by T A. McKay
“Just fucking try it. There will be no office guy for Grey and if you try it I will knock you the fuck out.”
“But you don't like him?”
“Fuck off.” I get up from the chair again. Walking towards the huge window that looks out over the city. I’ve always loved the view from Trey’s office, I could sit here all day and watch people on the street below going about their every day business. It doesn’t settle me today as much as it normally does and I know it’s because I can’t explain to Trey what I feel. “Okay, I might like him a little, but I don't want to. I didn’t start this to have any feelings, it was more because he wanted it, needed it even. Now I don't know if what I'm feeling is because it’s all new to me or if it’s because it’s Grey. I don't want to use him, but I also don't want to make this more than it is.”
“And what is it?” Trey joins me by the window, standing beside me as he looks out across the city. This is what I love about Trey; he always gets answers from you but without actually pushing.
“There’s the problem. I don't know. Why is it discovering I liked men was easier to deal with than whatever this is with Grey?”
“Because love is never easy.”
“I don't love Grey.”
He laughs, but it sounds like there is very little humor in it. “Tell me that in six months and I might believe you.”
I rub my hands over my face. I need to change the subject because this discussion isn’t helping me in the slightest. “How is the case with Bryce and Mr. Bryce going?”
“It’s done. Zeke won’t be losing his championship title any time soon.”
He hasn’t talked much about the case and it’s more than just the client privacy thing. I think this has affected him more than he’s letting on and he doesn’t want to discuss how he feels in case people think he still has feelings for Bryce. “Are you going to keep in touch with them?”
He turns and looks at me, a sad look on his face. “I don't think that's a good idea. As much as I love Roman, and I really do, what Bryce did still hurts. I don't think I’ll ever be able to forgive him enough to be friends. I wish him luck, but I think our lives need to be very much kept apart.”
I nod my head, totally understanding what he's trying to say. I don't think I would be able to be friends with someone who broke my heart. I’ve never experienced the pain, but seeing Trey go through it again and again was hard enough. Maybe that's why I don't want anything serious with anyone? Trey’s experience has scared me off. “I get you. I'm actually surprised he came to you with the case.”
This brings a smile to Treys lips. “He knows I'm the best.”
And there he is. My cocky best friend who could win any case. “Big headed shit.”
He just keeps smiling at me, not even bothering to fight the accusation.
“So are you all set for your birthday, old man?”
This question finally rips the smile off his face, and he lets out a loud groan. “I am so not ready for this. I can’t believe I'm going to be thirty-five. What age can I have my midlife crisis?”
“I thought you were already having that? The hot young pole dancer isn’t your bid to stay young?” I back away from him as I speak, pretty sure that he will do something to me if he gets his hands on me.
“Fuck you. The hot young dancer is mine because he's hot. And sexy. And smart. And did I mention great in bed?”
“Be careful, Trey. You don't want me picturing your boy toy naked again. Because I know just how fucking fine he looks.”
He glares at me, the muscle in his jaw twitching as he tries to control his anger. “You need to leave. Right now.”
I don't need another warning, so I walk quickly to the door before turning back to face him when I reach the door. “See you Saturday at Crave?”
He just nods before turning back to the window.
I need to go shopping to get a present for the old guy; I just need to decide what I'm getting him.
I watch Roman as he tries on yet another outfit that might be the one. I really want to tell him that maybe he should skip everything in here, but he's trying to find the perfect dance clothes for his gift to Trey.
“Seriously, that’s worse than the last one, Roman.” Everything he’s picked has been so obviously sexy, like he’s trying too hard and it just doesn’t suit him. I can tell he's getting stressed, and that means that the emotions will follow soon. Roman’s need for everything to be perfect is his biggest downfall and he always ends up too stressed to enjoy what's he’s planned.
“Well that's the last fucking thing in my size.”
I hold my hand up in front of me as he practically growls in my direction. “Back down, Cujo. I’m only here to help.”
He sighs and drops heavily onto the bench next to me. We’re in one of the dressing rooms at the back of the store. Thankfully this one has a proper door on it, unlike the last shop we were in which had a curtain that barely covered the opening, and a creepy assistant that hovered outside … a lot. “I'm sorry. I just want this to be perfect. It’s his first birthday since we met and I want him to remember it.”
I put my arm around his shoulder and pull him close to my side. “Honey, no matter what you do he’ll remember it. He loves you, so just spending the day with you would be enough for him.”
This gains a smile from Roman, and I'm relieved to see some of the tension leave his body.
“You are going to have a heart attack if you keep going like this. So, first question. What is Trey’s favorite outfit that you have?”
He takes a few minutes to think before he answers. “He prefers me naked, but since that's not actually an outfit, I would probably say my black jeans and a white t-shirt.”
“Then that's what you wear. Keep it simple. Go with a crowd pleaser and you can’t go wrong.”
He drops his head onto my shoulder and I pull him closer. “You always make these things seem so easy.”
I kiss the top of his head and enjoy our quiet moment. We don't get as many as we used to, so now I appreciate our time together more. “It’s only because you make things so damn difficult. You’re letting your OCD take over again. I mean, this is Trey we’re talking about, will he really notice what you’re wearing once you’re shaking your ass in his face.”
I finally get the laugh I'm looking for from Roman. I hate to see him getting stressed, and it’s always been my job to make sure he isn’t. I know that he's with Trey now but I refuse to stop doing this for Roman. I'm his best friend, and no one can ever take that away.
“You’re a dick head. Can we leave now and get coffee? I’ve had enough of trying on clothes.”
I stand up, handing him his jeans and shirt so he can get dressed. Thank god he’s decided that he has had enough, because one more outfit change and I think I would have lost it.
“So you’re telling me that you took Nathan’s virginity?” Roman is finding this story far too funny for my liking. I told him what happened between Nathan and me but it wasn’t so he could laugh. I genuinely want help to work out what I'm feeling. I'm just so confused with everything that’s running through my head, and I need to try and work out what exactly is happening between us.
“Don't be horrible, Roman. And no, I'm pretty sure he’s slept with a lot of women, actually I know he has.” The thought of Nathan being with random women isn’t a pleasant one, and even though I know that he's bi, it just feels wrong that he's with them.
“I know, but you popped his real cherry. The important one.” He winks at me and I can’t help but laugh at him.
“Yes, I did. But that's not the point I'm trying to make. I don't know what we’re meant to do now. We’ve had a couple of nights of fun, but does that mean anything? Are we something to each other, or is he just using me to experiment?” I think this is my biggest fear, that I'm just a plaything for him until he goes back to being with women. I’ve always thought that bisexual people where just kidding themselves and that they were just using the title to have a little
fun without having to actually define themselves. If this is what Nathan is doing then I'm not sure I want to be that guy.
“There’s only one way to find out, Grey. You need to actually talk to him. No alcohol and no sex. You need to lay it all out and get some answers.”
“I hate it when you make sense.”
“I know, but you should be used to it by now. Have I ever been wrong?”
I want to tell him that his whole start with Trey was him being very wrong, but I decide that it’s not worth the fight. Today is for my problems, and I'm not going to try and distract myself like I usually do. “Do you think that he could be with a guy? I don't know if I trust him. He has spent his life with women, so could he honestly be with a man for the rest of his life without wanting to be with woman again?”
“You do know that you sound like a dick right now? I can’t believe you haven’t got over this whole bi thing yet. If he wants to be with a guy then he will be, and that guy not having a vagina won’t be a problem if he’s in love.”
Roman knows me well, but I don’t think he knows how much this is confusing me. He's always thought that I’ve found enjoyment in dragging people out of the closet in the past, but that's not it. There have been a few guys that have tried to hide their attraction to me behind the straight card, and yes I will admit, it was fun to make then realize what they were missing. But I have never outed anyone that didn’t want it. I’ve also never looked at these guys as bi, I always thought they were closeted gay guys, and it turns out that there’s a really good chance I was wrong.
“I can’t help but think that he wouldn’t be able to settle with a guy.” I let out a deep sigh, knowing that this is a moot point anyway. “Not that it matters anyway. Nathan doesn’t come across as the kind of guy who does relationships anyway. So I will just see where this goes, if nothing else it’s a whole lot of fun.” I wiggle my eyebrows at Roman, hoping he will lose the serious expression on his face. I don't want to argue today, it’s my last day off and I want to relax.
“I'm just glad you’re finally getting some action. I was thinking that your virginity was close to growing back. I mean how long had it been?”
I flip him the finger, hating the fact that he's right; it was a really long time. I’ve never gone through such a dry spell before, and I don't want it to happen again. I'm not looking for someone to declare their love for me, but I do like to get my dick wet occasionally. “Too long. I don't ever want to go that long again. I swear I was getting close to chatting up your man to see if he would do me a favor.” I try to keep a straight face but it’s difficult to do when Roman looks torn between laughing at my comment and climbing over the table to hit me. “Calm down, I'm only joking with you. I'm not brave enough to even look in your man’s direction. I have never seen you so into someone, and so possessive”
It’s funny to observe Trey and Roman when they’re together. It doesn’t matter where they are in a room, you can see them watching each other. Even at the club, I can almost feel Trey’s eyes on Roman as he dances with me. I bet he could tell you where Roman is at every second and I swear Roman is exactly the same. When we hit the dance floor, we need to be within a certain distance of Trey, if we go too far and he's out of sight, Roman will make us move. I initially thought it was because of how new the relationship is, but now I know it’s just the way they are.
“I'm protective, not possessive.” Roman laughs as he speaks, because even he knows how much rubbish he's talking.
“Uh huh. That's it. You’re protective over the guy who is built like a body builder. I hate to break this to you, Roman. But you ain’t that strong.”
It’s his turn to give me the finger and it lets me know that I’ve won this round. “Just you wait until you fall in love. It makes you do stupid things. And when it does happen I’m going to have so much fun taking the piss out of you. I'm keeping notes, Grey, and you won’t be so smug then.”
I snort at him. “That whole falling in love thing? I don't think that's ever going to happen for me, so I guess that means I won’t be doing anything stupid in my future. But I'm sure you will do enough for both of us.”
“Keep believing that, Grey. You might convince me one day. Can I ask you something else?”
I want to tell Roman no and that I’m happy to sit in silence for a while, but I know he won’t listen anyway. “Shoot.”
“Have you thought any more about talking to someone? You seem happier now, but I'm just worried that that could change at any time. I love you, Grey, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
I look down at the table in front of me and start pulling little bits of the paper napkin off. I wish he hadn’t brought up what we discussed the other night at his house. The night we went for dinner and I finally let Roman into my past, he had said he thought I needed to talk to someone who could help me with my feelings about Billy. Thankfully he’d heard Trey shouting and the conversation was abandoned. I thought maybe he’d forgot what we were talking about, but apparently I’m not that lucky, and I have nowhere to escape this time. “I don’t need to talk to anyone, Roman. I’ve been coping with this for a long time now, and I'm doing pretty well.”
“Are you though? Is bottling it up inside until you have no option but to let it explode really coping?”
“I'm fine. I promise if I feel I'm not coping then I will talk to someone.” I have no intention of keeping that promise, but it makes him relax so it was worth telling a little white lie.
“I will be watching, just so you know. Okay, now tell me more about Nathan’s cock.” He winks at me and I laugh in response. We spend the next hour ordering coffee and talking. It’s nice to get some one on one time with Roman, and I hope that I’ll be able to do it again soon.
Chapter 16
The change in music and the house lights dimming catches my attention. We’re sitting at our usual table at the front of the stage in Crave, waiting for Roman’s turn to dance. We’ve been here for about forty minutes now, and this is the third new dancer to take the stage. I say dancers but really they’re strippers. I think Roman is the only one here that keeps his clothes on.
I watch the new guy take the stage, but he isn’t really keeping my attention, especially not when Grey is sitting by my side. His thigh keeps brushing against mine when I become too interested in what’s happening up there. I thought it was just coincidence to begin with, but after testing the theory a few times I know he's doing it on purpose. Not only does the knowledge that Grey is jealous make me smile but it also makes me hard. I don't think I’ve had a hard on for this long in my life.
Trey moves in his seat again and I turn to look at him. We had dinner before we came here tonight and he was fine, laughing and joking as we celebrated at his favorite steak house but as soon as we arrived here, his mood changed. Now he looks as though he wants to vomit on the table in front of him. He throws back another Scotch and that's when I know something is wrong. Trey is more a savor the flavor of a good Scotch kind of guy, especially the expensive ones he drinks, not a drink it as quickly as possible kind of guy.
I lean towards him, making sure he can hear me over the music. “Spill it.”
He looks at me, probably not realizing what I'm talking about. He's been so stuck in his head since we arrived that I'm surprised that he even remembers we’re here. “What?”
“You look like you’re about to come face to face with your worst nightmare. Why are you so jumpy?”
He just stares at me for a few moments, and as he’s about to start talking the music changes to Pour Some Sugar by Def Leppard. We were told that this is the song that Roman is dancing to tonight, so Trey’s eyes instantly go to the stage where his boyfriend is twirling around the pole. I try not to watch too closely, but Roman dancing isn’t something you can ignore. He’s so graceful, and if he wasn’t my best friend’s other half, I would probably try and take him home.
Grey’s thigh brushes over mine again, and I smile around the rim of my glass.
When I put the glass on the table I turn to him, leaning in so I can talk straight into his ear. “You are going to wear a hole into the leg of your pants if you keep rubbing against me like that.” I expect him to blush at my comment, but the alcohol must be making him feel brave because his leg rubs against mine again, and this time he leaves it pressed against me.
“Don't know what you mean, I'm just getting comfortable.” He goes back to watching what's happening on the stage, purposely ignoring me as I stare at him. He knows exactly what he's doing, but if he wants to act all innocent then I will play along … for now.
I turn to watch the stage, knowing I’ve missed a lot of what Roman has done, but since it is only for Trey I don't think he’ll care. I relax back into my seat a little more, crossing my ankle over my other leg, and watch the entertainment. I love to watch Roman dance. There’s just something about him up there that makes me a little happier. It’s not a sexual thing, well not completely, but it’s more the fact that he makes it look so artistic. He's in a strip club surrounded by naked men, and yet he's the one who stands out the most. His movements are seductive and I could watch him for hours.
Grey’s leg rubs against mine again, and I don't know what possesses me to do it, but I reach out and put my hand on his thigh. He instantly stills, but doesn’t push my hand away. It feels nice, having that connection with him as we watch what's happening on stage.