by Max Hudson
“I want love, real love. I want a partner for this life,” he thought to himself. “None of these guys look like boyfriends; they look like porn stars.” He put his phone down on the end table next to his bed and waited until the blue light from the screen died down.
The dark in the room seeped into his subconscious and sent him off to sleep, but it was a restless, shallow rest. In his sleep, he saw more pictures scrolling by, but this time each was the image of a grey, blank face, silhouettes with no details.
He woke up feeling defeated and depressed. Not even his usual morning jog cheered him up.
Chapter Six
The next couple of days were an odd dance for Tony. One moment he would be teaching or chatting in the lounge with his colleagues and then Samuel would appear. He seemed to have a talent for manifesting in doorways, stopping each conversation or lesson with a quiet smile. The students seemed just as put off by him as the people who were now officially working for him. Samuel didn’t speak at all when he checked on classes, but with the teachers, he made poor attempts at conversation.
“How is everyone doing?” These comments would be followed up by a hopeful glance at Tony in hopes that the history teacher would save him.
Instead, he got polite smiles, nods, but no actual statements. This would leave them all in an awkward, silent lurch as each of them waited to see if anyone could muster up the courage for some small talk. No one ever did, leaving Samuel to sip his instant coffee in silence and walk out of the room on his stiff, straight legs. Tony’s heart broke each time he failed to come to Samuel’s aid, but something still felt off. Samuel had a very different energy to him, something Tony couldn’t name.
Maybe it was his posture: his back stick-straight, even when he sat. Maybe it was that he always kept both feet flat on the floor, never fidgeted with his feet or crossed one ankle over the other knee. He was always on high alert, ready to jump up and salute or cry out his allegiance to…whom? No matter how much Tony watched Samuel, he was still missing something.
Despite all his oddities, Tony had made Samuel a promise and meant to keep it. At the end of the week, they were going to have their first At Risk Youth Workshop. Samuel had insisted on the name. Tony just focused on getting through the week, did his best not to stare at this strange new man who had come into his life, and focused on his students.
“All right, my little wildebeests,” he said to his final class on Friday, “go out into the world and pay attention. History happens every day.” A few students listened to him, but the rest were already in weekend mode, throwing their bags onto their shoulders and running out the door. He let them go. He’d been teaching long enough to know trying to hold kids back on a Friday afternoon was an unhappy task.
Tony arranged his things as fast as he could, got his computer turned off, all the housekeeping tasks which wound down his work. He looked up and saw the man he already knew would be in his doorway, Vice Principal Taylor, standing with his back straight. Just seeing him made Tony stand at attention.
“Vice Principal Taylor,” he said with a professional smile. “I’m almost ready. Can you give me a moment?”
“Oh, of course. Why don’t you meet me in the multi-purpose room?” He didn’t wait for a response, just spun on his heel and headed out, Tony shaking his head at the man’s back. So strange.
When he arrived at the multi-purpose room, he found a circle of chairs and an easel with a flip chart with several pages already illustrated with drawings of different scenarios students had at school, some dialogue, nothing surprising. He looked around and nodded.
“Okay. Great. You look ready.”
Samuel nodded, then dropped quickly into one of the plastic chairs. “I’m so nervous. I don’t know why. I’ve done this a million times.”
Tony took a seat next to him. “Yeah, but it’s the first time you’ve done it here. Have you met any of these kids yet?”
He nodded. “Two of them had a fight on Monday. Well, one says it was a fight. The other insists he had been beaten up, but both looked pretty rough. Their names were Justin Atol and, oh, who was the other one?”
“Craig Watson,” Tony offered, already nodding. Samuel snapped his fingers at the name.
“Yes! That’s the guy. They’ve had problems in the past?”
Tony told Samuel what he knew. Craig came from a troubled home, liked to start fights with kids at school to work through his aggression. A teacher they’d had the semester before had recommended Craig to a boxing gym, but it closed right after he joined, leaving him without his new, beloved hobby. He was so heartbroken that he beat up four kids that week.
“We’ve been trying to get through to Craig for a long time. I like the guy,” Tony confided, “but he hates himself. That’s the truth of the situation.”
Samuel shook his head in silence, then looked at someone behind Tony. “Hi.”
A scrawny, messy-haired sophomore stood in the doorway. “Yeah, I’m supposed to come to some sort of class here. Like, detention or something.”
Samuel stood straight up out of his chair and gestured to it. “Please, take this one.”
The boy walked in with no further comment and sat down, stretched his legs out as far as they would go, making himself a perfect diagonal line. Angle achieved, he folded his arms and closed his eyes, his illusion of comfort complete.
The others followed. There was Laura Church, the scariest girl at their school, who prided herself on intimidating all her teachers as well as her classmates, then Craig and Justin, glaring at each other the whole time, and last to come in was Skylar, a famed online bully who seemed to live for opportunities to shame everyone around him.
“Thank you, everyone, for coming today,” Samuel started, sitting in the circle with them all and looking each in the eye. Tony was struck by the change in his tone, the hands on his knees. Samuel looked, did he dare even think it, relaxed. In his element. Tony put his pen down and just watched for a moment.
“I’m your new Vice Principal, please call me Mr. Taylor. And I believe you’re Laura,” he nodded at the only girl in the group, “and I’ve already met Justin and Craig. I’m guessing you’re Skylar, our computer whiz. Oh, I’m so sorry, I don’t have this gentleman’s name.”
The group turned to the sleepy sophomore, and Craig gave his foot a little kick. “Dude. What’s your name?”
“Hm?”
The kid looked around scowling at the attentive eyes on him. “What?”
“We were just hoping you could tell us your name,” Samuel said, maintaining an even tone.
“Why?”
“Because we need to know what to call you.”
The boy tried to be annoyed but seemed a bit flattered by the need to have a name, so he relented. “It’s Beans. Everyone calls me Beans.”
“Great.” Samuel began to describe what they would do during their time together, but he’d already lost the group. Tony made a note.
“Wait, wait,” Justin said, holding his hand up to stop Samuel. “Dude, how is there a guy at school named Beans and I don’t know it? That’s legendary! What, do you like, fart all the time?” he asked, smirking at Beans.
“No,” Beans answered, scowling again. “It’s just a dumb name my dumb dad gave me. It stuck. My legal name is Aaron, but no one uses it, so just call me Beans.”
“We will,” Samuel jumped in, redirecting the group. “Okay, each of you has had a problem at school recently and today is your chance to tell me your side of the story. I want to know what happened, all right? Let’s start with Laura.”
Samuel had chosen Laura to start because hers was the trickiest. Laura was so cunning that it was hard to pinpoint what crimes she had committed, but she was inevitably at the epicenter of any drama or tragedy that started up at school. However, whenever it was time to point the finger, none of the other girls ever named her. They all pointed at one another while Laura occupied a quiet spot in the background and the teachers seethed.
“Now, La
ura, tell me what happened between Tiffany and Dawn.”
The girl blinked her big blue eyes and made her mouth as small as possible so that she looked more like a little girl than anything else.
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”
Tony let out a little sigh as Laura went into her usual act: why ask me? I didn’t do anything. Why does everyone always blame me? But Samuel insisted she must have spoken with one or both. Had she picked up on anything?
Tony shook his head. This was not going well. Laura was resisting as usual and once again no one had any real evidence against her. Then, out of nowhere, Samuel stood and plucked her phone out of her backpack’s side pocket.
“Hey! You can’t do that!”
“To the contrary,” Samuel explained as he tilted her phone until the black screen caught the light, revealing the finger smear of the pattern she used to unlock it. “I can. A cell phone in school can be confiscated at any moment by any teacher or administrator.” He held up the active screen for her to see while keeping a small smile on her face. “But, since you had nothing to do with anything, there’s nothing to worry about. Right?”
Laura’s face went red. “I…I didn’t know. I mean, maybe I said something, but I’m not sure. I didn’t know you could just take my phone!”
“Yes. New rule. It was the first rule I got in place after I arrived. Oh, wow. It looks like you and Dawn had a long talk the same day she got into that fight with Tiffany. It looks to me like Dawn is fairly upset in these messages.” He stopped scrolling and looked at her again. “You want to talk now, or should I read this conversation out loud?”
Tony’s jaw fell so low that he had a hard time closing it again. Samuel was being mean, but then again no one had ever gotten Laura to confess to a single thing. For the first time since he’d known her, she looked nervous.
Little by little, the story came out. As Tony suspected, the girl was adept at planting the seeds of drama and then standing back to let them sprout. She had insinuated Tiffany was plotting against Dawn and hoping to break into her locker after school. Apparently, Dawn had some special journal in there and Tiffany planned to post each page online. Meanwhile, Tiffany knew nothing about this. She was getting messages about how much the two girls liked her and how, hey, they should throw a party together! By the time the confrontation took place, Dawn was frantic and Tiffany believed she had been betrayed by her best friend.
Everyone in the group listened to her talk with mouths open in perfect little Os.
“You did that?” they asked, and she nodded shakily.
“Yeah. But…” She stuttered a little and paused a moment in her attempt to defend herself. “Dawn had it coming! She, well, she laughed when she saw my report card. Like she’s better than me. I hate her.”
Samuel took the reins again, keeping Laura calm. He asked her to write out the same scenario but not the end. “Leave that blank,” he said, “and we’ll help you give this problem a different solution.”
She nodded and made a few notes, referring to her phone for the exact wording of some choice texts. Samuel walked the kids through the emotion of anger, how it made synapses in the brain fire, why it was an easy emotion to rely on. “Anger is never far away. And it gets stronger the more we reach for it. It loves attention.”
The class went on. The group talked with Laura about what she could have done instead of making the other groups fight, helped her find the words to write it down, and then two of the guys stood up to help her act out the situation again.
By the time it was all over, Laura was in tears. She hugged Samuel without a word and he gave her a tight squeeze. Afterwards, she walked out as fast as she could, pale and shaking. The group watched her leave, still not sure what they were seeing.
Samuel let her go without a comment, then addressed the boys. “Have a good weekend and make some good memories.” They all smiled at him as they walked out. Craig and Justin briefly forgot they were enemies and left side by side. Beans gave Samuel a high five as he strutted out the door. Samuel whistled to himself as he put the chairs away and took down his chart.
Tony put down his sparse notes and clapped for his new boss, who looked up in surprise.
“Really?”
“Really. That. Was. Shocking. You took some of our worst kids and you gave them a community. You helped them understand the reality of their actions. Please, don’t change a thing. I loved the whole presentation.”
Samuel let out a little satisfied sigh and looked around the room. “Man, I miss doing this stuff. It’s so great to be in it again. It makes me feel like what I do matters.”
“Of course this matters!” Tony stood to help with the last of the cleanup. “It’s not every principal or administrator who would take the time to do this. And seeing you in here trying, it changes things for these kids. You’re showing them you care and that makes you-” He stopped. His hand and Samuel’s had both reached for the door at the same moment and a little burst of energy shot up Tony’s arm at the feel of it.
The two looked at one another and, in less than a second Tony felt the cold sadness around his heart start to crack. A warmth rushed through him and he put a hand to his chest. He looked at the man in front of him and got a shock - it was as if all the parts of Samuel’s face had rearranged themselves somehow. He had gained depth and gentleness where once there had been cool indifference and awkwardness. His skin even took on a new hue, no more pale white but instead a pink hue under a milky complexion. Tony blinked, not sure what he was seeing. Their hands parted and they stood in silence for a moment.
“I guess I’ll see you in class tomorrow,” Tony said, his voice sounding odd and out of place.
Samuel blinked at him, his eyes darting around, then they lit up. “Oh! You mean guitar class. Yes, I guess you will. I’m hoping I can play a chord next time. You’re already miles ahead of me.” He gave Tony’s arm a playful little smack and Tony’s heart thrilled again, the last of the terrible sadness around falling away. He smiled at his vice principal and Samuel smiled back. For the first time, Tony noticed a tiny dimple on his boss’s left cheek.
Chapter Seven
In guitar class, Tony saw that Bob, the professional, had failed to show, much to everyone’s relief.
“Wow. Jimmy Hendrix isn’t here today,” Marcia observed. She picked out a few notes, squeezing her eyes shut as if the notes were pelting her in the face. “That’s a relief.”
“I figured he would lose interest,” Hal said in his deep, wise voice as he picked out some warm, gentle notes from his old instrument. “A beginner’s class is just way too easy for him. Showing off gets old fast.”
“Yeah,” Tony piped up dryly. “I’m sick of being so amazing and better than everyone.”
They laughed as the teacher sat down and settled them into class. That day they learned a few more chords and then put them together into a basic rock song from the 90s. Most the class got it, though Marcia and Samuel found themselves behind once again. Tony picked up the song right away and by the end of the song he was singing the lyrics in a loud voice as he played.
“Well done, Tony!” Their teacher beamed. “You’re picking up the instrument so well. Have you studied music before?”
He blushed and looked down at the curvy body of his guitar. “Well, only if you count singing in the car.”
The class chuckled. Samuel looked up and caught Tony’s eye for a second and the two smiled at one another.
“Well,” Star said, still grinning. “If you ever want to pursue singing as well as guitar, my friend is a vocal teacher. I hope you’ll consider it.” She moved on to Kim, who was struggling, and Marcia leaned over to whisper in Tony’s ear.
“Our teacher has a crush on you.”
“I know. It’s because I’m so handsome.”
His friend wiggled her eyebrows, a silent laugh at the joke.
“Marcia, my dear, how are those chords coming?”
She moved over to sit closer to
their instructor to check her hand placement. Tony focused on his own guitar and then on a small poster up on the wall that displayed all the basic chords. He stood and moved over to it so he could try a few new ones.
Tony soon discovered that playing what looked like a simple set of dots on a few lines was a finger-twisting challenge. His own digits kept tangling up inside themselves and the tip of each finger wanted to push down on two strings at once as opposed to just one as they found their place. He took a breath, told himself not to force it, and tried again.
After a few attempts, he found he had about four new chords he could play. Soon he forgot about the others in the class as he strummed his strings, lost in his own little world.
Tony tried stringing together a few chords and found three that had a nice hook to them. He strummed in a rhythm, then changed it, then tried again. There, that was it. He wandered back to his seat and settled into the chair, then kept playing, altering the timing and rhythm here and there.
There, across from him, was Samuel. He kept playing and watching his classmate and boss, observed the way he bent his head down, the texture of his fine blond hair. He wondered what it looked like when it was wet.
In his mind, he saw Samuel, but not at school. There in Tony’s imagination, the man was swimming. The sunlight was sparkling on the water as Samuel burst through the surface of the pool, his blond hair wet and plastered down onto his head and his chest bare. The water trickled down his shoulders, his chest, and his strong, muscled back. Tony saw the man turn and watch him over his shoulder as if he knew he was there and wanted to say something to him.
“Tony?”
He dropped back down into reality and found the entire class staring at him. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I was miles away. Did you ask me something?”
“Yes,” their teacher tried again. “I asked if you were playing something of your own or if it was a song we might know.”
He looked at the floor and smiled, not sure what to say. “I, well, I was just messing around. It’s not anything.”