The Hard To Love series

by T A. McKay

  “That sounds like a good deal. You tell me what you are thinking, and I will tell you how I feel. I might not tell you the whole story, but I will tell you the direction I’m heading. So tell me, Nathan, what do you want from me?”

  “A threesome.” It’s not what I was meant to say. I was meant to explain that I'm having feelings for him that I haven’t had before. I wanted to admit that I’d like to spend more time with him outside of the bedroom and see if we have anything that looks like more than a friendship. Are we compatible or is it a case of just really good sex?

  I know Grey is just as shocked at my words as I am, but he looks hilarious sitting there with his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide. I reach over and press my fingers against his chin gently, closing his mouth as we sit in silence. I don’t know what to say to him, so I will let him take the lead for a little while.

  “A threesome?” His voice comes out really quietly, and if there had been any noise in the apartment at all, I don’t think I would have heard him.

  “Yeah, you know that thing where three people have sex instead of two.” I know I'm being a dick, but I have a feeling he's going to say no, so I need to make this seem like I'm kidding.

  “But … but I don’t sleep with women, Nathan.”

  This gives me a little more confidence. Maybe it’s the thought of sleeping with a woman that is freaking him out, not the actual threesome itself. Now just to tell him that there wasn’t ever a woman in the equation. “I never mentioned a woman. I know that lady parts don’t do it for you, Florence. I would never ask you to do that. I was talking all men.”

  He looks a little bit more relieved now, but there are still some reservations in his eyes. I can almost see all the doubts working their way through his head and I want to chase them away so he agrees. I didn’t mean to say the threesome thing, but that doesn’t change the fact now that I want it to happen more than any other idea I've had.

  Actually it wasn’t my idea. It was one of the naughty things that Jared whispered in my ear earlier. When he saw that I wasn’t enjoying the attention he was giving me, he brought up Grey. Apparently he saw me disappear into one of the back rooms when we went to the club for Trey’s birthday. He said he could see how I only had eyes for Grey but that shouldn’t stop him from being able to have a little fun with us both.

  I’d laughed at his suggestion of the three of us getting together, but now that I have the possible visuals going through my head, I can’t stop thinking about it. The thought of seeing Grey being pleasured is making me hard, and I need to see it like I need my next breath.

  “Who?”

  I take pleasure from the fact that he hasn’t said no yet, he’s asking questions and that gives me hope that he might actually do this. “Do you remember when we went out for Trey’s birthday? There was a guy that you didn’t like touching me.”

  “Jared?” It shouldn’t surprise me that he knows Jared, I mean his best friend works at the club, but there is a little bit of me that bristles with jealousy. I know I have no right to feel this way, but there it is anyway. I wonder how intimately he knows Jared, maybe this is why Jared suggested it in first place? Did he want another chance to be with Grey?

  “Nathan, is it Jared?”

  I realize that my anger towards Jared has meant that I've zoned out, my anger is probably pointless but I can’t help but finding out. “Have you slept with him?”

  “Jared? Hell no. He isn’t exactly my cup of tea. It hasn’t stopped him from trying it on every time I see him, but I haven’t given in to his advances.”

  Well that explains a lot. This would be a dream scenario for Jared, and if I didn’t have aching balls thinking about it, I would say no and keep Grey to myself. “Is that a no then?”

  He stares at me, obviously considering his answer very carefully. Again, the fact he hasn’t just said no gives me hope, and I will him to say yes. I don’t know why this is suddenly so important to me, all I know is that it is.

  “It’s not a no, but it’s not a yes yet. I have some more questions.”

  Questions are good. Questions mean that he’s willing to consider this. “Hit me.”

  “What are the roles and rules? Is this a free for all, or are there going to be set out roles for everyone?”

  Shit, this is something I hadn’t thought of. You don’t need to think of these things with a threesome that includes women. There is pretty much only one thing that can be stuck in certain areas, but now that he's mentioned it I realize how important this conversation is. I want him to say yes, so I will let him lead all the decisions. I'm sure Jared will be happy to go along with anything we agree to.

  “You decide. I want you to do this with me, so you tell me what you're happy with.”

  He just stares at me, and I start to feel a little uncomfortable. I see the moment that something clicks in his head, the moment his attitude changes and a decision is, at least, partly made. “There has to be protection … no exceptions.”

  “Goes without saying.”

  “I won’t do anything that involves tying up, or anything that leaves me vulnerable.”

  “I will protect you, Grey. Nothing will happen to you while I'm there. But no tying up.” I’m willing to give him anything he wants to get him where I want him, well almost anything.

  “I will bottom for both of you, but I will have final say on the night. And there will be no double.”

  It’s my turn to be a little shocked. Double penetration isn’t something that I’d thought about asking for. It’s not something I've ever thought about with the women I'm with, so it’s definitely the last thing I would have thought about doing with Grey and Jared. “I'm perfectly happy with all that.”

  “Are you going to bottom?”

  My breath catches in my throat when he asks that question. I'm not sure what my part in this threesome is going to be, but there are a few things that I know for certain. Number one: I want to see Jared touching Grey. Number two: I want to be inside Grey again. Number three, and this is the most important one, I will not be bottoming.

  If it was just Grey and me, I would take that step and let him do that to me. But not with Jared. He isn’t going to do that to me, it’s going to be someone I trust. That’s Grey. Even if he says no to the threesome I want it to be him. “I can’t have my first time being like that. I want it to be more relaxed, so no. But maybe afterwards, you could help me out?” I wink at him and the resulting smile makes me happier than it should. There’s just something very rewarding about making Grey smile and I want to do it over and over again.

  “Yes.”

  It’s all he says and it leaves me a little confused about what he's saying yes to. My heart is racing in anticipation, but before I let myself get too excited I want to know what exactly I'm getting excited about. “Yes to what. The threesome or helping me out?”

  “Yes to it all, Nathan.”

  Chapter 22

  My stomach churns with nerves when I hear the front door open. I have been anxious all day because tonight is the night. We’ve spoken about doing it for the last few days, and when Nathan spoke to Jared he said that tonight was his only night off from the club this week. I thought that maybe we could wait until he was off next week, but Nathan wasn’t happy with that. He’s been pushing for this to happen sooner rather than later.

  So tonight is the night that we will be joined by Jared, and I think I might be sick if my nerves don’t calm down. I’ve never done anything like this, and the unknown is creating various scenarios in my head. Everything that could possibly go wrong is screaming at me, and if I didn’t think that Nathan wanted this so badly, I’d call the whole thing off in a second. He’s the only reason I'm going through with this, his excitement means everything to me and I don’t want to let him down. He's not forcing me into it, but this is not something I would do without him.

  I jump when a pair of arms wrap around my waist, making me drop the plate I was washing back into the soapy water.


  “I thought you heard me come in?” His breath is warm against my neck and I find myself leaning towards him.

  “I did, but I got lost in my head.”

  His lips brush over the skin on my neck and I instinctively tilt my head. “You think too much, sexy.”

  If anyone asked I would never admit it but him calling me sexy gives me butterflies. I don’t want to feel like this with Nathan. I want to play it cool and pretend I don’t have more feelings invested in this than he does.

  “You're doing it again.”

  I ease myself out of his arms. I need to put some distance between us so I can think straight so I grab a towel to dry my hands before turning to look at him. He's moved so he’s leaning against the edge of the worktop and my eyes automatically roam over his body. I've been envious of Nathan since the moment I met him on Christmas Day. He seems so comfortable in his own skin, even when his whole life changed he seemed to take it in his stride. Any other person who’d suddenly developed feelings for the same sex would be freaked out, or at least a little confused about the whole thing, but not Nathan. He just seemed to say fine and moved on. Even now, knowing what’s about to happen, he looks as though he's the most relaxed person in the world.

  “You’re thinking about my cock, aren’t you? You can’t wait for it to be inside you and you’re currently daydreaming about it.” He winks at me and I try and repress the smile that’s trying to break free.

  “Fuck off, Nathan.”

  He looks at me with his mouth wide open, a fake look of horror on his face. “You kiss your mother with that mouth?”

  “Fuck off, Nathan.” I don’t give him any other reaction as I repeat myself.

  “You will never find a husband if you carry on like that.”

  I run my tongue along the front of my teeth as I try to not to let him rile me up. He's trying to get a reaction, and I won’t give him that satisfaction, so I just give him my go to answer. “Fuck off, Nathan.”

  “Don’t you know that men are looking for a lady on the streets but a freak in the bed? I'm pretty sure you have the freak part down, Grey, but you really need to work on the lady part.”

  I'm going to kill him. I am going to wrap my hands around his throat and squeeze until he stops fucking talking. The thought makes me smile to myself, that is until he keeps speaking.

  “Just admit you’re thinking about my cock. It doesn’t make you a bad person.”

  “No, I'm thinking about how I already have a husband, and apparently he doesn’t care that I'm not a lady.”

  He stills for a moment until he realizes what I'm talking about. The emotions that flicker across his face look a lot like jealousy, but that can’t be right, not when I'm talking about Nathan. He might have admitted that he liked me but that’s as far as it goes. “Well this husband is quite happy you aren’t a lady, and I'm sure Jared will be happy about that tonight as well.”

  The thought of Jared sours my stomach and my happy mood instantly vanishes. Nathan must notice because he moves to stand in front of me, his hand cupping my cheek.

  “Okay, what did I say there to make you look so sad?”

  I try to avoid his eyes because he has this way of making me tell him everything just by looking at me, but I know that it’s useless.

  “Nothing. I think I'm just a little nervous about tonight. I've never done anything like this before and I think I'm just wondering what will happen.”

  He has a sudden look of concern on his face and I hate the fact that I put it there. I want tonight for him, and I need to just suck it up and let it happen.

  “You don’t have to do this. I can call Jared right now and tell him I changed my mind. I don’t want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with.”

  His understanding makes me feel even worse. He didn’t force me into saying yes in the first place, and I have to admit that the thought of doing something crazy with Nathan gets my pulse racing. “I'm fully on board. I want to do this. I'm just feeling a bit nervous. And I'm pretty sure that it’s your ass Jared wants, I'm just here for decoration.” I try to keep my voice light so he thinks I'm joking, but I have actually just admitted one of my biggest fears. Jared has propositioned me before and given me the whole ‘I couldn’t keep my eyes off you’ speech, but it was nothing compared to the way I saw him looking Nathan on Trey’s birthday.

  I’d seen Jared watching him the whole time we were in the club, showing him an intense interest as he sat with us at the table. His attention had made a very ugly side of me appear and I wanted to rub myself all over Nathan’s body to claim him as mine. It was the main reason I had leaned my body against Nathan’s, silently telling Jared that Nathan was mine. It didn’t put him off and I had followed them and staked my claim again.

  Now he’s coming to have sex with us, with Nathan, and it makes the same feelings build up inside me. I don’t know how I’ll cope seeing Jared touching Nathan tonight but I don’t have much more time to worry about it.

  I'm shocked out of my thoughts when Nathan’s lips touch mine. It’s not a gentle touch, it’s passionate and needy, and I open instantly, wanting to lose myself in him. The touch on my face tightens slightly before his hands move down to my neck, gripping the back of it as he holds me close. I feel my lungs struggling to get enough air but I don’t want our lips to part for a second, so I decide that kissing Nathan is the perfect way to die.

  He presses against me and I gasp when my back hits the fridge behind me. His whole body rubs against mine, his hard dick grinds against my own, and the friction makes me feel like I’m about to come in my pants. I grab onto the side of his shirt, keeping him close to me. I don’t know if he’s planning on moving away from me at any point but I don’t want to give him the opportunity. The feeling of him against me not only makes my heart race, but it actually makes me feel safe, like nothing can ever harm me.

  The doorbell goes, and Nathan slows his kiss. I don’t want him to stop, but the moment is over. Any connection we have is about to include someone else, and as much as I want to just pretend we aren’t in, we can’t. Nathan pulls away, and if I'm not mistaken he looks as disappointed as I do. The look passes quickly and he covers anything he's feeling with a smile.

  “Time to get this party on the road.”

  I give him my best fake grin and watch as he walks away to open the door.

  I shouldn’t have kissed Grey. I should have stepped back and waited for Jared to arrive, but I couldn’t stop myself. He looked so lost and when he looked at me with a look of possessiveness, I couldn’t walk away. I don’t know what was going through his head but I know he was looking at me as though he wanted to devour me. I don’t even know if he was aware that he was doing it, because he seemed surprised when I kissed him. It didn’t stop him kissing me back instantly though and making my cock hard within seconds.

  Now I'm standing in front of the door, rearranging myself before I open it and face Jared. Now that the night has come, the night that I was so desperate for, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I’d convinced myself that I wanted this more than anything and seeing Jared and Grey together would be the hottest thing ever. Unfortunately now that Jared is standing on the other side of the door I’m having my doubts.

  The doorbell goes again and I jump at the noise. Someone is apparently impatient to get things started. I jump again when a hand lands on my shoulder and is closely followed by a pair of warm lips brushing against my ear.

  “You need to let him in.”

  The jealousy that’s been plaguing me for the last few days resurfaces, but I put on a fake smile and do as he says. When the door is fully open I see Jared standing there in a pair of leather trousers and a white tank top. He looks hot in his outfit, but even that doesn’t remove the feeling of wrongness that I have. When his eyes reach Grey they stay on him, darkening as he takes him in. I can imagine what he's thinking about and I'm sure that I'm only here as a way for Jared to finally sleep with Grey. I saw him watching Grey when we went out for Trey�
��s birthday, and that’s why I was so shocked when he approached me.

  “Are you going to invite me in?” Even though his words are to both of us, his eyes never leave Grey and I can feel my jealousy growing inside me. I want him to stop looking at Grey so I step in front of him, blocking him slightly. I know that it’s a childish thing to do, but it’s easier than pissing on Grey to mark him as mine.

  “In you come.” I motion for Jared to walk past us and he strolls towards the living room at the end of the hall. I close the door and look at Grey, instantly wishing I hadn’t. He looks upset with me, the pain clear on his face for anyone to see. “What?” I don’t know what I've done so he's going to have to explain it to me.

  “Nothing. Let’s just get on with this.”

  He walks away and leaves me standing there in complete confusion. I haven’t done anything to piss him off, the only thing I did was move in front of him to block him from Jared. Is that it? Was he upset that I took Jared’s attention away from him? If that’s the reason then does it mean that he wants Jared? Does he wish I wasn’t here so he could have the whole night alone with him? That doesn’t sound right since he told me he had no interest in Jared and was nervous about the whole thing, but maybe he was lying to me. The kiss we just shared didn’t make me feel like he doesn’t want me, but fuck knows what he's thinking. Let’s just get this over with.

  We decided to use my bedroom since the bed is bigger than Grey’s so it will fit us all comfortably. I close the door behind me before leaning back against it to wait to see who’ll make the first move. Jared stands in the middle of the large space next to the bed, and where people would normal stand to possibly look around the room, he doesn’t. He only has eyes for Grey and Grey is looking at me, his nerves showing as he moves around his lip ring. I should go over and help him feel more relaxed, but my feet seem to be stuck to the floor. I know everyone thinks I'm full of confidence and that nothing worries me, but this situation is new to me and I don’t know what to do. The only real experience I have with a guy has been with Grey, and all his questions the other night made me realize that I might be getting in over my head. It’s better to stand here and wait to see what happens.