A Leap of Faith

by T Gephart

  “Mr. Stone, I can assure you that we are a state of the art hospital and she is receiving the best of care. I’ve been over her charts, she is recovering but I wouldn’t recommend moving her.” The voice argued.

  “Dr. Lee, this is not about the level of care she is receiving. Is there any medical danger to her being moved?” Alex voice was authoritative and curt. I could hear his impatience.

  “Any transporting of patients carries an inherent risk which is why I would recommend waiting to fly.” Dr. Lee, I assumed?

  “This is not a discussion Doctor, answer the question. Can she fly?” Alex barked.

  “Yes, her cerebral edema had receded satisfactorily but she would need to be sedated and have a medical transport.”

  “Make it happen!” Alex hissed.

  “Mr. Stone...” Dr. Lee started.

  “I said, make it happen.” Alex didn’t allow him to finish.

  “Alex, do you think you should do that? Wouldn’t it be more traumatic for her to wake up somewhere else?” Emma tentatively asked.

  “Emma, she wants to go home. If taking her there will ease even a tiniest bit of her suffering then that is what I am going to do. I’m sorry, I know you love her but I won’t change my mind. I’m taking her away from this... from here.” Alex’s voice was determined, he wouldn’t be swayed. He was taking me home.

  ~~~~~~

  BLACK

  ~~~~~~

  I woke up to the sound of jet noise. I was strapped tightly to a stretcher and it felt like Dave Lombardo from Slayer was playing a drum solo in my head. It hurt so much I couldn’t see straight. I moaned.

  “Lexi.” I heard my name but I couldn’t be sure of who had called it. Was it Alex?

  “Pain,” I moaned as the relentless thumping continued. Jesus Dave… take a break already!

  “We’re coming in to land Baby, it’s almost over.”

  The tires made contact with the tarmac, there was a slight jolt as the plane touched down and tried to slow along the runway. The sting of tears burned my eyes as the pain travelled down my body. I was broken, truly broken.

  ~~~~~~

  BLACK

  ~~~~~~

  “What were you thinking Alex? Moving her like that!” Matt’s beautiful voice filled the room.

  Matt. I’d missed him so much. My body was paralysed, my eyes slammed shut. I could hear perfectly but I couldn’t will myself awake.

  “Hey man, back up. It’s what she wanted and I’ll be damned if I was going to let her lie there and beg me for something and not deliver.” Alex’s voice was cold and angry.

  “So what do we know about the fucking bastard who did this to her?” Matt calmed as he came closer.

  “There was no signs of forced entry, she must have let him in. I don’t know the whys or the hows and quite frankly I’m losing my fucking mind over it. Her phone records show no contact with him, it’s like he just materialized. The cops caught him...” Alex paused “...with his hands on her. She won’t need to testify. He has priors so there is no chance of him getting out of this one.” His voice was a mix of hurt, anger and disgust. He didn’t sound like my Alex any more, some stranger was in his place.

  There was a slight tap on the door, shuffling and then foot steps. I listened, heels! The distinct clicking of heels on a hard surface coming toward me. Taylah? Hannah? Who was it?

  “This isn’t the time or the place. Get out!” Alex seethed, who ever it was he didn’t like her.

  “Alex please, let me explain.” Marcy sobbed.

  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Get her out of here! I couldn’t believe the fucking bitch had the nerve to come here after what she had orchestrated! Why the fuck had Alex let her through the door?

  “This is nothing to do with you. I don’t care for your well wishes.” Alex clipped impatiently.

  The hell it doesn’t have anything to do with her.

  “I want to say sorry, I need to apologize.” Marcy cried, “This is not what I wanted.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me? My wife’s battered, unconscious body is laying there and you are trying to make this about you? I don’t give a fuck about how you feel. If you need someone to talk to, call a fucking therapist. What we had was nothing, less than nothing. So I’m not going to sit here and discuss your fragile insecurities cause I dumped you almost a year ago.” Alex raged.

  “No... this isn’t about that. I know...I know you didn’t love me. I’m sorry...I’m sorry for what happened to Lexi.” Marcy sniffed.

  “Marcy. Thanks for your concern but I think you should leave” Matt’s voice was diplomatic but cool.

  “You... don’t know?” Marcy squeaked.

  “Know what?” Alex roared.

  Marcy dissolved into tears. I didn’t know what was worse. The unbearable pain or having to listen to this bitch. I hated her breathing the same air as me, continuing to try and manipulate the situation. WAKE UP GOD DAMN IT!

  “Know what?” Alex demanded, his voice boomed through the room.

  “Ummm... I... He was just supposed to talk to her... Make you jealous... It was stupid. I…I wasn’t thinking.” Marcy spluttered through tears.

  “What the fuck did you do Marcy?” Alex voice was barely a hiss.

  “I... I found him, the only real boyfriend she ever had. I did some digging into her past and he was the only one that seemed to come up. I spoke to him on the phone a few times and he seemed charming. I guess I hoped they’d rekindle something. I wasn’t thinking straight. And when I found out you guys were going to be in Australia, it seemed perfect. I gave him her address so he’d know where to find her. He seemed so nice, like he was happy to be able to see her again. He lied to me, told me he loved her. I didn’t know he would hurt her,” she whispered.

  “Alex, get off her man. Dude, stop.” Matt urged as I heard a scuffle around me.

  “Alex.” I summoned all the strength I had and opened my eyes. Alex had his hands around Marcy’s throat while Matt tried to peel him off. Alex’s eyes were cold, livid, animalistic.

  He looked at me and dropped his grip on Marcy. She coughed, gasping for breath as she crumbled to the floor.

  “Lexi!” He was at my bedside in a second, almost as if he moved faster than my eyes could register.

  “Alex!” I repeated, my voice was coarse like I had swallowed a bunch of gravel.

  “I’m here, Baby.” Alex’s eyes softened as he stroked my forehead tenderly.

  “I want to speak to her,” I croaked. The fire in my throat was throbbing. Had I actually swallowed something?

  “No.” Alex hissed through his clenched jaw, “She has done enough.”

  “It’s not your call. I need to know something.” I gestured for Marcy to come closer.

  She hesitated, I could see the fear in her eyes. That’s it bitch, you are right to be scared.

  “Lexi. I’m...” Marcy got closer but still kept her distance.

  “Were you even there?” I cut her off. I didn’t want her feeble apologies. They meant nothing to me.

  Alex glanced between us, trying to play catch up. He had no idea what I was talking about but I could tell by his body language that he was ready to start World War Three. I guess the whole male protective instinct is deeper ingrained than I had thought. His look was primal, savage - he wanted blood.

  “Answer me! When you called, were you even in the country?” I needed to know how premeditated this had been.

  “No. I was in New York.” Marcy winced as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “He never told me he would do this... he spoke so lovingly about you. He fooled me Lexi. I would never have allowed this...” I held my hand up to stop her. Was she hoping to justify her actions? Surely she isn’t that stupid? I summoned all my strength to formulate my words.

  “That innocent bullshit might work on other people but you really aren’t that good of an actress. While you may not have known what was about to go down, you knew it was trouble. Why else did you search for a part of my life that has b
een buried for so long? Did you think I would cheat on my husband? Or perhaps you were just hoping to have him photographed leaving my apartment? Either way, you knew it wasn’t going to be happy reunions, so do me and the rest of the world a favour and lose the tears, cause the bimbo routine is getting fucking old.”

  Marcy stared at me, stunned. The colour drained from her face as she realised the severity of her actions; her hands were dirty. If she wanted forgiveness she would need to go to church, cause she was getting none in this room.

  “Get out!” I growled, I’d heard enough. I wanted her gone.

  Matt grabbed her arms and gently escorted her to the door. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to be diplomatic or he didn’t trust Alex, but either way I was glad he removed her, following her out and closing the door behind them.

  Alex’s face was tormented with emotions, I could tell he had questions. I sensed his anger. Was it’s cause that I hadn’t told him or because I’d agreed to meet Marcy by myself? He chewed his lip as he sat silently beside me. A wall shot up between us, I felt the ice from his steely facade.

  “Say it,” I whispered. The silence was something I didn’t want to endure right now, not from him.

  “Say what?” He cocked his eyebrow. I couldn’t decipher whether he was avoiding it or if he honestly didn’t know what I was talking about.

  “It’s written on your face. You want to know why I didn’t tell you she called, why I didn’t tell you I was meeting her. Say it!” I snapped.

  “Lexi,” Alex breathed, “now isn’t the time. I only want you to get better. Nothing else matters right now.” He ran his hand through his impossibly perfect hair; even sleep deprived and emotional he still looked amazing.

  I did my best to turn my battered body onto my side, rolling away from him. I just couldn’t bare it any longer.

  “Don’t do it Lexi, don’t shut me out.” Alex’s hand gently stroked my hair.

  Shut him out? He had seen me more naked than anyone ever had. I had laid myself bare for him. What the hell more did he want? I was too exhausted to give anything else right now. Maybe I’d read him wrong, maybe it was just concern in his eyes? Either way I had to worry about myself right now. I need to heal and not just my body.

  Chapter 24 – Breaking Hearts

  I eased back into the bed in Alex’s Manhattan apartment. He called it “ours” but it no longer felt like mine. The room hadn’t changed since I was last here; the familiarity was both comforting and surreal. I was different, even if the room was not.

  I had been discharged from the hospital after a week. The bruising had started to yellow and I was handling the pain with mild analgesics. The hospital shrink had agreed that my recovery would be expedited from home, rather than a hospital ward. Dr. Sarah Hart had made me commit to weekly therapy sessions as a condition of my discharge. Waste of fucking time if you ask me. Sitting around playing the poor me card was not in my repertoire but I was done staring at the sterile, white washed walls of the hospital and needed out so I agreed to her terms.

  The media storm was starting to wind down too, originally I couldn’t turn on a TV or pick up a newspaper without hearing about the “Horrific attack on Alex Stone’s wife” or “Lexi Reed, publicist for Power Station sexually assaulted by psycho ex-boyfriend.” Matt and Anna handled it beautifully, despite some of my “friends” feeling the need to weigh in. What do you know? My Christmas card list just got a hell of lot shorter (if I actually wrote Christmas cards). Publicity whores!

  I had gotten the muted, obligatory concern from my family. I knew it was more about keeping up appearances and not actual concern. I no longer cared, that part of my life was over and I had no emotions left for it.

  My real family, my friends, rallied around me. They refused to speak to the press, making my recovery their sole concern. The band, who had been once my job, closed ranks and showered me with support. I was theirs and they didn’t take kindly to one of theirs being messed with.

  Alex was flawless in his dedication and attentiveness. He was fiercely protective, installing 24-hour security, which meant I was now being shadowed by a bodyguard. I tried to argue but Alex refused to yield, the only concession he gave me was allowing me to choose the appointee. DarNell had been my choice, if I was going to have a babysitter it was going to be someone who would understand me and not offer unsolicited advice. DarNell fit the bill.

  “You hungry baby? Doctor says you need to eat and you haven’t eaten since breakfast.” Alex sat on the edge of the bed. Last night had been strange for both of us. While we shared the same space, he was hesitant toward me. He’d held me but it felt strained, distant.

  “No. Maybe I’ll get something later.” I mumbled as I thumbed the remote through the ridiculous number of channels. How can there be in excess of a hundred different choices and there be nothing to watch?

  Alex laid gently beside me, his astonishing blue eyes following the lines of my body. It had been so long since he’d touched me, not in the everyday sense of the word but really touched me. In the past we rarely went ten hours without some kind of sexual contact, let alone ten days. We’d often joked about who was the biggest fiend, it’s what we were. We had an insatiable need for each other. It was like a switch had been flipped, it needed to be turned back on, for both of us.

  Something inside me stirred, I needed to feel close to him. I was desperate to bring back some of what we had had before it was stolen from us. I needed to have Alex’s hands on me, feel his naked skin against mine. I wanted to feel him in me.

  I tossed the remote to the side and twisted to face him. He watched me curiously as I stretched out my hand and ran it against the gentle stubble of his jaw. The little hairs bristled under my fingertips, slowly awaking other feelings in me. God, he was good looking.

  I leaned in closer and allowed my lips to brush against his. They parted, welcoming my tongue as it licked the edges of his mouth. He kissed me tenderly but I felt the hesitation, he was holding back.

  “Alex,” I whispered in between kisses, “I want you.” My hands followed down his amazingly sculptured chest, the thin cotton of his t-shirt doing little to hide the hard expanse of muscle.

  “Lexi,” he closed his eyes as he continued to kiss me. I clawed back through the distance; yes this is what we needed. I needed him to erase what had been done to me before. I needed for my body to feel sexual again.

  I ran my hand down to the fly of his jeans. I was met with the rock hard swell of his erection, straining against the front of his jeans. Yes, he wanted this too. I moaned as my hand palmed him, giving him the delicious friction I knew he craved. I needed to feel him, feel that he still wanted me.

  “Lexi, No!” Alex’s hands gripped mine and pushed them away. “It’s too soon, we need to take it slow.” His eyes darkened as he slowly moved back across the mattress.

  “C’mon Alex. I can feel how hard you are. I know you want this too.” I tried to soothe him as I shuffled closer. The polite gentlemen shit was cute but it’s not what I wanted to hear.

  “Lexi, I’m serious.” He stood up, his rock hard cock leaving no doubt that while his mind was saying no, his body was saying a resounding Hell Yes!

  “This” He grabbed his hardness in his hands, “It’s not about this. It’s barely been two weeks Lexi. You need to give yourself some time. Dr Hart already said you show the hallmarks of PTSD. I’m not going to compound that by doing something that I’m going to regret.” He dragged his hand through his hair. He was frustrated.

  “Dr Hart said I may have PTSD. Big fucking deal! Show me someone who hasn’t had some kind of therapy? I know my body, I know what I want. I want you Alex, I need you.” I stared at him as he shook his head. Was I seriously begging him for sex? Maybe I was fucked up? When the hell did I start needing to beg for my husband to make love to me?

  “You know what, fuck it!” I threw the covers off my body and strode into the bathroom. I locked the door and turned on the shower as hot as I could stand it. I
stripped off my lousy excuse for pyjamas (one of Alex’s concert shirts and my panties) and climbed into the glass stall. I sunk to my feet, the hot water crashing over my head and body as I felt my resolve weakening. I cried. Big, ugly sobs. My chest hurt so much it felt like it was tearing apart from the inside. I was broken, damaged, a freak. Was I really some kind of fiend? Maybe wanting sex so soon after being raped wasn’t normal? No wonder Alex looked at me like that, with horror. Fuck! What must he think of me? Maybe in his mind, I’d somehow deserved it?

  NO! He wouldn’t think that. No matter how mad he had been about my omission of truth about Marcy, the phone conversation and the visit, he had never insinuated it was my fault. I’d said no right? I had fought back right? Maybe I didn’t fight hard enough!? No! I had said no! it wasn’t my fault! That animal who took me against my will, it was all on HIM. I would not own this. Yet regardless of whose fault it was, here I was sitting alone, crying.

  “Baby, please don’t cry. God, I’m sorry. Please baby let me in.” Alex begged through the bathroom door.

  “Go away Alex!” I sobbed, ashamed at what I’d been reduced to. I didn’t want him to see me like this. He had already seen me weak and I couldn’t handle crumbling any further in front of him.

  “Baby, it’s breaking my heart. Please open the door?” Alex pleaded. His fists pounding against the wooden bathroom door.

  “Please... just leave.” I stuttered in a small voice, not wanting to lift myself from the mess at the bottom of the shower floor.

  Alex stopped knocking. I quietly popped open the glass door and strained to hear if he was still there. A long, audible sigh confirmed he was.

  “Ok. I’ll give you some space. I’m going to crash in the guest bedroom. Let me know if you need anything.”

  I heard his heavy footsteps carry down the hall. Yep, this was great. I had tried to have sex with him and instead, ended up sleeping alone. God! Shut the fuck up! I brought my fists to my head as the pounding increased. He did what you asked him to do, you told him to leave and he did. What did you expect?