Bridesmaid Blues

by Boone Brux

  “It worked, didn’t it?” Roxy glanced at him. “You’re crazy about her. Don’t deny it, because it’s written all over your face. You two have been inseparable for the last week.”

  “Because you made me!” Closing her eyes, she inhaled. Then releasing her breath, she leveled a menacing gaze back on her friend. “I will never forgive you for this.” She turned to Jamie. “Sorry, let’s just pretend all this never happened, that we never hooked up.” She paused and then shook her head. Without another word, she spun and stomped across the bar and out the front door.

  “Well,” Roxy said, pasting on a fake smile. “That could have gone better.”

  “How many times have I told you to stop matchmaking?” Kyle wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “You suck at it.”

  “I do not suck at it.” She scooped his hand off her and pointed to Jamie. “You are a complete asshole if you don’t go and fix this.”

  “Me?” He couldn’t believe what she was saying. “This is your mess. The only reason she was with me in the first place was to keep me occupied.”

  “That’s not the only reason. Sure, I had to lie a little to get the ball rolling. But let’s face it, you did some major damage when you bailed on her last year. It was a miracle she agreed to spend time with you at all.” Roxy propped her fists on her hips. “And do you really think she’s not going to forgive me? I’ve been her best friend since forever. She’ll be mad for a day or so, but then she’ll realize I did it out of love. Do you know why? Because she knows I only want what’s best for her. And I did do it out of love.” She lowered her hands. “Can she say the same about you? If you don’t want to lose her again, I suggest you grow a set of balls, tell your daddy to piss off, and go win back the only woman who has really ever loved you, and—” She pointed her finger to the ceiling like some kind of evangelist. “Who you love, too, idiot.”

  Silence blanketed the crowd. After a second, Joya clapped. “Hear, hear, Roxy.”

  Did he love Dani? He certainly cared about her more than he had any other woman, but love? He wasn’t that guy. The one who believed in happily ever after. The one who stuck around when situations got tough. The fact that he’d just described his father registered hard. His gaze tracked to his friends. They stared at him, waiting for a reply. He turned and faced Sonja. A smug smile splayed across her mouth. She thought she’d won. A life with a woman like her was unthinkable. Just maybe…he was that guy, after all.

  “No,” he said, pointing to Sonja. Her smile faded. “You and I were never going to happen, no matter how much my father wants it.”

  Her gaze tightened on him. “We’ll see what he says about that.” She bumped him as she passed and then stopped. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he threatened to fire you over this.”

  “Let him.” The words slipped out before he thought about them. But the second they were spoken, a sense of relief settled over Jamie. “That still won’t make me marry a woman I don’t love.”

  With a huff, she marched from the back room, leaving him to face his friends. “Roxy, I appreciate what you tried to do. Now, butt out.”

  She opened her mouth to protest, but Kyle dragged her to him. “You heard the man. Your work is done.”

  Her mouth snapped shut again.

  “What are you going to do?” Price appeared genuinely worried. Whether he was concerned about losing another friend to the marriage trap or simply hated conflict, Jamie didn’t know.

  He shrugged. “Not sure.” His friends exchanged glances. “But right now I think I’m heading home.” He held out his hand to Kyle, and when his friend took it, Jamie pulled him into a hug. “Don’t let me spoil the night.” He released him and stepped away. “You have three beautiful women here. Show them a good time.”

  Everybody smiled, but he could tell none of them were thrilled with the situation. The interior of the club pressed in on him. He needed some air and time to think. With a little wave, he left the six members of the wedding party and walked outside. Though it wasn’t raining any longer, the pavement sparkled in the streetlights from the recent downpour, and the air smelled fresh, as if the shower had washed all the grime away.

  Too bad it couldn’t do the same for him. Dani’s face when she’d first discovered Sonja on top of him was nothing less than stricken. Nobody looked like that unless they truly cared. That kind of pain couldn’t be faked or staged.

  God, he was a complete ass. To let his father dictate his life. To get sucked into his mother’s neediness. To not see that Dani had been the only woman he’d ever be happy with. Yep, A1 ass. It was one thing to know this. It was something completely different to accept and act on it.

  He hailed a cab and climbed in. The problem was that she’d forbidden him to contact her. No, not contact, just pretend the last week hadn’t happened.

  An idea came to him. It had been lingering in the back of his brain for a long time. He just hadn’t allowed it to grow into a real possibility. But if he was going to take a gigantic step, some things needed to change. The bad needed to move out to make room for the good.

  For the first time since he left Seattle, he actually felt hopeful about his future. He wasn’t sure why it had taken him so long to do what needed to be done. Maybe he had more of his father’s stubbornness than he wanted to admit and didn’t like to give up on things. He stared out the cab window, not really seeing beyond his own thoughts. But that’s exactly what he’d done with Dani—given up the one person who made him happy.

  It had been the easy path because she hadn’t given him a hard time—hadn’t even tried to contact him. Just like he knew she would do. And why would she want to be with him when he’d made it so perfectly clear that he didn’t want to be with her? But that wasn’t the truth, and it had taken Roxy’s interference for him to realize it. Bless her bubbly blond meddling.

  Suddenly everything felt right. He knew what he had to do. The only unknown entity was Dani. No more playing it safe. No more holding his emotions in check. If it took the next ten years, he would win her back. He rubbed his hands over his face, praying she wouldn’t hold out that long.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Man, she was a good friend. Dani walked up the front steps of the church, all the while giving herself a little pep talk. She was still angry at Roxy, but the guilt of throwing a wrench in the wedding plans weighed on her. After an hour of pacing, she’d convinced herself to go to the wedding rehearsal. But no way was she going to sit through dinner. Having to walk up the aisle with Jamie was punishment enough. Sitting around smiling and pretending her life was a bowl of frickin’ cherries—not gonna happen.

  “Hey, I wondered if you were going to show up.” Kinni stood just inside the front door. “How you doing?”

  “Fine, I guess. I had to talk myself into coming.” She shook her head and sighed. “But I’m still majorly pissed.”

  “You have every right.” A noise sounded deeper in the interior of the church. Her friend glanced in its direction, tensing.

  “What’s going on with you?” Dani asked.

  Kinni looked back at her. “What do you mean?”

  “Are you hiding out here? Maybe from Price?”

  “No.” Her denial wasn’t convincing. “It’s hot in there, so I was getting some fresh air.”

  “Yeah, kind of warm tonight.” She fanned herself to add weight to her words. “Where’s everybody else?”

  “Uh, I think inside. We were just waiting for you.”

  Good, let them wait. Okay, maybe not. She hated being the center of attention or the one everybody walked on eggshells around. “All right.” She inhaled and then breathed out, mustering her courage. “Let’s go.”

  The group stood at the front of the church quietly talking. As she approached, they turned. Roxy’s eyebrows lifted with delight. She took a step forward and started to speak but Dani cut her off.

  “Save it.” She held up her hand, stopping her friend’s forward motion. “The only reason I’m here is because it’
s too late to back out of the wedding.” Roxy’s expression fell. “After the rehearsal I’m leaving.” Her gaze slid to Jamie. His stare was intense, but he didn’t try to stop her. “So, please, don’t bother trying to make everything okay.”

  Silence blanketed the church. The hurt on Roxy’s face tugged at her, and the urge to make everything right reared its meddling head, but she repressed it. She wasn’t ready to forgive and forget. As far as Jamie went, she shouldn’t be mad. More than anything she was hurt, disappointed, and angry at herself for buying into her own lie that she could keep it purely sexual. Hearing Sonja squeal that she loved Jamie still twisted her stomach in a knot. And he hadn’t seemed too intent on extracting himself from the trashy blonde.

  Who cared; it was over. Enough dwelling. All she had to do was get through the rehearsal and she’d be free to go home and sulk in peace—with wine…and maybe a bag of chocolate doughnuts.

  “Okay then,” said the wedding coordinator. “Let’s go ahead and get started.” He pointed to the back of the church. “If everybody but the groomsmen would go to the back and line up, I’ll walk you through the ceremony.”

  She walked to the entrance of the chapel and waited for his cue.

  “So, first the bridesmaids enter.” The coordinator waved them inside.

  Kinni and Joya glided forward. When her time came, Dani strode down the aisle, her eyes cutting to Jamie and then back to her mock bouquet. His gaze was intense, and a dull ache clenched her heart when she looked at him. Biting the inside of her cheek, she took her place at the altar. Roxy claimed the spot front and center, and with a flourish, she pretended to hand her bouquet to Dani. A smile crept across her mouth at her friend’s dramatic actions. A little of her anger toward Roxy melted. She never could stay mad for very long, especially when it came to her friends.

  The minister droned on, instructing everybody in their parts. Before she knew it, the rehearsal was over. It felt awkward to hang around, and she didn’t want to make anybody else uncomfortable. She pulled Joya aside. “I’m going to head out. Tell Roxy to call me tomorrow.”

  “You sure you don’t want to come to dinner?”

  “Positive.” She gave her friend a quick hug. “Have fun.”

  Joya hugged her back, but didn’t try to convince her again.

  Dani appreciated that about her friend. She was a woman of well-chosen words—mostly. And sometimes she suspected Joya was the only one who truly understood all the nuances of this group’s relationships. Kinni was always too focused on the details to see the big picture. Roxy wanted to paint everything with sunshine and glitter. The men in general were clueless about anything to do with feelings. And she’d been so caught up in her own misery after Jamie left, she hadn’t been able to focus on anything else.

  “See you at the wedding if not before.” Dani released her.

  “I’ll be there,” Joya said.

  Before anybody could stop her exit, she practically jogged from the inner sanctuary of the church. She’d almost made it to her car when Jamie’s voice reached her. “Dani.”

  Though running to her car and locking herself inside was an option, it probably wouldn’t be very mature. She could do this—face him. In another week he’d be gone again, and until then, she could hide at home and work. She turned and waited for him to catch up.

  “I wanted to catch you before you left.” The clean scent of soap and the way his eyes caressed her face sent a surge of longing through her. She ignored the ache in her heart and fiddled with her keys, forcing herself to not flinch. Grow a pair and stop being a wuss.

  “You look pretty tonight,” Jamie said.

  Ugh, she wished he’d just shut up and let her leave. “Thank you.”

  “I know Roxy appreciates you not bailing on her.”

  “She should be after what she pulled.” This certainly wasn’t how she’d imagined Roxy and Kyle’s wedding would be. “It’s tough to stay mad at her—though I’m trying.”

  “Kyle looks nervous.” Was this inane line of conversation his attempt to make small talk? If it was, she wished he’d stop. “I think he’s going to puke.”

  “He’s not the one scared to death of commitment.” The words were out before she could stop them.

  “Ouch.” Jamie stumbled, pretending to weaken at the knees. “Direct hit.”

  “Yeah, I bet.” Swinging her keys in a circle around her finger, she narrowed her gaze on him. “Like that hurt your feelings.”

  “You know what hurts?”

  “Sure, a latex thong, nipple clamps, stubbing your toe in the dark.”

  “Losing my best friend.”

  Why had she expected—maybe even hoped—he’d keep the topic focused on them? Yeah, yeah, he was losing Kyle to Roxy. Suck it up, buttercup. We don’t always get what we want. “Well, it’s not like you live in Seattle anymore, so what’s the big deal?”

  “Hopefully, that won’t always be the case.”

  Running into him at functions or over at Roxy and Kyle’s house would majorly suck. Already she knew it was going to take a long time to get over losing Jamie again. But hopefully it wouldn’t be as bad as before. She’d walked into this fun-fest with her eyes wide open. And though she had only herself to blame, for the most part, he’d made her want more. She’d ignored the blaring sirens and skipped headlong into heartache—again. But it wasn’t his fault, no matter how much she wanted somebody else to blame.

  When they were together he’d acted like she was the only sane person in his life and had said how much he’d missed spending time with her. Who could blame her for starting to fall in love with him again? No matter how shortsighted it was.

  “Good luck with that.” The smile she managed was tight and no doubt unconvincing. “I’m sure you’ll make it happen.”

  “Listen, I want to apologize about…everything. You probably don’t believe me, but I had no idea Sonja was going to be there.”

  She so hadn’t wanted to go here. Either she could make a break for the car, which would brand her as a gutless coward, or she could get this over with. Her soul felt weary. Her shoulders slumped as some of the tension she’d been holding for the last hour melted away. She was tired of being angry and having no apparent control of her emotions.

  “It’s fine. Really. It doesn’t matter. And for what it’s worth, I’m really sorry about agreeing to keep you away from Kyle.”

  He smirked. “Yeah, that was pretty shitty.”

  “Hey, I said I was sorry.” She rubbed her upper arms even though the night was warm. “In my defense, Roxy can be very convincing, or maybe that’s conniving.” She smiled and captured his gaze. “But I’ll admit I did have a good time with you.”

  “You’re not sorry we slept together?”

  The only thing she was sorry about was witnessing Sonja’s tongue probing his, and her own inability to separate sex and love. But she certainly wouldn’t share that little bit of gut-wrenching truth with him. “No, I don’t regret sleeping with you. It was just really good sex. No strings attached.”

  “Really good? You mean pretty awesome sex.” He hooked his thumbs through his front belt loops. “If we’re being honest.”

  “Okay, pretty awesome sex.” Even though she wasn’t lying, she laced her tone with a healthy dose of sarcastic humor. “But that’s all done, soooo.”

  “Is it? Last night I got the impression you wanted something more from me—for us.”

  Putting her heart on the line and having it stomped on once had been plenty. Never again. Nor would she spend the next year rehashing the mistakes she’d made over the last week. Self-analysis always ended up way more should have dones than actually dids.

  “Must have been your imagination. We had sex. End of story.” She glanced at her watch. “I’ve got to go, so, I guess I’ll see you at the wedding on Saturday.” Without waiting, she climbed into her car, started it, and pulled out of the parking lot. She wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t cry. The betraying tingle around her nose and eyes ca
used her to blink several times.

  Love sucked. Plain and simple.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Last night had been spent wallowing at the best pity party of the year. By the morning, she was exhausted from listening to the continuous monologue running through her head. He would never change, and that was that. What she needed was to get out of the house. She crawled off the couch and caught a glimpse of herself in the hall mirror. Yikes. First of all, a shower so she didn’t frighten the people at work. Tackling the pile of manuscripts and returning phone calls would help her get back into a mindless routine.

  And there was a good chance Roxy would call today—if she didn’t stop by first. So far the tenacious blonde had left eighteen voicemail messages and twenty-three texts since the rehearsal. The woman was relentless. A lot of her anger toward Roxy had fizzled. She’d only been trying to help, no matter how misguided her matchmaking had been. Setting her up to spend time with Jamie was pure evil genius. And she had to admit, they’d had fun together while it lasted.

  She clicked off the television and headed to the bathroom. After nine hours of sleep, her body was wide-awake. It was her spirit that was exhausted.

  A sigh slipped from her. Why did it feel like starting over? Probably because she’d held out hope that he’d come back to her. After this week’s events that door was now firmly closed—and locked. Maybe even barred from the inside—with an alarm system in case she ever tried to reopen it. Yep, she and Jamie were unequivocally over.

  The hot water jets from the shower spilled down her back. Normally they eased the tension from work, but not this morning. After completing the necessary tasks, she shut off the water and wrapped herself in a huge towel. Maybe she’d just let her hair air-dry and not wear any makeup. She wiped the foggy mist from the mirror and grimaced. On second thought, maybe not. Her coworkers would know something was up.

  Twenty minutes later, she walked out of her apartment, leaving the pity party and her sanctuary behind. She avoided as many of the staff members as she could when entering the Roth Publishing building and closed her office door. The less contact she had with people, the better.