This Broken Beautiful Thing

by Summers, Sophie

  “I don’t want him teaching her to ride anything, I want to do that. I’ve missed out on four years already and I’m not going to miss anything else.” He says looking into my eyes directly and I feel guilty under those piercing green eyes.

  “Okay Caleb.” I say looking back to see where Willow is in the little jungle gym. She’s playing with another little girl.

  Turning back to Caleb I’m about to ask him if he’s ready to leave but I’m interrupted.

  “Hi, Sorry is that little girl yours?” I turn to see an older lady with long straight blond hair pointing to where Willow is.

  “Hi, yeah she is.” I say smiling to her and I can’t help notice how this woman is looking at Caleb and licking her lips as if she doesn’t even notice I’m sitting right there.

  “She is definitely your child, she looks just like her daddy… absolutely gorgeous and I just had to tell you.” She says this to him and this makes him smile wider.

  “Yeah she does look like me doesn’t she?” he mumbles to himself. The lady smiles and continues to stand there.

  “That’s very sweet of you. Thanks.” I say smiling ignoring the fact that she is totally ogling Caleb right now.

  After she finally says her goodbyes I pick up all the empty food containers and throw it in the bin. “She does look like me doesn’t she?” Caleb repeats as he smiles in Willow direction.

  “Yeah it’s pretty scary actually. She has your hair and eyes and sometimes when she laughs she looks a lot like you.” I say smiling thinking about it.

  “Never knew I could love someone so much after only spending a day with them. I love her so much Harley and she doesn’t even know who I am to her….” He says quietly.

  “I felt the exact same way the first time I held her in my arms. She already likes you Caleb and after you spend time with her and she gets used to you, she will love you too.” I say looking back to him.

  “Yeah….now that I know about her I just… can’t picture my life without her.” he says looking up to me sadly.

  “Yeah…don’t know what I would have done without her.” I say softly giving him a sad smile.

  The mood seemed a lot less tense between Caleb and I as we drove the rest of the way to my mother. Arriving at my mother’s trailer, Caleb helps Willow out her seat and grabs our bags.

  “That’s okay Caleb, I can carry the bags, I don’t think it’s a good idea for my mom to see you.” I say softly, only loud enough for him to hear.

  “I’m taking your bags in, don’t argue with me Harley.” He says pushing past me.

  “Granny!” Willow yells as my mother steps down the stairs, she looks up and her smile immediately falters as she spots Caleb. She picks up Willow and spins her around then bends down and tells Willow to go and play with the toys that are in her room.

  I knew this was going to happen…

  As soon as Willow disappears inside the trailer my mom blurts out, “What is he doing here?”

  “Mom-” I try to calm her down but Caleb interrupts me.

  “Roxanne, I know you hate me and judging by your reaction when you saw me I know you know the story about what I did to Harley. You can’t hate me more than I hate myself for what I did and there is no excuse for it. I didn’t know about Willow until yesterday, Ashley never told me anything about it and I swear to you if I had known I would have fought harder for Harley to take me back. I gave up after a few months because she didn’t want anything to do with me and I thought that it would be best for her. If I had known about Willow, I would have tried so much harder and I would have been in her life. She’s my daughter too Roxanne and I want to be there for her, I’ve already missed four years of her life and I don’t want to miss anymore.” Caleb says sincerely to my mother.

  My mother looks awestruck, she seems speechless as if she’s trying to find the words, then she does something I never expected.

  She hugs him.

  “I’m so sorry Caleb…. You know I was a terrible mother but even as shitty as I was I couldn’t bear not having Harley with me. Even though I wasn’t around much, I dreaded every single time her father took her away from me. To find out you have a child that is already four years old must be horrible. You’ve missed out on so much Caleb, I’m still upset about the whole Ashley situation but I could never hate you. You were so good to my Harley before all that happened and I never got to thank you for looking after her when I couldn’t. I know you will be a great father my boy but you better treat my babies right! I do have to say though that you two made one gorgeous little girl and I can’t wait for the day that you have to fight boys, just like you, to stay away from her.” My mom says happily.

  Now I’m the shocked one, I didn’t expect all of that to come from her mouth and I especially didn’t expect her to apologize to him and thank him for looking after me. That boy always had a way with woman. I roll my eyes at their exchange.

  Caleb chuckles, “There won’t be any boys around Willow, especially no boys like me.” They both laugh but I know Caleb is serious.

  “Mom, Willow doesn’t know who Caleb is yet and I’d like to keep it that way just until I can figure out how I’m going to tell her.” I say walking up the steps.

  “Of course baby, anything you two decide. You’re staying over too?” My mother asks Caleb.

  “No.” I blurt out at the exactly the same time Caleb says, “Thanks…” he looks at me then gives me a naughty grin.

  “Thanks Roxanne I would love that.” He smirks at me and I glare back.

  “Mom, where exactly is he going to sleep?” I say placing my hand on my hip with a raised brow.

  “Don’t be silly, Willow can sleep by me and you two can stay in your old room. Don’t act like you haven’t shared a bed before. I know all about Caleb sneaking into your room since you two were younger.” She walks right past me into the house calling out for Willow.

  I look back to Caleb and find him laughing. “That’s not happening…Your parents don’t live far, I thought you came down to see them?” he immediately stops laughing.

  “I’ll see them later or tomorrow, I’d rather prefer to stay close to you and Willow. I want to spend as much time with her as I can. I’ll sleep on the couch if I have too.” His dimples are showing again.

  I let out a deep sigh and walk right past him as he follows me. He places our bags on my bed then stands around and looks around my room.

  “It’s still the same…” he says looking back at me.

  “Yeah when I moved out I didn’t take anything besides some clothes.” I walk past him and block out the memory.

  CHAPTER 24

  My mother informs me while I’m bathing Willow that she was unable to get someone to cover her shifts. I think it’s just her attempt to get Caleb and I to spend time with Willow alone….as if playing house could solve all our problems.

  She leaves shortly after, I dress Willow in warm pajamas and she skips out my mother’s room in search of Caleb. It’s already dark outside and the weather has turned rather cold.

  I walk out into the lounge to see Willow sitting in Caleb’s lap facing him. She plays with his hair and he’s smiling at her.

  “We have the same hair.” She says leaning her forehead against his.

  Caleb smiles and says, “We sure do…”

  I leave them chatting as I quickly take a shower, when I come back they are still sitting in the same position chatting away. I sit on the sofa opposite them as Willow tells him about how much she loves cartoons and which are her favorite. Much to Willows surprise Caleb loves cartoons too…he always has and after a few hours of watching cartoons, Willow is cuddled up to Caleb’s chest fast asleep. I take my phone out and snap a picture because the moment is too special not too. Caleb doesn’t even hear the sound my phone makes because he’s so focused on his sleeping daughter on his lap. I get off the couch and walk towards them to see Willow holding onto his finger like she always does with me.

  “I think I should take her to bed.” I wh
isper.

  He finally looks up and asks full of hope, “Can I? Can I tuck her in?”

  “Sure.” He gently picks her up and follows me to my mother’s room. I open the blanket and Caleb puts her down in the center of the bed. He pulls the blanket over her, I give her a kiss on her cheek and tell her I love her. She’s fast asleep but I still tell her.

  Caleb gives her a kiss on her forehead and I’m pretty sure he whispered, “Love you too baby girl.” But it was too soft to tell for certain.

  We leave Willow and I get out extra blankets and a pillow for him and place it on the sofa.

  I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. After a few hours of dead sleep I’m awoken as I feel the bed behind me dip.

  “What are you doing Caleb?” I whisper and turn to look at him.

  “That couch is fucking uncomfortable. I’ll try keep my hands to myself baby, don’t stress.” He says getting comfortable in my bed.

  He always used that as an excuse when he would stay over and sneak into my bed.

  I lie on my back and look up at the ceiling unable to fall asleep now that he’s here lying next to me. It brings back so many memories.

  “I missed this …” he says tenderly and I can feel his eyes on me.

  I don’t know what to say to that because I missed this too. So I follow that up with, “Yeah…” Even if we aren’t exactly touching…I enjoy his presence.

  The silence in the room is killing me though.

  “How’s football going?” I ask knowing he got his scholarship because of how good he is with football.

  “It’s great… don’t get around to playing with the guys that much nowadays but it’s the one thing I’m good at…. so I know I can’t fuck that up.” He says bluntly.

  “And college? You graduate already?”

  “Yeah last year, workload was crazy especially with football. What about you?” he says shrugging.

  “I’m doing okay I guess. I also graduated and now I manage my parents bar and Anna’s Tattoo parlor, I enjoy it so I guess that’s all that matters. Are you working for your dad now?” I ask knowing he’s studying architecture and that his parents own a well-known Architecture firm.

  “No definitely not my fathers but my mother’s firm yeah….”He says.

  “Oh? They have different firms now? Since when?” I ask leaning on my side waiting for his response.

  “Since they got divorced…” he says and I’m in total shock. His parents seemed like the most loving couple I’ve ever met. They were so kind to me and they loved me like their daughter.

  “Oh my gosh….I’m so sorry Caleb.” I say resting my hand on his forearm.

  He looks down at my hand and I see his lips twitch as if he’s about to smile but he doesn’t as he says. “Don’t be…I’m not. The fucker cheated on my mother so she divorced his cheating ass.” He spits it out with such disgust.

  “How did she find out? Was it going on for long?”

  “When I caught him fucking the tramp in his office, same night as our graduation party, he says it was just the once but I don’t believe one word out of his mouth.” He says this and as much as I’m shocked and feel sorry for him, I can’t believe how hypocritical he is.

  “Like father…like son …” I blurt out before I can stop myself and his head whips around in shock.

  “I’m nothing like him.” he spits out harshly.

  “You’re not? Didn’t I catch you with Ashley? Yeah, I was lucky enough not to walk in but I heard everything and you’re telling me you’re nothing like him? Right….” I say this and watch as his face falls.

  It’s quiet for a few minutes and I can’t even look at him any longer so I turn around, I feel the tears falling down the bridge of my nose until it reaches the pillow. I didn’t even realize I was crying. I don’t want him to see me crying so I quickly make my way to the bathroom after peeking into my mother’s room to make sure Willow’s still asleep and she is.

  Closing the door behind me, I turn the sink tap on to hide my sobs, needing fresh air so I can catch my breath I slide the window open and sit down leaning against the door because the door lock doesn’t work.

  I pull my knees up to my chest , fold my arms over my knees and rest my head in my arms as I attempt to hide my cries. There’s a slight knock on the door. I quickly wipe away my tears and try calm my breathing.

  “Baby let me in… please.” He pauses for a few seconds waiting for me to respond but I’m still trying to calm my breathing.

  “You okay Harlz?” He says softly and I can tell he’s bending down on the other side of this thin door. I hear him so clearly and he sounds close.

  “Yeah…I’m good… go away.” I say trying to sound normal but it just comes out as a gruff mumble.

  “Oh Harlz…” he definitely knows I’ve been crying now and him seeing how much he still affects me makes me weep harder. I try cover my face and calm my breathing but I can’t soften my snuffles.

  I look up when I hear a noise coming from out the window just in time to see Caleb jumping in.

  He bends down in front of me and raises his hand to touch my face but I turn away from him to cover it.

  “Please…please…don’t look at me…just go away Caleb…go away.” I cry.

  He roughly pulls me to his chest and sits me on his lap so that my legs are on either side of him, he leans against the bath tub.

  “I’m not going away Harley, I’m not going to let you leave either. I need you and I need… this.” He tightens his arms around my waist, “I need you in my arms and with me. I can’t let you go again, I can’t…” he says softly in a coarse voice.

  “How can I ever trust you again? How could you do that to me? I loved you so much…so fucking much Caleb! I never looked at any other guy or even thought about anyone besides you and you just threw that all away…” I cry into his neck, I realize my arms are wrapped tightly around his neck but I can’t seem to let go and I’m not sure whether I want to.

  “I’m so sorry baby…. I didn’t want anyone other than you and that night I was pissed and my head was so fucked up after seeing my dad, I just lost it. I waited for you in one of the rooms but Ashley came in and I just needed to do something to clear my head and just….stop thinking…I hate what I did Harlz and I don’t even know why I thought it was a good idea but for the five minutes it lasted all I could think about was how perfect you are and that I was doing the same thing to you that my father was doing to my mother. I fucked up I know! I love you so much Harley and I don’t know how I’m ever going to make it up to you but I will, I promise you I will.” He says in a muffled voice against my neck line and I feel his body shaking underneath me, he’s crying and it breaks my heart. I’m still stuck on him saying he loves me…present tense. The sorrow he projected as he spoke was too real. I never seen someone look so regretful and it only makes me feel remorseful. Even when I thought he didn’t want his child, I should have tried harder and maybe things would have been different. He’s lost four years of his daughter’s life because of me being too afraid and stubborn to confront him face to face.

  I loosen my grip and pull away from him, his head rises and his hand moves from my waist to wipe his tears but I stop him and he lets me. Looking down at his tear streaked face, I wipe his tears away from his eyes and he closes his eyes and rests his head in my small hands almost as if he’s content. I pull the messy hair out of his face, and bed down to kiss her forehead.

  “I’m sorry too Caleb.” I whisper.

  He seems shocked because he looks up at me confused. I only notice now how close we are and I get butterflies in my stomach as I try to avoid looking at his lips.

  “I was so scared to confront you about what Ashley said. I was afraid that what she said was true and I couldn’t bear to hear it come out of your mouth. I wish I tried harder, I’m so sorry I didn’t. I can’t imagine missing one single day of her life and you missed… so much time.” I say finally looking down at his glossy green eyes.
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  “Baby come here.” He pulls my head so I’m nuzzling his neck. He runs his hands up and down my back just like he used to do. “I think we should start fresh, it’s the only way to move forward and I want to move forward…with you and Willow. I don’t want us to waste our time fighting over things that happened in the past. You’re here …I’m here and our baby girl is here, let’s just focus on us for now.” I lift my head and he cups my cheeks with his big warm hands, he raises his eyebrows, “Okay?”

  The thought of starting fresh sounds really good even though I know there’s too much shit in our pasts to just forget, but starting fresh…right this moment…with Caleb? Sounds pretty darn good right now.

  I give him a small smile and he returns it with an even bigger grin.

  “Okay.”

  After checking on Willow and climbing into bed, Caleb keeps his hands to himself and gives me some space.

  Deep…deep…down inside I was a little disappointed because I missed his touch already.

  I wake up in the morning to Willows giggling once again and it brings a smile to my face. Looking at my bedside clock I see it’s already ten and its already light outside. She’s sounds close by so I turn and watch her as she stands on Caleb’s side of the bed and uses a piece of her long hair to tickle Caleb’s nose, every now and then he would scratch it in his sleepy state.

  I forgot to close our door last night, I don’t want her seeing me in bed with guys even if we are just sleeping, I make sure to close the door when Jace used to sleep beside me and made sure he was out of my bed before she got up.

  I smile at her and she whispers, “Morning mommy, look.” She shows me what she’s doing and Caleb scrunches up his nose as if that will help with the ticklish spot. Willow bursts out in giggles again clutching her tummy. She tip toes over to my side of the bed and I help her up, I turn my back to Caleb to cuddle her. I wrap my arms around her and whisper, “You sleep okay sweetie?”

  She takes my hand and she plays with my fingers and mumbles an Mmhhmm. She lets out a big yawn and as soon as she wraps her little hand around my finger I know she’s going to fall asleep soon.