Chasing Fate

by Rachael Brownell

  Jackson goes back to watching television while I let his words soak in. I never had anyone to compete with. It's not like I missed having a sibling when I was growing up, but it makes me realize that one of the reasons I joined the sorority in college was because I needed that companionship. I'm glad I did. I wouldn't have Amber in my life if I hadn't. If not for her, I would be embarking on this next chapter of my life alone. Having Jackson with me is proving to be far more interesting already.

  Chapter 2

  #1 Spend New Year’s Eve in New York City

  Arriving in New York City is a little surreal. Sure, I knew this was our first destination. Boarding the plane this morning made it real, I guess. I didn't give myself much time to think about the trip before I purchased the ticket. For once in my life, I made a split-second decision. I'm not normally an impulsive person. The people who know me well know that I'm a planner.

  For instance, I searched for the perfect job. It took months to find, but once I found it, I knew it was going to be a great fit. Same with my apartment. Amber was nice enough to let me stay with her for a month until I found the perfect place. We must have looked at a dozen options before I found one that fit my specifications.

  The only impulsive decision I've ever made – before quitting my job and taking this trip, of course – was to get involved with Jackson. Sure, I was drawn to him sexually. Sure, I made a list of rules so I had more control over our relationship or lack thereof. For me, it was still impulsive.

  The guy I dated in college was a saint. He was patient and understanding. He was okay with the fact that I wasn't planning on sleeping with him until we had been together for a few months. I made him wait six months, and he didn't leave me. My needs were more important than his, apparently. At least, that's what I thought until I caught him cheating on me after being together for almost two years. Then I found out they had been sleeping together for almost the entire time we had been dating.

  Needless to say, I wasn't interested in starting a relationship with anyone for a while after that. When the situation with Jackson presented itself, I practically jumped at it. No strings attached. No commitments to one another. The only things I asked for were honestly and monogamy. If he wanted out of the situation, fine. When he found someone he was interested in dating, all he had to do was say the word, and things would be over. No big deal. I still can't believe he hasn't found someone else in the last two years. He must not be trying.

  Now, I have him all to myself for at least the next week or so. I haven't invited him on the next leg of my journey. I don't want him to feel obligated, even though I got the impression from how he packed that he plans on tagging along. Who wouldn't want to? After we spend New Year’s Eve in Times Square, I'm off to the Bahamas. If this were his trip, I'd want to tag along, too.

  "What are you thinking so hard about over there?" Jackson asks, interrupting my thoughts.

  Do I tell him I was thinking about him? I guess I could. Honesty has always served me well in this relationship. If he wanted to leave me for how blunt I am sometimes, it would have happened by now.

  "I was thinking about you. Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

  "Why would I want one?" he shoots back, my question not phasing him at all.

  "Because that's what normal people do. They get involved in a relationship. They search for their better half. Most normal people don't have this," I say, motioning between us. "This is not normal."

  Jackson shrugs his shoulder and inches forward. We're almost off the plane. Only about a dozen people stand between us and the exit. It's times like this I wish I had purchased a first-class ticket. Maybe I should add that to my list. I could be the first one on and the first one off the plane. No waiting in line. The chairs are larger, too, and look comfy as hell.

  The woman behind me clears her throat, and I realize Jackson has moved far ahead of me. Now, I'm the one holding up the line. Taking a couple big steps, I get close enough to nudge Jackson in the side. I forget how toned his body is sometimes. I was expecting my elbow to bounce off his body when, in fact, it stops as soon as it touches him. Just the thought of his body has me turned on. We really need to get off this plane.

  "What's up?"

  "Huh?" Shit. I nudged him. What was I going to ask?

  "I thought you needed something. Are you okay? You look a little flushed."

  "Yeah, fine." I need to change the subject. "Back to the whole girlfriend thing. You were dating someone when I met you. Why haven't you dated anyone since?"

  Leaning down, Jackson whispers in my ear, "I wasn't dating her, Jessa. I was fucking her."

  He must have been louder than he thought because the lady behind me scoffs before clearing her throat to cover up her shock. Always blunt at the most inopportune moment. We really need to get off this plane.

  "Oh. I guess this is normal for you, then," I say, pushing past his rock-hard body.

  I don't get far, though. Jackson grabs my waist, pulling me into his side, the second we're in the tunnel. So as not to lose control of the situation, I would usually push him away. Right now, with as heated as my body is, I resist the urge. His hands, touching me innocently, are creating a fire that's blazing inside my body right now.

  "If normal can be this amazing, I'll be a happy man for the rest of my life, living just like this," Jackson says, leaving me to grab our bags. If it gets any hotter in this place, I might melt into a puddle of mush on the floor.

  Maybe having him come on this trip was a bad idea. He's only going to complicate things for me. What if I start to feel things for him? What if he starts to feel things for me? Shit. I can't let that happen. I'll shatter his heart into a million pieces. That's not what I want for him, for me, for us.

  With a full day until tomorrow nights big celebration in Times Square, Jackson suggests checking out the rest of the city. Knowing that there's a ton of fun things to check out, I had already booked a hotel right in Times Square so I could travel by foot as much as possible. I've heard horror stories about the cab drivers here. I'm sure they're not as bad as everyone makes them out to be, but there's some truth in every story, and judging by what I'm seeing as we head to the station, I'm glad we’re taking the subway instead.

  #11 Take the subway

  Since I'd never ridden the subway before, I figured it was fitting to add it to my list. I have a feeling I'm going to be doing that a lot on this trip, adding things to the list.

  "Ready?" Jackson asks, extending his hand to help me out of my seat. The train was less crowded than I expected. I'm sure it'll be buzzing with people this afternoon when the work day ends.

  "Yeah. Where are we headed first?"

  He wouldn't tell me what we were doing beyond going to Central Park. I've asked every five minutes since we got on the train, but he's been ignoring my requests for more information. Maybe now that we're closer, he'll divulge the secret.

  "Why can't we just go to the park, see the sights? It's a beautiful place."

  "You've been here before?" I ask as we emerge onto the street.

  "Once. About ten years ago. My parents brought all of us. Family road trip. I've never seen it covered in snow before, though." Listening to him talk about his family, the love in his voice, is almost like getting a glimpse into his soul.

  Most of the time, Jackson likes to push my buttons, probably because we end up naked before the night is over. He's raunchy and bold, but he's also charming and even a little suave. Today, he's Mr. Sweet and Charming. I wonder when his other personality will show itself.

  "It sounds like you had a good time."

  "We did. The best part of the trip was when they let us out of the car to explore. There's only so much room in one van for that many people. Didn't your parents ever take you on a road trip?"

  "Sure, but it was just the three of us."

  This is normally the time when I shut down. Personal stuff. It was high up on the list, and I'm the idiot that crossed it off. All because I wanted to find out w
hat was so fucking interesting about his holiday. I should have known the time would come when the tables would turn. He hasn't asked me any questions yet, but I have a feeling that's about to change.

  “How did you meet Amber?”

  “College. We were in the same sorority.”

  “Really? Sorority girl?”

  “For a short period of time.”

  “Why?”

  “Not my thing.”

  "Parents still married?"

  "Thirty-one years and counting."

  “Do you talk to them much?”

  “All the time.”

  If I keep my answers short, maybe he'll stop with the inquisition. Knowing Jackson, he won't stop until he gets all the answers he's searching for.

  "My parents, too, married that is. Almost forty years. My mom wanted to keep having kids until Devon was born. Adding the fourth kid was plenty for my mom. Then a few months later they were surprised to find that they were pregnant again, with me. Before I was born, my mom made my dad have a vasectomy."

  Laughter explodes out of me. That was the last thing I expected him to say. I get it, five kids is a handful. I can’t even begin to imagine, but I really didn’t need to know his dad got clipped.

  Jackson stops walking, pulling me to a halt. "What the hell is so damn funny?" he demands.

  "I don't know," I exclaim between breaths.

  "Whatever, Jessa. Let's go."

  Jackson tugs on my hand, but my feet are tangled from the abrupt stop and go. Feeling myself start to fall, I close my eyes and brace for impact. Hands cradle my ass, and the intoxicating scent that wafted from the bathroom this morning is assaulting my senses.

  Opening my eyes, I find Jackson grinning at me, shaking his head back and forth. Sliding his arm under my legs, he lifts me effortlessly and places me back on my feet. Wanting to thank him properly for “saving” me, I pull his face close to mine.

  "What are you doing, Jessa?"

  "Saying thank you," I reply, softly touching my lips to his once, twice, three times.

  "You're going to get yourself in trouble. We just got here, and now, I want to throw you over my shoulder and take you back to the hotel."

  "Promises, promises." Wait... we're here?

  Pushing against his shoulders, I move around his large body. In front of me is the snow-covered sign welcoming us to Central Park. The paths are perfectly manicured, cleared of any snow that's fallen. People are quickly moving about. There are even a few brave souls sitting on benches, enjoying the lovely winter afternoon.

  "It's gorgeous," I say as Jackson wraps his arms around my waist.

  Walking through the park hand in hand, I think about how normal this feels, yet it shouldn't. Yes, I enjoy his company, but I can't allow myself to get caught up in the moment. I can't allow myself to develop feelings for him. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. That's not the kind of relationship we agreed to.

  "Want to grab some food?" he asks as we walk past the carousel. I wish it were running right now. I'd jump in line for a ride.

  "Sure. What do you have in mind?"

  "I don't know. Why don't we walk for a bit and see if we can find a place the appeals to us?"

  There are a ton of places to eat. A few are upscale, too nice for what I'm interested in. Up ahead, I spot a little place tucked into a large brick building. It looks cute. There's a patio out front that's closed for the season. Nudging Jackson, I nod my head toward the restaurant and he smiles.

  Walking inside, I'm surprised to find it's much nicer than I thought it would be. There's white linen covering the tables with a small vase containing a single flower as the centerpiece. The tableware is already set up for you as well as water glasses. The host, an older gentleman dressed in a black suit coat and matching slacks, greets us before the door even closes.

  "Good morning," he says. "Two for brunch today?"

  Brunch? Breakfast is a treat for me. I don't think I've ever eaten brunch.

  #12 Eat brunch

  This list is going to be forever long if I keep adding silly little things to it. That's two things today alone. At this rate, my list is going to double by the time we leave New York, but this feels like a list thing. This feels like something I wouldn’t normally do, and I’m probably only trying it because I can add it to the list.

  "Yes, please," Jackson replies. His voice interrupts my internal monologue. I've been having those a lot lately.

  Brunch, I find out, is a combination of breakfast and lunch. You can order either, or both. You can mix and match what you want to eat. It's fabulous. Jackson ordered breakfast nachos – eggs, veggies, sour cream and guacamole all on top of an order of fried potatoes and tortilla chips. It looked as scrumptious as they tasted. My order was just as tasty. In the mood for something hearty and fattening, I ordered a croissant grilled cheese breakfast sandwich. Yum!

  With full bellies, we thank the host on our way out. I turn to head toward the subway platform, expecting Jackson to follow. When I realize he's not standing next to me, I turn and search the crowded sidewalk for him. It takes me a minute, but I spot him talking to a man in a top hat standing next to a carriage. If he's doing what I think he's doing...

  "Jessa," he hollers, waving to me to come join him.

  "You can't be serious," I say as soon as I'm within earshot.

  "Why not?"

  "The subway will be faster," I reply, not sure that I have a valid argument against the carriage ride aside from its romantic appeal.

  "He's not taking us back to the hotel. We're just going to go for a ride, and then we'll jump the subway. What's your rush to get back to the room? It's only noon. We still have all day to explore."

  He's not taking no for an answer, so I shrug my shoulders and let him help me into the carriage. The driver hands me a blanket, so I spread it across my lap, tucking it under my butt on either side. Once Jackson is settled next to me, he tugs on the blanket, covering his own lap with it.

  "You should add this to your list," he says as the horses start to pull us along.

  "I could," I say, "but why? It's just a carriage ride." I was already thinking about adding it to the list. I've added every other new experience so far, why not this one, too?

  "Have you ever ridden in a horse-drawn carriage through Central Park before?"

  "You know the answer to that."

  "Then add it to your list. It's an experience you'll never forget," he claims, waving at a little girl on the sidewalk. When she waves back, I find myself waving to her, as well.

  He's right. This is an experience I'll never forget. The entire trip will be – that was the point.

  #13 Ride in a horse-drawn carriage

  We sit in silence as the horses take us on a tour of the park and its surrounding area. Glancing over at Jackson, I can see that something is weighing heavy on his mind. His nose is crinkled as if he's thinking hard about something. Wondering what it could be, I almost ask, but decide against it as the carriage comes to a stop. The ride is over. The moment has passed.

  Once we're back to the hotel, I leave my coat on and retreat to the balcony overlooking the madness that is Times Square. Today was a great day. I've experienced things I never imagined I would in this lifetime. When I first planned this trip, I thought I would have to force myself to have fun. With Jackson along for the ride, I'm finding that it's effortless to enjoy myself.

  After a long day out, we decide to order room service for dinner and watch a movie. Tomorrow night is the big celebration. I'm ready for the big countdown and for confetti to rain down on me. Sure, I'm excited to welcome in the new year. Of course, I want to kiss Jackson when the clock strikes midnight. Most importantly, it'll be the first time I'm able to check something off my original list.

  Per usual, I fall asleep halfway through the movie. It never fails. No matter how interesting the movie is, I close my eyes at some point and fail to open them again. It's a good thing I don't watch much TV. If I did, I feel like I would always be sleep
ing. There's something mind numbing about it.

  The next morning, I wake up to Jackson softly caressing my arm. Gee, I wonder what he wants. Without thinking about it too much, I roll over, and I'm met with hungry eyes. I was fully clothed when I fell asleep last night. At some point between then and now, I managed to lose everything but my panties.

  "Good morning," I say, covering my mouth. I haven't brushed since yesterday morning. I can't imagine my breath still smells minty fresh.

  "Hey."

  "I'm gonna pop into the bathroom real quick. I'll be right back."

  Throwing the blanket back, I aim to toss it over his prying eyes, but his reflexes are quick. He swats the blanket out of the air, pushing it away to reveal how little he's wearing this morning. The feel of his stare ignites my fire as he watches me walk across the room.

  Brush quickly, Jessa. You can always brush again later.

  Jackson is lying on his back, exposed down past his hips, when I return. He has a "come-get-me" look on his face. There are times like this that I forget we're not actually in a relationship. His playful side is my favorite, and it looks like that's the Jackson waiting for me in bed this morning.

  Chapter 3

  It's almost time. I'm freezing my ass off even with Jackson wrapped around me. We've stepped back inside a few times tonight. When I booked the room, the price per night almost scared me off. If it weren't for the balcony facing all the action, I wouldn't have agreed to it.

  Sure, part of the fun of New Year’s Eve in Times Square is the crowd. Me, I've never been one for being shoved up against another person for hours. I'm not that person who tries everything to get one of the TV hosts to talk to them so they can have their five minutes of fame.

  This–right now–is more my style. Jackson bought a bottle of champagne for us to share in a few minutes. It's just the two of us, alone on the balcony. We can see and hear all the excitement a few stories below us. In a way, we're still part of the party. We also have the advantage of our own private bathroom when we need it, extra blankets, and a warm room to step back into once the party ends.