Nic's Devotion: An Endless Series: Book One

by Sara Hess

  That set off a couple laughing huffs, and then taking a deep breath I tried pushing away the ache left behind in my sex. From the hardness lingering behind me Nic wasn’t having any more luck than I was. After a short time sleep slipped over me carrying it away.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Nic

  I woke curled up to Carrie’s back; my hips flush against her ass, my morning wood resting between her white panty covered cheeks, my bare legs still entangled with hers. One of my hands was tucked under my pillow and the other was tucked between her legs. Her shirt, or I should say my shirt, was hiked up to mid waist displaying a flat smooth belly. I noticed all of this because the blankets had been shoved down to our lower legs. Everything was on display to see and since I was a guy I couldn’t not look.

  She was the most incredible vision I’d ever woken up to.

  The only thing I couldn’t see was Carrie’s face; it was covered in a mass of black silk. Leaning forward I stuffed my face in it and my dick rubbed painfully against rough cotton. It wanted silky skin to rub between. Wet, warm, constricting tissue would be even better.

  I groaned inwardly at my self-inflicted torture. Last night had been the worst torment I’d been through. It had taken me forever to calm down enough to fall asleep. I’d come to a conclusion about Carrie, she became quite uninhibited when she was tired. Not only did it loosen her tongue it also made her curious and a little amorous, and grumpy when she didn’t get her way. When she’d groused at me it had been so hot.

  What had also been hot was when Carrie had felt those first stirrings of sexual pleasure. I’d barely been able to control myself. If asked I would have said that everyone masturbated. If they denied it they were lying, but Carrie had been too surprised by her body’s response to have been faking her innocence to the surprising pleasures of intimate touching. When I’d place my hand reflexively on her groin to stop her movements one of my fingers had inadvertently brushed close to her clit. Her body had instinctively sought more, and her gasp of revelation and words of delight had been uttered in complete wonder.

  I’d had to beg her to hold still, because without her help I wouldn’t have been able to stop. I wanted her too bad…to hell with the consequences. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I wanted her. My first sexual experience hadn’t been that out of control.

  I’d been telling the truth though; I would have hated myself for taking advantage of her.

  Last night had revealed that Carrie wasn’t necessarily afraid of sex; she just couldn’t handle being confined or held down. Last night she’d freaked out when she’d felt trapped by the counter and my body, but in the bed unconfined she’d been fine. Hopefully, it wasn’t restricted to her having to be tired.

  However, the most pressing matter at the moment was the bombshell that had been dropped last night of Carrie killing her father…and Carrie admitting that it was the truth.

  I didn’t truly believe that Carrie killed her father. There had to be something more to the story. Probably an accidental death that she was somehow involved in and that she blamed herself for. Blamed herself to the point that she had to be institutionalized. This could be why she was having the episodes; some kind of survivor guilt or something. It didn’t shed any light on her extreme distress at being confined or trapped though.

  An enormous amount of relief swept through me that Carrie hadn’t dealt with any type of rape scenario. It had been killing me that she might have been violated in such a violent way, but she was still hurting internally by whatever had happened in her past…hurting enough that she had a panic attack at just the mention of it, causing her to pass out.

  I needed to get her to talk about it, but how was that going to happen if just the mention of it caused a panic attack. I could go online like Nikki had but that seemed wrong, an invasion of her privacy somehow. Or more like a destruction of her trust. Hell, Seth and Evan had probably already gone online last night. Well, maybe not Seth, he’d been awfully sensitive to Carrie’s feelings last night. A little more sensitive than I was comfortable with.

  Movement next to me brought me out of my ruminating. Carrie moaned curling herself tighter into ball. She was probably cold. The blankets were at her knees and my shirt was bunched up at her waist. I did some maneuvering hooking the blanket with one of my toes and pulled it up enough to where I could grab it, and to do that I had to remove my hand from between Carrie’s warm inner thighs though. Reluctantly, I pulled my hand free of the soft flesh to drag the blanket over her delectable body.

  I didn’t need it; I was burning up.

  The small movements appeared to have been enough to wake Carrie. She inhaled deeply and stretched her body. The action tightened her ass around my dick that was still wedged in her between her cheeks. She stiffened at the same time I groaned in acute pleasure. Two or three more of those and I’d be gloriously and embarrassingly finished.

  Carrie remained frozen. It was like she was pretending to still be asleep. The rigidity of her body negated that.

  Removing my hard-on was agony, but I shifted back putting a little space between us. “Did you sleep alright?” I asked gruffly. It was better to just get her discomfort over with. This was new for both of us. I’d never waken up with anyone before either.

  One of her hands came up to move the hair off her face. She turned onto her back and her ice blue eyes were blearily bemused, her skin flushed both from sleep and embarrassment. It hurt to look at her she was so beautiful.

  Her hand came up to cover her lush pink mouth. “Yes, thank you.” She replied behind her mouth, her eyes full of discomfort.

  Even though my body was in agony I couldn’t help grinning at her formality, and ‘why was she covering her mouth’? “Is there a reason you have your hand over your mouth?”

  Her eyes closed. “I have morning breath.” She whispered.

  I chuckled and leaned in to kiss the hand over her mouth. “So do I.”

  Her eyes flew open and some of the awkwardness disappeared.

  “Would you like to run to the bathroom first or should I?” I asked with an eye waggle. Seeing her butt scuttle away would be quite a view.

  Her face flushed even more. “You!”

  I gave her an extremely dejected look. “You’re no fun.” I complained. Rolling carefully out of the bed I jumped to my feet. My dick tenting my shorts was hard to miss and Carrie wasn’t blind. Her gaze flickered down and I didn’t think her face could get any redder, but it did. I wasn’t going to hide it because I wanted her to be comfortable around it. Hell, the thing was always hard around her so she needed to get used to seeing it this way.

  Her gaze was fascinated for a second but than her lids snapped shut. Grinning I made my way to the bathroom and stopped in the doorway looking back at her. She’d been watching me cross the room. My smile widened.

  “No running away while I’m gone?” I stated sternly.

  Her eyes wide she shook her head. “I won’t.”

  Satisfied I stepped in and shut the door. A shower was my first priority; I needed to relieve some of my suffering. Turning the water on I stripped and climbed in the stall. Standing under the hot spray I squirted some soap in my hand and carefully grasped my cock. I stifled a moan; it was so hard it was tender to the slightest touch.

  With a slow glide I stroked toward the tip and rotated my hand at the end with a firm squeeze. I gasped at the pleasure and leaned my other arm against the wall in front of me to support my shaking legs. Dropping my head forward I closed my eyes and imagined Carrie lying under me as I slide into her. She would be so tight and wet. I glided back down to the root and squeezed again and turned my mouth into my bicep to cover the groan I couldn’t hold back. I didn’t want her hearing me and making this morning more embarrassing for her.

  Breathing heavily I worked my way back up to the tip slowly picture my cock exiting the tightly clenched tissues of her pussy. Shit, it was so good; I wasn’t’ going to last. Squeezing the head again I did another rotation an
d slid back down, and that was it. Tingles shot down my spine and my body tensed as the orgasm tore through me. I stroked myself through it my teeth sunk in my skin to stop the roar of ecstasy from escaping. Thick ropes of semen spurted out of me and each spew caused a shudder to shake my form. It seemed to go on forever.

  With one last shiver of pleasure my body slumped in sated relief. If actual sex with Carrie was better than my imagination it would kill me.

  Feeling less tense, but a little weak after that release, I gathered my equilibrium and quickly washed up. Turning off the shower I dried myself, brushed my teeth, clipped my beard down, deodorized, and gelled. Wrapping the towel around my waist I stepped back into the bedroom. Carrie was sitting on my freshly made bed in her clothes from last night, her hair a black mess around her head. She’d looked like she’d tried to tame it, but she had so much of it that I doubted her fingers could work through its thickness.

  When I stepped out Carrie’s eyes widened. Her gaze traveled over my near nakedness and the blush that had worked itself out of her face while I was gone rushed back in.

  “If you want to hop in the shower there are extra towels and washcloths available.” I offered stepping out of the door frame so she could go in.

  She jumped up from the bed and scuttled into the bathroom. Her eyes flickered down over my naked chest and back up to my face. “That’s okay. I hate putting old clothes on, it just makes me feel all dirty again. I’ll wait.” She closed the door with one last lingering look at my chest.

  Unable to hold back a satisfied smirk at her interest I walked over to my dresser and pulled on some boxer briefs, jeans and a t-shirt. I sat down on the bed to slide my socks on finally taking note of the time; 9:17 a.m. There was no practice today since we had an away game tomorrow, so I had the entire day free to spend with Carrie until she had to go to work at four. I’d make her some breakfast and help her move into her dorm room and then hopefully we’d be able to talk about her past.

  Carrie stepped out of the bathroom. She’d washed her face and brushed her hair so it fell in a silken mass down her back. She was wringing her hands in nervousness.

  Jumping up from the bed I strode over to her. “You brushed your teeth? Feel all clean?” I asked smiling.

  “Yes.” She answered with a frown of confusion at my questions.

  “Good” I wrapped my arms around her pulling her in for a kiss. I was able to keep it sweet since I’d taken the edge off in the shower. My lips rubbed softly over hers and I gave a light tug to her plump bottom lip. She answered with a hesitant lick of her tongue to my top lip. My previously satisfied dick swelled and twitched in response. I pulled away before it could become too much of a problem for me.

  I breathed in a shuddery breath. “You hungry?”

  Carrie took an equally affected indrawn breath. “I should probably get going. I have to move out of the shelter today and get things situated in my new room.” She didn’t look at me as she offered me the lame excuse.

  Putting my finger under her chin I lifted it so her eyes met mine. “I’m going to help you with that today, remember? My whole day is devoted to moving you in.”

  Her eyes twitched to the side nervously then came back. “There’s really not a lot to do. I’m sure you have other things you could be doing today.”

  I leaned down and kissed her. “I want to help, and you are not getting rid of me that easily.”

  Her throat worked and tears glistened in her eyes. My heart wrenched at the sight. “You still don’t know the whole story yet; you won’t want to stay when you do.” Carrie whispered in a voice heavy with sorrow.

  Hugging her close I stated firmly in her ear. “I’m telling you that nothing I hear will make me run away.”

  I took a deep breath at what I was going to confess. I wasn’t sure how she felt about me, but I did know she cared for me. She’d let me into her life when she’d kept so many others out. Backing up to the bed I sat down and pulled her into my lap. She sat there docilely with her head bowed. Not liking her dejected posture I lifted her chin again.

  “Carrie, I’m pretty damn sure I’m falling in love with you.” I stated unfalteringly.

  Carrie gasped at my declaration and tears welled and spilled down her cheeks. “Oh god, don’t say that.” She cried.

  My heart almost stopped at her words. I was wrong; she didn’t care for me like I did for her.

  Carrie’s hands came up to cover her face as she sobbed. “You can’t say that before you know the whole story. I won’t be able to bare it when you leave after you find out.”

  My heart thumped painfully at her words and the desolation in them. I clutched her tight to me. “Carrie, I won’t leave. I told you; I care about you.”

  Her head shook back and forth. “No, it doesn’t matter. Everyone leaves. All my friends and my family; my mother can’t even stand me. She told me she was just waiting for me to turn eighteen so she could kick me out. Everyone just stares at me in shock and repulsion when they find out I killed…” Carrie’s breath shuddered out in a gasping sob.

  I rocked her in alarm. She couldn’t handle another episode. “Breathe, Carrie. Do your exercises. It’s okay.” I rubbed her back soothingly as she listened to me and did her exercises. I didn’t want her to resist the comfort I so wanted to give her.

  Carrie’s words broke my heart. What the hell happened that would cause a mother to reject her own child; for other family members and friends to turn away from her? There was no way anyone would convince me it was because she was some killer. It had happened four years ago at the age of fourteen, and she’d had to deal with this shit all on her own.

  My respect for her grew; she was way stronger than even I thought. My admiration and love for her swelled till my own eyes watered.

  “Carrie, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and I promise whatever I hear is not going to change that. Please trust me, baby.” I spoke softly into her hair hoping my continued affirmation would sink in. “The first time I saw you I couldn’t stop staring at you, and it wasn’t just because you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Something about you called to me. I know you noticed, hell, all my buddies did. They taunted me mercilessly. That entire week before I saw you again all I could think about was you. Shit, I even went back to the restaurant in hopes of seeing you again. When they told me you didn’t work there anymore I couldn’t believe how disappointed I felt, and then when I saw you at the Sports store the elation that came over me…well, I knew right away you were going to be trouble. Then I got to know you and you’re amazing; you’re funny, smart, sweet, one of the strongest women I know. There aren’t enough adjectives in the world to describe you.”

  Carrie had gone quiet in my arms as she listened to me ramble on. I was ecstatic that she’d averted another episode, but I was anxious about how she was receiving my emotional vomit.

  “You still there, or did you pass out on me? I don’t know if I can repeat all that again.” I joked apprehensively. In trying to sooth her I’d spilled a lot more than I was comfortable with. It was damn hard baring your heart when you weren’t sure what to expect.

  Carrie’s fingers touched my abdomen. “Do you really feel that way about me?” She asked softly.

  “I don’t think I could adequately describe how deeply I care for you.” I answered openly.

  Carrie wiped her face before raising it. Her eyes were blue ice surrounded by red and her nose was just as red from crying. “I want to believe you so bad, but it’s difficult. I’ve walled myself off from others over the years; not letting anyone get too close. You’re the first person in years that I’ve allowed past the guards I put up to protect myself. You could hurt me so bad, Nic. You just don’t know.” She swallowed down what looked like another sob. “My feelings for you yawn before me like a gap in the earth. If I admit them and you walk away I could fall in and never make my way out again. It would destroy me.”

  I stared at her in shock as the poignancy of her words h
it me in the gut. That I had that much power over her was alarming. I thought my love could only bring her happiness, but I realized it could actually send her to a very dark place. The strength she displayed actually covered a fragile spirit that with the right force could break irrevocably.

  The idea that I could do that to her was terrifying. I hugged her to me.

  “Damn, Carrie, I won’t be walking away, but please don’t let me have that much power over you. It would destroy me if I did that to you.”

  We embraced each other tightly coming to grip with the strength we’d need to withstand each other.

  After a while Carrie pushed back and took a deep breath. “You need to know the whole story, but I won’t be able to tell you.” Shame crossed her face. “I would end up having a panic attack in the middle of it.”

  I wanted to kick someone’s ass for putting that shame and sadness in her eyes. “That’s the last thing I want, but I don’t want to go searching on the internet like some information junky either.”

  Carrie’s face paled. “No, I don’t want you to learn it from there. They don’t have the whole story anyway. Some things weren’t released to the press.” She grimaced in discomfort. “I could get the police reports, or…there’s someone you could talk to that knows the whole story.” Carrie shifted off my lap to stand and took a step back.

  I sat and waited patiently for her to reveal said person. She seemed uneasy about telling who it was. I hoped like hell it wasn’t her mom.

  She looked me in the face, determination in her expression. My heart swelled for her. “Remember I told you I was hospitalized for a year.”

  I nodded.

  “There was a doctor there who helped me deal with what happened; a Dr. Mona Mathews. She can tell you the whole story and if you have any questions she could probably answer them for you.”

  “I’ll only talk to her if you’re comfortable with me speaking to her. The last thing I want to do is push you and cause you more anxiety.” I stood up and went to wrap her in my arms. When she was near my need to touch her was compulsive. She wound her arms around my waist snuggling into me like it was the most natural thing in the world. “Hell, Carrie, I don’t even have to know the story. It’s in your past and all I care about is here and now, and the future. Shit, if we’re going to dwell on the past than I have my own load of crap to wade through.”