No Fear

by Heather Allen

  “Aaannndddd, we have a winner. The Rookie has won.” Frank jumps onto the mat, raising my arm to applause and yelling. He leans in asking, “Do you want to double that cut?”

  I nod. I’m just warming up. My stare moves to Andy across the room. He is glaring at me, shaking his head. His girlfriend is trying to get his attention, but I can tell he’s too pissed to concentrate on anything else. I look away with a tiny grin. I see too much of myself in him, before I was damaged by all the shit from Meyer.

  When I turn, Davey has left and, in his place is another dude, staring me down. He is half a foot taller than me, with midnight skin and bulging arms. I’m pretty sure this dude wouldn’t be fighting me in the cage if weight class were a factor. My breathing slows as I focus. This one will be a little more challenging.

  Frank laughs. “Okay people, I told you we have a treat. Well, the Rookie hasn’t had his fill yet. He’s going to take on our very own Octavious Pierce.” The crowd goes wild. He spins on his heel, waving at them. When he looks toward me again, I swear I hear him snarl like a dog about to fight.

  Someone calls out to Octavious, “Wish you well.” Frank almost chokes on the water he’s pouring back into his mouth. He smiles and yells. “Let’s get this thing going!”

  Octavious crosses the floor with unexpected speed. He hooks a punch into my stomach. I double over, which gives him the opportunity to bring his knee up into my face. It just misses, hitting my shoulder. I pop up and land a fist in his jaw. He doesn’t flinch. This dude is huge. He swings, but I avoid his clenched hand. We round the mat a couple of times before he grunts while coming at me again. I leap out of the way as his fist comes at my head. My fists clench as they move into his stomach, one right after the other. He barely registers any pain. I skirt around the ropes as he comes at me again. I lock on Andy’s gaze when my head turns toward the screaming crowd. He’s smiling like he just won the lottery. I’d love to wipe it away. So I step forward and bring my fist into Octavious’ cheek. This has an effect. Jackson’s words repeat through my head: get angry.

  I swing at him with strategic blows. He moves away, but my fists connect almost every time. What he doesn’t lack in strength, he’s missing in speed. I grab his arms tightly. He tries to maneuver away, but my grip tightens. My leg sweeps his away. He goes down to the mat. Before he has a chance to do anything, I fall on top of him, my hands moving again in successive punches to his stomach. Blood seeps from his lips, causing me to stop. His hands go up like he’s surrendering. I back away, unclenching my fists. My eyes shift to Frank as he takes to the mat beside me. His hand lifts mine as he calls out. “Congratulate him, people—the Rookie.”

  Everyone cheers and yelling commences, with shouts of Andy’s name. I scan the room and catch a glimpse of his back, which is retreating through the rear door. I can’t help the smile that returns to my lips. I’m enjoying this immensely.

  Chapter 10

  Trinity has called every day since she came to the house to check up on me, or so she claims that’s the reason that she’s calling. But the conversation has turned to Parker’s fight every time. Today is fight day, and I’ve wracked my brain for a good solid reason not to go with her.

  Every reasonable explanation involves Meyer or Mollie or the dick Luciano, all of whom I’m sure will be in attendance. I can’t give her any of those reasons, though. This is the only way to keep her safe right now—making sure she stays in the dark about everything.

  So I drag myself out of the shower and debate what to wear. If I were being truthful about it, I might go because of Mollie; but I’m currently lying to myself, so the reason I give myself is Trin deserves a night out. I decide on a pair of black jeans and a hunter green button-down shirt. I run my hand through my hair and leave for the truck. Meyer is in the foyer, appearing to wait for me. I try to skirt around him, but he moves into my path. I push past him, making it to the door. “Grey, you know you don’t have to go tonight.”

  I frown with my hand on the handle of the door. How did we ever have anything in common? How did I see anything besides the snake that he is, squeezing the life out of me? I shift on one foot and look back over my shoulder.

  He clarifies. “It’s not fair for you to have to go. It should be you up there fighting for that belt tonight.”

  What the fuck? I can’t control myself. My hands are suddenly grabbing his shirt and shoving him into the wall on the opposite side of the room. I lean in, my breathing ragged with anger. “You can’t be sorry now. You can’t take any of it back, so don’t feel sorry for me. Don’t do this to make yourself feel better about what you did. Fix yourself, Meyer. Fix something else, but stay out of my life. You’ve already fucked it up beyond repair.”

  I badly want to hit him, but I force myself to back away and leave. Nothing can be accomplished by beating on him. He can’t defend himself, and it would solve nothing.

  Trinity is standing at the curb as I pull up to her apartment building. The doorman opens the passenger door, and I nod at him in appreciation as she slides into the truck. I turn my attention, scanning her attire. She’s dressed in a strapless teal dress. Her hair hangs loosely around her bare shoulders. With a smile I ask, “So you ready, kid?”

  Her hands twist in her lap. “I guess so.”

  I grab her fingers loosely and squeeze. “Sure you are. You look great.” I add, “Want to get a bite to eat first?”

  She looks at me nervously. “I’m not sure I can hold anything down. I’m so nervous; what if he doesn’t win, Grey?”

  I look forward as we pull away from the building. I want to tell her that she has nothing to worry about because Parker will always be on top, but I can’t. Instead, I try to reassure her. “Hey, don’t worry. I’m sure Parker is ready for this. He’ll be fine.” It’s the best I can do.

  We pull into a little diner that serves breakfast all day. She eyes me a moment before huffing out a strangled breath. I know this is because we ate at this kind of restaurant with our parents when we were kids. It was our mom’s favorite thing to do—eating breakfast for dinner. I guess I needed some nostalgia. Trinity is all I really have left and the only thing I can actually hold onto right now.

  We find a booth after the hostess tells us to seat ourselves. It smells like burgers and fries, grease at its finest. The room is decorated like all of the diner-type restaurants that are trying to bring back the ‘50s feel. The soda bar is lined with rounded metal stools decorated in pinks and blues.

  After scanning her menu, Trinity looks up claiming, “I think I know what I want.”

  I look over my own, asking, “What’s that?”

  “Scrambled eggs, pancakes, and a side of grits with butter.”

  This is exactly what our mom ordered each time we came to a place like this. She was originally from Georgia in the deep south. She would say that nobody makes grits the way they make them in the south.

  I look up from my menu to see a tiny tear escape the corner of her eye.

  “Hey you. What’s wrong?” I reach across the table to catch the water on her cheek.

  She shakes her head. “I just miss them. So many things remind me of the way things used to be. Places like this. I want to call her up and tell her about Parker. I want her to know how happy I am, Grey. But I can’t. I always feel like I’m missing something. I think it’s them.” Her features falter at the edge of being strong or losing it.

  I take a deep breath, because that is exactly why we came here. I miss them too. If they were here, I might not be where I am now, in all the shit I’ve gotten myself into. They’d look after both of us and help us with all of our tough decisions.

  “I miss them too, Trin.” I want to reassure her that it’s okay to feel this way. I know it is, but maybe she just needs this is much as I do—revisiting the past for a moment and remembering when things were simpler and we were a family.

  She wipes her face of tears and smiles. “Hey, this is Parker’s night. I shouldn’t get all emotional. They wouldn�
�t want me to be weak.” She squares her shoulders and claims, “I’m going to have no fear at the fight tonight.”

  I put my menu down on the table and lean back, crossing my arms. “No fear, huh?”

  She smiles shyly, nodding.

  My mouth turns up at the corners in approval just as the waitress approaches us. We order everything at once. I talk her into a big vanilla milkshake just to round out the order. Mom would have started with the milkshake. She always told us that waiting until the end to eat the best part, dessert, was for sissies.

  ***

  As dusk approaches, we pull up to the arena. A valet takes my truck as we enter the venue. A red carpet covers the lobby of the entrance. I’m still amazed at how fights are put on here. It’s so different back home. Trinity grabs my hand. She leans over and tells me, “I need to go and wish Parker good luck.”

  I nod, letting her hand go. She stops and turns. “Hey, thank you.” Before I can react, she crosses the carpet, her lips gently graze my cheek, and she takes off for the holding rooms. I shake my head. I knew I’d be on my own for a bit. I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about it. I’m sure the reserved seats are close to the cage, probably with Meyer and Mollie. I take a deep breath, absently run my hand through my hair, and trudge on into the arena. My footsteps halt as I look at my ticket. A woman in a black jacket with a black bow tie approaches me, asking, “Sir, can I help you find your seat?” I hand her the ticket as she glances down. She nods, hands it back, and says, “Follow me.”

  I try not to focus on anything during the walk to the seats surrounding the cage. I divert my eyes to the floor, knowing that many things are going to get to me tonight, and the best I can do is to support Trinity. No fear is what she said. I smile at that thought. I might have to adopt her little motto. No fear of what’s to come; face it head on.

  The woman stops, gesturing to the row in front of us. It’s the second row from the cage. I look up, meeting Luciano’s stare. He nods. I don’t give him any indication of acknowledgement. Instead, my eyes scan the rest of the row. Seated next to him is Mollie. Her hands are crossed on her lap, grasping a small silver handbag. Her red locks fall flawlessly, framing her face. Those green eyes get me every time. I look away when her gaze meets mine. Meyer calls down the row. “Greylan, Trinity wanted the seats down on this end.” He points to two seats on the other side of his own.

  I walk along the row, lowering into one of the chairs, keeping one open between Meyer’s and mine. Leave it to Trinity to look out for my benefit. She doesn’t know what she’s really doing, but she cares. That’s all that matters.

  When I’m not sure I can sit here any longer, Trinity finally makes an appearance. She greets everyone with hugs and kisses. It sickens me that I have to allow this. She’s become close to my enemies, and I can’t even tell her what they’ve done. She grabs my hand as she sits down. “Hey, are you okay with this? I wanted you to be comfortable, so I made sure you wouldn’t have to sit by Mollie.” Her voice stops and she hesitates, leaning closer, so that only I can hear her words. “Although, Grey, I don’t understand what happened. She is such a good person.” Her statement makes me want to escape. They all put on this act that is so far from the truth.

  The announcer comes out before I can respond. He rattles on about the title and how the winner tonight will take the belt. Already I’m over it. Parker jogs out, entering the cage after his challenger. The fans go crazy and Trinity squeezes my hand. As I peer over at her, she’s staring intently at him, and I can see the pride in her face. Her smile widens as he looks over. She waves, quickly throwing him an air kiss, before he glances back at his opponent. I get it then. I don’t like it, but I understand what she’s been trying to make me see all along. She’s in love with him and he obviously feels the same. My eyes divert to the floor, knowing that this is something beyond me.

  When we were young, I saw that look. I remember when I first noticed it. We had gone to the roller skating rink. My mom was like a little kid, all giddy while lacing up her skates. She couldn’t wait to get out on the floor. My dad watched as she got up and slipped, falling to her butt. He crossed the room so quickly I was shocked he could move like that, just to make sure she was okay. She couldn’t stop laughing and he just stared. The emotion in his face that day said everything. He loved her so much, and seeing her having fun made him happy.

  Now looking at Trinity, I understand what she’s been trying to tell me. A breath escapes, causing her to glance over. “Grey, are you okay?”

  My mouth widens in a smile. “Fine, Trin. I’m good.” And I think I am good. I turn my head to look over at Mollie. She meets my stare with a sad smile. We are too far apart. Too many things separate us, I realize. It never could have been. I look away, ready to put her behind me. I don’t see her that way anymore; too much has happened. I’d always wonder if she had an ulterior motive behind her actions. I can’t see her like that anymore.

  The action in the cage grabs my attention. Parker is throwing repeated punches at his opponent. The man tries to back away, but he’s cornered. Time is called, and Parker is announced the winner of the round. I already know how this will go down. What’s the point? I look toward Trinity again, and she’s got her hands over her eyes, peering through her fingers with apprehension. A chuckle leaves my lips. She looks over and punches my arm. “Hey, I’m still a newbie at this. Leave me alone.” I hold my hands up in innocence, which makes her giggle. She looks back to the cage and her breath catches. I follow her gaze. Parker is on his back getting a beating to his sides. He tries to flip the guy onto his back, but he can’t get a handle on it. I’m a little shocked. I know from experience that the guy who is losing knows he’s supposed to throw the fight. Maybe this guy didn’t get the memo.

  Time is called again and Parker has lost; it’s a title bout and he’s lost one of the rounds. Maybe I should pay attention after all. I look down the line and get a glimpse of Luciano. By the expression on his face, this isn’t how it’s supposed to happen. A smile forms that I can’t help; it serves him right.

  The next round commences with Parker, bloodied from the last session, lunging forward. He sweeps the guy’s legs out, forcing him onto his back. Parker collapses on top with his arm in a cinch at his opponent’s neck. Moments tick by. The audience seems on edge, waiting. The guy taps out against Parker’s arm after what seems like an immense number of minutes, probably because he ran out of air. Parker stands, raising his arm in celebration. The next rounds go pretty much the same way. I can tell the guy is a bad actor. It’s not too hard to tell that he’s throwing it, at least not to trained eyes like mine. I know Parker is the better and more experienced of the two men, but this one would give him a run if he could. I hope it’s not this obvious when I throw them.

  Parker wins the belt, and I give Trinity my blessing to go up to the cage and celebrate. Once she’s safely in his arms, I turn to go. The room is emptying out pretty quickly, so I attempt to follow the crowd. As I leave the arena, Mollie catches up to me. She touches my arm. “Greylan?”

  I stop but don’t immediately turn. This is going to be tough if what Meyer said is true, but I’ve had practice lately. Maybe, hopefully, she wants something completely different. I turn around, crossing my arms. Her hand drops. She stares at me a moment before asking, “Can we get a drink?” My heart halts before I can resume any thoughts. This is going to be really hard.

  “Mollie, that’s not a good idea.” Our conversation from so long ago, the first night I kissed her, comes back to my mind. I told her that night that it wasn’t a good idea to walk her back to her hotel, but I did it anyway. I have to stick to my first thought this time.

  “I just…I need to talk to you.” For the first time, she seems almost desperate.

  I hold her stare, waiting a few beats until I can find my voice.

  “Anything we need to say to each other can be said right here.” My tone firms up with the last of my statement. I remind myself: no regrets.

&nbs
p; Disappointment fills her features. It looks wrong on her, but I hold my ground. Hurt that she put there surfaces.

  “Oh, okay.” She changes in an instant, all business. Her shoulders move back and her chin seems to rise. “My father needs to see you next week.”

  I’m pretty sure she just made this up, but I nod anyway. “Is that all?” My voice almost cracks with the few words.

  She hesitates. “I…uh, I wanted to tell you that I still care about you. I’m sorry for what happened.” And she’s back to being Mollie, the one that I fell for. But I can’t, not again.

  Forgiveness doesn’t come easy to me, and every part of my body suddenly wants to tell her that it’s okay. I can’t and I won’t. The wound is too deep.

  But I do care, and I hate myself for it. I need to just shut it all away. I can’t say any words. Instead, I just nod in response. My hands dig deep into my pockets.

  “Well, I guess I’ll call you next week to schedule the meeting.”