A Leap of Faith

by T Gephart

  “Lexi, I trust you. Besides if you were going to be with him I’m guessing you would have done that by now. I like Matt, he seems like a decent guy and I’m appreciative that he looks out for you.” Alex pulled me in to his arms and brushed his lips across mine.

  “So you are ok with it?” I asked a little surprised. I had half expected there to be an argument after all not many men would be happy with their girlfriends shacking up with another guy, especially one who looked like Matt.

  “Are you going to fuck him?” Alex mumbled as he continued to kiss me.

  “No, of course not!” I hissed.

  “Then I have nothing to be concerned about, do I?” he reasoned.

  “No, you don’t,” I asserted.

  “Good, now let’s go eat. Some pain in the ass bitch has scheduled a 9 a.m. meeting,” Alex smirked.

  “Yeah I have a 9 a.m. meeting too with a bunch of moody musicians, one who is acting like an asshole.” I beamed as I followed him into the kitchen.

  Alex leaned up against the doorway gesturing for me to enter.

  “Bitch.” Alex coughed into his hand, amused as I walked past.

  “Asshole.” I grinned as I returned the greeting.

  So I’m guessing this is what domestic bliss felt like...huh?

  Chapter 4 – Boardrooms and Baked Goods

  I straightened the skirt on my Marc Jacobs dress as I stood up in front of the large black rectangular table. My audience was seated around it in elegant leather desk chairs. Chris was to my right, looking immaculate as usual. Her vintage woollen pale pink Chanel suit was complemented perfectly by a pair of pale pink pumps. Her Mont Blanc pen was poised as she watched her personal assistant, Monique, distribute folders.

  James was attentive as always, although looking a little more weary than usual. He sipped his take-away coffee quietly as he looked over the folder he had in front of him. Alex was seated to my left, directly next to James. His smile was seductive as his eyes roamed over my plunging neckline. He looked alert, with his hair freshly slicked back. His black t-shirt hugged his torso and mirrored Ray Bans hung from his dog tags. He, like the other band members, was dressed casually in jeans.

  Dan was deeply involved in a conversation with Troy and paid no attention to the information in front of him, nor to me for that matter. Troy yawned animatedly, I wasn’t sure if he was genuinely tired or just not interested in the topic of Dan’s conversation. Jason looked over the folder before turning his attention back to his phone, which was vibrating relentlessly.

  Monique gave me a polite smile as she closed the door behind her and left. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath.

  “Gentlemen, we are about to embark on a two month publicity tour. We will be taking in cities within the continental United States and a few major European cities. It’s going to be gruelling but necessary. This will then give us time to play a full stadium tour after Hannah has the baby.”

  I turned to James as I saw the concern on his face. “We’ll start overseas and then move back to the mainland so that as the pregnancy progresses you will be closer to home in case she goes early. In addition to that, I’ll have a G6, fuelled up with an active flight plan ready at every stop so if you need to get home in a hurry, you can.”

  James looked at me, stunned, before responding, “You organized a plane to be on stand by?”

  “Sure have, I also have spoken to Hannah’s obstetrician - with Hannah’s consent of course. He has my personal number so even if you are on stage or unable to be reached he can call me. He assured me that she is still way off but we aren’t taking any chances. I will not let you miss the birth of your first child. FYI if it’s a girl, Lexi is a pretty cool name.” I gave James a quick wink.

  “Lexi, I don’t know what to say...” James stuttered as he stood up to face me. I had seen that look before, the gratitude and relief. It was the same look he had had back in Melbourne when his brother Mike had been involved in an accident and my intervention at the scene had been instrumental in saving Mike’s life. I knew he was worried about leaving Hannah and touring and I was going to do everything in my power to make sure I made it as easy as possible for both of them. Not just because it was my job, but also because they were my friends.

  “You don’t have to say anything, just do what you do best and leave all this other bullshit to me. I’ve got your back.” I smiled as James gave me one of his trademark hugs.

  “Hey dude, you going to let him feel up your woman like that?” Dan piped in, amused by our affectionate exchange.

  “James is more than welcome to hug Lexi, I trust them both implicitly.” Alex grinned as he refused to be baited by Dan.

  “Well if that’s the case, I might have a go next,” snorted Dan as he rose from his seat.

  “No one else is having a go! I’m not a fucking ride Dan. Sit down, shut up and stop thinking with your dick!” I snarled as I released myself from James’ arms.

  Troy and Jason both laughed aloud while Alex glanced at me approvingly, biting his lip to suppress his smile. Even Chris was amused and cleared her throat before taking a drink of water. Dan sat down sullenly, not having found it as amusing as everyone else.

  “Ok, back to the agenda.” I continued, “In front of you are our travel dates, list of hotels, interviews, photo ops etcetera. Everything is listed so you will know when and where you are going to be at any given time. I will be traveling with you and I’ll update you each morning at breakfast on what your commitments are going to be for the day. As you can see we are leaving in three days. Any questions?” I glanced around the room as they flipped through the pages.

  Chris stood up and addressed the band, “Well it seems like now is as good a time as any to give you some good news. Your album went Platinum this morning. Congratulations, Gentlemen!”

  The room erupted with excitement. They alternated between patting each other on the back, giving each other high fives and ended with a group hug. It was heartwarming to see that despite their longevity in the industry, moments like these still held such excitement for them.

  Alex grabbed me by the waist and pulled me in close to him. I tried to offer my congratulations but he covered my mouth with his lips and all I could get out was inaudible mumbling.

  “I’m so happy for you Alex” I managed to murmur when he finally released my lips, his hands still firmly glued to my body.

  “Happy for us,” he corrected.

  “Yes of course, I’m happy for all of you,” I whispered.

  “No.” He corrected me again, “You are part of this now, not just because you work for us but because we are together. This is our success, we are a team and you are not excluded from that.”

  “Alex,” I pulled him away from the ruckus that Chris was desperately trying to get control of, “that’s sweet, but it’s your band baby. I’m not taking credit for this. You would have achieved this with or without me.”

  Alex became suddenly serious, “Yes, that’s true but without you, without this...” he gestured between the two of us, “it means nothing. We are package deal now. I don’t want to do this anymore without you by my side.” He brushed my cheek tenderly, “Do you understand Lexi?”

  “Yes” I breathed as my heart swelled.

  God I was in so deep. If something happened, if he was to break my heart, I’m not sure I could stand it. It worried me, thinking back to that dark place, to who I used to be. NO… I was stronger now. This was different! Alex didn’t control me, Alex didn’t abuse me. THIS was ok.

  Was it ok? The thoughts tumbled in my head as I fought with my inner conflict. I had nothing else to compare it with. Was it normal that in a relationship you share so much? Was I turning into one of those pathetic women who was nothing without her man?

  “Lexi?” Alex questioned, concern washing over his face.

  “Hey, sorry... a million miles away! I’m here. I’m with you. You don’t have to do this without me. I’m here.” I assured him.

  “Good” h
e affirmed.

  “Can you two stop your secret squirrel meeting and come back over here!” yelled Troy. “We have some serious celebrating to do!”

  I smiled convincingly as we re-joined the group, I wouldn’t sabotage this. I would try and fight my demons. Alex was worth it. This was worth it. I was worth it.

  ~~~~~~

  “Lexi, are you are sure you want my help with this?” Taylah eyed me curiously as I pottered around my kitchen pulling out ingredients and laying them on my bench top.

  “C’mon Tay, it will be fun,” I smiled. “Trust me if Martha Stewart can do this - you can!” I tried to convince Taylah as she looked questioningly at the box of Duncan Hines Devil’s Food Cake in her hand.

  “Well at least we aren’t making them from scratch, I can tell you now, the only thing I have successfully cooked in my kitchen is a fire!” Taylah mused.

  I laughed as we emptied the contents of the packet into the mixing bowl. I actually preferred to make these from scratch but time was not my friend. The meeting with the band had taken up most of the morning and I was keen to spend some time with Taylah before we left for the tour.

  We all had known this was coming. James was hesitant about leaving his pregnant wife at home and Hannah was also feeling trepidation at the thought of the separation. She didn’t complain but I could tell that deep down it was affecting her. It was only natural that she would want her husband by her side during her last trimester, but she understood that he had to go. She understood that his job, which took him away from her, also ignited his soul. It was part of him; he was too talented for her to keep to herself.

  I was lucky in that I got to go with Alex, but I understood the desire to keep him to myself, to make him mine and not share him. This came from the selfish part of me, the irrational part, but I knew that I couldn’t keep him locked away. His star shone too brightly to be hidden; it needed to be shared. It was part of his makeup; he was intrinsically wired for this. It was part of the reason I loved him. He was nothing short of breathtaking on stage, he mesmerized me, captivated me and even after seeing him play countless times, he still gave me butterflies. No, I could never ask him to give this up, it would mean changing who he was and I would never do that.

  Hannah and I were bonded by this connection. The men that we loved were loved and adored by many. I finally understood how she had “put up” with all the skanks, hoes, stalkers and hangers on - our men were worth it. They were worthy of our love and they did nothing to betray our trust. They returned to us, it was our beds they slept in at night, it was our name in their hearts. The fame, the attention, it was a small price to pay.

  In my attempt to lighten the mood around our impending departure I had decided to throw Hannah a baby shower. Not a traditional shower where a bunch of women clucked over each other and told horror stories of their labours and deliveries, but a celebration of this little life who would soon be born. I wanted James to be there, I wanted him to be a part of this too. Hannah reluctantly agreed, I think in the end she was too polite to turn me down, that and James’ enthusiasm over the idea had her convinced.

  It was a coincidence that the date we had planned ended up being this evening, the very day that we had finalized all the dates for the tour. I hoped that tonight would at the very least distract her for an evening and allow her to forget about us leaving. I wanted to do this for her, I wanted to give her one night where she saw how much support she had from the family and friends who would love and care for her until James returned.

  I had arranged everything. Decorations had been delivered this afternoon and set up, a catering company was taking care of all the food (miniature versions of everything in keeping with the theme) and I had even hired a bartender to mix virgin cocktails. If Hannah couldn’t drink, neither would we. I had also scheduled a visit to the Day Spa for Hannah so that she would be out of her house while it was being over run by my trusty helpers setting up her party and that she would feel pampered and relaxed this evening.

  One thing I did want to make was cupcakes, little blue and pink cupcakes that we could use as party favours. Of course I could have purchased them but I liked baking and it made me feel like I was still connected with my former self. The one who would rather spend her money on fancy shoes and handbags rather than fancy food or desserts, hence why I taught myself to cook.

  “How many boxes of this stuff do we need?” Taylah asked, her voice pulling me back into the present and to the task at hand.

  “Ummm 4 I think, I want there to be enough,” I responded as I watched Taylah struggle with separating the cupcake cases.

  “Can’t we just buy them? Magnolia Bakery isn’t far. I’ll drive,” Taylah offered, her smile flirting on her lips.

  “No, I want to make them. It’s not that hard. Trust me, it will be fun,” I laughed. Her inadequacy in the kitchen only made her more adorable.

  We emptied the required ingredients into the mixing bowl and turned on my Kitchen Aid. It amused me no end that the item Taylah had purchased purely for decorative purposes was now being used for its intended design.

  “Ok, line the muffin tray with the cases. That way when we pour in the batter they will retain their shape.” I directed Taylah over the hum of my mixer while I checked to see if the oven’s temperature was set correctly. I still struggled slightly with Fahrenheit verses Centigrade - seriously the rest of the world had moved to metric, why was the US so resistant!?

  “Well look at you, little Miss Suzy Homemaker!” giggled Taylah as she watched me work confidently around the kitchen.

  “Yeah, I’m a woman of many talents,” I grinned as I stopped the mixer and carefully spooned the batter into the cupcake cases.

  “Lexi, you aren’t exactly quiet entering your apartment - I have heard first hand some of your other talents!” Taylah swatted me with a tea towel.

  “Haters gonna hate,” I smirked as I finished the first tray of cupcakes and loaded them into the oven.

  “Do we have to Ice these fuckers too?” Taylah asked as she settled onto the bar stool opposite me.

  “Of course we do. You want to start mixing the icing colours or you want to spoon in the mixture?” I pointed over to the coloured gels and white buttercream waiting beside my piping bags.

  “How about I fix these little noodle boxes with decorations? That’s something I actually know how to do.” Taylah picked up the clear boxes and I watched as she made a perfect bow with ribbon and attached it to the handle.

  “Sounds good, these won’t take long to bake and they will cool quickly too. I just will finish these last couple of trays and get the colours mixed up.” The hum of my Kitchen Aid once again muffled my voice as I mixed up another batch of cupcakes.

  Taylah was slowly turning those boring boxes into works of art with her meticulously classy bows in pink and blue (seeing as we didn’t know the sex of the baby we were covering all our bases) as I continued working tray after tray in the oven.

  My phone buzzed silently in my pocket as I put the last of the cupcakes on to the cooling rack.

  - I’m in, I can never say no to you. Are you sure about me moving in? I can find my own place. Matt xo

  I couldn’t contain my elation knowing that Matt and I would be working together again. My best friend was going to be with me on this monumental journey.

  - OUTSTANDING! Glad you finally realized resistance is futile! Yes of course you are living with me. I have a bottle of Vodka chilling, how’s your virtue these days :-)

  - Constantly trying to see my ass! Some things never change :-)

  - Like you would have it any other way ;-) Email me your date for departure and I’ll organize flights etc. I leave NYC in a couple of days but I can leave you my keys with my neighbour. Talk soon Lexi xx

  - Will do. Your neighbours? Are these the swingers? What’s the protocol? Not sure Anna would be impressed :-)

  - Yeah Yeah, you know they aren’t swingers! Tell Anna I said Hi. Got to go. L xx

  - Lov
e ya Lexi, see you soon. Matt xo

  I slid my phone back in my pocket as I pulled out another bowl to mix up icing, unable to suppress my broad smile.

  “Someone’s in a good mood.” Taylah raised her perfectly manicured eyebrow in question.

  “My best friend Matt is coming to work with me and live here. I’ve missed him so much. It’s the perfect solution.” I explained as I tugged the foil from the top of the blue coloured gel. I felt resistance as I tried to peel it back.

  “You think that’s a good idea? Subjecting him to your sex-crazed antics?” Taylah glanced over at me while I continued to struggle with the foil top.

  “We’ve lived together before Tay, he’s used to me and my antics”. I grunted as with one last heave the foil came loose, blue food colouring spilling all over my fingers and into my palms.

  “FUCK!!! This shit stains! I look like I jacked off a Smurf!” I huffed as I ran to the sink to try and wash off as much of the offending gel as possible.

  Taylah doubled over not even attempting to quell her hysterical laughter “You certainly have a way with words Lexi... You’re one of a kind!”

  Chapter 5 – Sugary Seduction

  I had managed to clean up both myself and my kitchen to the best of my ability. The slight blue tinge of dye still lingered on my fingers as I attempted to scrub my hands for the twentieth time.

  “Ugghhh it will have to do!” I groaned loudly as I dried my hands and examined my reflection in the mirror. My hair was flowing loosely across my back and it matched the soft and feminine lines of my silk, floral Ralph Lauren wrap dress. It was not what I’d usually buy but the last thing I wanted to do was draw the attention away from Hannah on her special evening. The dress tastefully plunged, showing off a hint of cleavage and I’d teamed it with a pair of nude strappy heels.

  I felt two long, strong arms encase me from behind. “It will do more than do,” Alex whispered in my ear, pressing light kisses up my neck.

  “Hey baby, I didn’t hear you come in.” I turned around in his arms so that I was facing him, his amazing smell consumed me as I breathed in.