We've Only Just Begun

by Kathleen Ball

  “I’ll let you know when we stop for the noon meal. Are you sure we have to go on? Maybe if we waited here, Lily would make it back.”

  “I wish we had the luxury of time, but we don’t. Jed and Eli know the route we’re taking. I have every confidence they’ll meet up with us as soon as they know something.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Eat while it’s still warm. I’ll hitch up the wagons and then pack up.”

  His kiss calmed her. He was a confident man, with a steadying influence, and she liked that about him.

  Chapter Ten

  They made good time, and two days later they were about to leave the Platte river valley. Mike constantly searched the horizon for his brothers, Ranger and Max, but so far there was nothing. He rode up and down the train announcing that they were stopping for the day at noon. This would be the last chance for water and good grazing for the livestock for about a week. They were headed into a desert-like valley.

  Although they passed many graves along the trail, they hadn’t lost another soul. Now, if only the rescue party would return with Lily, things would be perfect. Natalie and Susan rode together, and Susan had a calming effect on Natalie, though she got awfully quiet when she was around him.

  She woke several times each night from nightmares, and he did his best to make her feel safe. He held her through the night and it was getting harder and harder not to make her his wife in truth, but he couldn’t take advantage of her. He wanted her with everything in him, and as difficult as it was, he wouldn’t trade his nights with her for anything. She never complained, but he knew her shoulder was giving her the devil. She’d make someone one heck of a wife.

  He ran his fingers through his hair. She would have made him one heck of a wife. But he didn’t have a choice. What was he supposed to do? Stash her in Oregon for a few years until his guide days were behind him? He got down off Arrow and kicked at the dirt. He had too much to think about.

  He hurried to Natalie’s wagon and helped her off before he lifted Susan down. He allowed his hand to linger on her waist, and her responding blush made him feel ten feet high.

  “This is our last chance for clean water and grass to graze for almost a week. Men will be accompanying the women to the river so they can get water, wash clothes, and whatever else is needed. Don’t go unescorted.”

  “We’re the last people you need to give warning to,” Natalie said sadly.

  “I know, and I’m sorry. My brothers and Ranger will be back any day now.”

  Natalie crossed her arms in front of her. “How do you know they aren’t already dead?”

  Susan gasped.

  “I’d know if they were dead.”

  “How? How do you know it?” Natalie demanded.

  “I’d feel their loss in my heart. It’s always been that way between us. We seem to know when one of us is in trouble. I can just feel it is all.”

  “Do you think as a mother I’d know if my Lily was dead?” Her look of hope almost broke his heart.

  “It’s possible.”

  Susan put her arm around Natalie’s waist. “Yes, there is always hope. Mike, what about trees? Will there be firewood in the next part of our journey?”

  “Not much, if any. You’ll have to collect Buffalo chips. It’ll be fine. Just remember not to drink any of the groundwater until we get to Willow Spring. I need to make the rounds.” He smiled at Susan. “I’ll be back in a bit if you need to get water.”

  He took care of the oxen first, and then he walked from wagon to wagon, giving everyone the same do-not-drink-the-water speech. He helped repair a few of the wagons and advised others to grease their wagon wheels. He even filled a few water barrels for some. He made sure no one went to the river alone.

  Still he searched the horizon for his brothers. The young man, Peter, was a great help to Connie Ranger, and she seemed content for the moment. Mike finally made it to Smitty’s fire and poured himself a cup of coffee. A look of understanding was exchanged.

  “They’ll be back soon, Mike. You just wait and see,” Smitty told him as he nodded firmly.

  “I know, but that doesn’t stop the worrying. I keep telling myself Eli is seventeen and Jed is fifteen, practically men, but we’ve been looking out for each other for a long time now.”

  “You sure have, and they can take care of themselves, thanks to you. I’m proud of you, Mike, and your parents would have been mighty proud too. You just wait. They’ll be here soon.”

  “Thanks Smitty, that means a lot. I have to fill a few washtubs for Susan and Natalie. I don’t want them going down to the river if they don’t want to.”

  “Use my fire to heat water too.”

  Mike grinned. “Thanks Smitty.” He walked around the outside of the wagons and saw Big Bart staring at Susan’s rig. Anger filled him.

  “See something you like?” Mike stood toe to toe with a surprised Bart.

  “Looking out for my investment is all. I own that wagon, and your wife belongs to me. I bought them both and I expect to have them.”

  Mike gave him a hard look. “We’ve been over this, Bart. You can’t own a white woman—”

  “I can if I have a contract for her services. I have a bill of sale for the wagon too, if you’d like to see them.” Bart smiled widely.

  “Why wait until now to show your hand?”

  “I need the wagon, and I have an itch for your wife. Plus I hired Max to drive the wagon. When he returns I’m going to need the wagon. You’re not the law, so you’re not going to stop me.”

  “As far as this wagon train goes, I am the law. If you like we can take it to a vote.” Mike said trying to keep his voice casual.

  “Once they see the signed papers, they’ll vote in my favor, guaranteed.”

  “I was talking about the vote whether we leave you behind or not.” Mike gave him a lazy smile. “Think about it and get back to me.”

  Bart pulled a knife out of his belt, but the sound of a rifle cocking stilled him. He took his hand of the hilt of the knife and glared. “See you around.” He backed up, turned, and walked away.

  “He’s one mean man,” Smitty said.

  “Thanks for having my back.”

  “No need for thanks. Your wife came and got me.” Smitty nodded his head toward the left where Susan stood.

  She stood looking as though the weight of the whole world was upon her. Mike opened his arms and she flew into them, holding onto him for all he was worth. He closed his eyes and cherished the feel of her against him. Somehow having her near him made the world brighter.

  “What does he mean he has a contract? I’m scared, Mike. He’s always watching as though he’s just waiting for the right moment. Part of Clancy’s soul must have been black for him to do this.”

  He stroked her back. “You’re right only if he did indeed do such a thing. Bart has been saving his proof all this time? Something isn’t right.”

  “He did tell me his oxen were getting tired and he needed to put some of the things from his wagon into mine. I said no.”

  “We’ll keep our eyes open. You need to be armed.”

  “I carry a knife. It’s strapped to my thigh. Unfortunately, I took it off when we were in the river or I could have at least wounded one of those Indians.”

  He held her closer. “Thank God you didn’t. You’d be dead for sure, and I don’t want to think about a time without you.” He became quiet. He’d already said too much, and he couldn’t give her false hope.

  Natalie threw a wet cloth across their camp. “I can’t take this anymore. The waiting and wondering has been excruciating, and my heart is so broken. Why? Why did my husband have to go west? Did I ever tell you we left a prosperous farm for the unknown?” She crossed her arms in front of her and frowned. “‘It’ll be a great adventure,’ he said. ‘A chance of a lifetime.’ Ha! His life was cut short, and now my Lily is out there with, those, those heathens. I can only imagine what they are doing to her. My poor, sweet, sweet girl.” She sank down onto a crate and bu
ried her face in her hands as she wept. “We keep going, and with every turn of the wheel we get farther away from my baby.”

  Susan put her hand on Natalie’s shoulder. “I wish I had a way to make everything better, Natalie.”

  Natalie covered Susan’s hand with hers. “I’d go crazy if not for you. I think these past days of nothing but white sand is making me mad. I worry we won’t make it across without the oxen dying. People are starting to guard their water barrels and there is a feeling of unease.”

  “I know, I feel it too. Mike said we’d be clear of this alkaline torture by the end of the day tomorrow. Why don’t you lie down and rest for a bit?”

  “Sounds like a good idea, thank you Susan. You’ve been like a sister to me.” Before Susan could reply, Natalie climbed into the wagon.

  A sister. The words poured over her and warmed her heart. Some people actually liked her. She wasn’t painted with a tainted brush to her friends here. Confidence filled her. She could do this. She could make this trip and be just fine. She’d doubted herself for so long, and those doubts were unwarranted.

  A cloud of dust formed in the distance. Riders were coming, and she prayed it was Lily. She watched and waited. There were only four horses but that didn’t mean Lily wasn’t with them. She held her breath as they rode closer. No, Lily wasn’t with them, and her heart dropped. After making sure Natalie was still sleeping, Susan hurried to where the rescue party was arriving.

  They never did see Lily but they’d heard from a trapper that she was with a band of Sioux and she was being treated well. What did that even mean? Being treated well could really mean anything, but at least she was alive. Poor Natalie.

  Mike ambled to her side and put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close. “There isn’t much we can do. We’ll file a report, and the army will keep an eye out for her.”

  “They won’t go looking for her?”

  “Not necessarily. They don’t like to tangle with the Sioux if they don’t have to. The Indians usually hide the white prisoners from the soldiers. The main thing is she’s alive.”

  Susan snaked her arms around Mike’s waist and held on to him. “At least you have your brothers back. I know that’s a great relief to you.”

  “He glanced down at her upturned face and smiled. “I was starting to get worried. Jed seems to be taking it harder than most. I think he had a crush on Lily. She’ll never be fit for a wife after living with the Indians. I know it sounds harsh, but it’s true. Where’s Natalie?”

  “Taking a lay-down. This is going to break her heart. I don’t know what she plans to do once we make it to Oregon.” Her heart squeezed. She didn’t know what she was going to do either. Would there be jobs? What about a place to live? She’d been a naive girl when she ran, married, and joined the train. Now she felt older, much older.

  Mike kissed her right temple. “Let her sleep. She’ll get the news soon enough. We’ll make sure she’s settled when she gets to Oregon. You don’t need to worry. She’ll be welcome to stay at the ranch. She’ll be good company for you.” He took a step away from her, and his lips formed a grim line, as though he’d just uttered words he’d never meant to say.

  She simply nodded. It wasn’t going to happen that way, and she knew it. They could stay a few days but then it would be time for her and Mike to part. Perhaps Natalie could work at the ranch, though. That would be a great opportunity for her. As for herself, she wouldn’t be able to live near Mike and not be with him. Her heart was already vested, and she felt like a fool. It was too late now. She’d tried and tried to guard her heart to no avail. Every time she gazed at him, her stomach fluttered in the most unsettling way. His touch sent a series of explosions throughout her body.

  She walked back to the wagon and started to make the meal, not that she had much of an appetite, and Natalie probably wouldn’t eat either. The noise level in the wagon circle grew louder as everyone passed on the information that Lily hadn’t been found, and Natalie was soon awake and stumbling out of the wagon.

  “Is she dead? Oh my God, she’s dead!” She swayed.

  Susan placed her hands on Natalie’s arms and steadied her. “Hush, she’s not dead. There was a sighting of her. That’s good news.”

  Natalie wrenched free and ran to the bushes to vomit.

  Susan waited for the retching to stop and then went to her side with a wet cloth. “I’m so sorry. Of course it’s not good news, but…”

  Natalie washed her face and nodded. “I know what you mean. I think I’m going to go crazy. I imagine all kinds of horrible things happening to her. In my mind, everything I’ve ever heard about Indians and torture, well, it’s all being done to her. I can’t sleep, and my heart hurts so much. I’ve lost everyone, and now I’m alone. But as bad as it is for me, I just know it’s so much worse for my Lily.”

  Susan put her arms around her friend and held her while she wept. It was a long time before Natalie quieted down enough for Susan to let her go. “Come, let’s get you some coffee.” She gently led her to the fire, sat her down on a crate, and handed her a cup of coffee.

  “Big Bart approached me yesterday. He wants to put some of his things in my wagon. He told me Max would drive it. He also said he’d make sure I’d be cared for in Oregon.” Natalie sighed and took a sip of her coffee.

  Susan’s jaw dropped. “He didn’t! Why that lowdown snake! It’s nothing but whiskey he needs to get to Oregon for his saloon, and I bet he plans for you to work there. That was his plan for me. Somehow, Clancy lost the wagon and me to him in a poker game or as payment for more whiskey. I don’t know which, and I don’t care. What I don’t like is him approaching you.”

  “I’ll need a plan, and I don’t think I’ll need the farming equipment in my wagon. I could make room for Bart.”

  “You certainly will not! We’re going to stay at Mike’s ranch when we get to Oregon. You hold on to those tools. They’re yours, and they can be sold. Don’t talk to Bart. He’s nothing but trouble. It’s not our fault he’s only using two oxen and doesn’t treat them right. He’s never rubbed them down or taken extra time to make sure they had enough water. You hang on tight to what you have, and don’t let that man talk you into anything.”

  Natalie wiped away a tear. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Susan. Thank you for looking out for me.”

  The next morning, a scream woke Mike out of a dead sleep. He tugged on his pants, jumped out of the wagon, and ran in the direction of the screaming. A small crowd had gathered, and they were all staring at the ground. When he got closer, he could smell the blood before he saw it. The people parted and let him through. There was a big pool of blood just outside the circle of the wagons.

  “Everyone back up and let me see what’s going on,” he instructed. His stomach became a bit queasy. If he was right, this was human blood. Glancing around, he saw drops of blood on the ground. It was still dark out, and he slowly followed the trail. He walked over a small rise and his shoulders sank as he bent his head.

  Natalie lay dead on the white ground. A gaping wound across her neck and her empty staring eyes left no doubt she had been murdered. Mike’s stomach heaved and he swallowed back bile as he dropped to one knee next to her. The icy chill of death clung to her skin as he closed her eyes and straightened her nightgown so she would be given a bit of dignity in her death. How and what was he going to tell Susan? He didn’t need to turn around to know Smitty was behind him. “Don’t let anyone else up here just yet.”

  “Sure thing.”

  Mike stood and glanced in all directions. The sun was coming up but there didn’t seem to be anything to help him to know who had done such a thing. The dry, hard ground revealed no tracks. It wasn’t an outsider. It had to have been someone within their camp. If he had to guess, he’d say it was Bart, but he didn’t have any evidence, yet.

  He hurried back down the rise when he heard Susan’s voice calling for him. The anguish on her face physically hurt him. It was a hard blow. He held out
his hand and she immediately took it.

  “Folks, Natalie Lewis has been killed. She has a broken neck and her throat was cut. It doesn’t appear to be the work of Indians.”

  The crowd had grown increasingly larger, and the collective gasp was loud. He nodded to Eli who had a blanket in his hands and watched him disappear over the slight hill. “I want all men that had guard duty to meet me at Smitty’s wagon. Both shifts of guard duty. The rest of you get ready to pull out as usual.”

  “Aren’t we going to lay over a day and find the killer?” Ranger asked.

  “No, the livestock need fresh water, and we’re a good day’s travel until we get there. We’ll lay Natalie to rest before we move on.”

  Chapter Eleven

  The sadness inside her was so vast, Susan couldn’t contain it. It seeped over into everything she did, and she felt bad. It had been weeks since Natalie’s death, and Susan couldn’t find a smile inside of her. She worried about Lily constantly.

  They were close enough to the mountains to begin the climb.

  On the sides of the trail lay fine pieces of furniture travelers before them must have had to leave behind. Mike warned them they’d need light wagons. She knew one person who was happy: Bart. He was now the proud owner of Natalie’s wagon, and the whole situation disgusted her. He gave Mike enough money for the wagon, oxen and everything in it for him to save for Lily when she was found.

  Mike didn’t want to, but he didn’t have much of a choice. As the leader, he was supposed to be impartial, and most seemed to think money set aside for Lily was for the best. Bart hadn’t bothered Susan in a week except for an occasional smirk. For the most part, she ignored him.

  Mike slowed his horse as he approached their wagon. “You about ready to stop for the nooning?” He smiled at her and for a moment, her sadness was gone.