I took a step back, letting out a slow breath and tightening my grip on my laptop bag to keep from reaching for him.
“I’m married,” I said, then had to clear my throat.
“Your wife doesn’t mind,” Maks said, crossing the room and standing close enough that I could feel the heat of his body.
Torture.
Maks was looking down at me as if I was everything he’d always wanted. He was looking at me the way that Luke used to look at Sarah, the way I’d never imagined anyone would look at me, least of all a man who made me feel like this.
I shook my head, not trusting the right answer to come out of my mouth if I opened it.
Something like pain flashed across Maks’s face, and he reached out and cupped my cheek. “I need you,” he whispered. “How can you not feel it?”
Oh, God. Ohgodohgodohgodohgod. I didn’t break promises, I reminded myself, starting to panic. I wasn’t free to say yes, no matter how much I wanted to.
Maks suddenly dropped his hand, taking a step back and rubbing the back of his neck with a sigh of pure frustration.
“Shit. I’m scaring you,” he muttered. “I’m not going to… to force myself on you.”
With my cock engorged and my body on fire, the only thing I was scared of was never feeling that touch again… but then I came to my senses. No, that wasn’t the only thing I was afraid of. I was also scared that Maks would make me forget everything that was important to me, would talk me into indulging myself and taking what I wanted—what a part of me insisted I needed—regardless of the consequences to the people I cared about.
“I can’t, Maks,” I said again. “I’m married.”
And he turned away, his whole body radiating a tension that I could literally feel as he walked away from me. It made my stomach hurt. And it made me say something I probably shouldn’t.
“I’m married,” I repeated. And then, softly enough that I could almost convince myself he wouldn’t hear, I added, “for now.”
But Maks did hear. He was already halfway out the door, but he stopped and turned back, smiling. It was a dangerous, wicked smile that promised to give me all the things I was trying not to ask for.
“Then I can wait,” he promised, the words licking at me like flames.
And then he left.
* * *
I couldn’t sleep.
I’d been tossing and turning for hours, and with a frustrated sigh I flung the blankets off, too hot and bothered to be able to stand it. I couldn’t stop thinking about Maks. Not just thinking about him… wanting him. Fantasizing about him. Burning for him.
I didn’t usually do that.
Even though I’d been attracted to other men in the past, this was the first time I’d met someone who I quite literally couldn’t get out of my mind. I was practical. Responsible. Smart. I didn’t normally feel things—sexual things—this intensely. I didn’t want like this.
My hand drifted up to my face, covering my cheek where his hot hand had rested that afternoon. I could still feel the heat from the brief contact earlier, as if I’d been branded. A delicious shiver went through me at the thought. Maks made me want to surrender myself to him. To have him claim me in every possible way. To make me his.
Maybe it was weird for someone my age, but I’d never given that much thought to sex. It had always seemed like something I’d get around to, but I’d never really thought about what I’d want. About things I might like to do… or have done to me. I’d always taken my responsibilities in life seriously, but suddenly the thought of giving up responsibility, of giving up control and just letting someone else—him—have his way with me, was intoxicating.
If I closed my eyes, it was easy to let the pulsing heat that had filled me since I’d met him rise up and become my whole world, blotting out reality and making it feel like he was really here. Like we were connected.
I rarely touched myself, but now I felt almost possessed, imagining that my hand was his. Letting it drift down from my cheek and over my throat, imagining that it was both rough and gentle at the same time, big and hot and taking control of my body in a way that I’d never imagined I’d enjoy, but that now made me whimper with need.
I wanted Maks to own me, to stroke those strong hands over every part of me, lighting me on fire. I sucked in a sharp breath as my nails grazed my sensitive nipples. An electric jolt shot straight down to my cock, and even though I hadn’t touched myself there yet, my hips jerked off the bed.
I had never been with another man, so I shouldn’t be able to imagine what it would feel like quite so vividly. I didn’t want to have to imagine it, though. Even though I’d told him no, I desperately wanted to find a way to say yes. I wanted Maks here, covering me with that large, hard body... touching me everywhere… pressing me down into the mattress… taking charge of this raging lust that was pounding through me.
I wanted it to be his hand wrapped around my leaking cock, his thumb slicking over the sensitive head and then stroking me firmly, finding a rhythm that made me pant with need, that made me bite down on my knuckles to stifle the moan that forced its way out of my mouth.
I wanted Maks to be the one taking control, looking at me the way he had that afternoon.
Unbidden, I remembered his voice—I need you—and the memory made sounds tumble from my mouth that I didn’t recognize. Sounds I couldn’t hold back. Sounds of pure, raw need.
I needed him. I needed Maks to be the one driving me toward the explosive climax that was tightening, coiling, burning within me. My hand moved faster and faster. I was going to come, but I didn’t want it to be like this. I wanted it to be with him. I wanted to feel him inside me, filling me, taking me hard and fast in a relentless rhythm that wouldn’t let up, wouldn’t let me deny him. I wanted him to fuck me like he owned me, dominating my body, my senses, my mind and heart and soul, until I could forget why I’d ever thought I should say no, until nothing existed except the man who I knew could burn away all my inhibitions and make me feel… oh… God… just…like…THIS.
I gasped Maks’s name as I came, shooting over my hand and coating my chest with the result of my fantasies… and it was good, but it wasn’t enough. Even as my body relaxed in the afterglow of my orgasm, an overwhelming wave of despair squeezed the breath from my lungs.
I’d made promises, and I wasn’t at all sure how long it would take me to keep them, or when I’d be free to say yes to the man who I suddenly needed like air.
Or—despite what he’d said about waiting—whether he’d really still want me once I could.
7
~ Maksim ~
“How long does he plan on staying married, anyway?” I asked crankily, tossing a rock over the ledge of Dane’s dragon’s lair and listening to the clatter as it bounced down the side of the mountain. “This waiting is driving me crazy.”
Dane was suspiciously quiet, and when I looked over I saw about what I’d expected. My friend was doing everything he could not to laugh.
“Sorry,” the dark haired shifter said, not even trying to sound like he meant it. “I’ve just never seen you so… impatient.”
“Can you blame me?”
Dane sobered. “No, Maks. I am sorry. I know what it’s like not to be able to go to your mate. Whatever obstacles there are, though, it will be worth the wait. Worth whatever you have to do to figure it out.”
I knew he was right. Seeing what Dane had with his fated mate had been a revelation.
Before he had found Wes, we had both only known one option for our kind to mate, and it was one that was unacceptable to both of us since it always resulted in the death of the human father. Both Dane and I had both been sired that way, and I had spent years trying not to think about the human father I had never had a chance to know, the one who had borne me.
I had been fostered by a human family, and growing up I’d believed that the couple who raised me were my parents. My sire had compelled my foster parents to forget that I wasn’t their own, and it had b
een terrifying for all of us when my dragon had awoken and burst forth in early adulthood. It was the way of the European dragons across the ocean, and Dane’s history was the same.
Most of our kind had no qualms about using and disposing of human men to bear their young, compelling human couples to foster them during the early years, and then claiming and raising their hatchlings once their dragons awoke. Dragons like my sire cared only for continuing their legacies of power and manipulation, and they trained each new generation to believe that it was their right to use humankind for their own purposes.
Dane had rejected that life before I was ever born, and not a day went by that I wasn’t thankful that his friendship had saved me from becoming like my sire. The day my dragon had first burst out of me, shocking in its power and intensity, Dane had felt it and come to me. When I chose Dane’s way over the life my sire had intended for me the old beast had left in anger… and fathered another child to replace me as his legacy.
Dane and I had tried to save the babe, but we had been young, and we’d failed. Thoughts of the brother I’d been forced to abandon always hurt, and for centuries, I had avoided dwelling on what we had left behind. For all the power that the European dragons wielded, it was a lonely existence, and nothing highlighted that more than seeing what Dane had found with his fated mate.
I didn’t like feeling melancholy, and I was grateful now when Dane brought my focus back to the present. Back to Devin.
“Did he tell you anything about his marriage?” Dane asked me. He was frowning, wondering out loud about the questions I wished I had answers to: “Why did he marry a woman, anyway? And if he’s not planning on making it permanent, what is he waiting for?” Dane hesitated, then added, “And the children—are they his?”
“I have no idea,” I admitted, starting to pace along the edge of the ledge. The drop off didn’t bother me, of course. If I ever lost my balance I could shift fast enough to avoid any danger. “I haven’t heard from him since I followed Sarah home after the park last week. I think I scared him.”
I winced at the memory. I had never pushed my attentions on a man who didn’t want them. I’d never had to. It hurt to think that Devin had been scared of me, but I’d definitely felt something through the connection that bound us together, and it had been something I didn’t ever want to feel again… because it had hurt him.
Although I’d always had a do-no-harm and let’s-enjoy-the-moment philosophy toward humans, I’d never had the same protective instincts that Dane had felt for them… but with Devin it was different. Feeling him panic had awoken something in me that was determined to protect him at all costs, even if that meant safeguarding his heart from me. I swallowed, uncomfortable with the idea that my mate had felt the need to run away from me.
I could tell that Devin was attracted to me, and normally that would have been enough for me to take what I wanted without any hesitation, but with him, I couldn’t… because even though it was obvious that he wanted me, it was equally obvious that he didn’t want to want me. And that a part of him wouldn’t be happy about it if he gave in to what we both wanted.
I groaned. There was too much wanting and not enough having, and it was frustrating as hell. But not as frustrating as the thought that I might make him unhappy. I couldn’t stand that. Devin’s happiness mattered more to me than my own… which wasn’t a sentiment I was used to, but which I knew without a doubt was true.
It was why I had left when he had panicked, and why I had stayed away, even though every instinct inside me was screaming to go back to him.
“Dane,” I said, suddenly wondering if it was just me, or if this was something that all fated mates went through. “When Sarah took me to meet Devin, he would barely talk to me, would barely look at me. Was it that way with Wes? Does the mating bond scare humans?”
“No,” Dane said. Not the answer I’d been hoping for. “Wesley was very… eager.”
I could tell by the look on his face that he was enjoying the memories of just how “eager” his mate could be. A year may not be that long in a dragon’s lifetime, but it should have at least been long enough that Dane didn’t still look like a lovesick fool every time he thought of his mate, I thought with a grumpy scowl. A lovesick, horny, fool. I groaned, scrubbing a hand over my face.
Or maybe that was just me.
I’d never denied myself when I’d wanted something before—or someone— and I’d had no idea that it would be this hard. But then again, I’d never wanted anyone as badly as I did Devin… or cared as much about him wanting me, too.
Being away from him made me feel like a piece of me was missing. I had survived two hundred years without the man and been just fine. How could everything change in a single week? I hadn’t been able to claim him yet, hadn’t given him my fire and completed the mating bond. I shouldn’t feel so connected.
I swallowed hard at the thought of “claiming” Devin, stifling another groan. It could only be done when I was inside him, and the thought brought up such a vivid image that I could almost feel Devin’s tight heat around me. My cock instantly hardened and jerked against my stomach as my otherself urged me to jump straight off the ledge and shift, to fly back to claim my mate as fast as wings could carry me.
I pushed the thought away, working hard to slow my breathing.
My palm tingled, still carrying the impression from the one time I’d touched Devin. My sense-memory instantly recalling the slight end-of-day roughness of Devin’s jaw, the heat of his skin. I’d wanted to feel more, to run my hands over every inch of him until I knew his body by heart and learned all the ways he liked to be touched. It had been almost impossible to pull my hand away, but his look of panic had cut through me like a knife. As desperately as I’d wanted to fuck the man, to own his body and heart and soul, the thought of hurting him in any way was unbearable.
I’d felt Devin’s alarm, and it had made me stop. It had made me leave. But even a week later and almost a hundred miles away, I could still feel him, and that made me yearn to go back.
“Dane, you didn’t give Wesley your fire for months after you found him,” I said, referring to the way our kind bonded with their mates. “Did you feel… connected… to him, before that?”
The other dragon nodded. “I always thought it was because his mind was so receptive to connecting with another, because of his twin-bond with Ty.”
I frowned. Was that it? I had no idea if Devin was a twin. Or if he had any siblings at all. I really knew nothing about him, and that thought was suddenly intolerable.
I’d never been very curious about the men I’d dated in the past, but Devin was my mate. I wanted to know everything about the beautiful man that I already considered my own. Where had Devin grown up? How did he like his coffee in the morning? Did he even drink coffee? How did he spend his Saturdays? Did he snore? Was he a cover hog?
No, I couldn’t let myself think about getting Devin in bed, but the rest...
“Dane, I’ve got to go.”
“Already?” he asked, his voice brimming with suppressed laughter. “We just got here.”
Dane and Wes had finally gotten fed up with my moping, and the night before, Dane and I had driven out to a state park where we’d had both the space and the privacy to shift into our otherselves. Under cover of darkness, I had followed Dane to the cave that the other dragon had claimed when he’d taken this territory for his own. It was high in the Olympic Mountains, and less than an hour’s flight from his home.
Flying at night made it easier to avoid detection in these busy, modern times, but now, in the light of morning, my silvery-white hide gave me the advantage over Dane’s black one. I could launch high enough in the sky that it was unlikely anyone would see me against the winter-gray backdrop… especially if I flew above the clouds.
I could make it back to Devin before lunch time. I didn’t want to scare him, but I couldn’t stay away any longer. I needed him, needed to be close to him, even if I couldn’t claim him yet. I could d
o this. I could spend time with him without pushing for more. I could wait until he was ready.
If he would let me.
* * *
“How did you find me?” Devin asked, a rosy flush creeping up his neck.
I had been with enough men to recognize that it wasn’t the blush of embarrassment—it was the heat of desire. I couldn’t stop staring at the soft vein fluttering near the base of Devin’s throat. It was… distracting. Everything about my mate tempted me in a way that I’d never imagined, and it was all I could do to keep my hands off of him. To keep a few feet of space between us, as I tried to find the words that would convince Devin to spend some time with me, even though he’d said no when I had asked the week before.
“Sarah told me where you worked,” I said, putting my hands in my pockets as a reminder to myself not to reach for him. “Can I take you to lunch?”
I braced myself for a “no,” but to my surprise Devin agreed. I felt ridiculously happy at the simple concession. I managed to keep my hands to myself as we walked out of the building together, and I realized that my cheeks were hurting. I couldn’t remember smiling as widely at such a simple thing, and I couldn’t seem to stop. I was with my mate, and even if I couldn’t touch him, just being next to him soothed the agitation that had been brewing inside me ever since I’d left him the week before.
If my otherself had been feline, it would have rolled over and purred.
We ended up at a little deli near Devin’s building, and once we sat down with our food, I realized that I’d never been in a situation quite like this before. On the one hand, I wanted to forget the fact that we were in public, and just pull Devin onto my lap and taste him. Have the right to run my hands up under his shirt and over the smooth skin that I literally ached to touch. Grind against him, turn him around, bend him over the table, and— No. I took a breath, running my hand through my hair as I pushed those thoughts away.
Scorch: M/M Gay Shifter Mpreg Romance (Dragon's Destiny: Fated Mates Book 2) Page 4