Beauty Returns

by Sylvia McNicoll

  I interrupt. “I’m not asking for special treatment because I’m blind. I asked Mr. Veen for an extra week because I was sick. I can produce a doctor’s letter.”

  Maddie hands Mrs. Liu one of the essays from my binder.

  “Kyle turned in this essay today. It was due last Friday, so like he says, it’s only a week late. Mr. Veen refuses to mark it. Most teachers would just deduct some marks, which would be fine. The essay is so good, Kyle should still earn an A.”

  “All right. Leave this with me. I’ll discuss this with Mr. Veen and let you know my conclusions.”

  Maddie won’t just leave it with Mrs. Liu. She drags me to her favourite English teacher, Mrs. Dejean, and asks her to grade it.

  “I can’t second-guess another teacher. I’ll look at it if Mrs. Liu asks me to.”

  We’re on the ground floor, where most of the junior grades have their classes. Is Liz somewhere nearby, watching? I hesitate, listening, hoping, but without Beauty, she could be as close as my arms, and I would never know. I inhale, straining to smell that baby scent of hers, but it’s impossible in the overwhelming school odours of bologna, socks and wet wool. Can I ask Maddie for help? I decide not to as she rushes me back to Veen’s class.

  CHAPTER 23

  Elizabeth Alone

  “I’m sorry, Alicia. But Scott’s a two-timer. He always has been. You had to know this was going to happen.”

  “I didn’t! People can change. And Scott told me he loved me.”

  “And you believed him.” I roll my eyes, but luckily she can’t see over the phone. “He probably said that so he could put the move on you at his uncle’s chalet.”

  Alicia makes a little noise, like a suffocated mouse.

  “Alicia? Alicia? Tell me you didn’t fall for that line. Tell me it didn’t work.”

  “It’s not such a big deal. I’m glad I did it and got the first time over with. You’re just as bad as I am, anyway. Tell me you’re not in just as deep with Kyle.”

  “Alicia, nothing’s happened between Kyle and me.”

  She chokes out another mouse noise. Alicia’s the adventurous one, the boy magnet, the flirt, the one who has to do everything first. I sigh. Alicia’s the one crying uncontrollably now, because she had no one to race against, and she still managed to lose something.

  “You were careful, though, right?”

  She makes a noise that sounds like yes and I sigh again. “Good. So you weren’t that stupid.”

  “Stupid?” She blows up. “How is loving someone more than he loves you anything to do with brains? You’re so smug—but your mother won’t even let Kyle see you. You know that has to end badly, don’t you? Who will be the stupid one then, huh?”

  I can’t listen to her anymore.

  “Good bye, Alicia,” I whisper and press the end button on the phone.

  Over the click, I hear Teal calling out, “Bu, bu, bu.” I walk past his room and call out, “Oh no you don’t!

  Even if you’re Einstein, you’re not going to sucker me into changing the first diaper of the day.”

  I pound on Debra’s door as I head past for the stairs.

  Breakfast noises come from the kitchen. I smell bacon and see my mom flip a pancake. I set out the syrup and plates and, as fast as my parents swallow their first swig of coffee, I explain what I saw on the webcam. Mom immediately leaves a message on the Canine Vision voice mail, but it’s Sunday. She’ll have to confirm with them again on Monday.

  “About this boy you’re seeing,” my mother begins.

  Where is Deb when I need her? I wonder.

  “We realize that we can’t stop you from seeing him. We can’t watch you twenty-four hours a day. But your new curfew is 10:00 on weekends. No sleepovers, since we can’t trust you to actually be where you say you’re going to be. During the week on school nights, we expect you to stay in.”

  “Am I still grounded?”

  “Of course,” Mom answers. “Two weeks.”

  “Good morning, all.” Debra comes through the basement door carrying a gurgling Teal. “Just to let you know, Teal and I are moving in with Rolph today.”

  The doorbell rings. Magic barks. The toast pops. The coffeemaker beeps. I run for the door, with Magic galloping behind me. Surround sound chaos, as usual—a normal Sunday morning at the Kerr house.

  Monday morning, though she’s still not talking to me, Alicia messages me to let me know she’s seen Kyle’s ex go to his house on Sunday. I believe her.

  I hate the way I feel, as if my insides have slid down into a hard clump at the pit of my stomach. He’s told me over and over she’s just a friend, but I’m still jealous.

  Halfway through the morning, the puppy coordinator arrives to take Magic back, even after we explain why she’s innocent of all biting charges. She thinks they might have spotted something on an X-ray, and they want to do something called a Pennhip Test. I’m not worried. I don’t require genetic perfection the way Canine Vision does. If Magic flunks a hip test, she’ll still be mine. Still, it’s lonely to lose her even for a week. Especially today, when I have the whole day off but am not allowed to go anywhere.

  Mom calls me after lunch and asks me what I’m doing.

  I don’t tell her that I’m in Teal’s old room, staring up at the painted clouds on the ceiling. I sigh and tell her instead that I’m folding laundry, like she asked me to this morning.

  “Mom, there are little tiny Teal socks in it.”

  “We’ll see them on the weekend to return them.”

  “Everywhere I go, I find his toys. Mom, I miss him so much. And when he lived here, I thought he was just a pest.”

  “Mmm. Not too many people get to play that large a part in their nephew’s life. Or their grandchild’s, for that matter. We were lucky, and we didn’t know it.”

  “Mom, what if he hits her?”

  Tssssss. Like air going out of a tire. Mom can’t say anything.

  “I know she says he doesn’t, but he still drinks—and lies.”

  “Liz, listen to me. This may be the hardest thing this family has ever gone through. But we have to be nice to Rolph, so we stay in contact with Debra and Teal. Do you understand?”

  I swallow hard and stare up at the cloud Debra painted into the shape of a dog. I don’t understand. Why can’t we do something?

  “Liz, are you still there?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Go over to Alicia’s house, if you like. I’ll call you when I get home.”

  Escape! I take her up on it immediately, throwing on a coat and bursting through the door. The sun bounces back from the snow in blinding whiteness. I blink fast. Now what? I can’t go to Alicia’s—she’s not talking to me. And I don’t have a dog to walk.

  My feet start swishing through the clumpy, wet snow. Maybe it will all melt soon, but it would be nice if the snow stayed for Christmas. I drift along, reaching out to catch the large, feathery snowflakes floating to the ground. I don’t even know where I’m going, I just follow my feet till I’m at the park.

  I hear his voice and see a dark silhouette against the snow. Kyle stands underneath some trees, quiet as his shadow. He seems all alone, the way I feel. How can he be here by himself? I wonder, so I approach him. He faces away from me, as though watching something or somebody, but of course he can’t be. Then I see Beauty running free, ears flying back, legs outstretched, grin on her face. She’s happier than I’ve seen her in a long time, and I wonder if I should just leave. I will have to decide quickly. When Beauty comes back, she’ll let Kyle know I’m here for sure.

  I call to him. Out here, we’re alone together—I can get angry, and yell, and cry, and no one will know, maybe not even Kyle. How can he keep seeing Maddie and me at the same time? He’s as bad as Scott.

  Kyle reaches for me, and I don’t want to melt.

  “I know you had Maddie at your house Sunday.”

  “That was just my mother interfering again. She wants Maddie and me to go out, again. She just looked over
my essay notes and left. But you’re the only person I want to go out with. Let’s make it official.”

  He drops to one knee and holds my hand. His eyes shine optimistically up at the winter sky.

  What about Beauty? And my mother, and our age, and a million other things? I think—but then I know I can’t say no. I’m so alone, and I look at Kyle and believe in love again. I swallow hard and finally tell him something I’ve held back since the first day I met him.

  “I love you.”

  CHAPTER 24

  Kyle and Beauty

  That night I call Liz’s mom. I don’t know what to say to make her feel better about me, but I try everything. I promise her I won’t come to the house when Liz is alone. I promise I won’t have her over when I’m alone. I promise I’ll never do anything to hurt Liz. I feel like I could keep any promise as long as Liz can be in my life.

  I ask her to look at my essay, explain that Mr. Veen won’t mark it, and that the other teachers won’t grade it without an official okay. Then I tell her the one thing I haven’t admitted out loud to another adult. I’m not even sure why I confess.

  “Mrs. Kerr, I cheated on his pop quiz. It was a stupid thing to do. The thing wasn’t even worth that much. I just didn’t want him to think I couldn’t handle the workload.”

  “Hmm. Well, I believe you. Why don’t you bring your paper over tomorrow? You can see Elizabeth at the same time.”

  What? I can’t believe my ears. I’m getting another chance. “Thank you, thank you. I’ll bring it to you after school.”

  And I do. I take the bus with Donald. First, we get off at the park, to let Beauty play for a bit. I’m feeling strange, sluggish, like I’ve been inside too long. There’s pressure on my chest, like a weight is sitting there.

  Donald forgets about what I told him yesterday and wants to pitch the toy for Beauty all over again. Because my arm feels a bit numb, I almost want to let him.

  “Sorry. I can’t, buddy. The dog has to answer to me alone, remember? You can walk with us, though.”

  We head down the same path as Liz and I rollerbladed earlier.

  “Whoa, look at the stream. It’s all frozen over. They never let us play on the ice around the school.” Donald stomps along, crunching down patches of snow and ice.

  I smile. I remember the sensation of banging my heel into the white part of the ice, watching it splinter open. If I could see to find the weak spots, I’d be chiselling at it myself today; at least I would if I felt a little stronger.

  “Do you want to come play on the stream with me?” Donald asks.

  Another sensation I remember, my feet sliding across the hard slipperiness. Almost always, I would end up falling on my butt—but those few seconds of effortless glide were worth it. I don’t need my sight for that; I could join Donald, but I feel too heavy and can’t muster the energy.

  “Not today. I’m not feeling that great.”

  “Okay.” Donald’s voice is already far away. He’s heading down the stream bank, by the sounds of it.

  “Hey, Kyle,” he calls, “there’s a rabbit on the other side.”

  In my head, I picture it. I love the way, when they’re startled, they spring away, powder-puff tail in salute. When I was ten years old, I chased them just the way I know Donald will.

  “Be careful!” I call to him. I reach down to pat Beauty and feel her ears at attention. Her body is stiff and poised to chase, too.

  “Good girl, Beauty,” I tell her. Like the perfect dog guide she is, she’s resisting. Suddenly, I hear a thump, and almost at the same time a panicky, scared cry. “Ow, ouch!”

  “Donald, what’s wrong? Are you all right?”

  “I fell. My arm hurts!”

  Crick, crick, crick. Strange sounds; I think hard about what they mean. “Donald, get out of there. Fast!” I shout to him.

  “I’m trying.” Slosh, slosh. “The ice cracked!” Donald’s voice turns high-pitched, younger.

  “I can’t get out. Kyle, I’m stuck!”

  “Take it easy, Donald.” My voice comes out high-pitched, too. I’ve got to get a grip, for his sake. But damn it, I can’t see to help him.

  What am I going to do? How can I find him? I pitch my backpack and wrestle in my pocket for my cell phone.

  “Listen, Donald, look around and tell me if you see anyone else.”

  “It’s dark out.”

  I punch in the emergency number.

  “Hello, yes.” I speak into the receiver now. “Can you send someone to Little Stone Bridge Park? A boy’s fallen through the ice.”

  “The water’s ss-so cc-cold!” Donald chatters, then moans.

  “Hold on. Help is on the way. Five minutes, tops.” Only… how long can someone little last in such cold water?

  “The water’s pulling. I can’t hold on.”

  I shiver all over. I’m so useless. How can I help Donald? I have to try.

  “I’m coming. Hang on,” I yell.

  “Forward, Beauty. Down to the stream. Fast.” I jog to give Beauty the idea but lose my breath as I run. An elephant crushes my chest with each step. The anxiety has exploded into a blaze surrounding my heart.

  “Tell me where you are,” I call as my feet stutter down the sloping bank towards the water.

  “Over here. I’m in the middle.”

  The middle part of the stream is the deepest. I’ve never seen Donald, to know how tall he is, exactly, but the water’s got to be over his head there—can I make it in time? I stumble onto a hard surface and hear cracking immediately.

  “Find Donald, Beauty.”

  Donald’s crying now.

  “Keep talking to me. I’m coming.”

  But the ice gives beneath my feet, and a shock of bitter cold water bites at my ankle and shin bone. Across my chest, lightning zigzags.

  I lift one leg then the other, crashing through the ice behind Beauty. How deep will it get?

  “Hurry, Kyle.”

  Donald sounds as if he’s only a few metres from me. My feet breaking through the ice feel as though they’re shattering glass. Ice splinters up my pant legs and finds a way to stab into my chest. The water sucks at me, too. It’s at my thigh now, but with each crash through the ice, it becomes higher and harder to make the next step. The current pulls me like a herd of icy horses.

  “How far are you? Can you see me?”

  “Yes,” he calls back weakly.

  I stumble and fall but can’t get up any more. Maybe spreading my weight across the ice will keep it from breaking. Instead, I reach up to grab Beauty’s harness and crawl towards the sound of Donald’s voice. As I move forward, my knees slip out from under me, and I fall to my chin. I have to crawl slower, one hand on the ice, the other still high gripping the leather. The ice sinks behind me as fast as I lift my knee.

  “Find him, girl. Find Donald.”

  “I’m right here.” He touches me, and I grab his hand.

  I pull as hard as I can but don’t budge him. Instead, the ice beneath me cracks.

  Donald cries out.

  I put his hand on Beauty’s tail.

  “Hold on to her, Donald. We’ll get you out.”

  Still on my knees, I manoeuvre to pound and smash all around his body, trying to find the weak points in the ice. Water rises up over my arm. Donald doesn’t talk anymore.

  “Pull, Beauty. Donald? Donald?” No answer. I stoop lower and fumble for his body, wrapping one arm around him. I pull him up higher and wrap my other arm around Beauty.

  “Forward.” She hauls us up, even as I feel ice give way. Water seeps around.

  “Keep going, girl,” I tell Beauty. I crawl onto a firmer patch, dragging Donald along side me.

  It happens over and over again. As fast as I get to the next piece of ice, we sink down.

  “Pull, Beauty.” She manages to drag me and Donald up and forward as the water sucks around my ankles.

  I force myself to breathe as we inch toward the bank. I don’t know how far we have left to go, I d
on’t know if I can hold out. I just know to trust Beauty.

  Then I hit hard earth with my knee and heave Donald up on the slope of dry ground. I climb up after him, ripping off my jacket to cover him.

  “Talk to me. Talk to me. Oh, my God, please talk to me.”

  Another shock of pain explodes across my chest, and I find it impossible to breathe. But I hear his voice.

  “I’m cold.”

  Did I imagine that? I pick him up and hold him close to get him warm, so close and tight that I can feel his heartbeat. He is alive; we’re both out of the water and ice. I try to breathe, but I can’t get hold of the air.

  A siren screams at us from far away. The scream becomes louder and I’m glad.

  “Don’t worry, Donald,” I try to say, but nothing will come out. The squad car will be warm. Donald will be all right and, maybe in there, I’ll be able to breathe again. The screaming stops.

  “Here, I’ll take him.” A man’s voice, and then Donald is lifted from me. I collapse on the hard, cold ground. Something white shatters and splinters through me. What is happening to me? The white bursts behind my eyelids. I feel myself lifting, lifting.

  I open my eyes. It seems like hours later, and I can see bright colours, green trees and grass, blue water and skies, white clouds, a huge yellow yolk of a sun. I know by the incredible warmth inside me that this is a whole different time and place. In my arms, a baby with a tuft of autumn-coloured hair gurgles at me. He has flecks of dark brown in golden eyes, but he’s too young to be Teal.

  I feel such a strong bond of love towards him that I understand he is my own son.

  Where’s Beauty? No dog, anywhere, but as I look around I realize I can see. I don’t need a dog guide. This has to be a dream; but I can smell the grass and the fresh air, and I never smell things in my dreams. A girl in her early twenties smiles at me and holds out her hands for the baby.

  Across her nose is a sprinkle of freckles. She has the same eyes as the baby, and long, curly, autumn-coloured hair. In the distance, I hear a voice calling my name, a voice I love, like chimes in the wind. But Liz is here. Why would I go back when everything I ever wanted is here? I kiss this Liz—older, more perfect—and we walk away together into our future.