Want You More

by Nicole Helm

  “Micah’s dad used to hit us,” she said, as though that was the kind of sentence you could just . . . say. To a superficial friend at best.

  Tori opened her mouth, but what did you say to that? When you were already scrambled.

  “I say that because . . . Well, I just wanted to put it out there. I know Will, but I also know how easy it is for a guy to hide . . . Well . . .”

  “He didn’t hurt me like that. He wouldn’t.” Tori almost hated having to defend him when she was so angry, so hurt. But he wouldn’t. Not Will.

  “Okay. Well, then tell me what the bastard did.”

  “I . . . Your sister is married to his twin brother and you . . .”

  Cora shrugged easily, taking another sip of wine. “I love Brandon. I like Will. But I kind of happen to think men are turds. Brandon is an exception. I hope to God Micah will be, but mostly . . . turd.”

  Tori laughed, somehow. But laughing also weirdly made her feel like crying. “We just have this history.”

  Cora’s blue eyes were sympathetic and when had Tori ever had that? She loved the Mile High boys, they’d been her best friends and champions in the whole of her life. But they weren’t sympathetic. They certainly weren’t going to let her bitch about men without trying to defend their irritating species.

  “I used to be in love with him. A million years ago.”

  “And the turd wasn’t in love back?”

  “ No.”

  “But if it was a million years ago, why all the drama?”

  Tori shook her head, settling deeper into the couch, taking a thoughtful sip of wine. “I don’t really know. I guess the way we left things. I said I loved him. He accused me of ruining everything. He disappeared, came back married to a lingerie model, so then I disappeared.”

  “And now you’re back.”

  “And now I’m back and it’s all still there. I thought I’d moved on . . . No, I had moved on. I did.” She blew out a breath, downing some more of the wine. That’s what she’d missed at dinner tonight. Alcohol. “He kissed me.”

  “Out there?” Cora squeaked.

  “We were fighting, but we’re always fighting. But . . . I don’t know. He grabbed me and kissed me. Like . . .” Like he’d wanted to for years upon years and what did she do with that?

  “Like what?” Cora asked a little breathlessly. “Indulge me, please, as I have not even been on a date for months.”

  “It wasn’t a nice kiss.”

  “But it was hot, yeah?”

  “Oh, yeah.” Tori finished off the wine and Cora took the glass from her, popping up and back to the kitchen.

  “You need more.”

  “There’s not enough in the universe.”

  “True enough, but I’ll fix you up for tonight.” And fix her up she did, with another glass of wine filled to the brim.

  Tori took the proffered glass, drinking deeply. Oh, she’d wake up with a shitty hangover and nothing solved, but in the moment what else was there to do? Go home and cry alone?

  “So what are you going to do?” Cora asked gently, taking a seat on the couch again.

  The tears were back, and with an entire glass of wine downed, she didn’t have it in her to fight them anymore. “I don’t know,” she said, followed by an embarrassing sob, but Cora just pulled her into a hug and let her cry.

  Chapter Eleven

  Lilly toggled between reading a book on her phone and watching the tedious reality show blaring on the TV. She’d tried knitting earlier and had thrown the knitting needles across the room in a fit of frustration.

  She was pretty sure Brandon had thrown them away. Tomorrow was her doctor’s appointment, and if she thought bed rest was bad, waiting to hear if you could get off it was torture.

  The front door slammed open and in stormed Will. Uh-oh.

  He blinked at her on the couch as though he’d forgotten she’d moved in and that he didn’t share the cabin with Brandon alone any longer.

  “Um, hi,” she offered, smiling at him. Oh, he looked stormy. She’d hoped her little plan with Hayley would’ve sorted things out for him, but he didn’t look very sorted.

  “Hey. How’re you feeling?” he asked, his voice scraped raw.

  Lilly got the feeling he was asking out of courtesy rather than true interest. At least in the moment.

  “Better. How was dinner?”

  His eyes narrowed. “How did you know about that?”

  “Hayley invited me.” Among other things, but Will was looking a little wild, a little . . . Well, maybe her plan had worked.

  “Hey, Will. What are you doing here?” Brandon asked, entering the room with yet another glass of water.

  God, she needed to be off bed rest. She forced her brightest smile at her husband as he set it down next to her, and didn’t fool him at all.

  “Still live here, don’t I?”

  “Well, sure, but you haven’t been around much.”

  Will shrugged, looking around. “Just needed to . . .” He glanced from Lilly to Brandon, some complex series of emotions crossing his face.

  She couldn’t read them exactly, but wasn’t it interesting to see an emotion besides cheerful blankness or honest cheerfulness? Will was usually one or the other, occasionally temper, but never . . . this.

  Interesting. Yes, maybe her plan had worked.

  “Sit down. Tell us about dinner.” Lilly smiled invitingly. “Tell me about Hayley’s brother.”

  “He’s . . .” Will jammed his hands into his pockets. “Nice, or whatever.”

  “Oh good. I bet it’d be nice for Hayley to feel like her stepbrother and her half brothers would get along.”

  Will hunched a little. “Yeah, sure.”

  “What’d Tori think of him?”

  Will glanced at her sharply and she knew she’d overplayed her hand a bit, but what did it matter now? Dinner was over and clearly he was worked up about something.

  “What do you care what Tori thought of him?”

  Lilly shrugged, gesturing with her phone, ignoring Brandon’s disapproving frown, because of course the obnoxious man she loved could see right through her. “Just curious.”

  “It was you, wasn’t it? All along. You convinced Hayley to do it.”

  “Do what?” Lilly returned as innocently as she could manage.

  “You told her to set Tori up with James. What the hell were you thinking?”

  Interesting that he’d be so angry about it. Interesting indeed. “I wasn’t trying to set Tori up with James.”

  “My ass. When will you stop playing puppet master? I don’t—”

  “I said I wasn’t trying to set Tori up with James, and I meant it. I was trying to prove to you that you might have some unresolved romantic feelings for Tori, and what better way to realize that then having to face the prospect of her with someone else?”

  Will stood unnaturally still after that, and the entire room was silent except the blare of the TV. Lilly’s self-satisf ied smirk slowly died as she realized . . .

  “You didn’t,” Will said, his voice low and unmeasurably hurt.

  Lilly’s heart sunk. “I . . . I thought it would do some good. I . . .”

  She looked helplessly at Brandon, but he had his eyes closed as he rubbed his fingers over his forehead.

  When she looked back at Will, he stood there like some angry, vicious god of war, storms in his eyes and violence in the way he held himself.

  “Stop fucking with my life,” he said, his voice vibrating with rage, but underneath it hurt and something else. Something almost like fear.

  She opened her mouth to apologize. She even moved to get up, but Will was out the door, the sound of it slamming behind him reverberating through the cabin even above the din of the TV.

  “I went too far, didn’t I?” She wished she could blame hormones for the emotions swamping her, but it was guilt and shame, plain and simple.

  “I wish you would have told me first,” Brandon said on a sigh. “Everything with Will and
Tori is complicated.”

  “I only wanted to help,” Lilly replied weakly. “I thought if he . . .”

  “Aw, Lil,” Brandon said, moving to sit next to her. He took her hand in his and squeezed, a little bit of comfort in the mix of all her guilt. “You’re going to have to accept what I had to accept a long time ago. No one can help Will until he’s willing to help himself.”

  * * *

  Tori was not looking forward to this, but she also wasn’t going to be intimidated by it. So Will had kissed her, and so she had to work with him today. Such was life.

  A big old ball of fucked-up fuck.

  She was used to dealing with the fallout from that. For as long as she could remember, she knew how to deal with awful curveballs. All in all, a kiss from the guy who’d rejected her love confession seven years ago was probably the least screwy her life had been. Certainly less scary than her mentally ill brother being convinced she needed to be killed, and, as she still had a job and home, a hell of a lot less problematic than the fallout with Toby.

  This was a downright family-friendly sitcom right here.

  Grim and determined to view it that way no matter what, Tori marched up the stairs, Sarge at her feet, and walked into the Mile High office, shoulders back, ready to brawl.

  She stopped short at the sight that greeted her when she stepped inside. Instead of Skeet at his desk and the living room empty, there appeared to be a little powwow going on in the main room.

  “Oh. Um. Hi,” she managed when they all turned to look at her.

  Lilly was seated in a chair, Brandon standing behind her, Sam, Hayley, and Skeet assembled on the couch opposite.

  “I . . . didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  “No interruption,” Lilly returned, waving her in. “We’re having a little impromptu staff meeting, but we were waiting for everyone else to really get started.”

  Tori didn’t miss the look that passed between Lilly and Brandon. Something laced with worry. Tori couldn’t imagine Will telling anyone about last night, but . . .

  Well, everyone was certainly acting strange. Still, this was her job and all that crap she’d convinced herself of outside, so she moved over to an empty chair and took a seat. Sarge happily curled up next to the window where the sunlight beamed onto the hardwood floor.

  “Brandon was telling me you’d set a climbing record,” Lilly offered. Everything about the woman was polished and smooth, and Tori didn’t quite know how to relax around her.

  “Um. Yeah. Where I worked last I did rock climbing instruction in the summer and ski instruction in the winter, though the climbing was more what I was interested in.”

  “Good,” Brandon said. “We’ve been working on putting together a slightly more organized schedule to get you comfortable in all excursions, but I think the rock climbing is where you’d best fit. Hayley will keep doing our shorter hikes. Sam’s been doing a little bit of everything, so we’re trying to spread things out a bit more. Let Sam focus on the backpacking trips, taking Hayley or you with him when we’ve got women nervous about backpacking with a man. We’ll hand rock climbing over to you, focus Will on kayaking, and I’ll fill in where necessary. Lilly came up with a chart.”

  “Of course she did,” Sam muttered, and Tori felt a little pang that there was a note of affection in it.

  Silly to be jealous other women had joined their group, helped the boys out, become their friends and wives and girlfriends in the various cases. Silly to feel a bitter regret over what she’d walked away from.

  Hadn’t last night proven she’d needed to walk away?

  I think last night proved that you’re both screwy.

  “What’s all this?”

  Tori jerked a little at the unexpectedness of Will’s sleep-roughened voice. She hadn’t heard him come in, and when she involuntarily looked over at him he was standing in the hall to the offices looking disheveled.

  Wearing the same thing he’d been wearing last night.

  This was . . . She didn’t know what this was, that was the problem. Firstly, she’d never had to deal with the aftermath of an actual Will Evans kiss—a few imagined ones—but not the reality. Secondly, she’d never shared a bottle of wine with a female friend and spent half the night tipsily cursing men. She was in over her head and confused, and usually she stayed firmly in anger or determination. She didn’t wallow. She didn’t waffle.

  But the cherry on top of all this weirdness and confusion was Will himself. She’d never seen him so bedraggled. Even back in the day when he’d get falling-down drunk at a party, he’d look all put together and charming. Things rolled off him—emotions and bad hair days.

  He looked like none of these things right now.

  “Oh, you’re back,” he muttered in Lilly’s direction. “Got the clear?”

  “Yes, doctor gave me the go-ahead to return to work, and as long as no other problems occur, I can do just about anything. So we’re having a staff meeting.”

  “Of course we are,” he grumbled, glancing around the room.

  His eyes went nowhere near Tori herself, and instead of taking the chair that would have put him next to her, he went and leaned on the arm of the couch—as far away from her as he could get.

  Then the damn dog she’d sacrificed for again and again went over to Will and curled up at his feet. The absolute traitor.

  “With the summer rush kind of petering out, but the fall rush getting ready to start, Brandon and I thought it’d be a good time to kind of . . . refocus,” Lilly was saying. “We’ve added two new wonderful employees.” Lilly smiled broadly at Hayley, then Tori. “But we’ve been sort of shoehorning in willy-nilly.”

  “Lilly and I worked on a schedule, but this is a democracy and we want to make sure everyone’s on board before we enact it into law, so to speak.”

  Democracy maybe, but Lilly and Brandon stood and sat before them like some royal couple handing out a decree, but the thing was . . . how could you argue with sense? Or the two of them, looking so gorgeous together, Brandon so clearly devoted to her, both of them so clearly devoted to Mile High.

  An uncomfortable longing wound its way through Tori’s chest. Before she even realized she was doing it, she glanced across the room to Will.

  She nearly jolted at the fact he was staring at her, hazel eyes steady on hers, eyebrows drawn together as though he was trying to figure out some puzzle. Trying to figure out her.

  She looked away, something warm and tingling creeping up into her face. Oh. God, she was blushing. She never blushed. What the hell was wrong with her?

  But the heat and the certainty she was indeed turning bright red against her will only intensified when Lilly’s gaze landed on her and lingered. Studying. Then flicking over to Will.

  “I think it makes sense,” Sam offered, if not reading the tension winding around the room, having impeccable accidental timing. “To focus each of us on one thing. As long as we’re all capable of stepping into someone else’s place should the need arise.”

  “Agreed,” Lilly said with a nod. “Tori will need a few more training excursions, and we’ve got those scheduled on here as well.”

  And, Tori noted, none of them had Will as her partner. Sam and Brandon only. After everyone plotting to get them to camp together, Tori didn’t quite understand what this all was.

  Unfortunately though, she couldn’t take it at face value and ignore all the volumes it spoke to. She couldn’t ignore that it pissed her right off. Clearly, if they’d changed their tune so completely, Will had told them to keep him off any excursions with her.

  Oh, the bastard. He thought he got to decide when he’d have to deal with her after that kiss? Fat chance.

  Brandon and Lilly kept talking, trading off, giving explanations and reasons for different things. Sam and Lilly discussed someone named Corbin, Skeet offered a few random comments about people who’d called to set up excursions, and Hayley discussed something about . . . something.

  It was hard for Tori to pay
attention. Had Will told Lilly and Brandon about the kiss and that’s why they’d agreed to back off the whole throw-them-together thing? He’d probably even put the blame on her, even though he had been the one to instigate it. The one to end it.

  You weren’t exactly fighting him off.

  She shoved that unwelcome thought away. She’d been surprised. He’d been the one to grab her. She ignored the little shiver of memory that worked through her, because she was mad. Angry.

  He was going around telling people things he had no business telling them.

  Lilly and Brandon must have ended the impromptu meeting, because people started to scatter. Skeet to his desk, Brandon and Lilly down the hall, Hayley to the little kitchenette, and Sam outside.

  Tori tried to focus on the schedule written on a whiteboard that now sat on the mantel. She didn’t have anything for an hour, and then she was going on a rock climbing excursion with Brandon.

  That’s where her head needed to be.

  “Seems a little odd we’re not scheduled together at all,” she said instead. Because how could she focus on rock climbing when Will was clearly spreading rumors.

  “Does it?” Will replied, pushing off the couch and stepping toward the whiteboard. His face was blank, and every time he glanced her way, everything about him was unreadable. His gaze lingered too long, but his eyes gave away nothing.

  Sarge stayed where he was, curled on the floor, but his ears were alert, as though he were paying attention to every word spoken. Tori wished the fanciful thought of dog eavesdroppers could calm her down.

  “Considering everyone seems to have been conspiring to make us spend time together the past few weeks, I have to say I’m surprised. Unless . . .”

  “Unless what?” Will replied. Even his voice was devoid of any readable emotion.

  What the hell was going on here? Will had always been superficial, so to speak. She’d seen beneath all his charming walls back then, or at least most of them, but he always appeared to the world happy and content. He’d never been this mercurial mess.

  Had time done that? Divorce?

  You?

  She blinked at him, trying so hard to see something, anything she recognized in this man. Sarge seemed to recognize him. Brandon and Sam seemed to think this was all normal.