The Hard To Love series

by T A. McKay

  The sexy ass blush that covers his cheeks is fast becoming one of my favorite things in the world. Trey always spoke about how sexy he found it when Roman got embarrassed and I used to think that he’d lost his mind. Now I can see exactly what he means. “So, it’s my turn for a question.” I lean forward slightly, bringing my body closer to Grey. “Do you regret anything from our time together?”

  The color on Grey’s cheeks deepens and now I'm really interested in the answer. There’s something going through his head that he's embarrassed about and I want to know what it is. I put my hand on his thigh and feel it tense under my palm.

  ‘Tell me what it is.”

  He looks up at me, his eyes burning with passion as he stares at me. “I regret not tasting you.”

  We kissed the last time we were together so I know he doesn’t mean that, and that leaves one thing. My cock throbs as it imagines what it would feel like to have him taste me. “I wish you had too.” My voice comes out quietly, and I wish I was more in control when it came to being with Grey.

  One moment I'm leaning forward towards Grey, the next my back hits the unit behind me with Grey’s body attached to the front of me. His lips attack mine, and I open to him, letting him explore as much as he wants to. His mouth tastes like tequila but under that is the taste of Grey, and I didn’t realize how much I had missed it until this second and that thought scares me a little. I’ve never thought of spending forever with someone but I honestly think I could with Grey.

  My mind comes back to what’s happening when his hands start messing around with the zipper of my jeans. He's having trouble with it, and I can’t help but smile when he lets out a small growl.

  He pulls back from me with a look of frustration. “I want them off. I want to taste you.”

  Fuck me. I don't think there is anything sexier than a turned on Grey, and I'm starting to doubt that I will walk away from this experience the same. Even with that thought going through my head, I stand and undo my jeans, dropping them around my ankles. I go to move but Grey pushes my hip, making me lean back until my ass hits the worktop behind me. He shuffles towards me on his knees, and I can’t take my eyes off him as he stops mere inches from me, his face right in front of my cock. The same cock that is currently trying everything it can to get closer to Grey.

  He rubs his hand up my thighs, causing the muscles to shake in anticipation. His fingers work under the edge of my boxer shorts, brushing just under where my balls are sitting. My breath stutters, and I reiterate my thought of never being the same again.

  I close my eyes, dropping my head back so I can’t see what he's doing. Having the visual along with all the feelings is going to end this before I fully get to experience it. The muscles in my stomach spasm as his fingers brush over them before he pulls at the waistband of my underwear. I groan out loud, knowing that it won’t be long before there is nothing between us. The material lands around my ankles, joining my jeans, and now I'm panting. I feel light headed because I'm starting to hyperventilate with the knowledge of what’s coming next.

  When something warm and wet slicks across the tip of my cock, my eyes flash open and I finally look down. Seeing Grey there with my cock bobbing only an inch away from his mouth has me fighting the need to come. I want this to last forever, but I know that it’s not going to. He hasn’t even taken me in his mouth and I want to shoot all over him.

  This is my first blowjob from a guy and I want to remember it, I want to focus on every single feeling it creates. And if I can get to the end of it without collapsing in a heap on the floor I will be eternally grateful.

  Grey looks up at me, staring deep into my eyes as he sucks me into his warm, wet mouth. I lock my knees so I don’t fall down and my fingers turn white as I grip onto the edge of the worktop. I’ve never felt anything like this before. The women who have blown me in the past have been good, but there’s just something more about this one. There’s more power behind Grey’s movements, a little more pressure as he pushes his tongue along the length of me, and a slight burn from his stubble as he brushes his cheek against my thigh. It all adds to create sensations like I've never experienced before, and I never want it to stop.

  I give up trying to hold on to the worktop behind me, and I tangle my fingers into Grey’s hair. Feeling the softness on my skin makes this feel real, less like the dream it could be. I try not to thrust into his mouth but as he takes me to the very back of his throat I can’t hold the urge back any longer and I start moving gently.

  Grey lifts his hand up to my face and sticks two fingers into my mouth. I gently nibble them before sucking them deep. Adding the action to the what I'm already experiencing is almost too much and I'm happy when he pulls his fingers away. My relief is short lived as he slips his fingers in between my ass cheeks, pushing gently against my hole, rubbing around without entering me. The shock of the movement is short lived as the feeling of ecstasy floods through my body and I explode without warning deep down Grey’s throat.

  My grip on his hair tightens as I let out a roar and thrust deep into his mouth. White lights explode behind my eyes and I feel my legs give out. When the haze fades I find myself kneeling in front of Grey, almost face to face with him. He has a smile on his face but there are tears in the corners of his eyes. I reach out and wipe them away, suddenly worried that I did something wrong. “What did I do? Did I hurt you?”

  Grey shakes his head and leans in to kiss me gently. “Never. You just went a little deep the last few thrusts.”

  “Shit. I'm so sorry.”

  He leans in and kisses me again. “I said you went deep, I didn’t say you did anything wrong. It was so much more than I’d imagined.”

  I love the way he’s always so open about what we do and doesn’t pretend that there’s nothing between us. It always makes me want to be open with him as well and tell him exactly what I'm feeling. “That was fucking amazing, Grey. I don’t think I've ever come like that in my life, not even when we fucked, and I thought that was the best I could experience.”

  He gets color on his cheeks, not embarrassment this time, but the shyness that he seems to feel when you give him a compliment. I'm not lying to him though. There has never been a time in the past where I have come so hard that I lost the use of my legs. Tonight will be remembered as a highlight in my life.

  “I hope you didn’t mind the finger. Just with your questions I thought you were interested in what it felt like. I won’t do it again if you don’t want me to.”

  I’m happy that he's thinking about the next time. It means that tonight isn’t going to become the last time we have some fun with each other, and I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I would like to get to know Grey in every possible way.

  I think about what he asked. Did I mind the finger? Fuck no. I’ve been thinking about what it would mean to bottom for someone and if it was something I could do. Up until five minutes ago I didn’t think I would be able to let anyone do that to me, but then I felt the pleasure spike as Grey pressed gently against me. Now it’s something I would like to explore at a later date. Just not tonight, and possibly not tomorrow. The way my cock is feeling right now, I actually feel like I may never get it up again.

  It’s my turn to steal a kiss, but I linger just a little longer than last time, savoring his lips. “The finger was everything. Even though it would’ve made me feel better if I’d managed to last maybe three minutes. I promise to build up my stamina for next time.”

  His smile at my words makes them completely worthwhile. I have this need to make Grey happy, it’s like there is something deep inside me that seems to be connected to his mood. I don't know what it is, or how to even explain it to someone, but it’s there, and I can’t do anything to stop it.

  “Then next time I might try something else to see how long you last.” He winks at me before bursting out with laughter.

  I lunge towards him, forgetting that I have my jeans and underwear around my ankles. What started as me trying to tickle
him for his comment, is now me lying on top of him half naked, with a rather hard dick pushing into my own. It makes my own cock wake up and show some interest again. I lie on top of him, just taking time to really look at him when he doesn’t have his defenses up.

  I’ve seen Grey so many times, and going through so many things, but tonight he’s the most attractive that I’ve ever seen him. His eyes are shining with happiness, and his lips are full and wet after the kisses I gave him. I lean down and claim his lips once again and a strange warmth spreads through my chest as he opens to me instantly.

  This is something I never imagined I would ever feel. Calmness is passing over me and I feel like this is where I was always meant to be. The only thing is, I don't know if I like it or not. I know I want to get to know Grey more, and I want to explore what we can have together, but I don't want to want him. I’m the kind of guy who will never settle down and I am more than happy with that. I like who I am and I don't need someone else to complete me.

  “I want more.”

  Grey’s words make the blood freeze in my veins. With the racing thoughts in my head, and now his declaration, my body is telling me that I need to run. I need to get as far away from this situation as possible.

  “I need to come.”

  The relief I feel almost has me collapsing on top of Grey. My stupid mind is making me hear and see things that aren’t there. I'm projecting my own feelings onto Grey, automatically thinking that he wants something I'm not willing to give. That's unfair, and apparently very wrong. I give Grey a shaky smile and lean down to kiss him in an attempt to distract myself. “Lets get right on that, sexy.”

  I'm lying in bed, twirling my cell phone between my fingers and trying to not text Grey. I came to bed about an hour ago, and I can’t turn my mind off from what we did in the kitchen. Making Grey come is now officially my favorite thing to do, and just like earlier, a slither of panic edges its way into my thoughts. This is why I shouldn’t message him, but my common sense is obviously on vacation as I open my texts and click on his name.

  ‘Whatcha doing?’

  It’s past three in the morning so I doubt that Grey’s even awake, and part of me that hopes he isn’t. If I don't get a reply then I need to stop the overthinking things and get some sleep. I was hoping that finishing the job for Mr. Fucking Donaldson would let me get some more sleep, but I seem to have more energy now than I did yesterday. My body is humming inside my skin and I feel like I could run a hundred miles.

  The vibrating of my muted cell has my heart racing and I roll my eyes at myself. I'm acting as though I didn’t just make Grey come all over his stomach less than an hour ago. The memory has my dick hardening and I try to ignore it by reading his message.

  ‘I'm sleeping. Zzzzz’

  I chuckle at his response. I love his sense of humor. It’s one of the things that makes it so easy to talk to him. I can have a joke with him and not have to worry too much about hurting his feelings. He has a thick skin and can definitely give as good as he gets.

  ‘I can hear you snoring from here.’

  I snuggle down under the covers more, getting comfortable in case we text for a while.

  ‘Bite me!’

  Yeah, see messages like that won’t help my hard on go away, but the visual of me biting Grey’s ass is just too delicious.

  ‘Just tell me where and I'm definitely your guy. I wouldn’t mind sinking my teeth into your ass.’

  I swear I don't know what it is about Grey, but I can’t seem to keep my thoughts away from sex when I'm talking to him. Even just after he told me about his best friend dying, I wanted nothing more than to pin him to the floor and remind myself what it felt like to be inside him. That thought was completely lost when Grey wrapped his mouth around my cock. The encounter ended when I brought Grey to orgasm with my hand. It’s the first time I’ve done that to a guy, and it is yet another thing I want to do again.

  It’s strange that all the new experiences with Grey are leaving me wanting to explore more. A lot of the things he's doing to me aren’t new, I’ve done them before with the women I've had sex with, but with Grey it is a whole new level of enjoyment. The only thing I need to work out is if it’s Grey that’s making it so good, or if it’s because he's a man. I need to experiment with another guy and see if it feels the same with them. The only problem with that is that thinking of being with another guy does nothing for me.

  ‘Is there a reason you’re annoying me?’

  Is there? Why did I feel the need to message him even though we spent the entire night in each other’s company?

  ‘I just wanted to say thank you. It took a lot for you to tell me about Billy, and I want you to know that I won’t tell anyone.’

  Wow. I'm not sure where that came from but I mean it. I haven’t lost anyone important in my life but I can imagine that the pain from it could destroy. I know that it was hard enough when Dalton went MIA and he isn’t even my real brother. But I felt it deep down in my soul. If he hadn’t been found, or god forbid, found dead, I know I would have been heartbroken along with Trey. So to go through it at the age Grey did, well I don't know how he copes as well as he does.

  ‘Thank you. I don't talk about it with anyone … not even Roman, so please don't mention it. I just felt like I could tell you and you wouldn’t think I was stupid for still feeling sad about it.’

  I take a moment to reread the message. It gives me a warm feeling that he said he felt that he could tell me. I think that's something that Grey has missed, having someone to listen to him without any judgment. After listening to him explain his family earlier in the evening, I realized that he wouldn’t have been able to speak to them. They wouldn’t have judged him, but they probably wouldn’t have cared either. I always get annoyed that my mom butts her nose in to my business, but I appreciate the fact that she cares enough to do it.

  ‘Any time. I’m here for you, Grey, and I mean that. For anything!’

  I hope he hears me. There are very few people in this world that I would class as a friend, but Grey is one of them. Even if we never have sex again, I will always be here for him.

  ‘Thank you, Nathan. Good night x’

  I don’t want to stop chatting but it’s time to go to sleep. Grey obviously wants to be left alone now. I lock my phone and put it on my nightstand before turning off the light.

  I lie there and stare at the dark ceiling, the headlights from the cars outside illuminating the room as they drive past. This situation with Grey is getting confusing and I need to workout exactly what I'm going to do about it. There is only one person I can talk to about it even if he is going to kick my ass.

  It’s time to tell Trey everything.

  Chapter 15

  “You slept with him? After I asked you not to, you still went and did it?”

  Trey is glaring at me over his desk and looks like he's about to come around to my side and beat the shit out of me.

  “Well you didn’t actually say I couldn’t have sex with him, you said I couldn’t make him hate me.”

  His glare doesn’t falter; if anything I think he looks even angrier. “You are going to fuck this up, Nathan. Then the whole fucking thing is going to implode and I'm going to have to choose between spending time with Grey or you. How could you be so fucking stupid? I know the guy thing is new, but couldn’t you have picked someone I didn’t know to experiment with?” His face is going red and he looks angrier than I’ve seen him in a long time. Well that makes two of us.

  “Fuck you, Trey!” My voice rises as I abruptly stand from my seat and I point my finger at him, my own anger taking over. “You have no fucking say in who I bang. I’m a grown ass man, and I know how to have sex without the world ending. I can’t believe you would honestly think I would intentionally hurt Grey. Fuck you.” I turn and storm away from him, only stopping when I hear him shout at me as I reach the door.

  “You actually like him don't you?”

  I take a deep breath and let it out slowly
. This is the moment where I either continue to lie to everyone, including myself, or I say the words that will change everything. “Yeah. No, fuck I don’t know.”

  “Sit your ass down and talk to me.”

  I drag myself back to my chair and pull it closer to the desk before I sit again. I put my feet up on Trey’s desk when I lean back, for no reason other than to annoy him. He’s pissed me off and I need to make it known. I cross my arms, acting like a moody teenager who doesn’t want to talk.

  “You are going to have to start this one. I don't even know where to begin with my questions.”

  “I don't know what to say to you, because I have no fucking idea what I'm thinking. The time I’ve spent with Grey is like nothing else. He’s funny, and sarcastic, and so fucking sexy. He does all these stupid little things that either make me smile or make me want to fuck him. Like he puts ketchup on absolutely everything he eats, and as much as it turns my stomach, it makes me smile. I'm just lost with it all.”

  I look up to find Trey smiling at me and I decide that I don't like that look.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?

  He draws out the minutes, taking a drink of his coffee before he answers me. I hate it when he does this, it’s like he knows he's right and he wants me to take note of the moment.

  “As I said before, you like him. I think you might be falling for Grey.”

  I scoff at his stupid comments. For a smart guy he really can be dumb. “Yeah, that's just what this is. I’m falling in love with Grey and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. If you aren’t going to talk sense about this, we need to change the subject.”

  The smug look never leaves his face and I want nothing more than to smack it off it. “Hey, I just had to check. One of the guys in the office was asking about going out with Grey, and I wouldn’t have wanted to step on your toes. Now I know I can tell him that I can set it up.” He calmly goes back to drinking his coffee, leaning back in his chair as he watches me over the rim of his cup. I know he's trying to get a reaction from me. He’s trying to make me admit that maybe I like Grey more than I'm letting on, and like a fool I can’t help but give him what he wants. I know there isn’t a guy from the office, but I can’t stop the anger that rises with the thought of him being with someone else.