Amos and the Vampire

by Gary Paulsen

  Dunc put the basket of fruit on the hall table. “Now’s our chance, Amos. We’ll take a quick look around before the family gets back, and nobody will be the wiser.”

  “I don’t know, Dunc. If all of C.D.’s relatives are like that guy …”

  Dunc started up the staircase. “You check the basement. I’ll take a look up here.” He disappeared down the hall before Amos could finish his argument.

  “It would serve him right if I just went home right now,” Amos pouted. “Vampires. That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.”

  Amos walked by a portrait hanging above the fireplace. A thin woman sat on a stone bench. She had long ebony hair with a white streak in it and wore a tight, slinky black dress. Behind her was a tall, distinguished-looking man with piercing eyes. C.D. stood next to the woman. He was dressed in a black tuxedo and had a silk-lined cape draped over his shoulders.

  “Coincidence,” Amos said out loud. “There’s no law against dressing like you just got off the boat from Transylvania.”

  He moved into the kitchen. “Nothing wrong here. Looks like a normal, everyday-type kitchen.” He swallowed. “If you don’t count the fact that there’s no refrigerator.” He jerked open some of the cabinets. “And no food.”

  Amos opened a door at the far end of the kitchen. Dirt steps led down. He fingered the garlic in his pocket and searched for a light switch. There wasn’t one.

  He thought he heard a rustling sound in the darkness, maybe like wings flapping. “Hel-lo?” Amos’s voice cracked. “Is somebody down there?”

  No answer.

  Then he felt a hand touch his shoulder.

  “Aaaahhhh!” Amos jumped two feet backward.

  “Get a grip, Amos. It’s just me. Did you find anything?”

  “Don’t ever do that again,” Amos snarled.

  “I thought you didn’t buy this vampire stuff.” Dunc smirked. He glanced around the kitchen. “That’s odd. I wonder why they don’t have a refrigerator?” He flipped open his note pad and wrote something down. “Have you checked out the basement yet?”

  “I was just about to when you snuck up on me. I’m having a little trouble finding the light switch.”

  “Some of these old dirt basements don’t have any electricity. Look around for a flashlight.”

  In the cabinet next to the door, Dunc found a candle and some matches. “Here, Amos. You better hurry. There may not be much time. You don’t want to get caught down there and have to explain what you’re doing.”

  “Wait a minute. Aren’t you coming with me?”

  “Someone has to stay up here and keep watch. I’ll warn you if I hear anyone coming.”

  “You’re so helpful.” Amos lit the candle and tested the first step. It seemed secure enough. At the second step he had to brush aside some cobwebs to get past.

  “Dunc, it really stinks down here. I think I’m stepping in something.”

  “Never mind that. Look for clues.”

  Amos reached the bottom step and held the candle up. He heard the rustling noise again. The air was hot and stuffy. He sat down on a long wooden bench against the wall and wiped his forehead.

  Suddenly the bench began to move.

  Amos leaped to his feet and held the candle close for a better look.

  It wasn’t a bench.

  It was a coffin.

  “Man, you were really flying. I never saw anybody move so fast in my life. You must have been scared to death.” Dunc spread out some books and old newspaper articles on his bed. “Yup, it was probably a record. You knocked me flat on your way out the basement door, and then I guess you ran all the way home without stopping. I had to push your bike and mine.”

  “You might have been in a hurry too if a giant vampire had been climbing out of his coffin to get you. And I wasn’t really all that scared. I was just being cautious.”

  “Oh. That explains why I had to drag you out from under your bed when I got here.”

  Amos straightened his shoulders. “Dust bunnies. I was checking for them. You never know when those will collect under your bed.”

  Dunc nodded and thumbed through one of his books. “Nobody was chasing you. The only thing that came up those basement stairs was you—if you don’t count the bat.”

  “Bat?”

  “It flew around the kitchen and then went back down to the basement. They like dark places.”

  “Are you sure it wasn’t a vampire?”

  “Nope, a bat. The basement is full of them. The stuff you stepped in was probably bat guano.”

  “Guano?”

  “Yeah, bat poop. I didn’t get a good look, but I think it was all over that bench you were sitting on.”

  “It wasn’t a bench. It was a coffin. Didn’t you see it?”

  Dunc shook his head. “You dropped the candle when you took off running, so I couldn’t see very well. When we go back we can get a better look.”

  “No.”

  “What do you mean, no? We have to find out what’s going on over there. We owe it to the community.”

  “I don’t owe the community anything, especially when it comes to flesh-eating vampires.”

  “Vampires don’t eat you, Amos. They just suck your blood. It says here”—Dunc flipped a couple of pages—“The vampire is a creature who is neither living nor dead. In order to survive he feeds on the blood of mortals.’ ”

  “What’s the difference? You’re dead just the same.”

  “Not necessarily. It depends on how much blood he gets.”

  Amos folded his arms. “Well, he’s not getting any of mine, and that’s final.”

  Dunc continued reading, “ ‘Sunlight, garlic, these things may repel a vampire, but the only way to halt its ravages completely is total annihilation.’ ”

  “Oh, great. So now we have to go out and murder my sister’s boyfriend. Somehow I don’t think she’ll understand.”

  “Listen, Amos, this part is important. ‘Vampires lie in their coffins during the day and can come out only at night.’ ” Dunc snapped his fingers. “That’s why nobody was there today. They were all lying around, waiting for the sun to go down. Come on, if we hurry we’ll barely have time to make it.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “Back to the mansion.”

  “Are you out of your mind? Why on earth would we do that?”

  “Simple. We’re going to nail that coffin you found shut before it gets dark. If that doesn’t work we’ll put a stake through the vampire’s heart.”

  “Not this boy.” Amos put his hands behind his head and leaned against the headboard of the bed. “I told you. I like my blood right where it is. This is one little adventure you’ll have to go on alone.”

  “Are you telling me that you would actually let your best friend in the whole world go out to a bat-infested vampire hideout all by himself?”

  “In a heartbeat.”

  Dunc’s forehead wrinkled. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “You know, Amos. I’ve been thinking about your costume for Melissa’s party. I think I know the perfect thing for you to wear. It’ll really get her attention.”

  Amos sat up. “What is it?”

  Dunc smiled. He had Amos hooked. Now all he had to do was reel him in.

  “You’re positive they sleep in the daytime?” Amos asked nervously.

  “Hold this toolbelt.” Dunc pushed up the kitchen window. “That’s what all the experts say.”

  Amos looked at his watch. “We don’t have all that much time left before dark. Maybe we should come back another time—like in a couple of years.”

  “We have plenty of time. It won’t be dark for at least an hour. Here, I’ll give you a hand up.”

  “Hold it.” Amos turned to face him. “You’re coming too, right?”

  “Of course, Amos. I’m right behind you. You don’t think I’d let you do something this dangerous by yourself, do you?”

  Amos’s eyes narrowed.

  “Okay,” Dunc admitted. “There w
as that one time you had to face that wild bull on my uncle’s ranch.”

  Amos waited.

  “And I suppose you could count the time down at the waterfront when you had to wait in the alley while I checked on some clues and that gang with the switchblades just happened along.”

  Amos waited.

  “All right. Maybe I have asked you to do a couple of semidangerous things, but they were all for a good cause.”

  “That’s what you always tell me—just before something terrible happens to me.”

  “Nothing terrible is going to happen. I told you. Vampires are powerless during the daytime. All we have to do is get down to the basement and nail the coffin shut and our worries are over. Simple.”

  “Nothing with you is ever simple.”

  Dunc cupped his hands. “This time it’ll be a piece of cake, Amos. Trust me.”

  Amos stepped up into Dunc’s boost and put his leg through the open window. “I’d have felt a whole lot better about doing this if you hadn’t said that last part.” He hopped into the kitchen, set the toolbelt on the counter, and reached down to help pull Dunc in.

  Inside, Dunc took a flashlight out of the toolbelt and snapped it on. “This time we’ll be able to tell for sure what’s down there.”

  “After you.” Amos held open the door to the basement.

  “What a gentleman.” Dunc started down the dirt steps. “Pee-eeww. The smell didn’t improve while we were gone.” He pointed the light at the floor. “Gross. The bat poop is at least an inch deep. Watch your step, Amos. Amos?” Dunc turned the flashlight toward the steps. “What are you doing up there? Aren’t you coming down?”

  “I figured there wasn’t a lot of sense in both of us getting that stuff all over our shoes. I’ll just wait here till you’re done.”

  “Come on, Amos. I’ve got two hammers; the job will go faster if you help.”

  “Oh, all right. But that goop better wash off. These are my best tennis shoes.”

  Dunc shined the light around the room. In the center was a long, polished wooden coffin. “It’s here, Amos. Just like you said.”

  “Of course it is. Even I wouldn’t make something like that up.”

  “Well, let’s get started. Grab a hammer. We’ll have this job done and be out of here before you know it.”

  Dunc started at one end and Amos at the other. In a few minutes they had the lid nailed down tight.

  “There.” Dunc wiped his hands and put his hammer in the toolpouch. “C.D. won’t be bothering your sister or anyone else ever again.” He grabbed the flashlight from the top of the coffin and started for the stairs.

  “Ouch!” Amos yelled. “Something’s got my neck!”

  Dunc spun around. He pointed the light at Amos just in time to see him drop facefirst to the floor.

  Amos was dreaming: Dracula had him cornered in the bottom of the castle dungeon. Amos pulled his tiny piece of garlic from his pocket and waved it around, but the old vampire just laughed. Suddenly the vampire’s eyes turned a flaming red and his lip curled in a snarl. Two long incisor teeth appeared, dripping with blood.

  Amos tried to run, but it was no use. The fiend grabbed his arm with a long bony hand, pinching the flesh with his inch-long fingernails. The pale face was coming closer and closer. He could feel the vampire’s hot breath on his neck.…

  “Wake up, Amos. The nurse is trying to take your blood pressure.”

  Amos’s eyes flew open. “Where am I?”

  “The clinic. Don’t you remember? You said something bit you, and you fainted in the basement. After you came to, I brought you here to make sure you were okay. The doctor says you’re fine. It was just a couple of little scratches and some plaster dust. The doctor thinks a chunk of the ceiling must have fallen on you. It was pretty messy down there.”

  “What’s that terrible smell?”

  “You. You landed in bat dung when you passed out.”

  The nurse finished taking Amos’s blood pressure. “You’re free to go, Mr. Binder. The doctor says you’re healthy as a horse.” She gathered her equipment to leave. “And you smell like one too,” she added under her breath as she disappeared through the door.

  Amos sat up. He tried to get a look at his neck. “I was sure something bit me.”

  “Well, I guess it is a possibility. Since there wasn’t a TV in the waiting room, I’ve been catching up on my vampire homework. It says in my article that vampire bites often heal quickly. It wouldn’t be unusual if only a couple of scratches were left.”

  “Wait a minute. Are you saying I was bitten by a vampire?”

  “Well, no, not necessarily. The doctor’s probably right about the plaster.”

  “Probably? You told me we were safe down there, that vampires didn’t come out in the light.”

  “I’ve been reading about that too.” Dunc pushed opened the clinic’s double doors. “It turns out that some vampires can change their shape, you know, turn into other things, and stay alive in dark places during the day.”

  Amos stopped. “Other things? Like, say, bats, for instance?”

  Dunc nodded. Amos screamed in his ear, “So you had me risking my life in that stupid basement nailing shut an empty coffin?”

  “That’s about the size of it.”

  Amos started walking.

  “Wait, Amos. I’ve got a plan. This time it’s surefire.”

  He was talking to air.

  The doorbell rang.

  “You want me to get that?” Dunc yelled.

  Amos was taking a shower and singing “Love Me Tender” at the top of his lungs.

  Dunc tried the bathroom doorknob. The door was locked. He shrugged and trotted down the stairs. “Amy? Is anybody down here?”

  There was no answer. Dunc went to the front door and pulled it open. “The Binders are tied up right …” His voice trailed off when he saw who was standing on the porch.

  C.D. whipped his cape around him. His black eyes resembled burning coals set against his white skin. His lips were red, and he spoke with a thick European accent. “I’ve come to issue an invitation. My parents would like very much to have you for dinner.”

  “For dinner?” Dunc gulped. “Me?”

  “All of you. Please tell Miss Amy that I will be by for the three of you tomorrow night at seven o’clock sharp.”

  “You can tell her yourself, handsome.” Amy stepped in front of Dunc, moving him out of her way. “But why bring the twirps?”

  “My parents request it.”

  “Whatever you say, sweetie.” Amy waved goodbye and closed the door. She turned to Dunc. “Where’s the dweeb?”

  “Amos?” Dunc moved back up the stairs.

  “He’s taking a shower. Why?”

  “I don’t want him messing this up for me. If he gets out of line once, I’ll shove his skinny little body down the garbage disposal.”

  Dunc winced. “I’ll tell him you mentioned it. Uh, Amy?”

  “What?”

  “Why do you call the guy C.D.?”

  Amy smiled dreamily. “Isn’t that just the cutest nickname? He’s a count, you know, or will be when his father kicks off. Has his own castle too.”

  “And you call him C.D. because …”

  “If it’s any of your business, his family name is Drago. And since he’s due to become a count any day, I thought C.D. sort of suited him. Don’t you think so?”

  “Yeah, real cute.” Dunc hesitated. “Amy?”

  “What is it now?”

  “Do me a favor and be real careful when you’re alone with that guy.”

  Amy winked at him. “Why, Duncan Culpepper, I didn’t know you cared.”

  “He doesn’t.” Amos appeared at the top of the stairs wrapped in a towel. “Nobody does. For all we care, C.D. can have every ounce of your sorry old blood. It’ll probably poison him anyway.”

  Amy looked at Dunc. “It’s finally happened. The little nerd has flipped out. I’d call for a strait jacket, but I need him tomorrow night. Do
n’t forget to give him my message.” Amy pushed a strand of blond hair behind one ear and sauntered out of the room.

  Dunc sighed. “Sure, Amy. No problem.”

  “Amos, you’re supposed to be helping me find information. We can’t afford to make any more mistakes.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with looking at informative magazines.” Amos turned a National Geographic sideways. “This one happens to be very educational.”

  Dunc grabbed the magazine. “Cut that out. We came to the library to get as many facts on vampires as possible before tomorrow night.”

  “I don’t need the facts. You do. Melissa’s party is tomorrow night, and I’m not going to miss it—even if Amy pulverizes me for it.”

  “I’ve got that all worked out. C.D. is picking us up at seven o’clock, and Melissa’s party doesn’t start until eight. You’ve got a full hour to help me out. By the way, did your invitation ever arrive?”

  “It probably got lost in the mail. But don’t worry. I’m not gonna let a little thing like that stop me.”

  “Somehow I didn’t think you would.”

  “Ahem.” At the next table, a tall, thin man with a pencil mustache cleared his throat. Then he whispered, “Did I hear you say you were looking for information about”—the man straightened his glasses and glanced around to see if anyone was listening—“vampires?”

  Dunc nodded. “Why? Do you know a good resource book?”

  “Better.” The man scribbled something on a piece of paper, folded it, and slid it across the table. “Tell him that Simpson sent you.”

  The tall man quickly gathered his things and practically ran out of the library.

  “If that doesn’t beat everything.” Amos scratched his head. “This town gets more crackpots every day.”

  Dunc opened the paper. “This one may not be a crackpot, Amos. Take a look at this.”

  Amos read the name. “Bertram Watson. Who’s that?”

  “Don’t you remember? Dracula of the Night? Bertram Watson is the guy who wrote it. This is his address. He’s staying at the old Moonlight Inn.”

  “That proves he’s a crackpot. Nobody stays there except winos, bums, and criminals.”