A Heart Once Broken

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Rosemary’s face flamed again. Amos sure didn’t beat around the bush. Thankfully Ezra covered for her. “You look quite handsome yourself today, Amos. Congratulations on your wedding day.”

  “Thank you.” Amos glowed. “I’m not so goot-looking, but Edna’s beauty here drifts over on me.”

  The men laughed at the joke and Edna turned a little red herself. “Now shush, Amos,” Edna ordered. “We’ll see if you still have compliments for me by this time next year.”

  Amos didn’t hesitate. “Oh, I will. I’m certain I will.”

  Rosemary slipped away as everyone laughed again. Thankfully Ezra stayed right behind her. Ezra still chuckled when they arrived back in the kitchen. “Right jolly fellow that Amos is. Not too many men could have their new frau laughing so soon after she lost her first husband.”

  “I’m glad they’re happy,” Rosemary said.

  But what really overjoyed her was the fact that Ezra was still by her side. Ezra even smiled at her as they filled their hands with plates again. Rosemary turned and headed back towards the corner table. When they arrived, Amos and Edna were deep in conversation but glanced up briefly. Edna’s face was still flushed during what must have been a sweet conversation.

  Rosemary’s mind drifted to the future. What would it be like to have a conversation with Ezra right after saying the wedding vows with him? The thought left her dizzy, and Rosemary tried to focus on the faces around her. Lydia and her cousin Enos had the table at the other end of the barn. Lydia noticed Rosemary’s glance and waved. Rosemary waved back.

  “You’re doing very well today,” Ezra said when they paused to catch their breath.

  “You’re just saying so,” Rosemary said.

  “You’ve said that twice now,” he scolded. “I mean what I say.”

  “Thanks.” Rosemary tried to smile. “I’m trying, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to work with you.” There, she had said the words.

  Ezra appeared pleased, but no doubt he was used to such compliments. Didn’t both of the Troyer cousins shower him with attention?

  “You undersell yourself,” Ezra said, as if he read Rosemary’s thoughts. “You shouldn’t, you know.”

  “Stop saying such things,” Rosemary responded, her gaze on the floor. “You’re embarrassing me.”

  Ezra chuckled. “Get used to it. You’re old enough to hear such true things about yourself.”

  Rosemary gave him a quick glance. “I’ll try.” Now she had turned bright red again.

  Ezra’s chuckle grew deeper. “And you have plenty of spunk.”

  “Do you like spunk?” Rosemary asked without thinking. “I’m sorry, Ezra. I had no right to ask such a bold question.”

  Ezra laughed. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. I love the way you are. You have nerve, for one thing. You’ll go places. As they say, the early bird gets the worm.”

  “So now I’m a bird?” Rosemary pretended to frown.

  “A pretty bird.” Ezra’s eyes twinkled.

  “Ezra, don’t,” Rosemary said, wishing he’d say it again.

  Ezra smiled and whispered, “Come, Rosemary, it’s time to serve dessert.”

  He said her name with such tenderness that Rosemary had to look away. Soon she would cry if he didn’t stop. Rosemary gathered her emotions and led the way back to the cooks’ table where she and Ezra loaded their arms with desserts and headed back to the corner table.

  As they approached, Amos glanced up to say, “Thanks again for filling in, Rosemary. We couldn’t have eaten this well without you.”

  Rosemary kept her gaze on the food trays. Amos’s praise was unwarranted, but she couldn’t find the strength to protest at the moment.

  “Thanks from both of us,” Edna added. “You’ve helped make our day so meaningful.”

  Rosemary smiled her thanks for the compliment and hurried back to the cooks’ table with Ezra in tow.

  For the next hour, there wasn’t much to do but wait and help where it was needed. Then Bishop Henry led in the last prayer of thanks for the meal and people began to get up from the table and approach the corner table to leave their congratulations.

  Lydia appeared from across the barn and hurried toward the two of them. “Sandra’s back and she’s in a cast,” she announced. “It was a fractured bone, the doctor said.”

  “I’d best see to her, then,” Ezra said. “Of course, there’s nothing I can do, but hopefully she’ll feel well enough to sit at the table tonight at the hymn singing.”

  “Yah, I’m sure she’ll be there,” Lydia said.

  Ezra turned to Rosemary with a tender smile. “I hope you find a handsome fellow to take you to the table tonight. I’d take you myself, but I’m already committed.”

  “I understand.” Rosemary tried to breathe evenly. “Thanks for the sweet time today.”

  Lydia glanced at her sharply, but Rosemary gazed deep into Ezra’s eyes. Was the delight as deeply written on his face as it was on hers? Ezra only nodded and turned to leave. She would treasure these past hours, Rosemary told herself, for years and years and years.

  She looked around but the crowd had thinned, and Lydia and Ezra were gone. Rosemary squared her shoulders and headed toward the cooks’ table again. They needed help to clean up, she was sure. That was work that fitted her well. Quite well indeed.

  Chapter Sixteen

  On Thanksgiving morning Lydia stepped out of the darkened stairwell to listen for a moment. There was a light on in the kitchen, so Lydia peeked around the doorway. Emma and Rhoda had been up for some time from the look of things. Now they were busy fixing breakfast and giggling while conversing in whispers. The two had nothing but silliness to offer of late, with their rumspringa pranks and their Englisha friends who hung around almost every weekend. At least a surprise breakfast for the family was a change of pace for the two, and for the better.

  Lydia stepped into the kitchen, and both girls looked up with guilt on their faces.

  “Goot morning,” Lydia greeted them.

  Neither of them answered, but busied themselves with their breakfast tasks. Both girls were careful to keep their backs turned toward her, which seemed strange to Lydia. Why they should feel guilty for making a surprise breakfast was beyond her.

  “I’m going outside since you have breakfast under control,” Lydia said. “And thanks for the nice surprise.”

  Their guilty looks only increased, but the two covered them up by scurrying even faster around the kitchen.

  Oh well, Lydia told herself. She couldn’t figure her sisters out right now. But she had time for a short stroll before breakfast was ready and the activities of the day descended upon the Troyer household. They had the final turkey dinner preparation to complete before noon rolled around. Lydia sighed and opened the front door to step outside onto the porch. She took a deep breath as the cool breeze blew over her face. Only the brightest stars still twinkled in the sky, and even those were dimmed as dawn broke the horizon.

  The Thanksgiving season was upon them. Aunt Edna and Sandra would be over for dinner to celebrate, along with Amos and Clyde.

  Poor Sandra, Lydia thought, as she walked past the barn and out to the pasture gate. So many things had conspired lately to adversely affect Sandra’s life. Lydia gazed across the pasture where the horses were profiled against the dawning sky.

  Sandra had pinned so much hope on her serving with Ezra at Aunt Edna’s wedding. But that had all come to nothing when Sandra injured her foot. The tibia fracture hadn’t been the day’s worst development. Ezra’s enjoyable time spent with Rosemary had taken that prize. How could Ezra place his affections on Rosemary? Lydia had played her own part in the day’s affair by asking Rosemary to take Sandra’s place, but her heart still throbbed with the question.

  Sandra hadn’t wanted to speak to Lydia about Ezra since that humiliating tumble at the wedding. At the evening supper, Sandra had chattered away like usual, with her foot propped up on a chair. Ezra had hovered at Sandra’s side, wh
ile the older people served the young folks. But a sadness that went deeper than physical pain had never been far from Sandra’s face.

  Rosemary, on the other hand, had practically glowed all evening. A visiting young man from Ohio, John Miller, had been coupled with Rosemary for the evening by the two afternoon wedding matchmakers, but Rosemary’s happiness hadn’t come from the attentions John Miller had paid her. That had come from Ezra.

  Lydia turned to look toward the main road as an Englisha car slowed on the highway. Moments later the vehicle turned into the Troyer driveway, its headlights sweeping the barn. Lydia maneuvered herself behind the edge of the building in the dawn darkness. Who would be here at this time of the morning, and on Thanksgiving Day? Fear gripped Lydia until the car came to a stop and several young people spilled out. Lydia recognized the voices at once. They were those of Emma and Rhoda’s Englisha friends. Had her two sisters invited their friends in for breakfast? That would explain why her sisters had been up so early and working so hard. How naïve she had been. No wonder her sisters had appeared guilty. Mamm and Daett would be pushed to the limit of their endurance with this imposition.

  Lydia sighed. The truth was that Mamm and Daett still had set no limit on what they would tolerate from Emma and Rhoda. So she would have to accept this surprise visit with what grace she could muster. Surely her sisters’ Englisha friends would be gone by the time Aunt Edna and Sandra arrived. If not, a really uncomfortable situation would begin. Amos would not look kindly on Englisha friends who were brought in on Thanksgiving Day.

  Lydia peeked around the edge of the barn as the front door slammed and both Emma and Rhoda raced across the lawn to greet their friends. They hugged Avery and Julie while subdued giggles filled the dawn air. Lydia noticed there were three males standing beside the car. Lydia drew a long breath. Either Avery and Julie had invited someone besides Benny and Jimmy, or her sisters had. She should have been more suspicious of her sisters’ activities this morning. Nothing they did was innocent anymore.

  “Lydia!” Emma called out. “Where are you? Can you hear me?”

  Lydia pushed a stray hair under her kapp before she stepped around the edge of the barn. The early rays of sunlight crept over the horizon behind her, illuminating the car. The three men turned in her direction and squinted into the sun.

  At once, Lydia caught her breath. Rudy! Emma and Rhoda had invited Rudy to breakfast—Rudy from the past! The man she had once loved. His face was as handsome as ever, starkly outlined in the morning light. He looked like he hadn’t aged since she had seen him last. And kissed him! The memory ran all the way through her. The memory she wanted to forget.

  Lydia gathered herself together. The nerve of her sisters! This was what happened when Mamm and Daett refused to discipline their daughters. She didn’t want to see Rudy or have him in the house. She certainly didn’t want to remember the love she used to feel for him. She was through with her wild rumspringa life, and her sisters had no right to bring this up again. At least Emma and Rhoda could have given her a warning.

  Should she run behind the barn again? No, she had been seen now. The men were still shielding their eyes, but her face must be visible to them. Lydia lifted her head and marched forward. Her sisters’ foolishness would not overwhelm her. She would show Emma and Rhoda how a decent girl conducted herself.

  Lydia greeted the three men. “Goot morning.”

  “Good morning,” three male voices answered together.

  Emma and Rhoda cleared their throats, but at least they didn’t giggle.

  “Surprise!” Emma finally sang out, a nervous quiver in her voice. “Breakfast is almost ready.”

  “I sure appreciate this,” said Rudy in a deep voice. “It’s a great honor to receive an invitation to Thanksgiving breakfast at the Troyers’ home.” Memories of that voice sent tingles up and down Lydia’s back.

  “We’re glad you could come,” Rhoda gushed. “Lydia has been wanting to see you again for some time, Rudy.”

  Lydia choked, but she couldn’t shout out in protest. Oh, those sisters. How could they do this to her?

  After an awkward silence, Emma took Lydia’s hand. “Come on, Lydia. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “Maybe I have,” Lydia mumbled.

  Rudy stepped closer. “I’m sorry to have startled you. I assumed these sisters of yours told you I was coming.”

  “No, they didn’t,” Lydia managed. “Nor did they tell us about breakfast.”

  “It’s okay,” Emma interrupted. “Mamm and Daett don’t care, so why should Lydia care?”

  Lydia finally found her voice. “Maybe I could speak with Rudy alone.”

  “Of course,” Emma chirped. She took Avery’s hand and bounced off toward the house. Rhoda followed with Benny and Jimmy in tow.

  “It’s been a while, Lydia,” Rudy said, once the others were out of earshot.

  Lydia didn’t look at him, lost in her own thoughts. Mamm had to be up by now with all the racket in the house, but her sisters would try to smooth things over.

  “I’ve missed you,” Rudy said, when Lydia still hadn’t answered.

  “You know things aren’t the same, Rudy.” Lydia glanced up at him.

  A look of sorrow crossed his face. “I know. But isn’t that what they say? Time changes all of us, and no one can go home again.”

  “But I am home.” Lydia kept her voice steady. “This is my home, and these are my people.”

  “Come.” Rudy motioned toward the pasture gate. “Will you walk with me?”

  Lydia shrugged. She couldn’t exactly refuse, nor did she want to. That was the worst part about this.

  “I’m sorry about the abrupt reappearance,” Rudy continued. “Benny told me about the connection he had with your sisters, and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see you again. Not with so much from the past still between us.”

  “You know it can’t be like it was, Rudy,” Lydia whispered. “We’ve been over this before. I’m an Amish girl through and through.”

  His hand reached for hers, and Lydia felt the familiar touch linger on her fingers. She dropped her gaze. “We shouldn’t, Rudy. We’ve changed.”

  He let go to lean against the fence. “That’s what I’ve told myself, but here I am. I can’t forget you, Lydia. God knows I’ve tried. I’ve dated other girls, but there’s no one like you.”

  “Stop it, please,” Lydia begged.

  “Are you dating someone?”

  “No,” she answered. Lydia could feel his gaze on her face.

  “See, what does that say?” Rudy’s voice rumbled.

  Lydia didn’t hesitate. “That we still haven’t found the right one.”

  Rudy laughed, his voice rich in the morning stillness. “Don’t you realize you just made my point?”

  “I didn’t mean it like that,” Lydia protested.

  “Come,” he said again and smiled. “Will this gate open?”

  Lydia lifted the leather strap off the post. “You’re not much of a farm boy,” she teased.

  “No, I’m not,” he admitted.

  Lydia closed the gate behind them, and together they walked slowly toward the horses who now lifted their heads to watch the couple approach. The past came into focus again. All those evenings she had spent with Rudy in town. All those times they had gone to his place for snacks. She had sampled TV programs and movies while seated on the couch in his den.

  Rudy’s fingers reached for her again, and Lydia held them for a moment. This was a familiar gesture from the past and one she used to enjoy immensely, but now…Lydia dropped Rudy’s hand.

  “They’ll see us from the house,” Lydia whispered.

  Rudy seemed to understand, but moments later he asked, “So you would hold my hand otherwise? If no one could see?”

  “You ask too many questions,” Lydia said, but her face betrayed her. Streaks of heat ran up her neck. Who would have thought she would feel so comfortable again around Rudy? It was almost as if she had co
me home…only Rudy wasn’t home. He was an Englisha man and forbidden to her, and yet resistance seemed too much and too cruel. Here was Rudy—with his warm presence, his beautiful laugh, and his handsome face—as if no time had passed at all.

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Lydia said into the silence. “I don’t know why I’m out here with you in the pasture.”

  “Come,” Rudy said once more, his voice gentle. “We’d better get back to the house. I didn’t mean to startle you like this.”

  Lydia followed him through the gate and across the lawn. This was the first time in a long time she had followed a man’s lead. With Ezra, she had always been the one trying to capture his attentions. With Rudy she felt lifted up and held by light hands. Her whole body seemed to drift toward the house. Rudy smiled at her, but he didn’t say anything. This can’t go on, Lydia told herself. She must get out of this situation.

  Rudy broke through Lydia’s thoughts. “Here we are.”

  “Breakfast is waiting,” Lydia said, but she kept her head down so he couldn’t see her face. She would cry if she looked at him right now.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Lydia tried to smile as the chatter at the breakfast table rose and fell around her. She still couldn’t understand how this had happened. Here she was with Rudy again, and at her parents’ home. It was an impossible contradiction. Lydia ate slowly and willed the tension to leave her body. If she could get up and help with the food, she’d feel better, but Emma and Rhoda were in charge. They had told her to sit beside Rudy, and they wouldn’t even allow Mamm to help them. For the past twenty minutes the sisters had made sure that everyone’s plate was kept filled with pancakes and eggs. She hadn’t known her sisters could be so diligent or plan a meal so well. Only the bacon was in low supply, and Daett had the last piece on his plate, though there was plenty of ham left.

  Daett appeared relaxed, as if this was an ordinary event that happened every day. From the look on her face, Mamm wasn’t too comfortable with Emma and Rhoda’s breakfast stunt. She also seemed to have noticed Lydia’s discomfort. Mamm likely attributed her nervousness to the five young Englisha people seated around the table. If Mamm only knew that Rudy was the real problem. Thankfully breakfast was almost over, and Rudy hadn’t tried to talk to her any more since they had come into the house. He seemed content to chat with the others, but surely that wouldn’t last. Not if she knew Rudy.