The Hard To Love series

by T A. McKay

  I lean forward until my lips touch his ear and whisper. “You can stop me at any time. Just say crossword and I’ll stop.”

  He quietly repeats the word as I kiss along his neck and down to his shoulder. He might feel a little uneasy with what’s happening, but his body is reacting to my touch. He leans back into my chest, and I push my hard-on into his ass making him groan. I walk around him, taking his hands and carefully leading him through to his room. Once inside I close the door gently before seating him on the chair that I set up. I leave him sitting there and gather what I need for the first part of tonight’s activities. I press play on the iPod I set up earlier, listening to the opening notes of ‘I Think I'm In Love’ by Kat Dahlia come through the speakers.

  I grab Trey’s wrists, pulling them behind his back and tie them to the chair back, making sure he can’t move them. I can see his hands tense as he tries pulling against the scarves I used to tie him. I massage the back of his neck as I walk around to the front of him, sitting astride his legs. I lean in to his body, licking my tongue over his lips as I grind my hips to the beat of the music. He opens to me instantly and I reward him with a passionate kiss. I try to get through to him how much he means to me, how he has everything that makes me me, and I don’t want any of it back. I want him to own me, but I also want to own him.

  He moans into my mouth as I press onto his cock harder, tilting my hips as the music starts to speed up. I have never given a lap dance, but I have seen a lot of the guys at the club do it so I try to mimic them. I let the music take over like I do on stage, letting the rhythm dictate the movements that I make. As my hips move, I open the buttons on Trey’s shirt, running my hands over his bare skin as it comes into view. I can’t stop touching him, the feel of his skin under my palms like an addiction. I push the now undone shirt over Trey’s shoulders until it catches around his bound wrists. I sit back slightly letting my eyes devour his glistening chest, before leaning forward and letting my mouth follow the path my eyes were taking. He’s sweating slightly and the salt on my tongue makes my mouth water.

  “Fuck, Trey. You are the tastiest thing I've ever had in my mouth.” The image those words conjure in my mind have me backing off his legs, kneeling on the floor in front of him. I want his cock in my mouth, and I'm no longer patient enough to wait until he is in bed like I wanted. I had everything planned, but I left out one major factor in my plot.

  Trey.

  He’s just too hard to resist when I have him in front of me. My hands fumble as I try to undo his pants buttons, and he laughs above me. The laughter lasts until I wrap my hand around his now naked cock, turning it into a deep groan. I pull his pants down over his feet, throwing them behind me before turning back and gripping him again. His head leans back on the chair and his breathing speeds up as I run my tongue up the underside of his dick, taking the tip into my mouth and sucking gently. His taste explodes on my tongue and I need to press my own hard-on so I don’t come in my jeans. The plan had been to take hours on him, teasing every single part of him until he was screaming my name and begging me to come, but I know I will be lucky if I last until the end of the next song that’s playing.

  I let his cock slip from my mouth and replace it with my finger, getting it wet before I deep throat him, taking his attention away from where my finger is heading. As it slips between his ass cheeks he tenses slightly, so I suck harder until he thrusts into my mouth. I've never played with Trey like this, and I know that he doesn’t give this part of himself to many people, but I want it. I want to have this little part of him that very few people have had, and I want to be the last person to claim it. I press a little deeper and Trey sighs as my finger rubs over the puckered skin I was trying to find.

  “Shit, Roman. Oh god.”

  I push a little, making sure that he can feel the pressure. He thrusts further into my mouth, pre-cum exploding over my tongue. I pull back, his cock leaving my mouth with a little pop, and remove my finger before standing and walking behind Trey. I purposely drag a finger over his body, smiling as his skin erupts into goose bumps.

  I start to undo his bindings, letting his shirt fall to the floor as I speak to him quietly. “I want you to stand and wait for me to come to you. I have such filthy plans for you, Mr. Colby, and I had a great teacher.” I make sure I breathe his name into his ear. His body shudders as I tell him my plans, and I hope it’s with pleasure and not fear.

  I drop the scarves at my feet and wait as Trey stands on slightly uneasy legs. The next part of my plan is where things might not go as smoothly. I’m going to push him further than I normally would, but no further than he has pushed me in the past. I’m going to use some of his tricks to give him the most pleasure I can, and I hope that he lets me finish.

  I press my body into his back until he has no option but to move. I push him towards his bed that I’ve already stripped everything off apart from the sheet. When the front of his legs meet the mattress I keep pushing, and I can tell the exact moment he knows what I'm trying to do. His muscles tighten and I try to ease him by rubbing my hands over his shaking muscles.

  “Shhhh, it’s okay, baby. Relax, Trey. Just give in and enjoy. I promise I won’t hurt you, well not in a bad way. Trust me.” I hate to use his own words against him, but if he trusts me I won’t let him down. His body relaxes only fractionally, but he bends at the hips until his chest is pushed into the mattress. His breathing is labored as I lean over him and kiss his shoulders.

  “Thank you. Remember all you need to say is …?” I don’t say the word, needing to make sure that he can remember it. I want to give him an out if things get too much for him.

  “Crossword.” His voice is quiet but strong. I have so much respect for him in this moment, that even when he’s feeling out of his depth he will let me do what I need to. I kiss down his spine, letting my tongue lick up the sweat that’s pooling there. My tongue travels lower, licking across the top of his ass as I use my hands to open him up to me. I groan as his hole comes into view, and I don’t hold back any longer as I lower my tongue and flick it over the puckered skin.

  Fuck, fuck, fuck. I barely manage to keep my body pressed to the bed when I feel the first flick of Roman’s tongue against my ass. He’s been pushing me tonight, and I don’t know how to feel about it. Okay, that’s a lie. I didn’t know how to feel about it until he started licking me. Now I'm feeling damn good about what he's doing. I also felt good about it when he had me tied to the chair and the head of my cock was brushing the back of his throat. A loud, deep groan leaves me as he presses against my hole, the very tip of his tongue pushing through the tight ring of muscle. Normally I wouldn’t let any of this happen to me, but when Roman asked me to trust him I knew I had to. This isn’t about him taking control of me, this is about me giving him control. I need to show him that I can give myself to him and know that he won’t cause me harm.

  His tongue leaves me, and I'm about to complain when he leans over me, his naked chest pressing into my back. I feel movement before the blindfold is removed from my eyes. I blink a few times trying to get my sight accustomed to the light. When the blurriness disappears I look forward, my eyes widening when I’m met with the reflection of Roman leaning over me. His eyes meet mine in the mirror that shouldn’t be there, and he winks. I can’t help but smile when I realize how much planning he actually put into the night.

  “I want you to hold that position. If you move I will tie you down, but I don’t want to have to do that. Eyes on me at all times, I want you watching what I'm about to do to you.”

  My heart starts racing in my chest but my eyes never leave him. They watch as he reaches down and undoes his jeans, slowly slipping them down his hips. They watch as he collects something from the side of the bed, placing them next to my hip so I can’t see them. I watch as he runs his hands down my spine, a finger dipping into the crack of my ass. And I watch as he goes to his knees, his tongue returning to my hole. I throw my head back in pleasure, and when Roman wraps his hand
around my balls I think I might black out. It’s all too much, but at the same time it’s not enough. I haven’t been in this situation for so long, and feeling Roman touch me like this I can’t for the life of me remember why.

  My drifting mind comes back to the present when a cold drip of something hits my ass. My eyes focus, and I see Roman holding a bottle of lube above my body. I clench my ass as another drop of coldness hits my skin, warming as it drips down over my body. He clicks the lid back on and rubs the lube over my skin. I watch his face as he presses his finger against me, the look of pleasure clear on his expression. My eyes close briefly at the first breach of his fingers into my body. The burning sensation passes quickly, leaving only the feeling of his finger fucking me. I have no intention of saying my safe word, and I'm glad because I don’t know if I would be able to if I wanted. I drop my head as he presses a second finger in, scissoring them inside me and stretching my body to prepare for him.

  I’m panting by the time he pushes a third finger in, and I'm so close to begging him to put me out of my misery and fuck me. The realization is shocking, since I’ve never enjoyed being a bottom. I've tried a few times with guys I've been with in the past, but it was mainly to keep them happy. It doesn’t matter how many times you explain to someone that you don’t like taking, they always want you to try just for them. Tonight feels different though. Tonight feels like a new start for both of us. I’ve controlled Roman throughout our time together, and I know letting him have the reigns tonight is important.

  “You are so fucking tight, Trey. I don’t know if I will fit.” His words have my body clenching around him. God I need more.

  “Oh god, Roman. I never thought I would ever say this, but I need you inside me.” My voice comes out breathy, and I know if I wasn’t overdosing on lust I might be embarrassed. As it is, all I can focus on is him slipping inside my body.

  He removes his fingers and I watch in the mirror as he raises the condom wrapper to his teeth and tears it open. His hands are shaking as he unrolls the rubber down his cock, and it makes me relax to know that he’s feeling this as much as I am.

  He presses his tip against me, his eyes meeting mine in the mirror. “Are you sure?”

  This is it. This is the turning point in my life if I'm willing to take it. Everything that comes after this could be more than I ever imagined if I'm just willing to grab this moment with both hands. I press my body back against Roman, feeling him slip slightly inside my body before I still. My eyes haven’t left his and I don’t think I will ever get bored looking at him.

  “I love you and I want you.” And with a few words I dive off the cliff and into the unknown.

  Chapter 28

  My breath comes out on a hiss as Roman pushes into my body. He stills instantly, his hand rubbing over the base of my back.

  “Are you okay?”

  I nod my head, letting my body get accustomed to his size. When the burn passes I push back against him, and I fall in love with him a little more when he stands still, his fingers digging into my hips as he lets me control the speed. I know how much it’s taking for him to stay still, because when I slip into his body I don’t know if I could slow it down if my life depended on it. I build a rhythm, letting him slip into my body before I pull away, and his fingers dig in so much that I know there will be bruises tomorrow. I watch his face carefully in the mirror. His face is scrunched up in concentration, and the control it’s taking for him to be still causes a sheen of sweat to appear on his forehead. He looks so fucking sexy just now, and when I still, he looks in my direction, a look of worry on his face.

  “It’s your turn.” I smile when he looks relieved, but that is soon replaced by a heated stare as he pushes all the way inside my body. “Oh, fuck.” I can’t keep the words from leaving me as he grinds his hips against me. My words seem to release something in Roman, and he starts to move with determination.

  I close my eyes and drop my head against the bed as he pounds into my body. I have never enjoyed this, but as he finds a new angle, one that rubs against the magic spot inside I let out a cry of pleasure, knowing that I will be doing this again with Roman. No one has ever known my body like he does, and I don’t know how it’s possible. I’ve never let him explore, always too worried about control, and now I know that I was wrong. His movements slow and he leans over me, pulling me up against his body. His lips explore my neck and I drop my head to the side to give him more access, but not once do my now open eyes leave his. He licks up to my ear, his whispered words making my cock twitch and my ass clench around him.

  “I'm going to do this to you again and again, baby. And one day in the near future I'm going to do it without a condom, feel your body properly. Fill your body with cum so everyone knows you’re mine.” Between his words and the small thrusts into my body that he's making, I can’t help but reach down and stroke my cock. I’m so close to coming already and I want this to last so much longer, but I can’t stop rubbing, even when I feel my orgasm racing through my body.

  “That’s it. Let me see you come all over your hand. When you tighten around my cock I'm going to pound you until I empty inside you.” He holds my shoulders, pounding harder into me as I rub my thumb over the end of my cock. All the sensations are too much and with a loud cry, I shoot everything I have all over the bed in front of me. It only takes a few more thrusts until Roman cries out, his body tensing behind me as his cock pulses. The feeling is intense, and it makes me wish we hadn’t used a condom so I could feel him fill me like he said.

  I don’t care about the mess on the bed in front of me as I collapse onto it, Roman falling with me. He laughs as he lies on my back, the pressure making me feel secure, and that’s something I haven’t had in a long time.

  “I need to go clean up, but I can’t actually feel my legs.” Roman’s breath is warm against my neck and I laugh at his comment. I know how he feels, because I don’t think I could move if my apartment was on fire. All too soon Roman lifts from my body, his softening cock leaving me feeling empty. I hear him wander to the bathroom before a tap turns on. I know I should roll over before I stick to the bed, but my bones are still like Jell-O. I feel hands on my body and, with a strength that surprises me, Roman pushes me over onto my back before lifting me up the bed. He drops me and I land with a laugh, my head on my pillow. I watch as he cleans up my stomach and cock with a warm wet facecloth he brought from the bathroom, a feeling of contentment passing over me as he takes care of me.

  He must feel me watching and looks up at me, a happy smile on his face and I can’t help but reach out and touch him. He throws the cloth onto the chair he brought in earlier, and pulls the duvet up over our bodies.

  “I know I should change the bed sheets, but I really won’t manage tonight. So we need to just sleep on this side so we don’t touch the mess.” He snuggles into my side and I happily wrap my arm around him. We lie in silence for a few minutes, but I know he wants to ask me something. He may have learned a lot about me, but I know him well too. I can almost hear his thoughts racing through his mind.

  I decide to put him out of his misery and give him the opening he's looking for.

  “Out with it.”

  He laughs a little before he looks up at me. “I was just wondering if you were okay.”

  I kiss his nose, loving the relaxed feeling between us. Every other time that I have bottomed for a guy I’ve wanted to leave as soon as we finished. I never felt this comfortable after I gave that part of me away. It always felt like they had conquered me, like the reward was to be able to take me, but with Roman it feels different. I feel like we connected, that we both experienced what we just did together. It wasn’t him and me, it was us.

  “I'm better than okay. I will admit I was nervous when you first started tonight, but I was more than onboard by the time you finished. I do have a question though.”

  His big eyes stay focused on me as he waits for me to talk and I can’t help but drag the moment out a little longer than I sho
uld. He's had everything his own way tonight, and it’s time that I took a little of that control back.

  “You said it was my present, are you sure you didn’t get just as much out of it as I did?”

  His loud laughter takes me by surprise, and he covers his mouth to try and cover the noise.

  I pull his hand away, kissing his lips as they come back into view. “Don’t ever change who you are. I love your laughter, even when it’s loud as hell. I love everything about you, even if you were nothing I was looking for.” Roman yawns, a look of embarrassment crossing his face. “Well I'm glad my declaration of love is met with such enthusiasm.”

  He laughs again as he leans his head on my chest. “What can I say, you took it out of me. I need to build up more stamina if we are going to do that again.” Another yawn and I pull him in closer to my body.

  “Oh, we will be doing that again. There’s no question in my mind. Now go to sleep, baby, we have a lot to talk about tomorrow.”

  As he throws his leg over me, resting it across my thighs, he kisses my chest.

  “Merry Christmas, Trey.” I smile, knowing that this may just be my favorite holiday again.

  “Merry Christmas, Roman.”

  I’m flipping over a slice of French toast when I hear shuffling feet come along the hall. I place the toast on the serving dish and turn off the cooker before placing the dirty pan in the sink to wash once we have finished eating. I turn just in time to see Roman walking into the kitchen looking so damn cute. His hair is sticking up in all directions and he's making it worse by running his hand through it. His other hand is scratching his stomach and it pulls my attention to the fact that he is only wearing loose pajama bottoms. As much as I want to go over there and strip him naked, I decide that I will feed him before I take what I want from his body. He got his last night, so it’s my turn this morning.