. I don’t want him to be nice, I want to be able to say to Bryce that he deserves someone better, someone like me, but I can’t if the guy is nice and polite.
Fucker.
I take his hand, putting a little more power into the shake than necessary. “Zeke Raine.”
He doesn’t give any sort of reaction when I say my name so I think it’s safe to say that he's not been told about me.
“Are you a friend of Bryce’s?” He looks between us and I don’t know what to say, so I raise my eyebrows at Bryce to let him know that the ball is in his court. I don’t know if I can trust myself not to tell this guy exactly how I know his boyfriend, and that I knew him only a few days ago.
“I used to train Zeke. He's an MMA fighter.” It actually hurts that he introduces me this way. I didn’t expect him to confess his undying love for me, but I wanted a little more than just ‘he trained me’. I think I meant a little fucking more to him than that.
“Oh come on, Bryce. We were more than that.”
The look of horror that crosses his face makes me feel like shit, but I don’t have any intention of spilling his secrets. If he wants to build a relationship on lies then who am I to stop him?
I look towards Trey before continuing. “We became pretty good friends too. I think it’s hard to work so closely with someone without there being something more.” I emphasize the ‘more’ and part of me hopes that this guy picks up on it. I can see Bryce’s cheeks color out of the corner of my eye and I know I need to stop being a dick but it’s coming so naturally. I've always been this way, when someone hurts me it comes out in my attitude. I need to get away before I say something that I can’t take back, something that will hurt Bryce.
“I'm sorry, I need to get to training. It was great seeing you, Bryce, I hope I see you soon. It was nice meeting you, Trey.” I don’t even wait for them to reply before I rush out of the store, stepping over the cans that still litter the floor.
I pound my fists into the bag in front of me, trying to get rid of some of the pent up anger that’s coursing inside me. I've been here for hours and nothing is working, nothing is making me feel better. I keep replaying the scene with Bryce, of how happy he looked with that guy Trey. What a stupid fucking name. Trey Colby. Sounds like a porn star or some shit. Yes, yes, I know I'm sounding like a jealous ass hating on the guy who has my man, the man I pushed away until he couldn’t take anymore, but it’s making me feel better about everything. I need something to hate and I know that it will never be Bryce.
I feel a twinge through the top of my hand and I swear loudly, knowing it’s my old injury playing up. I don’t know if it’s the extra training or if my technique is suffering but something isn’t right. I wish I had someone to tell me what to do, because I need to win this fight as if my life depends on it. If I can’t have the man I love, then I need the career I love. I really wish Bryce was here to tell me what I'm doing wrong with my posture though. I think that’s what’s causing me to throw my arm wrong which is then causing tension on my wrist.
I start to punch again and just like my wish is granted…
“You're dropping your right shoulder. There’s no way you will last the entire fight like that.”
I don’t stop hitting but lift my shoulder, instantly feeling the difference when my fist connects with the bag. Why does he have to be so fucking good at this? I don’t turn to look at him but I can feel him moving to the other side of the gym. My curiosity finally gets the better of me and I turn to see what he's doing. Of course, just as I look at him, he strips off his shirt and throws it over the weight bench. I watch him and the way his muscles move as he tapes up his hands. He turns and walks towards me, flexing his fingers before stepping onto the sparring mat. He cracks his neck, waiting for me to walk over to him.
Like a moth to a flame I move to him, preparing to fight. “Where’s the boyfriend?” I can’t help but ask, hoping that maybe they had a huge fight over me and he's here to claim me.
“Trey had some errands to run. I thought it was a good time to maybe come and see you. Talk about what happened the other night.”
I take the opportunity to swing at him, but just like old times, he moves out the way before I connect. It’s like he can read my body and knows the moves I'm going to make before I do.
“Is there anything that needs to be said? We had a moment, and then you went home to your boyfriend. Was he not putting out, is that why I got the bootie call?”
Color works its way through Bryce’s face but this time I know it’s caused by anger, and I know that I might suffer for the comment but it’s how he made me feel. It’s his turn to take a swing, but the difference is that he connects with my left shoulder, knocking me back a step.
“You weren’t a fucking booty call. I had no intention of sleeping with you when I called. I wanted to talk, to clear the air. I can’t help it if my attraction to you got in the way.” Even though I can hear the anger in his words, I still smile upon hearing that he's still attracted to me.
“Did you tell him?” I punctuate my question with a kick, hitting him high on the leg so his knee collapses slightly. He recovers quickly and circles me. I match his movements, keeping my guard up.
“Not yet, I don’t�
� I don’t know how to explain it.” His voice lowers as he speaks and his eyes drop to the mat. I use it as an opportunity to make my final move. I grab him by the arm, pushing my hip into him and throwing him over it. He lands on his back and I collapse on top of him, no longer trying to win the fight, just wanting to talk to him.
“Explain what?”
He looks up at me, recovering quickly from my surprise attack. “Explain what happened. Explain us.”
I watch his lips, wanting nothing more than to kiss his confusion away and let him see that it’s me he should be with. “You could tell him the truth.” I say it as though it’s the simplest thing in the world but I know it’s not. And it’s not helped by the fact that I don’t think either of us know fully what the truth is.
“That’s the thing, I can’t tell him that. How do I tell the guy I'm trying to make a life with that I slept with the guy who still has my heart? How do I tell him that I had sex with you because I felt like I would die if I didn’t? The truth is that spending the night with you is something that I will never regret. I know I cheated on him, but I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant being able to feel your body around me.”
I don’t get a chance to answer before he tilts his hips and throws me off of his body. I land on my back and watch as he rips the bandages from his wrists and grabs his shirt. He rushes towards the door, buttoning up as he goes.
“Bryce?”
He stops, but doesn’t turn towards me as I sit up.
“Will you be at my fight on Saturday?”
His head drops and I can almost feel the pain flowing from him. “I can’t, Zeke. I just can’t.”
I watch as he leaves the gym, and I don’t know why, but I have a feeling that this might be the last time I ever see Bryce Tanner.
I rush from the gym before I give in to the urge to go back and kiss Zeke. The whole time I was in there, it took all my control not to tackle him to the ground and take him again.
I shouldn’t even be here. I told Trey that I forgot I had a job interview with a new ‘up and coming’ fighter, someone who was travelling and could only fit me in today. So apparently I don’t just cheat on him, I now lie so I can go to see other guys. I couldn’t tell him the truth though, not yet. After meeting Zeke in the supply store, Trey had started asking a lot of questions. With his lawyer mind, I know he saw something that made him slightly suspicious, and I didn’t want to have to tell him about my past with Zeke. I don’t know why I thought that coming here was a good idea, I thought that maybe we could put what happened between us to rest so we could move on and not be so awkward around each other. I should have known better. We can’t be in the same room without pissing each other off or letting our attraction take over.
I never wanted to admit to him how I feel about him out of fear that he might use it against me. I can’t give him all the power and I know I feel more for him than he does for me so I need to keep my emotions hidden from him. He's made it perfectly clear that he doesn’t want anything more than fucking with me, and I have finally accepted that now. If he truly loved me the way he said he did in his sleep, he would fight for me, show me that he doesn’t care what the world says about us. But I know his career is more important and that’s easier to keep in the forefront of my mind when I'm not standing right in front of him. When I am, the only thing I can think about is the memory of how he feels and tastes, and that leads to nothing but problems. I have this pull to him, something deep in my soul that hears him calling out to me and it’s nigh on impossible to ignore. I bang my head back against the headrest in my car, confusion making me frustrated. Maybe I should go back to being alone. At least then I knew what was happening in my life. How did I end up torn between two men?
Trey is amazing. He's smart, kind, sexy as hell and wants to be with me. He's happy to be seen with me, to admit how he feels to the whole world and would never hide me. The only problem is that I don’t know if I will ever love him like he deserves. He should be with someone who can give him one hundred percent of themselves, and no matter how hard I try there will always be a part of me he can’t have. Zeke holds that part of me that I will never get back, the part that only the guy I love can have. But, he's also the one who doesn’t want me in public and refuses come out of the closet to be with me. I know it’s nothing to do with me personally but it also hurts that he doesn’t think I'm enough for him to pick me. Then on the other hand, he also turns me on more than anyone else I've ever met. A simple look, a small touch and my body is on full alert, ready to act on anything he's willing to do. Why can’t I combine both of these guys and make the one perfect partner. I try not to think about how the only thing I would change about Zeke is the fact that he isn’t openly gay. If he could change that part of himself then he would be everything I want.
I shake my head, laughing at myself and my pro and con list. It’s official, I've turned into a teenage girl who’s torn between the nerd and the football star. When I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket, I grab it and see a message from Trey, and even after everything I find myself smiling.
Sorry something’s come up, I won’t be able to come over tonight. You up for a visit tomorrow night?
I'm a little disappointed that I won’t see him tonight, but a night on my own is probably a good thing. It gives me a chance to really think about everything, and maybe I can work out how I'm going to come clean to Trey about Zeke. I don’t know how I even bring it up, and I don’t think he’d be able to forgive me. I know that there is a good chance that this will rip us apart but I can’t have this hanging over our head. I don’t want the risk of Zeke saying something in the future. That is ammunition I can’t let anyone have. I thought he was going to say something at the gym store today and my heart had been racing in my chest. I still can’t believe that I cheated on Trey. I would never have thought I would capable of that. I’ve always thought cheating was the lowest thing that someone could do, and I suppose I still do. I laugh at the irony of the situation before replying to Trey.
I’ll miss you, but tomorrow is great.
I put my phone in the center console and, putting the car into gear, I drive away from the gym and towards a night of thinking. A night to finally decide what I want.
Chapter 22
Trey looks stressed as I watch him walk in the front door. It’s an unusual state to see him in. I'm used to seeing him cool, calm, and under control. I don’t even ask him if he wants a glass of wine, the look on his face telling me he might need the whole bottle. I have the glass poured by the time he walks into the kitchen and collapses into the chair next to the table.
He gives me a smile as I pass the glass to him. “Thanks, babe.”
I lean down and kiss him gently before grabbing my bottle of beer. “You look stressed. Is everything okay?”
The groan that leaves him tells me that he's had a terrible day, and I'm hoping it’s something that can be easily sorted. I know he deals with a lot of high pressure, high profile cases that attract a lot of attention so I’m wondering if one of them have gone wrong or garnered him some unwelcomed attention.
“It’s been the day from hell. An important piece of paperwork went missing and we had to spend the entire day looking for it. No one admitted to moving it but I'm pretty sure it was Quincy, and yes I swear that’s his name, that lost it. The guy causes more problems than he solves. The only reason he's still with the company is because his uncle is a friend of the senior partner. I don’t see why I ended up with him and why I should have to carry the dead weight. I win more cases than anyone in that firm so I should have the best staff, not that I'm being big headed… but yeah, I am.” I know he's telling me about his bad day but I can’t help but laugh at his rant. Watching how serious he is when talking about work is funny as hell.
“I'm glad I'm amusing you.” Even though he's trying to sound serious, I can see the humor in his eyes as he flips me off over the top of his wine glass, which causes me to laugh harder.
“Oh you
are. You amuse me a lot. Usually when you're naked.” I realize what I've said when he chokes on a glassful of wine. “Shit, no, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant… well… it was… shit.” I can’t seem to get the words to come out of my mouth to explain what I meant. I was trying to say that last night in bed be made me laugh with all his questions, but now I realize how bad it sounded.
His hand dramatically flies to his head as he exhales a pained cry. “I can’t believe you said that. My naked body isn’t anything to laugh at, it is something to be adored!” He gets up from the chair, continuing the dramatics as he walks out of the kitchen, making it really hard not to laugh at him. “If you don’t want me, I’ll go find someone who finds me irresistible. I'm in demand you know. Demand, I tell you!”
I slowly follow him down the hall, watching as he sways from side to side like an old forties actress suffering from palpitations. I let him reach the front door before I rush after him, spinning him round and pinning him to it.
“Don’t leave, I don’t think I could take a moment without you and your stunning naked body.” I steal his lips in a passionate kiss, and it isn’t long before the atmosphere goes from light and humorous to heavy and thick with desire. Passion takes over and we struggle to get each other naked quickly. With our clothes around our feet, I show Trey that he’s not the only one who can be in control, and from the way he screams out his orgasm, I think he likes it.
I close the door behind me and walk into the kitchen with the Chinese takeout that’s just been delivered. I’d planned on cooking tonight, but after the impromptu sex against the door with Trey earlier I couldn’t find the energy to finish preparing it.