The Christmas Wish

by Maggie Marr

  “Fifteen minutes. And Brinn? What time did you tell her?” Hopefulness filled Mom’s face. She wanted him to be happy with Brinn.

  The tiny hole widened in Tyler’s heart. He hadn’t been helpful to Brinn earlier in the day. He’d been so consumed with what he wanted and what he needed that while her Christmas castle was in distress, he’d not been very responsive. In fact, he’d done what he always did and had gone off to be quiet and alone instead of extending himself to Brinn when she needed him. He felt like kicking his own ass. Hadn’t his obsession with work and success been one of the reasons that his ex-wife left in the first place? Here he was making the same mistakes again with another woman. A woman he cared for and enjoyed and desired and might, really quite possibly, love.

  “I told her”—Tyler glanced at the giant clock above the kitchen door that led to the rest of the house—“now.”

  “You’re not going to pick her up?”

  His mother’s surprise made his gut lurch.

  “No.” He hadn’t even offered. Should he have offered? Shit. You’d think at his age with a failed marriage under his belt that he’d understand all the needs a woman might have. But he didn’t. He was still walking around the world a clueless dickhead.

  The doorbell rang, and before he could get too much deeper into self-chastisement, Tyler walked toward the door, but Charlotte beat him to it. She jumped from the second step that led to the upstairs and landed with a grand thud in front of the front door. She yanked it open, a brilliant smile on her face.

  “Brinn!”

  Brinn in her lovely ivory stocking cap with her ferocious black curls framing her face stood on the top step, carrying two Bea & Barbara’s Bakery boxes and a white bag.

  “Hey, Charlotte!” Brinn’s eyes shifted from Charlotte to Tyler. He stood there, frozen by the want that clutched his belly, a desire to walk past his daughter and plant his lips on Brinn’s mouth and circle his arms around her and carry off to the upstairs where he might make her his again.

  Her eyelashes fluttered. A blush blossomed in her cheeks, and not just from the winter cold. She felt the desire too. He was such an idiot. He needed to be taking better care of this woman he was wildly attracted to so that he didn’t blow his relationship with her.

  “Brinn, come in!” Mom called from down the hall. Brinn stomped her feet and entered the house. Tyler took the two boxes from her and she handed Charlotte the white bag. Charlotte bounded off toward the kitchen to see what kind of sweet treat Brinn had brought. Tyler moved even closer and before she could remove her jacket, before she could take off her hat, before her face was even warm from the heat in the house, he leaned forward and his lips locked with hers. Sweet mint and sugar. Her breath hot, his tongue tangling and entwining with hers, his one free hand pulling her closer as his palm pressed against the wool of her long coat. Her body surrendered to his, the first moment of stiffness he felt in her that this was his parents’ house drained away, the heat, the desire, overcoming any self-consciousness about their kiss. Her tongue tickled along his lips and tangled with his.

  Finally he pulled away from her but kept her close. “I’m sorry for today.”

  She tried to look away as though she had no idea what he spoke of; she even pressed a smile to her face.

  “No, Brinn, really. What you were going through with your work was just as important as what I was going through with mine, and I’m sorry. I wasn’t there for you.”

  Air whooshed from her lips as though she’d held her breath on this very topic since he’d abandoned her at the Grande that afternoon.

  “Thank you.” A calm took hold of her eyes, and he knew she’d needed to hear what he said. Of course, why not? He’d been a bit of a self-involved prick earlier that day. Perhaps she’d begun to worry that he’d always be a self-involved prick? Well, he couldn’t guarantee that he wouldn’t be self-involved some of the time, but he would try to always consider Brinn’s needs and feelings.

  “Come back to the kitchen. Mom fled when she saw us kissing, and I’m certain she wants to talk to you about the meal and the fabulous desserts you brought.”

  Brinn took off her coat, and Tyler with his one free hand hung it up in the hall closet, then clasped Brinn’s hand in his. Tonight he would make up for today. Tonight she’d been willing to meet and have dinner with the entire loud and obnoxious Emerson family. The least he could do was be aware of her feelings and needs while she was here. He could try. He would try. And he would succeed.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Brinn had known the Emerson family since she was a little girl. Powder Springs was a small town, and having grown up with Tyler Emerson, she’d not escaped the other three Emerson brothers, Chuck, Breck, and Kent. They were still overwhelming. Maybe even more so now. The table was filled with loud and boisterous laughter, so different than Brinn’s own family meals. They’d only been four at her house. Five when Nonna joined them. Ma was either quiet or lecturing about table manners and proper dinner conversation. Carol Emerson didn’t seem to have the same lessons she needed to teach her boys.

  While Brinn had been out in the world and discovered that every family was different, she’d not really been this submerged in a giant family, full of laughter, teasing, and pranks. All together, the Emersons numbered ten people, and with Katherine, Chuck’s wife, pregnant with their third child, soon to be eleven.

  “What are you saying, Kent? That you’ll never get married?” Katherine was pretty with long, dark hair and dark eyes. Her voice held a knowing lilt as thought she’d heard this story from Kent before tonight.

  Katherine and Chuck had met while Chuck was in the Marines and stationed in San Diego. Her skin was a darker color, speaking to her Latino heritage. A year ago, Chuck and his wife and two girls had returned to Powder Springs. He’d started his own private security firm. With the influx of California money and homeowners from Silicon Valley, all of them telecommuting, the need for security for not only personal property but also safety had risen, and with it Chuck’s business.

  “I just don’t think only one woman should get the benefit of all this.” Kent leaned back in his chair. He waved his hands in front of what was truly a good-looking male specimen. “Want to spread this around a little. Let multiple ladies get themselves some Kent.”

  Both Carol and her husband Roger laughed. Kent’s older brother Breck hit him on the shoulder. “You’re an idiot. This must mean you’ve been dumped by another one of those lucky ladies.”

  “Dumped is such a harsh word.” Kent tilted his water glass to his lips. “Let’s just say we both decided to pursue our individual interests at this time.”

  “AKA dumped.” Chuck rested his arm around his wife’s shoulders.

  Roger stood and reached for Carol’s plate. Chuck followed suit and lifted Katherine’s plate from in front of her.

  “Come on, Kent.” Tyler was on his feet and took Charlotte and Brinn’s plates.

  “Do you need help?” Brinn asked.

  “No, thanks. Mom cooks, we clean. Long-standing tradition. Plus it gives you ladies a change to discuss how amazing we are.” Tyler glanced toward his sister-in-law, who was sitting on the other side of the table. “Make sure you lay it on thick, okay? Otherwise no twenty for you.”

  A smile broke across Katherine’s face “Bring me a cup of coffee, and I’ll tell her you’re an angel in Emerson clothes.”

  “Coffee it is. Mom? Brinn?”

  Brinn nodded and so did Carol. Tyler bent down and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek and again her face heated. The cousins had already taken off for the upstairs and the games and dress-up clothes that were in the shared bedroom.

  “We’ll see those girls again the moment we break out your desserts.” Carol folded her dinner napkin and placed it beside her place mat. “So, Brinn, do you have all your holiday shopping finished?”

  “I’ve gotten something for Ma and Nonna. And I got Deborah’s kids taken care of ages ago.” Brinn leaned forward. “But I have
n’t found anything for Charlotte yet. Do you have any ideas?”

  Carol raised her eyebrow. “Let’s see. Dolls or clothes. She’s always loved clothes.”

  “God help us all if she’s anything like her mother,” Katherine mumbled and then looked up as though she’d just caught herself. Her eyebrows shot up right after she said it. “Oh, my goodness, Brinn I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to mention Charlize while you’re here.”

  A tiny tweak in Brinn’s chest. “Please, don’t worry about it. Charlize will always be a part of Charlotte and Tyler’s life. She’s Charlotte’s mom.”

  “Right, but I shouldn’t speak poorly of her. I’m sorry.” Katherine appeared worried.

  “Is it unkind when it’s true?” Carol turned a fork next to her place setting. “Charlize could be a bit demanding when it came to her wardrobe needs.”

  “Charlotte seems really excited to see her mom after the holidays.” Brinn attempted to put a positive spin on the topic of Tyler’s ex-wife.

  Katherine and Carol exchanged a look that Brinn couldn’t miss.

  “Oh, no. Now did I say something wrong?”

  “No.” Carol looked away for a moment. “It’s just, well, Charlotte may not get to see her mother after the holidays. I don’t know the details, but something seems to have changed for Charlize.” Carol shook her head.

  “Charlotte will be devastated.”

  “She knows, but I think she’s still holding out hope.”

  “Okay.” Tyler rounded the corner into the dining room. “Cinnamon coffee for Brinn, black coffee for the mother-to-be, and coffee like a dessert for Mom.”

  “Speaking of dessert. I think it’s time to bring out Brinn’s Yule log.”

  Brinn pushed back her chair. “Let me help. They can be tricky getting out of the box.”

  “Daddy,” Charlotte called from upstairs. “I need some help.”

  Tyler looked at Brinn. “You okay? I’ll go check on Charlotte and I’ll meet you back in here.”

  Brinn nodded. She turned the corner and started down the long, narrow hall toward the back of the house and kitchen. The voices of the three Emerson brothers grew clearer as she got closer to the kitchen.

  “Can you believe he’s with Brinn?” Kent’s voice was clear.

  Brinn slowed to a stop and pressed her back to the wall.

  “I mean, Brinn’s awesome, but have you looked at her?”

  Brinn’s jaw dropped open and her fingertips pressed to her mouth.

  “Kent, lay off.” Breck’s voice was sharp. “You sound like a dick.”

  “Okay, fine, maybe I am, but I mean if you put them side by side, Charlize and Brinn? It’s like putting a Maserati next to a beat-up Volkswagen bug.”

  Brinn closed her eyes. Her chest tightened. What the hell did she do? That wasn’t how Tyler felt, was it? Did he say such things to his brothers? How could she stay? How could she sit across from Kent at the dinner table? How could she possibly be a part of a family dinner with a man who said such horrible things about her?

  “I mean, the cooking and the baking and the fact that Charlotte needs a woman in her life, I get, but to wake up next to Brinn Bartoli every day for the rest of your life? Instead of Charlize?” Kent continued. “Damn, that’s got to be a rude awakening for any man. She’s sweet, but I mean, she just wouldn’t do it for me.”

  Brinn’s heart nearly jumped from her chest. Did the entire Emerson family feel this way? Even Tyler? She wanted to disappear. She wanted to become invisible. She wanted to—

  She rushed down the hall and stopped at the coat closet. How could she get away? What could she possibly say? She grabbed her coat and her hat and her gloves. She snagged her purse from the hallway table. She could barely breathe, she had to go, she had to get home. What would she say to Carol and to Katherine? She couldn’t simply run out without saying good-bye.

  Brinn rounded the corner and peeked into the dining room. She pulled on her coat. Carol and Katherine stopped talking and looked at her.

  “I’m sorry.” Brinn forced a smile onto her face and hoped they wouldn’t notice the sadness in her eyes, reflecting the feeling in her chest that her heart was destroyed.

  “I need to go. Nonna needs me—”

  “Oh no.” Carol stood. “Is everything okay? Is—”

  “Fine, fine. Nothing like that, it’s just something I forgot that I promised I’d do for her. I’m sorry to run out, Carol. Katherine, it was so nice to see you. Will you please tell Tyler I had to go?”

  Carol’s eyebrows creased and she tilted her head. “Do you want me to have him call you?”

  “Sure, of course, if he has time. I know he’s busy, and it’s the holidays, and so am I.” Brinn pulled her cap over her head. “Have a great Christmas, okay?”

  She nearly ran out of the house and down the front steps. The tears that had threatened in the hall and in the dining room were now falling and falling fast.

  What a fool.

  What a fool she was to think that Tyler Emerson, the gorgeous man with a beautiful child and a beautiful family and a gorgeous ex-wife, would ever fall for a thick-legged girl like her. She climbed into her SUV and slammed the door, then jammed the key into the ignition. She had to get away; she had to get away before Tyler saw her. Before she had to tell him that she knew, she knew that in his heart she would always be second best. That she would never be enough for him. She pressed the gas and backed down the drive, her SUV moving so fast that she didn’t even see Tyler standing on the front porch, waving for her to stop.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “How could I be so stupid?”

  Alison handed her another tissue. “Sweetie, you’re not stupid. It’s that dickhead Kent Emerson that is the idiot.”

  Brinn blew her nose. The skin beneath her nose was itchy and raw. Alison held out a plastic grocery sack and Brinn threw the hundredth tissue into the bag.

  “Thanks.” Brinn had sobbed in her car behind the bakery for nearly an hour, and she’d been just about ready to go home when Alison had exited the back of Bea & Barbara’s. She’d forced Brinn to follow her to her apartment where she’d set about providing her with hot coffee and several shots of Baileys.

  “I remember Kent in school. He used to torture my cousin. Every family has one, an asshole.”

  “But he’s right. I am a beat-up Volkswagen bug beside a Maserati.”

  “Stop. You have to stop that. You are not. You are so much more than Charlize Dumont Emerson. What kind of woman abandons not only her husband but her child? The woman has always been a shrew. If anything, Tyler is lucky to find you. She may be something to look at, but there is nothing beautiful on the inside.”

  Brinn dabbed her eyes with a fresh tissue. No matter how many rationalizations she made or how many times the logic part of her brain attempted to convince her that she was being crazy, she couldn’t get away from the very simple fact that she wasn’t pretty. Or at least not pretty like Charlize.

  “You’ve got to get rid of this hang-up. How do you fail to see your own beauty?”

  “Beauty? Ha! I’ve never been a beauty. Ma is a beauty, Deborah is a beauty. But me? Not even.”

  “And who in your family do you look like?”

  “I guess I look like Nonna. I’ve seen pictures of her when she was my age and we look really similar. I also look like Dad’s side of the family.”

  “So you think your Nonna is ugly?”

  “Bite your tongue. Nonna is gorgeous. And not in the usual way. She’s got this light because she sees people the way they are.” Brinn closed her eyes. Nonna’s face flashed in her mind. She wasn’t beautiful in a typical way, but Nonna was striking and breathtaking. The kind of woman you had to look at twice.

  “If Nonna is beautiful and you look like Nonna…” Alison’s words trailed off as though she was attempting to lead Brinn to the conclusion Alison had already made.

  “It’s not the same. Nonna has more than her looks. She has this essence that makes people want
to be near her. She makes people comfortable. She takes care of people. She—”

  “How do you not see that you possess all the same things? You’ve always taken care of people your whole life. You’ve been taking care of me for the last eight months. You take care of Nonna and her friends. You even take care of your mother. And now you’ve been taking care of Charlotte and Tyler.”

  “I’m not taking care of Charlotte or Tyler, we’ve just been…” The words broke in Brinn’s throat. Whatever this had been, this love affair with Tyler was over. Regardless of whether she was as beautiful as Nonna, Tyler’s brother thought she was a hag, and she’d run from the Emerson family dinner. There was no going back. She doubted that she’d ever hear from Tyler again, aside from when he needed a doughnut or a cake.

  “I can’t do this. I simply can’t believe that he wasn’t crazy to be with me. Or that I’m enough for him.”

  “That’s a personal problem, and I don’t think it matters who you’re with—until you get all that sorted in your head, you won’t be able to be with anyone. You’ve got to get past this. Marco didn’t choose Hannah because she was prettier, he chose her because he was an ass who needed to control a younger woman. Tyler has chosen you. It doesn’t matter what his stupid younger brother said. I mean, look at Kent. The man can’t settle down to save his life. And it’s not because he hasn’t tried. There is something about him that is damaged.”

  “Everyone is damaged.” Brinn sniffed.

  “Of course everyone is damaged, but it’s up to us to find and repair our own broken bits. Other people don’t repair us, we repair ourselves.”

  Brinn met Alison’s gaze. “How are you still single? You’ve got all the answers and you can cook. How have you not been snapped up by some man in this town?”

  “I’m too picky. Plus I’m complicated. There are only so many Emerson men, and we already know two are taken and one is an idiot. That leaves Breck, and he’s like a big brother to me. Would never happen.”

  Brinn closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m starting to really care for Tyler, and I really adore Charlotte, but I feel…” How did she feel? Her gaze darted around Alison’s apartment. A Christmas tree with flashing lights was in the corner, and precious Santas decorated the chimney mantel, and snow globes were on all the tables. “I feel like I’m not enough for him or for his family.”