by Beth Rinyu
Dear Miss Demeanor,
I met this girl who at first I judged pretty harshly and treated really bad. As time went on our abhorrence for each other morphed into a mutual tolerance, then a weird kind of friendship, and finally into a love like I’d never known before. This girl I’d told myself to hate without ever taking a minute to know her turned out to be the most kind and caring person I’d ever met. I was miserable with my entire existence, thinking my life was over because all my dreams had been crushed. Then she came into my life and showed me my dreams were just beginning with her, until I screwed up, and now she won’t even talk to me.
If she were reading this today, I would tell her I’m sorry for not being perfect. I’m sorry for hurting her in the way I did, and I’m sorry she’s no longer in my life. I love her more than anything, and I’d do anything in this world to have a second chance with her and prove it. I’d promise her the truth always, no matter how hard it was to take, and I’d promise to give her my heart freely and keep hers safe with me forever.
So, my question is, do you think she could ever find it in that giant heart of hers to forgive me?
Signed,
Pompous Ass
I covered my mouth with my shaky hand and was filled with a gamut of emotions. I stared at my phone for some time, reading his message over and over again before finally finding the courage to reply.
Dear Pompous Ass…
_______________
“Alex sent me an email,” I said to Marisa as we finished up dinner after the Lamaze class.
Her eyes widened. “What did it say?”
“He actually wrote into the advice column, saying how stupid he was for screwing up with some girl, and would she ever be able to forgive him?”
“Will she?”
I bowed my head and stared at the plateful of pasta I had hardly touched. “I…I want to so badly. I love him. I really do. I never told him that directly because I was too scared, the same way I’m scared of giving him a second chance. What if he breaks my heart again?”
“And what if he doesn’t? What happened to the girl who taught me not to be afraid of taking chances? The girl who helped me with one of the most difficult choices I ever had to make? Your advice to dump Mateo for what he did was spot-on. I should’ve known better than to stay with a man who put his hands on me in anger. But I gotta tell you, your reason for cutting off Alex is dead wrong.”
“But he—”
“He didn’t tell you something he did as a joke back when you both were going tit for tat with each other. Okay, maybe he should have said something when you guys started getting serious, but, Rose, that’s no reason to cut him out of your life. You have a guy who really and truly cares about you. I saw how upset he was this afternoon. He was so worried about you being by yourself through all this. If you love him, tell him. Don’t let your own stubbornness stand in the way. He’s a great guy, who made a mistake, but I think you already know that.”
“When did you become the counselor and me the patient?” I smirked.
“Pregnancy hormones. They give you wisdom.” She laughed.
“I think we’re going to make an excellent team in that delivery room. I can’t believe it’s almost here. You’re getting down to the home stretch!” I said, trying to shift the subject from Alex.
“Yup!” She leaned back in her chair, rubbed her hand over her expansive belly, and smiled. “I just want you to know I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you. Thank you so much, Rose.”
I immediately thought about Aunt Kate. She had been around Marisa’s age when she was pregnant with me. Scared, alone, and no partner to help her. The same way Marisa was when she found out she was pregnant. What would she have done if she hadn’t confided in me, and I hadn’t talked her into being brave and going through with it? Would she have given the baby up for adoption or worse yet? What if my mother and father were my aunt Kate’s Rose—her one and only support system to get her through a difficult time?
“I never thought I’d say this, but I cannot wait to get my period again, so I know this is finally over,” Marisa continued, triggering something in my memory and causing my mind to begin mentally calculating at warp speed. “Rose, are you okay?” Marisa asked.
“Yeah, I mean no…I mean…Marisa, I think I need your help with something.”
“You don’t have to ask twice.” She reached over the table and took my hand in hers.
I smiled a genuine smile filled with excitement, and oddly enough, on a day I thought was the worst day of my life—happiness.
Chapter 49
___________________
Alex
MARISA WAS A WELCOMING sight as she entered my office first thing in the morning.
“Have you talked to her?” I asked.
“I did. She came to the Lamaze class with me last night. She’s understandably upset, but you know Rose, she bounces back quickly.” She looked away, seeming a little uneasy on the subject, like she was betraying her by talking to me.
I nodded, not wanting her to feel like she needed to tell me any more. As long as I knew Rose was okay, that’s all that mattered.
“Alex, she’s really got a lot on her plate right now. Just give her some time.”
“Yeah, I know,” I muttered, feeling a little defeated.
She flashed me a sympathetic smile and stood up, turning around as she was halfway out of my office. I watched as she purposely pulled a small slip of paper from her pocket and dropped it on the floor.
“Oh, shoot! Would you be able to grab that? It’s so hard for me to bend over…well, ’cause, well, ya know!” She looked down at her pregnant stomach and laughed before walking out the door.
I waited until she was out of my office before getting up and snatching the piece of paper from the floor. Written on it was the name of a hotel and a room number. It only took me a few seconds to figure out this was where Rose was staying. I crumpled up the note and placed it in my pocket. As much as I wanted to see her, I wanted it to be on her terms. I didn’t want to take her off guard by showing up at her hotel and leaving her no other option but to talk to me, especially after the way things were left between us. She was pretty clear I was the last person she needed.
I sat back down and concentrated on my computer—or at least tried to anyway. Work was the furthest thing from my mind, but I had about twenty unopened emails that weren’t going to answer themselves, so I had no other choice but to focus. That was until one in particular caught my eye, from “Miss Demeanor.”
Dear Pompous Ass,
It sounds like you certainly lived up to your screen name. I’m sure this girl is feeling pretty lousy over what you did, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t still have feelings for you. Lies hurt the most when they’re told by those we truly care about. Clearly this girl was afraid to give her heart away in the first place, but she reluctantly did, and then you had to go and break that trust! I think she has the right to be pretty pissed off, don’t you? Especially if you were well aware of how she felt about honesty in a relationship. You say if you could get her back, you would keep her heart safe, but how could she be sure of that? Maybe that’s what she’s scared of the most. Maybe that’s why she said things to you that were more hurtful for her to say than they were for you to hear, and most of all maybe she just needs some time and space to sort things out.
~ Miss Demeanor
I stared blankly at my computer screen, trying to figure out how to reply or if I even should when my uncle jolted me from my thoughts.
“Got a minute?” he asked, taking a step in my office.
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“Have you heard from Rose?”
“Umm…no,” I lied.
He nodded, seeming like he was a million miles away. “I was hoping you would’ve. She may need a shoulder to cry on.” He finally snapped out of it.
“Why? What happened now?”
“Phillip York called me earlier, asking for her number. He wan
ted to meet up with her today.”
“You didn’t give it to him, did you?”
“I did.”
“Why the hell—”
He held up his hand to halt my wrath. “Alex, Rose is a big girl. If she doesn’t want to meet with him, she won’t. This is her decision. Let her make it.”
I knew Rose’s fairy-tale way of thinking, and she was going to have her heart smashed all over again after meeting with this guy. He was nothing but a selfish prick. For the past twenty-five years, he lived his life, never even acknowledging he had a daughter. Now that the cat was out of the bag, he wanted to be father of the year.
“This is gonna be another major blow to her.”
“It may be, but she needs to know the truth. All of it.”
“Did you know all of this?” I asked.
“I did.” He nodded. “But it wasn’t my secret to tell.”
“So, you and her aunt Kate…you were never a couple like Rose thought?”
“No. Not because neither one of us wanted to be. I always liked Kate a lot. She was…is still a beautiful woman. She was a lot like Rose when she was her age. Free-spirited, stubborn, an explosive personality, but her heart was guarded. Charles Perkins was one of my best friends, and I guess, I just kind of knew that getting into a relationship with his sister wasn’t the best of ideas for our friendship. She wanted there to be something between us, and I just couldn’t go there. I knew her track record with men, and I knew if we pursued something and it didn’t work out that may have put a wedge between my friendship with Charles. Then when Phillip came to visit, and she met him, it was all over for any other guy.”
“So, that was it? You never pursued anything with her any further?” I knew my uncle, he loved competition.
“She got pregnant. He went back to London to his estranged wife. I was her shoulder to cry on, then after she had Rose, she moved to Paris for a year for an internship for some clothing designer.” He let out a regretful sigh. “When she came back, I was engaged to Bridgette, and we all know how that ended. By the time my divorce was final, she was engaged to Patrick Reardon, and that was that. Charles moved out to California, and we still remained in contact, but Kate and I lost touch.”
Rose was right all along, there was always something there between the two of them. “It’s never too late to go after a missed opportunity.”
“What happened to my cynical nephew?”
“Don’t know. I think maybe Rose rubbed off on me.”
“That’s a good thing.” He stood up and gave me a knowing smile.
“Yeah, maybe it is,” I muttered.
Chapter 50
___________________
Rose
THERE WASN’T A DOUBT in my mind I was setting myself up for more heartbreak when I entered that coffee shop. I could have easily hung up on him when he called, but I needed to confront him and hear his side of the story, even if it was going to be painful.
He stood up with a smile on his face when I reached the table, but his deep brown eyes were filled with sadness. “Thank you for coming,” he spoke then took a seat after I took mine.
“I thought about turning around when I was halfway here, but…I guess my curiosity got the best of me.” I studied him closely and was shaken by the resemblance I bore to him. Same dark eyes, same cleft chin. How could I have such a likeness to a man I never knew existed?
“I’m sorry about Collin.” He shook his head in disgust. “You shouldn’t have found out that way.”
“No, I shouldn’t have found out at all, right?” I raised an eyebrow.
He expelled a frustrated breath. “When Kate told me she was pregnant with you, I was willing to provide, but she was adamant that she didn’t want my help. She had it all under control.”
“And by provide, you mean, write out a check every month for eighteen years until the little mistake you two created was of age? That’s okay, I didn’t need either of you. I was raised by a man who actually cared about me,” I snapped.
“Rose, that’s not fair. I was never given the opportunity to get to know you.”
“But you knew about me, so you had the chance to know me if you chose to.”
“You don’t understand what went on with Kate and me.”
“Oh, I think I do. You were rich and handsome, and she thought she’d found her Prince Charming in you. You see, I was that same girl not so long ago. I thought the only thing that mattered when landing the perfect guy was the size of his bank account, but now I realize, the perfect guy consists of so much more. It’s someone you can laugh with. Someone you could cry to. Someone who’s seen you at your worst and still thinks you’re beautiful anyway. Someone who could drive you absolutely insane with anger, but you still find them irresistible. Someone who makes stupid mistakes, but you care about them so much you forgive them anyway, and most of all someone who makes you see inside the real you even though you’re terrified of what you may find.”
His gaze was intense. “Not many of us are lucky enough to find someone like that.”
“Yeah, maybe not,” I whispered.
“You’re a beautiful, kind, and caring person. So much like Kate, and so unlike me.”
I nodded. “Thank God for that, because even though I’m pissed off at her beyond words at the moment, I admire her more than anyone I’ve ever known.”
“I, umm...would love to keep in touch.”
“Please don’t say things you don’t mean just because you think you’re sparing my feelings. The truth of the matter is, we’re strangers regardless of what our DNA says. I just wanted the truth, and you gave that to me, so I’ll always be thankful for that.”
He reached over the table and my gaze dropped as his hand covered mine. “I’m so sorry I missed out on knowing you.”
“Yeah, well, it wasn’t meant to be. For what it’s worth, you did help me put things into perspective.”
“How’s that?”
I stared out the window and gathered my thoughts before turning my attention back to him. “I’m in love with someone I was too afraid to admit it to for fear of having my heart broken. He messed up, and I used that mistake as reason for walking away. At the time, I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen—I finally gave my heart to someone and they broke it. But now sitting here with you, a man who has the same color eyes as me and even the same smile, a man I never even knew existed just a short time ago, I realize what’s really important and what constitutes a broken heart.” I bit back a tear and rubbed my hand down my belly. “Twenty-five years from now, I don’t want another child having the same conversation with his or her father because their mother was too stubborn to tell him he means the world to her.”
His eyes widened. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yes,” I whispered. I found it ironic I had just found out the night prior, and besides Marisa, no one else knew, except for this stranger...this man who was half responsible for my existence, and who oddly enough was partly responsible for my child in a small way.
His eyes glazed over, and he looked down at the table before raising his head, meeting my gaze with tear-filled eyes. “I can already tell you’re going to be a great mother.”
I pulled in my bottom lip and nodded. “Yeah, I think I will be.” Pausing for a moment, I looked around the coffee shop and pulled it together. “The funny thing is, I never in a million years thought I’d want a child. Weird how things change when you find the right person.”
He reluctantly nodded. “Finding your one true love in life is a treasure. Hold onto that and don’t ever let it go.”
I had a feeling he was referring to his relationship with Aunt Kate.
“I have something for you.” As he reached into his briefcase, I was filled with anticipation, hoping that whatever it was he was going to pull out was some type of indication that I was on his mind throughout the years. My heart sank to the floor when I stared down at the table to find a check written out to me—not twenty-five letters, on
e for every birthday he’d missed, like William had tucked away. Even when he had no place to live, he still managed to carry a piece of his daughter with him. Instead, he was trying to make up for lost time by buying me, but there was no amount of money in the world to make up for that loss.
“I don’t want this.” I shook my head, not wanting to touch it or even look at it.
“Rose, it’s the least I can do. Take it for you and the baby.”
“No. I don’t want anything from you. That was never my intention. I just wanted to meet the man my aunt Kate fell in love with all those years ago and see if she was justified in doing so.”
“Was she?” he asked.
“Yeah, I think maybe she was,” I whispered.
“I’ve never been a jealous man until now. I’m envious of Charles for having the opportunity to raise such a lovely person.”
I bowed my head, managing a slight laugh. “Yeah, well, you wouldn’t be saying that if you saw my credit card bills.”
He smiled in amusement. “You remind me so much of Kate when she was your age.”
“Should I take that as a compliment?”
“The very highest of compliments,” he responded. “I did love her very much. It was just so complicated. My divorce was almost final. My wife and I were over a long time before Kate came into the picture. We agreed on a custody agreement for Collin, and everything was pretty much in place. Then she found out about Kate, and it changed. She became vindictive and spiteful, and everything we agreed upon was suddenly void. She wanted half the business, and she was going after full custody of Collin. I was pretty sure if I held my ground, she would’ve backed off and agreed to our original agreement, but Kate wasn’t willing to risk it. She ended it. She wouldn’t take my calls, and I didn’t even know she was pregnant with you until a month before she gave birth. I know this was a shock to you and you have every right in the world to be angry, but please don’t be angry with her or Charles…be angry with me. They were only doing what they thought was best at the time.”