EG02 - Man of the House

by Joan Jonker

  ‘If they’re not, they won’t half be jealous of you,’ Maggie said. ‘They’re the latest thing, you know, and not everyone’s mam is as thoughtful as yours.’

  Maggie’s words did the trick, and Joan started to view the wearing of a bra in a different light. She’d be the envy of all her mates. ‘How d’yer put it on? Does it go over yer vest?’

  ‘We’ll go upstairs an’ try it while there’s no one in.’ Eileen winked at her mother. ‘Yer can try it with yer new gymslip an’ blouse.’

  Maggie watched them leave the room, Eileen with her arm around Joan’s shoulder, and the older woman sighed deeply. Eileen might be able to fool everyone else, but not the woman who had given birth to her. And when Eileen was unhappy, then Maggie too was unhappy.

  ‘You’re not eating, chick.’ Bill watched Eileen push a chip around her plate. ‘Aren’t you hungry?’

  ‘We ’ad some chocolate while we were out, an’ it’s taken me appetite away,’ Eileen lied. She was too miserable and upset to eat. All she could think of was the sneer on Sylvia’s lips, and her words, ‘my husband’s fat friend’. Then the face of the spiv would appear, like a ghost to haunt her, telling her she needed to go to a parachute factory to buy a bra to fit her. If that was how strangers saw her, then that must be how Bill saw her, too.

  Eileen was brought out of her reverie by Vera dashing into the room like a whirlwind. ‘’Ow the ’ell did you get in?’

  ‘Your front door was open,’ Vera said, breathlessly. ‘Danny’s gone!’

  Eileen put her fork down and stared. ‘How d’yer mean, gone?’

  ‘He’s left home.’ Vera’s hair was untidy, her face white, and her eyes red-rimmed. ‘He just packed his bags and went.’

  There was a stunned silence for a while, then Eileen said, ‘Sit down, Vera, and calm down.’

  ‘How can I calm down?’ cried the distraught Vera. ‘He’s left me and the kids, and I don’t know what we’re going to do.’

  ‘I’ll make a cup of tea.’ Maggie left the table to put the kettle on. A cup of tea was always Maggie’s first thought in times of trouble.

  ‘The first thing yer can do is pull yerself together.’ Eileen groaned inwardly. Didn’t she have enough troubles of her own right now, without falling over herself to help someone else? Then she felt ashamed. After all, Vera was a good friend. So in a softer voice, she said, ‘Sit down an’ tell us what brought this on?’

  ‘Nothing brought it on! He just came down the stairs with his case packed, put some money on the table, and said he’d send more when he could. He told the boys he was going to Holland, and he’d write to them. Then he picked up his case and went.’

  Bill was too surprised to speak, so he looked to Eileen to sympathise with Vera. But Eileen, sad as she was for her friend, couldn’t summon her usual reserves of strength. ‘I’d say good riddance to bad rubbish, if I were you, Vera. You an’ the kids might get a bit of happiness out of life, now.’

  Bill was stunned. He hadn’t expected words like those from Eileen. They certainly were no comfort to Vera.

  ‘I’m not worried about him going,’ Vera said. ‘I’m glad to see the back of him, and the boys are, too. But how am I going to manage?’

  ‘By standin’ on yer own two feet, that’s ’ow,’ Eileen said, briskly. ‘Lots of women lost their ’usbands in the war, an’ they’ve got to get on with it. You’ll get by, don’t worry.’

  Vera started to cry. ‘I don’t see how I can get by without any money. What I get from the boys barely pays the rent.’ She rubbed at her tears with the back of her hand. ‘I can’t see Danny sending me anything, ’cos he must have someone in Holland.’

  Eileen folded her arms on the table and stared at Vera. She felt like crying for her friend, and herself. There was more than one way of losing a husband. But tears right now weren’t going to solve anything. ‘You could get yerself a little job.’ When Vera shook her head, Eileen went on, ‘Milly Knight was sayin’ the other day that she needed a cleaner for a few hours a day. That would suit yer fine, ’cos Milly wouldn’t mind yer takin’ Carol with yer. The wage wouldn’t be much, but at least it’d ’elp yer get by.’

  Vera sniffed loudly. ‘D’you think she’d have me?’

  ‘I’m sure she would,’ Eileen said. ‘But the only way to find out is to go an’ ask. Do it now … strike while the iron’s hot.’

  ‘Will you come with me?’

  ‘No, Vera, you go by yerself. You’re not a child, yer don’t need me to ’old yer ’and.’

  Bill listened in silence, while Maggie stood inside the kitchen door, the teapot in her hand, wondering what had got into her daughter. It wouldn’t hurt her to go with Vera to see Milly.

  Vera stood up, a look of uncertainty on her face. She patted her hair, wiped her eyes, and straightened her back. ‘I’ll go up now, then, and I’ll let you know how I get on.’

  ‘Tell Milly I sent yer, an’ yer’ll be all right,’ Eileen called after her. ‘She’s a good scout, is Milly.’

  ‘That wasn’t very nice, chick,’ Bill said. ‘The least you could have done was to go up to Milly’s with her.’

  Maggie chipped in with her piece. ‘What’s got into you? Got a bee in your bonnet, have you?’

  Eileen stared at her hands, flexing her fingers. ‘I can’t live Vera’s life for ’er. She’s got to learn to stand on ’er own two feet sometime, so she may as well start now.’

  Bill shook his head. He’d never known Eileen like this before. She was usually the first to run to help someone. ‘The poor woman was distraught, and you could have done more to help.’

  That did it! The chair went crashing to the floor as Eileen jumped to her feet. The bottled-up pain and frustration of the last year, fuelled by the hurtful insults that day, broke to the surface. ‘What the bloody ’ell d’yez think I am? A bloody miracle worker who sorts everyone’s troubles out for them? Oh, yeah, good old Eileen! Always there when yer need help, or a shoulder to cry on.’ Her face red with the injustice of it all, she placed her hands on the table, leaned forward, and let her eyes travel from her mother to Bill. ‘But what about me? Who the ’ell can I run to for help? Shall I tell yez … no one! But then, I’m not supposed to ’ave any worries, am I? I’m supposed to be too busy sortin’ other people out. Well, let me tell yez, I’ve had it up to ’ere.’ Eileen patted the top of her head. ‘I’m through . . . I’ve ’ad enough.’ With that she fled from the room, leaving Bill and Maggie with their eyes wide and their mouths gaping.

  ‘Go after her, Bill,’ Maggie said. ‘I’ve never seen our Eileen like this, she’s in a right state.’

  Bill took the stairs two at a time. He entered the bedroom to find Eileen struggling into her coat. ‘Where d’you think you’re going?’

  ‘What do you care? You’re too busy thinkin’ of other people to worry about me. But as I said, I’ve ’ad enough, an’ I’m off.’

  ‘What d’you mean, you’re off? Off where?’

  ‘What does it matter? You don’t need me!’ Tears weren’t far away, but by sheer willpower, Eileen kept them at bay. ‘Any woman would do for what you need … just someone to keep yer ’ouse clean, look after the kids, and cook yer meals.’

  Bill’s surprise turned to anger, and within seconds they were hurling insults at each other across the room. Both saying things that shouldn’t be said, hurting each other in the temper of the moment. As their shouting grew louder, it flashed through Eileen’s mind that her mother would be able to hear every word, but she was past caring. ‘You don’t love me,’ she screamed, ‘but you ’aven’t got the guts to be honest and tell me. I know I’m too fat, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have any feelings, that I don’t hurt.’

  Bill’s anger exploded. ‘What the hell are you talking about? Have you gone crazy?’

  ‘I’m crazy for puttin’ up with the way you treat me, yes! ’Cos it’s not a wife you want, it’s a mother, or a sister. As long as yer kept nice an’ comfortable, you couldn’t care les
s! But I’ll tell yer this for nothin’, Bill Gillmoss, it’s not a brother I want, it’s a husband … a man!’

  Bill caught his breath. The insult had cut him like a knife. Then suddenly he realised his whole body was growing taut. ‘So I’m not a man, is that what you’re saying?’

  Eileen hung her head. She should never have said what she did, she could have bitten her tongue out. She wouldn’t hurt him for the world, but it had come out in anger.

  Bill mistook Eileen’s silence for confirmation. ‘So, I’m not a man, eh?’ With a strength he didn’t know he possessed, Bill picked Eileen up and threw her, without ceremony, on the bed. Then he strode to the door and banged it so hard it nearly came off its hinges. As the room vibrated with the sound, Bill stood for a few seconds to savour the feeling of excitement coursing through his body, and control the smile threatening to light up his face. He turned and walked to the bed, undoing the buttons on his trousers.

  ‘I’ll show you whether I’m a man or not, Eileen Gillmoss!’