In Darkness Lost

by Ariel Paiement

  My arms were still around her, and I felt her trembling in my embrace. I tightened my embrace.

  “It’s fine. I…” I paused, uncertain. “I appreciate that you were level with me. I needed you to be that way so that I could let you know how I feel, I guess. I wanted to tell you.”

  She laughed softly. “How long have you been pushing down emotions about me?”

  “Ever since I met you,” I whispered.

  She looked up at me quickly, eyes widening.

  I laughed softly at her expression. “What? It’s true! The moment I laid eyes on you and saw you laughing at something your mother said, I was enamored. I only just admitted how deeply I love you, though.”

  She blushed.

  I let go of her, looking into her glittering eyes. “Dairdra?”

  “What?”

  “We can’t ever be married, so nothing will ever come of our love for each other. You know that, right?”

  “But you’re Court Mage, and you’re the most powerful mage we have. Why, in my family lines alone, there has been a history of the Court Mages and the royalty intermarrying. Crypt, there’s no reason why we couldn’t be married if we wished.”

  I felt my heart pounding in my chest. “Dairdra… I…”

  I couldn’t tell her about the King of Cyril and my own willingness to betray her for my sister’s sake. Not only that, I wasn’t sure I was even willing anymore.

  “What?”

  She saw the tortured look in my eyes. She laid her hands over mine.

  “Crypt, what’s wrong? What aren’t you telling me?”

  “Nothing. It’s just that… Well, family relations are rather strained right now. I’m worried about my sister is all, and she’s not exactly going to talk to me.”

  Dairdra nodded. “You two aren’t on good terms?”

  “Well, not exactly… It’s just that her loyalties don’t lie where mine do, and we aren’t able to compromise on it.”

  “Oh. I see.”

  She didn’t, though. She believed what I’d told her, but the problem was, I’d lied about it all. Well, except the part about my sister being unable talk to me and about her loyalties. She was bound to Cyril, and she was incapable of contacting me while at war with my country. She knew as well as I did that it was a treasonous act to have dealings with someone from the enemy country.

  Dairdra curled tighter against me. “That doesn’t mean anything to our marriage, Crypt.”

  I started. “What? I mean… We’re at war, Dairdra. We shouldn’t get married now.”

  She rolled her eyes in the dark. “And if I don’t survive it? Or what if you…” Her voice caught.

  I couldn’t stand talking about it. I kissed her hard to stop the words. She kissed me back for a moment, and then pulled away, breathless.

  “What if you did… well… Just, what if?”

  I put a finger to her lips. “Please… I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll do all I can to see us both out of this alive.”

  And it was true. I would. In the end, though, if it meant dying so that she would live, I would do it. She meant as much to me as my sister, and if by betraying her country I could let her live, I would do it.

  She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I twined mine around her waist. I noticed the pale look to her face, and it occurred to me once more that it was the middle of winter, and it was cold.

  “We should go inside. It’s freezing out here.” I grimaced.

  “I told you that at the beginning, Crypt.” She buried her face in my neck, breathing out with a huff.

  “Yeah, well, now we’re both noticing.” I laughed.

  She got up, and I opened the door for her. When we were both inside, we sat down on the sofa inside.

  “Much better. Not so cold in here.” I murmured.

  “Agreed. At least you had a cloak, but you were the only thing keeping me warm!”

  I laughed. We sat quietly together. She was curled against me, head resting on my shoulder, my arms around her waist. I wished that we could stay that way forever.

  Suddenly she broke the silence. “I still think we could be married if we wanted. Why not soon before the war really starts? Then we can have a little time together before it ends. If either of us died… Well, you know. At least we’d have had a little time.”

  I shook my head. “I can’t.”

  She gave me a strange look. “Why not?”

  I sighed softly. “I can’t explain it. Please just trust me. If you still want to marry me after the war and we’re both still alive, I’ll ask. But not until then. I don’t want you to end up a widow if I die. You’re too young for that.”

  She rested her head on my shoulder, shivers wracking her frame. “Fine. I guess I understand where you’re coming from.”

  “Thanks.” My voice was soft.

  She smiled at me.

  I wanted to melt. Everything about the night had gone so well. I almost couldn’t believe that it was really happening.

  “I should go.” I whispered.

  “I wish you didn’t have to. Why not stay? We could sit here, and spend the whole night talking.”

  You don’t know how badly I want to. I thought. But I didn’t say it. “That’s a bad idea, Dairdra. And we both know it. I have to go.”

  She laughed. “Yes, I guess we do. But it doesn’t mean we have to listen to ourselves.”

  I shook my head. I had to go. This was getting dangerous. Staying was a very bad idea.

  We were quiet a moment, and then I said, “Remember how we used to sneak into one of the unoccupied rooms in the palace when you were twelve? We’d meet in your room, then sneak out together and build tents. Then we’d stay up all night whispering wild stories to each other. We never got caught, did we?” I swallowed hard. “Thankfully, you have better security now.”

  She sighed softly. “Yes, I remember. Those days were so care-free.”

  I stood up, walking to the door. “Goodnight, Dairdra. I really need to go.”

  She walked over to me. “Do you really have to go?”

  "Yes."

  “Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow to discuss available soldiers and fortifications. I just wish… We don’t have enough time to do this all.” Her shoulders slumped, and her voice dulled.

  “I know. But we have to do it. No choices left otherwise.” I whispered.

  My heart was heavy too, and I understood how she felt with so many decisions pressing on her.

  I had to go then. I turned to leave.

  But I didn’t. Dairdra’s voice arrested me. “Crypt?”

  I turned back.

  Then she was in my arms, pressed up against me, her lips against mine. I returned the kiss, searing the moment into my mind. I wanted to remember it all. The honey taste of her lips. The softness of her arms around my neck. The sleek elegance that she possessed.

  I broke the kiss, pulling away from her. My heart thumped rapidly, and my stomach felt like a hornet’s nest. The intensity of my feelings for her scared me. But I couldn’t stop loving her now that I knew I did.

  “I’m leaving now.” I whispered.

  She nodded. I whispered a few words in the Ancient tongue, and suddenly I was in my room. It was late, and I collapsed into my bed. Dreams came as soon as I fell asleep, and Dairdra was the one thing I remembered dreaming about when I woke the next morning.

  Chapter 7: Dairdra

  I woke with a fuzzy feel in my stomach. Crypt had kissed me last night. He’d kissed me back.

  The strange, warm feel in my stomach didn’t last long though. The weight of my responsibility crashed down on me. I had to get up, get dressed.

  My maid, Yvette, walked into the room. She stirred the fire in the grate, making the flames leap into life as she put wood back onto it. Then she walked to my wardrobe. “Coronation Day, Princess. Hurry! We have to get you dressed.”

  I started. Was it only yesterday that I had been remembering that I had my Coronation today? Yes. I had forgotten all abou
t it.

  “What time is it, Yvette?”

  “’Bout eight in the morning, my Lady.”

  I sighed. The Coronation was at twelve. We had only four hours to be ready, and I knew from my mother’s recollections of her Coronation that it was a hassle. It would probably take the four hours to do my hair, get me dressed, do my makeup, and all the other things that needed doing.

  “Into the bath, my Lady. I’ll lay out your clothes, and the hair pieces you need.”

  I nodded, climbing out of bed, and walking into the bathroom. Couldn’t I have just worn a plain dress, a little lipstick, and have done with it? After all, I was only saying my oaths, and then we were holding a small ball. I didn’t need to be dressed frivolously for such an event. I didn’t understand why we needed a ball at all.

  Our country was at war, and the nobles insisted on a party for my Coronation. I shook my head. The foolishness of that statement. Honestly.

  I turned on the water, making it extra hot. My back ached a little, and I was starting to get a headache. Of all the days to deal with a headache. I thought irritably. I eased into the bath water, hissing slightly as my chilled skin hit the hot water. But I soon adjusted to it, and I relaxed in the hot water.

  Well, I relaxed is a relative term. I didn’t relax for long. In fact, some wouldn’t even call it relaxing. Two minutes after I settled in, Yvette came bustling in with shampoos, conditioners, and scented oils for the bath. “No time for relaxing today, Mistress. Sit still while I do your hair.”

  I wanted to snap at her. She was my servant, and she was ordering me around. But I knew she was just stressed because of the close deadline we were running. Not that four hours seemed close to me. If it were up to me, I’d just braid my hair neatly over my shoulder, throw on my favorite cream colored dress with rose lace, and be done. As for makeup, I’d add a little lipstick, but that would certainly be enough.

  Not for Yvette though. It had to be perfect for her. My maid started rubbing scented shampoos into my hair.

  I sighed, letting her do it. She’d done this for me so many times, ever since I was two. Not that I remembered that far back, but my mother had told me about some of the things I’d done to poor Yvette when I was little. It usually involved hiding on her, or giving her a heart attack playing dead.

  Hot water poured over my hair, cascading down into the bath as Yvette rinsed out the soap. “Now for the conditioner. Just a little more time, my Lady, and you can relax. You have to sit in the bath for at least a half-hour to let the oils and scents soak into your skin.”

  “I’ll be a prune by then!” I protested.

  “Well, maybe when you’ve just come out of the bath, Mistress, but by the Coronation, it’ll be gone. Don’t you worry ‘bout it. You’re going to be beautiful.”

  “Yvette, why can’t I just wear the cream colored dress with the rose lace?”

  “For a princess, and a soon to be Queen, you sure have a tough time understanding this stuff, Mistress.” She chided, scrubbing my head to work the conditioner through my hair.

  “I know, Yvette. Just explain it.”

  She continued lathering conditioner into my hair as she talked. “Well, you see, it’s a special event, my Lady, and if you show up wearing the normal things you always do, people will say bad things. They’ll think you can’t afford to spend more to buy a rich Coronation outfit. They might even think you’re weak. So you have to spend enough to buy something really fancy so as to make a good impression with your nobility.”

  “What about the commoners? They must see it as wasteful frivolity.” I closed my eyes as she started rinsing out the conditioner too.

  “Oh, who cares what they think, Mistress? It’s the ruling class and the nobility that matters. Well, them and the mages. You might end up marrying one of the more powerful mages, my Lady, so you want to make a good impression on them too.”

  I sighed. “Yvette, the commoners matter just as much. Believe me or don’t, but they are the backbone of Argent. Without them to work the land, Argent would fall. We need to make a good impression on them too. They need to know I care.”

  “I’m not trained in politicking, Mistress. You know more than I do, so I’m going to take your word on that one.”

  More water poured over my back. I sat still as Yvette finished rinsing out the conditioner, keeping my eyes closed so the soap wouldn’t rinse into them.

  When she was done rinsing out the conditioner, I opened my eyes, wiping the water off my face. I watched, feeling lethargic as she poured the oils into the bath. They spread out in filmy, multi-colored swirls across the surface of the water. Yvette swished them around a bit, and then stood.

  “All right, my Lady. I’ll be back in half an hour. Don’t you get out of there till then, you hear?” She shook her finger at me, making sure I understood.

  I nodded. “Thanks, Yvette.”

  “You’re welcome, Mistress.” Yvette walked out of the bathroom, leaving me to contemplate on my Coronation as I soaked. My head was beginning to ease up on the pounding as the hot water soothed me, and I was feeling far less snappish.

  ***

  Yvette walked back into the bathroom half an hour later like she’d said she would. I was half-asleep in the water when she came in. It felt so good to let life crawl to a halt around me. At least, for me life was crawling to a halt. In the hot water, I could rest, safe and warm.

  Yvette’s work-worn hand rested on my bare shoulder. I started awake, flying into a sitting position.

  “Sorry to give you a fright, Mistress. But you need to get out now.”

  “I don’t want to.” I only wanted her to leave, to let me stay in the water forever, safe and away from everyone.

  “You can’t stay in there.” She sighed, resting her hands on her hips.

  I sat up in the bath, water spilling over my face from strands of soaking wet hair. “Why can’t I? It seems to me that all I ever hear is I can’t. I’m sick of hearing it.”

  “Well, I’m sorry, my Lady, but get used to it. You’ll be hearing it a lot more in the next few days. Stop acting like a spoilt child.”

  Her firm tone annoyed me. I just ignored her, not wanting to snap at her for telling me the truth, even if she was my servant, and was not supposed to give advice.

  “So get out of the bath, my Lady.”

  I sighed, muttering about how annoying Coronations were. But I got out of the bath.

  Yvette wrapped a towel around me, and said, “Dry off now. When you’re done, come out into the dressing room.”

  “Thank you.” I tried hard to make my tone sound happy, but I’m pretty sure I failed.

  “Smile, dear.” Yvette instructed sweetly.

  I moaned. She walked off, leaving me to dry off.

  A few moments later, I came out into the dressing room, and stood there, only the towel wrapped around me to ward off the chill in the air. Yvette came bustling over with undergarments. She motioned for me to take off the towel.

  I sighed, but did as instructed. The cold air hit my bare skin, and I shivered. Yvette gave me the undergarments and I slipped them on, grateful for their warmth.

  “Sit down in the chair.” She motioned towards the chair in front of the mirror.

  I sat down, gazing at myself in the mirror. My silver highlights melded into my black hair in dripping strands around my shoulders.

  “I’m going to catch the Shivering Plague if I sit here too much longer in these undergarments with wet hair.” I complained.

  “Oh, you will not. It’s warm enough in the room.”

  “You’re wearing real clothes. I’m not.” I muttered.

  Yvette didn’t answer, but instead began sweeping a brush through my hair. I sat still as she wove my hair into an elegant five-strand braid, which looped around my head in a sweeping crown. It looked so beautiful that I forgot to be upset about all the time it would take to get ready.

  She took nearly an hour to do my hair, and as she did so, she tucked little sprigs of
blue Lassie flowers into my hair. I was getting restless when she finally announced she was done. I looked in the mirror, and I gasped in wonder. My hair had never looked so elegant.

  Delicate tendrils of glittering silver hair wisped around my face, and my head was encircled by a thick five-strand braid. The rest of my hair was braided in multiple tiny braids all braided into one braid to hang over my shoulder. It was the most graceful thing I’d ever seen done with my hair, especially with the brilliant blue Lassies in my braids to accent the deep black of my hair and the glittering silver of my highlights.

  “Do you like it, Mistress?” Yvette’s voice sounded uncertain.

  I turned and flung my arms around her. “I love it, Yvette! It’s beautiful.”

  “Why thank you, my Lady! But careful, or you’ll ruin it.” Yvette laughed.

  I released her, stepping back. “What about my makeup? If you can do this with my hair, I can’t imagine what you’ll do with my makeup.”

  Yvette blushed. “You shouldn’t praise me so highly, my Lady. Others are far better than I.”

  “Well, I don’t care if there are others who are better. You did my hair today, and I like what you did.” I answered lightly.

  I sat back down in the chair, turning it to face her. She pulled out my makeup trays.

  As she applied foundation and other makeup to my face, I was silent. It took her another half hour to do it, but I knew the result would be worthwhile. And it was.

  The person I looked at in the mirror wasn’t me. It was some sort of fairy-creature. Pale, glittering ice-blue eye shadow pulled out my sea-green eyes. The deep red stain Yvette had used on my lips made me look more mature. There was a slight sparkle around my eyes and under them, and the blush on my cheeks brought a rosy tint to my complexion. Yvette had finished the look with deep blue eyeliner around my eyes and dark black mascara on my lashes. Once again, she had created something amazing. She’d even painted my nails in icy-looking blue glitter so that I seemed to be made of crystals and ice. The effect was stunning.

  “Now for the dress, Mistress.”

  I turned to look at what she had brought out of the wardrobe. Yes, it was elegant, but it wasn’t overdone at all. It was tasteful, and yet powerful.