The Hard To Love series

by T A. McKay

  I try to relax, to let my mind go blank but it doesn’t take long before my brain tries to work out exactly what happened tonight. I thought it was going to be a normal night at the club, and even though I wasn’t really in the mood to be there, I just lost myself in my routine. When Max came backstage and handed me Trey’s card I thought there had been some sort of mistake, but he explained that I had to meet him in one of the private rooms. It took me a long time to decide what to do. After the speech in his office, telling me that he could never be with me since we work together, I couldn’t explain why I was now being summoned. I knew I would go, even as I stood in the shower backstage and tried to convince myself that I wouldn’t. The fact that I was in the shower said something about my commitment to see him. I never shower at work, the thought of the things that happen in there are always in the back of my mind when I see them, but tonight I wanted to be clean for seeing Trey.

  Walking into that room was one of the scariest things I've ever done. Not knowing what was about to happen had me on alert from the moment that my hand touched the door handle. I think I stood for about ten minutes just holding the handle, trying to convince myself that I could do whatever he wanted, that I would take anything he was willing to give me. If he was offering only one more night I would welcome it with open arms, take every minute he wanted to spend with me. I know that makes me sound desperate, a little pathetic, but Trey is the kind of man you take every second of attention he’s willing to give you.

  My stomach somersaulted when I saw him inside the room, seeing him standing there looking like every guy’s wet dream. As I waited for him to touch me or to say something, it felt like there was an electric current flowing between us. When he finally touched me I shuddered, my body feeling out of control, but not as much as when he spoke. He explained his plan, hinting that we could be together in the club, as Romeo and Trey, as long as we didn’t talk about it at the office. I thought the plan was amazing, an easy solution that I know I can follow. That was until we became intimate.

  Letting him take control made me crave more of him, not just his body but everything else he can offer. I want to make him laugh, to make him smile, but also be the person that gets to hold him in his worst times. I know he doesn’t trust, that something happened in his past with some exes that makes him cut everyone off. I just wish he would give me the chance to show him how much he could trust me. When he came for the first time, holding me close as he called out my name, made me feel like the sun had finally shone on me after the longest night. I chuckle at myself, listening to all the romantic thoughts going through my head. I need to remember I’m just someone for Trey to use to pass some time, but I’m willing to be just that. I don’t mind spending the weekends in his arms, letting him give us both what we need, but it won’t always happen at the club. I refuse to spend all our time together there, feeling a little like the hired help. He has made all the rules so far, but this is one I will be adding to the agreement, and if he isn’t happy with it then he will just have to find someone else to scratch his itch.

  Thoughts of Trey scratching that itch has my ass clenching, thinking of all the times that he did that tonight. He made me scream more times than I thought possible, and even when I thought I couldn’t come again he showed me the error of my ways by coaxing another orgasm out of me. It’s like he knows exactly how to touch me, to create music between us without even trying. The man is a master, and I can’t fucking wait to see him again.

  I'm sad when I realize it’ll be another week before I get to spend time like that with him again. I hate to have to wait, but it will make it all the more special when we are together. I wonder what work will be like on Monday. Will it be awkward between us, or will it be just like the past week? I’ve loved spending time with him, getting to know him as a person, seeing all his weaknesses that he thinks he hides well. I know he doesn’t like to show that side of himself to people, that maybe his weaknesses make him less of a man, but I think it shows his true strength. To be able to conquer every situation that’s been thrown at him even when he has doubts shows true character, and it makes me want him even more. He has become more than just the sexy guy in the office, he is now the man who has layers, and every one of them is more amazing than the last one, making it difficult to keep my distance.

  A knock on the door makes me sit up quickly, water splashing over the side of the bath and onto the floor. I don’t get a chance to speak before it opens and Grey appears in the doorway holding two glasses of wine.

  He hands one to me as he takes a seat on the closed toilet lid. “Whatcha doing?”

  I take a drink before looking at the bath I'm sitting in, deciding if his question deserves a sarcastic answer. “I decided to take up oil painting.” Sarcastic it is then.

  He grabs his stomach, pretending to laugh at my joke, before he looks at me with a not amused look. “You are so fucking witty, Ro. I swear you should do stand up. I meant what are you doing in a bath at three in the morning. Normally when I come home you're fast asleep, even the nights you're working.”

  I wish he wasn’t as observant sometimes and just be a friend who tells me how awesome I am. But no, I had to find the one guy who puts anyone’s mother to shame.

  “I’m just a little stiff and wanted to soak my muscles. Nothing major. While I have you here, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?” Even though the reason I ask is to change the subject, I really do want to know what’s happening since it’s only a few weeks away.

  “God, don’t ask. I'm not sure if I'm going to be working, but I've asked for Christmas off so there is a good chance I won’t be here. If I'm not, what are you going to do?” He looks at me sadly and I know that he's feeling bad about not being here with me. It’s been like this since I met him, and he still doesn’t believe me that I will be okay on my own. I learned a long time ago to be happy with my own company because no one sticks around. Not friends and not even family. I always thought I came from a loving family, and for the formative years of my life I did. That is until I started to become the guy I am today. Once I stopped following the strict rules my mom and dad put in place for me, the cracks started to show in our perfect little family. At the age of seventeen I tried to come out to my parents but they wouldn’t accept it, then my dad caught me kissing another guy. That’s when it was safer for me to part company with them. Now I only have Grey, but he is all the family I need.

  “If you're working then I'm going to get a huge cheesecake and eat it while I watch crappy movies. It will be best day ever.”

  He doesn’t look convinced, the worried look still firmly on his face. I wonder if there will ever be a year when he will just accept that I like my own company.

  “I don’t believe a word of that. There is no way that you will be happy to spend the day on your own when you're meant to spend it with family.”

  I take a large drink of wine, letting him talk, because I know I’ll never make him stop once he's on a roll.

  “I haven’t spent Thanksgiving with family since I was about sixteen, Grey, you know this. I don’t associate the day with the whole family gathering thing. I tried to tell you this last year, and the year before. I love spending the day with you, but that’s because any time we get to spend time together without work interfering is a blessing. The time I need you here is for my office Christmas party. That you need to come to.”

  That earns me a smile. This will be the second Christmas party at Colby, Jamieson and Rose, and if last year’s is anything to go by it will be an epic night. It’s a day of drinking and dancing, eating and laughing. It’s the one time that everyone is equal; there are no bosses, just other workers. I wonder if Trey will make it this year. He missed last year because of a case that he was dealing with and I had looked forward to seeing him outside of work. I can’t say that anymore, because I've seen him more than I ever imagined I would, more than a lot of people have.

  “What the hell are you smiling at?” My eyes open wide at Grey’s wor
ds, not realizing I’d been smiling at the thought of Trey being naked.

  I wrack my mind trying to come up with something believable, something he won’t see straight through. “Do you remember last year? When you tried to corner Wade in the gents toilet?” I laugh, genuinely now, thinking about how panicked Wade had been when he had returned to the main area. He still won’t speak about what happened in the toilet to anyone, I'm just glad that I had Grey to tell me everything.

  “He was enjoying the kiss until someone walked in on us. I can’t help it if he's so far in the closet that he needs breadcrumbs to find his way out.” The smirk on his face tells me exactly how much fun he had trying to convince Wade of his homosexual side. Most men run the other way when someone isn’t willing to come out, but not my Grey. He sees the whole thing as a challenge, and I wish I had his confidence about everything. He never backs down from what he wants, the fear of being rejected never stops him from just doing it.

  “Well this year, try and keep it in your pants.”

  He stands up and walks to the door. “I can’t promise anything other than it won’t happen with anyone who doesn’t want it. Maybe I should try out that cute boss of yours.”

  I know he's kidding but I can’t help the feeling of anger that rises inside me as he leaves the bathroom and shuts the door behind him.

  Monday comes around much too quickly. After a day on the couch lazing in front of the TV I'm back in the office and ready to work. I don’t who I’ll be working with this week, but I’ll miss working with Trey. I learned so much from him in just a few days, like ways to oppose arguments and the best way to ask questions. There were things that I never would have thought of, ways to change the wording of a question so you get more definitive answers from your witnesses.

  I sit at the desk in my cubicle, catching up with the emails that came through over the weekend. There isn’t much, and the ones that did come in aren’t important in the slightest. I'm just about to go make myself a coffee when the elevator pings. I look up and the doors open, revealing Trey, who looks as sexy as fuck in his fitted dark blue suit and red tie.

  He looks up from his cell phone and our eyes meet, an instant heat appearing in his. With a single blink he manages to put his internal wall back up, hiding all his emotions behind it. I suddenly worry that he is going to ignore me, that being with me as Romeo means he won’t talk to me as Roman, but as he moves to walk past my desk I find I'm wrong in that assumption.

  “My office in ten, Roman. We have a court date to prep for.” He smiles before he walks past me and my heart flutters in my chest. Shit, I need to get these reactions to him under control. I can’t be acting like a teenager in love when I'm around him. The deal is we act normal here at the office so no one knows what’s happening between us, and I need to make sure I stick with that deal.

  After making us both a coffee I go to his office, grateful that the door is open so I don’t have to juggle both the cups to open it.

  “Knock knock.”

  Trey looks up from his computer, the same smile as earlier appearing on his face as he sees me. I approach the desk, leaning over to put his coffee down before I take the seat opposite him.

  “Thanks. I know I should want to work with you for more than your coffee making skills but damn, you make great cup of coffee.” He winks at me over the top of the cup as he takes a drink and I try to act like it doesn’t affect me, but I'm not sure I manage it.

  “I'm glad you want me for something.” I don’t mean it in the way it comes out, the words hanging between us creating an awkward tension. This is why I try to avoid talking to people. I always say the wrong thing, making everyone feel uncomfortable. And the way that Trey is looking at me, color blushing over his cheeks, I know that’s how he's feeling.

  “So what’s the plan for today? I thought the information was all organized for court?”

  I'm relieved when Trey’s body loses the tension in his shoulder, the change of subject obviously making him relax. “It is, but I want to prep you for your role in the case. I need to know that you won’t get thrown by anything when we’re in there.”

  I'm not sure what he's talking about. What does he mean when I get in there? The confusion must be clear on my face, because Trey bursts out laughing. I try to keep a straight face, but it’s difficult when he looks so captivating with that smile on his face.

  “Why are you laughing at me, Trey? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  He leans forward in his chair, resting his arms on the desk before he speaks. “For a really smart guy, you can be kinda stupid. I want you in court with me. I want you to sit by me in there and help me win.” His words make things clearer, and now my confusion turns to shock.

  I can’t believe that he would want me to sit with him, to be part of the case that he's spent months working on. He has never had any of the other paralegals join him in court before, no matter how much work they did. A worrying thought goes through my head, and I can’t help but wonder if he's only doing this because he's slept with me. Is he giving me special privileges because I've seen him naked?

  “But why? You’ve never done that before.” Common sense tells me I shouldn’t question his motives. I should just be thankful that he's inviting me to get more experience, to do something that the other paralegals would jump at the chance for, but part of me needs to know.

  “Because I think you deserve it. You are one of the brightest paralegals we’ve ever had here and I want to make sure that we’re making the most of your talents.”

  I feel my cheeks heat with a blush, but this time it’s because of his compliment. No one has ever said anything like that to me before. Grey tells me how good I am at my job, but what would he know. He isn’t a lawyer and he only thinks I'm great because he's my friend. To hear Trey say these things boosts my ego a hundred percent. Trey is the best lawyer I know, one that I hope to be like one day, so his admiration means more than anyone else’s could.

  “Thank you. I honestly don’t know what else to say but thank you. I'm a little shocked but honored that you're asking me to see the whole thing through, because you're … well you're Trey Colby. You are like the best lawyer out there, and for you to say that about me just blows my mind. Okay, I'm going to stop talking now, because God, I sound like a rambling idiot.” I groan at the end of my words, thinking he’s about to change his mind about letting me help. I dread to think what Trey is thinking of me right now. I mean if I can’t talk to him normally after all the time we’ve spent together, then there is no hope if someone talks to me in court. I have a vision in my head of the judge asking me a question and me talking for an hour without actually giving him an answer.

  I brave a glance at Trey and see that he's smiling at me. I don’t know if I should feel relieved or even more embarrassed, but with the heat rising on my cheeks I know my body has already decided. I really should be able to control my reactions around him, and normally I could, but after what we did together at the weekend I feel my defenses are a little lower than normal.

  “You know, you're kinda cute when you ramble.” My eyes widen at his words. He’s never said anything like that to me before, well not at work at least.

  I think he realizes his mistake as he looks down quickly, writing something on the papers in front of him. “Anyway, I need you to double check all the files and paperwork, make sure we have everything we need for tomorrow. Once you have that done we will go over the information one last time, you need to know this case inside out.”

  I nod my head and stand, making my way to the table where the boxes of files are sitting. I lift the lid on the first box, preparing to double-check its contents, when I stop but don’t turn to look at Trey.

  “Thank you, Trey.” I still don’t turn around, but I hear him move behind me. I try to hold in the shudder as I feel his body come into contact with my back. I feel the heat of his chest seeping through my suit and he places his lips next to my ear.

  “You deserve it,
and more.”

  I manage to hold in the groan until I hear his footsteps leave the office. When I'm alone I can finally breath again, my body relaxing until I'm leaning over the desk with only my hands keeping me upright.

  Shit, maybe our plan isn’t as great as I first thought.

  Chapter 13

  “Idiot. Stupid fucker. God!” I bang my head on the inside of the supply closet door again as I berate myself. How could I be so fucking stupid? I’m not meant to get that close to Roman, I'm meant to keep my distance. The whole idea was to spend my nights with Romeo, leaving me to be professional through the day when I'm in the office with Roman. I could feel it unraveling as soon as I exited the elevator and my eyes connected with his. I spent all weekend trying to get the images of him on his knees out of my head, but the instant I saw him again it became the only thing I could think of. With my cock hard in my trousers I walked past him, determined to ignore him, but the look on his face made me turn back and talk to him.

  Bringing him to court was another thing I had spent the weekend deciding. I haven’t taken any another paralegal with me, no matter how simple the case, and I wondered why I was thinking about it now. The same questions Roman asked me in my office had all entered my head, and I needed to answer them before I could ask him to join me. Why him? Why out of all the other paralegals was he the one I wanted there with me? Was it because I was having sex with him? I knew the answer was no, the reason I wanted Roman by my side in court was because he is amazing at his job. He’d saved my ass during the preparations, going over hundreds of pages of information and statements, and catching more mistakes than there should have been. I’d trusted Quincy with more than I should have, and if I had gone into there with the paperwork as it was I would have been laughed out of court. That’s why I want Roman there, he has been my right hand man and I truly think he deserves it.