Handful of Heaven

by Jillian Hart

  Alex’s crooked grin lit up his face. “Excellent, Mom. Sit down, take a load off. Want me to get that for you?”

  He could have been a young, hip butler for the attention he was giving her. And while it was nice, she had to wonder what was behind his very sweet behavior. She let him take her purse, the dinner sack and her keys and then watched in amazement while he set them on the counter. He couldn’t resist peeking into the sack.

  “Sweet. Good call. I could use a cinnamon roll. I’m a growing boy, you know.”

  “I’ve noticed.”

  “Here, sit down.” His hand on her elbow guided her to one of the chairs at the breakfast bar.

  “Okay, what’s up?” What trouble are you in now? She bit her tongue before she said it. “This is bringing to mind the time you drove into the school bus in the school parking lot and backed up traffic for thirty minutes.”

  “My dearest mother, now why would I be up to anything? I’m a good kid.”

  “Good is a relative term.” He was a good boy; her heart swelled up with endless love for him, but he was a teenage boy, no matter how great a kid he was, and he needed constant vigilant guidance. Even if she was proud of the fine man he was growing up to be.

  As he fetched the full steaming mug he’d obviously fixed before she’d stepped through the door, she watched him like a hawk, trying to ferret out a clue to the truth. But nothing. No hint.

  She kept staring at him, but he wasn’t going to crack. She took the mug he slid across the counter to her. “Okay, spill it. I want the truth.”

  All innocence, he opened the microwave door. “There’s no truth. I just thought I’d be nice to my mom.”

  “I like it. I just need to know why.”

  “Well, let me think. I did rob a bank tonight, and I stopped by a convenience store and robbed that, too.” He laughed at his own joke. “Am I funny or what?”

  “Hilarious.” Paige took a sip of chocolate. That hit the spot. She eyed her son over the rim of the cup. This was a teenaged boy, home from his date with a girl she didn’t approve of, and home early, despite the weather, come to think of it.

  A sudden panic began to lick through her soul. He hadn’t gotten into some serious trouble with his girlfriend, had he? She’d been sure to talk to him about his responsibilities toward Beth, to respect her, but—No, she couldn’t begin to think about that!

  Alex hopped onto the stool beside her. “Yo, don’t have a heart attack or nothin’. You don’t think I really robbed some place? I was just yanking your chain. It’s my job to torment my mom.” He grinned, knowing he was perfectly adorable.

  “Just like it’s my job to worry and make sure you grow up right.”

  “I’m growing up right.” He rolled his eyes. “All I did was take Beth home after the movie. That’s it.”

  Oh, maybe they broke up. Maybe that’s what this was about. He was home early, making hot chocolate and sitting next to her. Maybe he wanted to talk. Relief rushed through her. “How is Beth?”

  “Okay. I met her mom.” He shrugged, leaving her to wait while he rammed a cinnamon roll into his mouth, bit off a huge chunk and chewed.

  Beth’s mom? That wasn’t what Paige expected him to say. Had the woman said something to upset him? She took a sip of the steaming cocoa and licked the marshmallow froth off her lip, waiting for the rest of the tale.

  Finally, after a long beat of silence, Alex confessed. “I took Beth up to the door, and her mom was waiting. She was drunk, I think. And she started chewing out Beth, and I just…” He swallowed hard. “Felt so bad for her.”

  “Me, too.” Paige knew Beth’s mom worked at the local motel as a cleaning lady, and rumor had it she was a woman with a sad life.

  “Beth didn’t want me to see her mom like that, so she wanted me to go. But she said something to me.” He hung his head. “That I was lucky. To have you for a mom. And she’s right.” He attacked the cinnamon roll again.

  Paige let the impact of his words settle. Her heart gave another tug. “You’re a pretty great kid, too, you know. I got lucky when the angels gave me you.”

  “I know. I am a good kid.” There was that look again, The Eye, the one that made it impossible for her not to melt with adoration for him. He shoved off the counter, taking the cinnamon roll with him. “I got youth group stuff tomorrow. Did ya need help at the diner?”

  “No, we’ll manage without you.”

  “It’ll be hard, I know.” He was gone, bounding through the house, thumping and thudding as he went down the hall and into the basement where his bedroom was.

  Leaving her alone. The warmth of the house, of her home, surrounded her as she sipped her cocoa. Alex’s advanced calculus and physics textbooks were stacked on the table, ready for him to do his homework when he caught a chance over the weekend. On the counter next to the microwave was the admission booklet and information from the college he’d be attending in the fall.

  High-school graduation was just around the corner, in the last week of May, and then Alex would be getting ready to leave home. She’d be putting the diner up for sale and then she’d have all the time in the world to follow her own dreams. Paige had been planning for this time of her life for a long while. She deeply wanted this new future rushing toward her.

  But maybe she wasn’t in so much of a hurry to get there.

  She finished her hot chocolate, let the peace of the night settle around her and remembered to give thanks for all the good things in her life.

  Chapter Four

  Too much time on his hands. At first Evan had filled the void of the weekends with work on Saturday and church on Sunday, but the truth was, he worked long enough hours during the week and he’d more than caught up on his work load, which was usually such that he was always struggling to keep up. Now, suddenly, he was caught-up. After six months of working most weekends, he had no reason to be at the office. And so he was wandering around the local feed store, looking at stuff he didn’t need. At loose ends.

  “Getting ready for summer camping?” Dalton Whitely had inherited the store from his granddad, and had been several years behind Evan in school. Even though they’d played in sports together for a year, when Evan was a senior and Dalton a freshman, Evan really only knew the man as a salesman.

  Now that his life was slowing down, Evan was noticing he had a lot of acquaintances, folks he knew by name, but not nearly enough true friends. He wasn’t sure what that said about him, but he knew he was guilty of keeping a healthy distance between him and most people. He’d turned into a man who didn’t trust easily. Maybe, when that came to trusting a wife, that was a good thing. But he felt adrift these days. Unconnected. The flier he’d kept, the one about the Bible study, popped into his mind again.

  Maybe, he thought. Maybe it was just the thing he needed. He realized Dalton was waiting for an answer. “I’m just looking. Don’t need a new tent, but those are sure nice.”

  “Latest models. Just put ’em out.” Dalton flashed a cordial smile. “You let me know if you have any questions?”

  “Yep.” Looking at the camping gear reminded him of better times. Maybe he’d like camping alone. It was something he’d never done before. For more summers than he could count, he and the boys had spent most weekends up in the mountains: camping, hiking, fishing, hunting. There was nothing like riding up into the mountains on horseback. It was like stepping back a century in time. He hadn’t thought about the summer to come. He was already dreading it.

  As he turned his back on the brand-new pup tents and eyed the wall of bright halters and braided bridles, he already knew how the summer was going to go. Cal would be off working to make spending money and money for books for next year; he’d probably go off with Blake and fight fires all summer. A good paying job, great for the boys, but Evan was going to be alone. He’d have to face the prospect of a long summer by himself.

  His cell buzzed in his jacket pocket. He fished it out, hope springing eternal as he glanced at the screen. It was neithe
r of his sons, but he was grinning as he answered. “Hi, Phil.”

  “Hey, I wanted to thank you for the business last night. Things are slow and I needed the work.”

  “Great. I hope you gave her a good price. Paige seems like a nice lady.”

  That was an understatement. Evan had thought of her on and off all morning, since she’d slipped cinnamon rolls in with his pie, and he’d had them with his coffee this morning. He couldn’t get the image of her out of his mind, the softness she was so careful to hide. He’d been trying not to think of her, but things kept happening to bring his mind back to her. The cinnamon rolls, the sight of the diner as he drove past and now Phil’s call. That unsettled tightness clamped back around his chest, and he didn’t like it. He tried to will it away, but it remained.

  “Seems. You mean you don’t know?”

  Okay, Phil was fishing for the truth. What truth? There was nothing between him and Paige. How crazy was that? And Phil knew Evan’s position on women, including all the reasons behind it. Phil had been with him through the aftermath of the divorce. “I can’t believe you! I don’t have a personal interest in Paige. I was eating dinner in the diner when the pipe burst. That’s it.”

  “Oh. Well, that explains it then. For a minute there, I thought you just might have found a woman who could help you get over what Liz did to you.”

  “You sound disappointed.”

  “I am, but I understand. I’m on my way into town right now.”

  “Here? You’re coming here?” For some reason that was too much of a switch for his thoughts to take. Probably because they were still lagging, as he gazed out the store’s window at the front window of Paige’s diner. He realized he had a new halter and lead rope in hand, although he didn’t remember picking one out, and he headed to the cash stand. “What’s the deal? You’re not out in this neck of the woods much, not since Cal flew the coop.”

  “I started work on an estimate for the diner, and realized I had to come take a second look to do it up right. I need the business, so I want to do a good job. You wouldn’t want to give Paige a good word or two about me, huh? She looks savvy enough to get more than a few estimates for me to compete with. What do you say?”

  “I say come meet me for lunch and I’ll let you talk me into it. Or at least, you can talk to her about it.”

  “Done. I’m, uh, about five minutes away. I’ll meet you at the diner?”

  Evan pocketed his phone and set his purchases on the scarred wooden counter as Dalton slid behind to run the decades-old cash register. Funny thing how he had a better view of the diner from here. And he could see not only the diner, but also the woman who ran it, out salting down the freshly shoveled sidewalk in front of the door.

  She looked as lovely as the day’s sunshine. She wore a bright yellow spring coat over her standard dark sweater and jeans, and he couldn’t remember ever noticing her in a bright color before. If he had, surely he would have taken a long second look. The splash of color brought out the pale rosebud pink of her cheeks, and the sheen of golden highlights in her dark brown hair. Teenagers climbed out of a minivan, calling out to her, and she greeted them with an unguarded smile.

  The impact hit him like a punch to his chest.

  “Should I just put that on your bill, Evan?” Dalton asked.

  “Uh…yep.” Rattled but not wanting to show it, Evan nodded thanks to the storeowner, grabbed his bagged purchase and walked on wooden legs to the doors. He was only distantly aware of pushing through the swinging door and into the chill of the wind. Cold penetrated his shirt, for he hadn’t zipped his jacket, but it registered only vaguely. He could not seem to take his eyes off Paige.

  She was talking with the kids, listening attentively, her head tipped slightly to the left, her thick fall of bangs cascading over her forehead. She was pretty. She was nice. She was a good mom. That was easy to see as her son stood at her side, tall and good-natured; Evan remembered that Alex McKaslin had played on both the football and basketball teams with Cal. He was a good kid. And Paige, as busy as she was, had made it to every game, home and away. A longing filled him as he inexplicably felt drawn to her, and suddenly the distance between them seemed intolerable.

  What was happening to him? You’re lonely, man, he admonished himself. And loneliness was wearing on him. Making him vulnerable. Making him wish for what he knew was impossible. For what he never wanted to try again. Marriage had been a miserable path for both him and Liz: even though he’d tried his best to make her happy, he’d failed.

  It wasn’t all his fault—he took what blame was his and he’d learned from it, but she’d been a hard woman to please. Selfish to the core, and in leaving she had ruined his credit and nearly bankrupted him, holding the custody of the boys over him. That’s what he should be reminding himself of every time he looked at Paige McKaslin.

  Except it was hard, and he didn’t know why the memory of the disasters and hurts of his past weren’t keeping his interest in her at bay. Paige was talking with the teenagers now, easy and open. Her son and the other kids seemed to like her so well. She ushered them inside, holding the small plastic bag of rock salt in the crook of one arm. When she stepped through the threshold and out of sight, it was as if the sun had slipped behind a cloud, and he shivered.

  “Evan! Earth to Evan! Are you all right, man?”

  Evan realized he’d been staring across the street as though he was mesmerized. He shook his head, clearing his thoughts, and looked around. His big burly brother-in-law was bounding down the sidewalk, his plumber’s van parked six or seven car lengths up the street. He realized Phil must have called his name several times. Do I look like a fool, or what?

  Not knowing what to do with himself, he yanked open the passenger door of his truck and tossed the bag on the floor. “Phil. You look ready to work.”

  “I came to get a better look in the crawl space. Didn’t want to wear my Sunday best.” Phil was no dim bulb. There was a knowing twinkle in his eyes as he gazed across the street. “That Paige McKaslin sure is a nice lady, don’t you think?”

  That sounded like a loaded question. Just how long had he been watching Paige? And how transparent had he been? “She seems nice enough. She runs a good business. Serves some of the best food in the county.”

  “All good reasons to go get something to eat at her place, right?” Phil seemed to take that in stride.

  As Evan stepped off the curb, he realized that maybe he’d been misreading Phil’s statements. He was starting to scare himself. But considering the financial devastation a woman had brought to his life, he probably should be terrified. He was committed to being totally single. That was the way of it. Nothing was going to change his mind about that. “I’m in the mood for some good homemade chili.”

  “Homemade chili?”

  “It’s her family’s recipe. Her parents and her grandparents. It’s good stuff.”

  “Now you’ve got me hungry. How are the boys?”

  “Do you think I know? Good, I guess. They’re busy. You just wait. Has your daughter picked a college yet?”

  “She’s got another year, thank the Lord, but that’ll go by quick. Then Marie and I won’t know what to do with ourselves.” Phil hiked up onto the sidewalk, his toolbox rattling. He seemed nonchalant about the upcoming change in his life—as if it would be an easy transition.

  Not so easy. Then again, Phil had a good wife. A woman who’d stood by him and worked beside him every day of their marriage. An empty nest might not be so empty in the presence of a happy marriage. But a happy marriage—those had to be rare. It certainly hadn’t happened for him.

  “Hi, Mr. Thornton. Welcome back.” One of Paige’s teenage twin cousins cracked her gum and pulled out two menus. “Wherever you wanna sit. You just go ahead and pick.”

  “Thanks. You might want to let Paige know that the plumber is back with some questions.”

  “Oh, yeah, like, I’ll go get her.” The teenager accompanied them down the aisle. “Paige is
having a day.” She rolled her eyes. “So it’ll probably be a minute or two before she’s free.”

  Evan remembered what Cal had called the McKaslin twins, who were a year behind him in school: A hundred percent clueless, but they get your order right. He’d suspected Cal had a crush on one of them—he wasn’t sure if it was this one, since the girls were entirely identical right down to their hair styles and jewelry.

  Evan chose a booth in the back away from the crowd of teenagers that had settled into two booths near the front. He recognized most of them from the church’s youth group. Cal had been active in it up until he’d left home.

  Evan opened the menu as a formality, mostly to give him a moment or two to develop a plan. Paige McKaslin had blown him away last night, and he hadn’t expected that. And today when he’d seen that private side of her, it had been something he’d never seen in her before last night. What would he do if last night had changed things between them?

  “I’m gonna get the chili, too. It’s cold out there, and it comes with a side of cornbread. I’m a sucker for cornbread.” Phil snapped the menu shut. “Oh, here she comes. Hi, Paige.”

  “Gentlemen.” There was no falter in her step and no flaw in her collected manner as she approached their table. “Phil, I’m told you have some questions. What can I do for you?”

  “I need to take another look down below. And where’s your hot-water tank?”

  “Off the kitchen. Eat first, then flag me down and I’ll show you what you need.” She slipped two water glasses onto the table. “What can I get you two?”

  Evan realized he was staring at her again. “Paige, you remember Phil?”

  “Uh, of course I do. Phil, Evan braved the dark reaches of the crawl space to turn off the water for me.”

  “He did, huh? I wondered how a skinny thing like you could manage to turn that valve. It about gave me a hernia when I went to turn it back on.”

  Paige laughed; she liked the plumber. She liked that he was here to do the estimate the right way, and she liked that he was a friend of Evan’s. “You two wanted to order?”