Handful of Heaven

by Jillian Hart

  The teenagers headed off into the back, and Dave had an order up. Paige served the Monday meatloaf special and a cheeseburger to the young married couple she recognized as being new to the area, and hurried to tell the twins they should head on home—to her house. They were emotionally distraught, they’d gotten enough hours in to meet their income needs, and, as she reminded them, they’d had little sleep last night. A little relaxation was in order.

  The twins seemed grateful about that, and Paige hugged each girl between ringing up the Redmonds’ dinner, and sent them on their way. She kept an eye on Beth, who looked well practiced at bussing, while she whipped up a milkshake for Alex to nourish him while he studied at a table in back.

  Already exhausted, she kept going, relieving Dave at the end of his shift. Taking calls for to-go orders, a follow-up call from Phil, who had put the estimate for the plumbing repairs in the day’s mail for delivery tomorrow, and a frantic call to her CPA at his home, explaining the taxes were going to be, again, a last-minute thing. Good thing he was an understanding sort.

  Then there were the bills to gather up to take home, orders to serve, customers to look after, especially old Mr. Corey who’d come in, alone and confused, to meet his wife for sundaes.

  Paige sat him down to wait for his Rosie, who’d been buried eight years before, asked Beth not to let him out of her sight, and called his daughter. Shirley was frantic; her dad had wandered out of the house again. Dementia was a cruel enemy, and Paige sat with Mr. Corey trying to comfort him as he became more upset and saddened worrying over why his wife was late, until Shirley and her husband arrived to gently guide him home.

  “That’s so sad,” Beth commented as the door swished shut behind the family.

  “It is. There’s a list of phone numbers tacked to the wall next to the register. Shirley’s number is on it. Just so you know what to do.”

  Paige then seated the Everlys, who were out with their new baby girl. Family, she thought, was not only everything, it was the only thing. She’d taken care of her family for so long, and what would she do when they no longer needed her? She was losing them.

  Her son was growing up. Her sister Rachel was now married and living in Florida, with a Special Forces husband and a stepdaughter she was close to. Amy was married and happy, and it was Heath’s job to take care of her now. And her brother? Soldier Ben had finally married his high-school sweetheart and was currently serving in the Middle East.

  One day Alex would be like this couple, she thought, as she took their beverage orders and took time to admire their newborn wistfully. Alex would be a strong, good man with a wife and family of his own.

  All things change, but somehow the passing of time came bitterly. Maybe it was the punch of sadness over seeing poor Mr. Corey, who could not find his dear wife, and who had spent the last three years, as his mind deteriorated, looking for her always.

  While she was sorry for Mr. Corey’s condition, she couldn’t help thinking what a great love he must have known. Real love. She believed in it.

  She wasn’t so sure if she believed it was possible for her. Or was it?

  It was such a risk. Relationships failed all the time. Her gaze strayed to the chair where Evan usually sat in the evenings, occupied now by a couple of junior-high girls downing milkshakes and giggling.

  When she was near to him, it seemed easier somehow to believe—just a little. The day was brighter, the shadows gentler with him nearby.

  But now, as the night deepened and the demands of life remained, she didn’t know how if she could possibly find the heart—or the faith—to really believe.

  Evan pulled his truck to a stop in front of Paige’s ranch house and killed the headlights. The night shadows were so thick, he could see nothing except for the thin line of lamplight between the seams of one of the large picture windows.

  He imagined her sitting behind those curtains with her hair falling loose around her face as she bent over her bookkeeping.

  His chest cinched up tight. Yep, he definitely had it bad. Whether he wanted to or not. Whether he was ready or not. He cared for the woman. So much for going slow and careful.

  He opened the door, and his movements echoed in the stillness around him. He shut the truck door, careful not to spill the contents of the large grocery sack he carried. The night air was chilly, but the pungent aromas of greening grass and rising sap scented the darkness. The change of seasons rustled in the limbs overhead like a promise.

  Paige. He could see her through the crack in the curtains. She sat at the kitchen table with paperwork spread out all around her feeding numbers into an adding machine. Her head was bent to her task with her dark hair spilling over her shoulders and hiding most of her face. Those dark rich strands shone like burnished silk in the lamplight, and he’d never seen anything more beautiful than this woman. His spirit stilled.

  She’s the one. He felt the truth deep in his soul. She’d brought him back to life.

  He rapped lightly on the door. He could see her look up from her work and squint in his direction. Their gazes met. He felt her intake of breath and watched her eyes widen in surprise and then pleasure. Her smile was enough to jump-start his heart. She pushed away from the table, rising in her graceful, confident way and disappeared from his sight.

  When the door opened, it was all he could do not to draw her into his arms and never let go. “Surprise. Someone has had a long work day.”

  “Longer than most, not that I’m complaining.” She swept a shock of lustrous hair out of her eyes and stepped back, as if to welcome him in.

  He stepped into the warmth and the light. “I’ve come to interrupt you.”

  “Good. I’m trying to come down with a headache.”

  “Accounting will do that. There is a remedy.”

  “I’m afraid to ask.”

  “Lead me to your kitchen and I’ll show you.”

  “I’m not sure I should let you into my house. Maybe you should turn around and go back where you came from.”

  His eyes laughed at her as he closed the door. “Smart woman. But if you don’t let me in, you’ll never know what you missed.”

  “Oh, I’m not falling for that. I’m perfectly aware of what you want.”

  “I came to collect on my rain check. Remember?”

  Oh, she remembered, all right. He’d wanted a hello kiss at the diner right in the middle of the dinner rush. “I don’t seem to recall that kisses were offered on the menu.”

  “Something so rare and fine wouldn’t be.”

  It was a sweet thing, how he came to her. Her heart fluttered with longing. It seemed unbelievable that he was here, that his warm hand was twining with hers, but this moment was real in a day that hadn’t been the best.

  Every heartache, every trouble, every worry eased as he brushed his lips across hers. And then there was only the silence of her soul, and a single moment of perfection.

  When he moved away, it was as if he took a piece of her heart with him.

  She was falling for him, and if she wasn’t careful, she was going to fall so hard, she would never be able to get up again. What if this didn’t work out? True love took time. Strong relationships took work. She couldn’t go rushing into something she couldn’t trust.

  It was smarter to take a step back. “Now that you’re here, can I get you something? I have hot tea.”

  He set the bag on the entryway table and stepped behind her. “Tea is fine, but let’s get something straight. You will not wait on me.”

  “I won’t?”

  His hands settled onto her tense shoulders and began to knead at the knots there. “Did you stop long enough to eat supper?”

  “I’ve been busy. I’m shorthanded down at the diner—”

  “I bet you’re always shorthanded at the diner. That’s no excuse not to take care of yourself.” His fingers dug into the sore flesh around her vertebrae.

  I could stand here forever. She let her eyes drift shut. She hadn’t realized her ne
ck muscles were so tight. Stress, that’s what it was. She knew she needed to slow down, but there would be time for that later. She had to get the diner in good enough shape to sell it. And once the business was off her shoulders, then she could take time.

  But until then, all she could see was full steam ahead. It was as simple as that. As wonderful as Evan’s neck massage was, she told herself that she didn’t have time for closeness.

  Or maybe, a small truthful voice said inside her, it was safer to step away.

  “Did you want to come into the kitchen?” She took a step, twisting to break his hold, but his grip was like iron.

  “I want you to take five minutes off.” His words tingled against her ear. “I’ll stay and help you for five minutes to make up for time lost.”

  “What do you know about bookeeping, exactly?”

  “Uh, nothing. But what I lack in knowledge, I make up for in the willingness to work.” His fingers stilled, and his hand settled against the curve of her neck, a heavy, possessive touch.

  It was nice. It took every ounce of willpower she owned not to lean into him. Not to move closer. It was what she wanted so much. “Tea. I’ll pour some tea. What’s in the sack?”

  He grabbed it with his free hand as he steered her toward the kitchen archway. “I noticed when I was at the diner that you were pretty busy. It’s my guess that you work all evening serving other people their meals and never take the time to get dinner for yourself.”

  Good guess. But was she going to admit that? No! “I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time. I eat when I’m hungry. And when I can fit it in.”

  “Not good enough.” Evan set his grocery bag on the counter and released his hold on her.

  She stepped away with an odd sense of disconnection. Distance was what she wanted, but as she handed down two cups from the overhead cabinet, her heart wasn’t so sure. She had to take down the tall walls she’d built so thick and sturdy that she would be safe from every harm.

  Well, not every one. Evan. There he was in the edge of her peripheral vision, pulling covered plates from inside the paper sack. His powerful masculinity shrinking the large kitchen until he was all she could see. Every breath felt squeezed into her too-tight chest. She didn’t want to feel this way. She couldn’t help feeling this way.

  He moved behind her and took the cups from her, his touch like warm steel against her. His voice was an intimate hush against her ear. “Take five minutes off. I meant it. Now go sit.”

  “I am taking five minutes off. You don’t see me working do you?”

  “This is what you do all day. Go to the table and let me do this for you. Please.”

  She twisted around to get a better look at him, and the affection she saw on his handsome face made something melt inside her. She was afraid it was a section of her defensive walls, and that just couldn’t be good. “This is my kitchen. I don’t take orders from men here.”

  “There’s a first for everything.” Humor tugged at his mouth as he leaned to brush a kiss to her forehead.

  Sheer tenderness. It flowed from him and into her heart like the rising of a tide.

  “You like honey and cream, right?”

  She blinked up at him, her mind strangely blank. Oh, in her tea. “Uh, yes.”

  Call her stunned, but he was actually working around her. He poured the tea and then opened the fridge for the small container of half-and-half. Her taxes were calling her, but for some reason she didn’t care so much about the work needing to be done as about the man moving around her kitchen. See why it was a bad idea to let a man into her life?

  Her senses honed to his every movement in her kitchen. She heard the rasp of the utensil drawer being opened. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had served her something to eat.

  He removed foil from the plates he’d brought. “Is Alex ready for graduation?”

  Somehow she found her voice. “He’s ready. I’m not. It’s a good thing I’m so busy. That way I can’t think too much about what it’s going to be like when he’s gone.”

  “Believe me, you’ll have plenty of time once he is.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of.” Her confession felt as dark as the night shadows, and she wished she could take back the words.

  Evan turned, as if to come to her in comfort. Too overwhelmed, she slipped into the shadows on the other side of the counter. He studied her for a minute before going back to his work. “That’s why I care about you so much, Paige. You deeply love your family and the people in your life.”

  She recognized the shadowed pain in his eyes, because it was so much like her own. “I guess we both know how important that is.”

  “It’s everything.” He slid two cups of tea across the counter. He said nothing more as he turned to fetch the plates he’d brought.

  Paige took one look at the roast beef sandwiches on thick wheat bread and her jaw dropped. He was busy at the microwave and when she leaned across the bar chairs to hit the switch for the overhead track lighting, she caught the aroma of split pea soup. Sure enough, when the machine dinged, he withdrew a bowl of the thick, fragrant soup and fished through the drawers for a spoon.

  When he returned, he swung into the bar chair across from her. “Is there anything else I can get you?”

  “You could get me a time machine so I could propel myself into the future.” She reached for the nearby paper-towel roll and ripped off two sheets.

  He took the paper towel she offered. “Sorry, I left my time machine at home.”

  She folded her paper towel and laid it in her lap. “Maybe after the meal we could go over to your place so I could borrow it?”

  “Why do you want to go back in time?”

  “If I could, then I’d have my books done and I could put my feet up and not move for the rest of the evening.” She bowed her head and said grace before she dipped her spoon into the hearty soup. “This is really good, Evan. Did you make it?”

  “My grandmother’s recipe. I have a few secret recipes in my family, too.” He’d only made a half sandwich for himself, and he bit into a corner of it.

  “This hits the spot. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was. Thank you for being so thoughtful.”

  “I aim to please. It’s the least I could do for all the times you’ve brought me a meal.”

  “That was at my restaurant and you were a paying customer.”

  “Well, I appreciate it.” He grinned, emphasizing the dimples that dug into his lean cheeks.

  His jaw had darkened with a five o’clock shadow, and Paige fought the urge to lay her fingertips there and feel that wonderful, manly texture. There were so many things she wanted to know about him. He obviously cooked. Did he like cooking? What did he do with his evenings? She wanted to know everything about him.

  “If I really did have a time machine, I don’t think I would use it.” Thoughtful, Evan stirred more sugar into his cup of tea.

  “There’s nothing you wouldn’t change in your life?”

  “No. I should want to go back to college and instead of proposing to Liz, I would break up with her. That would have saved me major heartache. But if I hadn’t made the choice to marry her, then I never would have had my boys. Having them to raise was worth anything.”

  There was no mistaking Evan’s love, and Paige understood what he meant. Romantic love had brought her nothing but pain in the end, but it had also given her Alex. “My son is my world. Even when he moves away, I’ll have had eighteen years with him. The best years I have ever known.”

  “The years ahead will be as good. Different, but good, too.”

  Emotion clawed to life in her chest, and she grabbed her tea, hoping the soothing hot liquid would calm them. But no such luck. She drained the cup, fighting down something she couldn’t name that felt surprisingly like panic. She needed the seventeen-year-old pain that still darkened her heart to have never existed. And how was that possible? She wouldn’t have the best blessing in her life without her greatest heart
break.

  “Let me refill that for you.” Evan was up and taking off with her cup before she could think to stop him.

  Now there’s a change. She remembered Jimmy and how he’d never thought a man’s place was in the kitchen. Oddly enough, he was the day-shift cook at the diner but when he came home, he expected to be the king of his castle. And that meant she was the maid, the cook and everything else. It was strange to see a man looking at home in her kitchen, as if pouring tea and stirring sugar and cream into the cup was no big deal.

  He set the cup into its saucer with an easy smile. “Why do you look so sad?”

  “Oh, it’s because I don’t like bookkeeping. It bums me out and that makes me remember things best left forgotten.”

  “I had a lot of those things, too. Things that are better off buried from the light of day.” He returned to the bar chair beside her, moving slowly, as if he felt her sadness. “I would never have come here and brought you a meal if I knew it reminded you of your ex.”

  She closed her eyes against the past and the pain. It was over and done with; she’d let the wounds heal and went on with the demands of her life. “You don’t remind me of Jimmy at all. He never would have brought me a cup of tea, let alone made sure I had supper after a long day on my feet.”

  “What on earth could be more important to a man than his wife?”

  How could he be real? He had to be a figment of her imagination. A piece of fiction projected like a movie in front of her. He said the right things. He did the right things. He was everything he was supposed to be, but she’d believed in a man once who had seemed so strong. Who had seemed like everything she’d ever prayed for in a man.

  And now she had no excuses. No man had ever measured up to her ideal, and she believed that no man ever would. So that made it easy. She didn’t have to risk. She didn’t have to trust. She didn’t have to put the most vulnerable parts of herself on the line.

  She didn’t know if she ever could.

  “It was nice that you came over. And this meal. This is the nicest thing a man’s done for me. Really. Evan, I truly like you, but I don’t have time for this. For dating and as much as I want—” Oh, she couldn’t finish that one. Time to think before you speak, Paige, or you’ll be spilling your heart to this man. Evan was a good man, but he was still a man. She couldn’t allow herself to look at him and see eternity. She leaped to her feet in panic. “I’ve got to get back to work. Let me rinse off your plates.”