Need to Love You

by Megan Smith

“I told you not to let him have those M&M’s.”

  MacKenzie shoots daggers at her husband. “I was tired of him asking for them every two seconds.”

  “Hey,” Mason yells from the front door. “Watch the balls, kid!” Ryder just charged him full force with his outstretched hand right at the perfect level to hit Mason in the nuts.

  Hunter chuckles and MacKenzie playfully hits him.

  Hailey walks in the kitchen where we are all at first holding Alexis with Mason right behind her.

  “Oh my goodness,” I squeal. “Look at them.”

  Alexis has a dress with a shiny pink bodice emblazoned with the Superwoman logo on the chest. She has a tiny sparkling pink tutu around her waist with a glimmering white belt, pink cape and pink and white gloves.

  Caleb, of course, is Superman. His little outfit is also muscle-molded like Ryder’s in the chest, the Superman logo is lit with little blinking lights, he has a red cape which he is currently using as a blanket right now, and one little foot has a red boot, but the other foot is missing the boot.

  MacKenzie holds one of her hands over her chest. “They are so cute it almost makes me want to have another baby.”

  Hunter shakes his head then grabs Caleb’s hand. “You’re looking a little rough there, kid.”

  “Grandma,” Ryder and Alex shout at the same time.

  “I was just about to ask where she was,” MacKenzie says.

  After Elle kisses and hugs her two older grandsons she makes her way into the kitchen holding a bag high up in the air.

  “Whew,” Elle laughs. “They are full of energy today, aren’t they?”

  “Hey, Mom,” Mason leans in to kiss his mom on the cheek.

  “Hi, sweetheart,” Elle puts the bag she was holding down on the counter and then opens her arms to take Caleb from Mason. “Come to Grandma.”

  “Mom,” Alex pulls on the hem on my shirt. “Can I get dressed now?”

  I look down to his excited face knowing he’s about to get just a little upset with me because I need to ask him to wait just a little longer. “Let’s give your dad just a few more minutes, okay? I’m sure he wants to be here for that.”

  “But Mom…”

  Mason swoops Alex up into the air. “But nothing. Mom says you have to wait, you have to wait, bud.”

  “Okay,” Alex huffs.

  He looks up to his uncles so when they tell him something he actually listens and doesn’t give them a hard time.

  Mason sets Alex back down and he takes off again running into the living room.

  “Where’s Jackson at?” He asks me.

  I shrug. “He said he just got done with work.”

  Mason nods. “He’ll be here soon then.”

  Elle dishes out her chicken noodle soup to everyone and is chatting with Mason. I set Olivia down so she can go follow the boys around and I take Alexis from Hailey so she can eat. We’re all sitting around the kitchen table catching up while everyone eats. They ask how my job is going and how Alex is doing in kindergarten. Then we all start teasing Mason about trading in his bike for a minivan. Andrew comes home with Jackson on his heels.

  “Dad,” I hear Alex cheer. “Can I get dressed now?”

  “Let’s go get your mom.” Jackson walks in the kitchen holding Alex in his arms. “Hey, guys.”

  The group all greets him. When his eyes land on me he nods his head back towards the stairs. “Want to go get him dressed?”

  “Sure.”

  MacKenzie follows me with her eyes smiling the whole time. I know she wants us to work everything out, they all do. I’m just taking things one day at a time right now.

  Jackson and Alex race up the steps while I grab his costume from the hallway closet. Alex is stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt when I push open the bedroom door. I take the costume off the hanger and hand it to Jackson. He gets one foot, then the other into the red and blue padded jumpsuit with the spider logo on the chest. Jackson spins him so he can tie it in the back.

  “Look at you,” I laugh.

  “Where are the gloves?” Alex asks wiggling his fingers at me.

  I pull the red gloves from the bag and slide them onto his hands. Jackson takes the bag from me and pulls out the red hooded mask.

  I pull my cell phone out of my back pocket and click on the camera application. “Alex, let me take a picture of you.”

  Of course he has to pose or he wouldn’t be my son. Out of the corner of my eye I see Jackson looking at me. My cheeks flush instantly and little butterflies find their way into my stomach. I’ve barely spoken, much less, seen Jackson in a month. That’s the longest we’ve ever been apart since we started dating.

  Alex flies out of the room before I even get a chance to get a second picture with him and his dad. I put my phone back in my pocket and turn to flee from the room but Jackson blocks my path.

  “Chloe,” he says reaching down to tip my chin up.

  I defy him and turn my head sideways instead.

  He tries again to make me look at him and this time I let him. “Tomorrow.”

  “I know,” I whisper.

  My eyes tear up so I look away again. For so long everything was so perfect between us. I loved him and he loved me just as much but somehow we lost our connection, our bond with each other.

  Jackson wraps his strong arms around me. I try pushing away but he’s stronger and just holds on tighter. There is no use in trying to fight him anyway because honestly this feels too good. It feels like home. His hugs or, as I refer to them as his shield, protects me from the outside world. It’s my safe haven. I know I don’t ever have to worry about anything because he’ll handle it all. Leaning forward I rest my forehead against his chest and grip his shirt in my fists anchoring myself to him. I’m giving myself these few minutes before I shut him back out. I’m not doing it because he wants this. I’m doing it because I need it, I want it.

  “God,” Jackson says kissing the top of my head. “I miss you so damn much.”

  I bite down on my lip and beg the tears to stay away. Don’t crack, Chloe.

  After another few seconds I know I have to get out of this room. I shove against Jackson’s chest, this time he lets me go. With my eyes cast down I walk out of the room. When I get to the doorway Jackson says again, “Tomorrow.”

  I don’t stop though. I just keep walking, one foot in front of the other. That word has such a double meaning, one of angry words that when spoken clamped down over my heart and one of hope that we can fix this. I’m just not sure how. When I know I’m out of his sight I sag against the wall gasping for air. This hurts so damn bad. Why did he have to do this to us? Why couldn’t he just be honest? Why couldn’t he just talk to me about things instead of letting them get so bad? After a few minutes I stand up straight, take a deep breath and compose myself. I’m going to put my problems with Jackson to the side and have a little fun with the kids tonight. I can worry about my problems with Jackson…tomorrow.

  When I go back downstairs Jaylinn is holding Brooklyn in her arms rocking her side to side. I place my hand on her shoulder. She stops rocking so that I can look over her shoulder. She’s dressed Brooklyn in a little green pajama sack with a bonnet that is shaped like a daisy. A little bee sits on one of the petals. “That’s a cute costume.”

  Jaylinn leans down and kisses her daughter on the forehead. “Cooper found it, believe it or not. I wasn’t planning on dressing her up because we aren’t taking her out but Cooper insists.”

  “She looks like her mommy.”

  Jaylinn’s smile radiates the room.

  “Okay, okay, boys,” Elle yells. “I want to get some pictures before we all run out the door.”

  Trying to get six, five really since Brooklyn doesn’t have a clue what’s going on, to sit still and look at the camera all at the same time is a nightmare. MacKenzie, Hailey and I all try to keep their attention so Elle can hopefully at least get one good shot of them all.

  A thousand photos later Andrew puts his arm aro
und his wife. “Let the poor kids go out and have some fun.”

  Elle turns her camera off. “Alright.”

  The two older kids leap from the couch and make a beeline to the front. Hunter grabs Olivia, Mason grabs Caleb, Hailey grabs Alexis, and MacKenzie grabs the two folded strollers by the front door. We get all the kids situated and then we’re off.

  “Have fun!” Jaylinn yells from the front door. Her and Cooper are staying back with the baby because she’s too young to be out in this cool damp weather.

  I’ve been trying to steer clear of Jackson, but I keep finding myself walking beside him when I’m not paying attention. He doesn’t say anything else to me the whole night. He doesn’t take his eyes off me either and that makes me nervous and jittery. It must be the Halloween vibe tonight because I’m sort of feeling like I’m being stalked and he is the predator.

  By the time we make it around three blocks we’ve lost three of the five kids to a sugar coma. Alexis, Caleb, and Olivia are bundled up in their strollers fast asleep.

  “I’m exhausted,” MacKenzie complains.

  Nodding my head towards Ryder and Alex knocking on the door of the last house before we are back at the Cahills, “I don’t know how those two haven’t given up yet.”

  “They kind of remind me of Cooper and me back in the day,” Mason chuckles. “We used to run around here for hours and never get tired. It was all about getting the goods.”

  “Remember that one year when you and Cooper shoved fat Tommy into the trash can because he stole Laura’s bag of candy?”

  Mason nods at his sister. “He’s lucky that’s all we did.”

  Hailey sighs loudly. “When in the hell did we get so old?”

  Jackson chuckles beside me. “We aren’t old.”

  “My boobs sag to the floor, I’m up at seven every morning watching Bubble Guppies, and half the time, I forget to shower because these two,” she nods towards her kids, “keep me running morning, noon, and night.” Hailey winks at Jackson. “We’re old, dude.”

  MacKenzie backs her up. “She’s got a point.”

  I sigh. “I agree too.”

  Hunter wrangles Ryder and Alex up and we all go back to the house. Halloween turned out to be a great time; both the boys filled half a pillow case. It was nice having everyone together like this. The boys show Andrew all the candy they got when we get back to the house. Mason and Hailey pack up the kids in their van and say their goodbyes. Jaylinn and Cooper follow behind them and MacKenzie and Hunter leave soon after too.

  After everyone leaves Alex sits on the couch next to Jackson. I’m sitting in the rocking chair across from her watching Alex doze off every couple of seconds. “Do you want to tuck him in bed?”

  Jackson glances down to Alex. “Yeah.”

  Andrew and Elle have gone to bed already so I make sure to turn off all the lights behind us. Jackson picks up Alex in his arms and carries him upstairs to his room. He tucks him in, kisses him on the forehead and shuts the door behind him.

  Crossing my arms over my chest I lean against the wall.

  Jackson’s gaze burns into me. “Tomorrow.”

  My breath hitches as I look up and nod. “I know.”

  He takes a deep breath and lets it out. “I’ll let you get some sleep.”

  “Goodnight,” I whisper when her walks away.

  Jackson pumped two fingers deep inside me. He took them out slowly, made sure I felt it before pushing back in with a little force. I tried being quiet considering Cooper and Jaylinn were on the couch across from us. We were all hanging out watching a movie when they both fell asleep. I should have known Jackson would try something by the looks he had been giving me all night.

  “Shh,” he whispered in my ear.

  “I’m trying.” I pant.

  If he really wanted me to be quiet he never should had rubbed his thumb over my clit. My hips lifted from the couch almost causing Jackson to fall off.

  “You like that, huh?”

  “Just make me come,” I begged.

  An orgasm was on the brink. It was building up and up and up. All Jackson had to do was set it off and push me over the edge.

  Jackson noticed and applied just a little more pressure. I was right there. I grabbed a hold of the back of Jackson’s head and kissed him forcefully.

  “Ohh,” the warming sensation started spreading over my entire rigid body.

  “Not yet.”

  I set straight up in bed, panting, hot and bothered. Thankfully, Alex has taken over Cooper and Mason’s old room so he isn’t here to witness me waking up all hours of the night. When Andrew and Elle set me down to talk to me a few weeks ago they insisted that Alex take Cooper and Mason’s old room. I didn’t like the idea at first because I wanted him close and I didn’t want them to feel like I was too much trouble being there. I also knew that it wasn’t fair to Alex that I kept waking him up in the middle of the night with my dreams either.

  I turn the bedside lamp on, grab my phone to check the time, it’s a little after midnight. I’ve only been asleep for two hours. This not sleeping through the night thing is getting really old. I need my sleep, a solid eight hours. I’m so used to sleeping next to Jackson, and even after these last few weeks of sleeping by myself I find that it’s not getting any easier.

  My phone beeps. I glance down to see a text from Jackson.

  Jackson 12:21am: I’ll see you at the house tomorrow by noon or am I coming to pick you up?

  Rolling my eyes I respond.

  Me 12:22am: I’ll be there tomorrow like I said I would be. I have a car that works.

  Jackson 12:23am: Since you’re awake and I’m pretty sure Alex is sleeping with his mouth wide open why don’t you just come over now.

  Me 12:24am: Because it’s the middle of the night and you just woke me up by texting me.

  Jackson 12:25am: You were awake before I texted you.

  Me 12:26am: Are you spying on me?

  Jackson 12:27am: I’m out front.

  I push the covers off, climb out of the bed and look through the blinds. Sure enough, Jackson’s truck is parked out front.

  Jackson 12:28am: Didn’t believe me?

  Me 12:29am: Why are you here?

  Jackson 12:30am: I wasn’t ready to go home by myself so I’ve just been sitting here. Why are you awake?

  Me 12:31am: Had a nightmare that someone was stalking me ☺

  I laugh out loud at myself.

  Jackson 12:32am: Hardy har har smartass. Come down here or I’m coming up.

  I can’t let him come up here with the way I’m all worked up. These dreams that I’ve been having lately are getting worse and worse. Okay, not really worse, but stuff I don’t want to be dreaming about.

  Remember the girl, Chloe, remember what that phone call felt like. Think of the bullshit that Jackson told you.

  Me 12:34am: I’ll just see you in a couple of hours.

  Jackson 12:35pm: I’m coming up the stairs.

  Shit, I quickly run over to the dresser and pull on a pair of sweatpants as Jackson wiggles the door handle, thankfully it’s locked. I’m in the middle of pulling a hoodie over my head when I hear the familiar creak of the door opening.

  I get my head into the hoodie. “How the hell did you get in here?” I push my arms in the sleeves.

  Jackson holds up the emergency key you use when you lock yourself out of the room. “It’s still on top of the door.”

  Of course it is, why wouldn’t it be?

  “You couldn’t just wait until tomorrow? I don’t want to wake up your mom and dad.”

  “We aren’t going to wake them up.” Jackson winks.

  I cross my arms not finding him funny, but I do miss the playfulness.

  “Relax. I’m not here to argue with you in the middle of the night.”

  “Then why are you here?”

  Jackson takes a seat on the old recliner left in his room. “I told you, I wasn’t ready to go home by myself yet.”

  “You’ve been si
tting out there the whole time?”

  “Yeah.”

  I sigh. “I’m going back to bed. We can talk about things tomorrow.”

  “Alright,” Jackson pulls the handle of the chair. The leg rest comes up; he pushes back in the chair and tucks his arms behind his head.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Relaxing.”

  I shake my head. I climb back in bed and try like hell to ignore him. I can’t very well ask him to leave because this is his parents’ house and if anyone should leave it should be me. I don’t have anywhere else to go this late at night so it looks like I’m dealing with him.

  Every time Jackson moves in the chair it makes a groaning noise. It’s annoying the hell out of me but I keep my mouth shut hoping he’ll think I’ve gone back to sleep and he’ll leave. This goes on for about a half-hour before I finally have had enough.

  “Will you please stop moving for the love of God!” I whisper yell at him.

  He moves again. “I can’t help it. This thing is so damn uncomfortable.”

  I sit up and look over at him. “Then go home.”

  “Nah, maybe I’ll just take the floor.”

  Oh my God, he’s doing this on purpose to get under my skin.

  “Jackson, there is your sister’s room that’s empty and two couches, go sleep somewhere else.”

  “Would you sleep on a bed that your sister had sex on?”

  He’s got a point. “Then go sleep on one of the couches.”

  “Hell no, those things are even worse than this old chair.”

  I run a hand through my hair gripping it in my hand. “Why are you doing this? Are you trying to make things worse for me?”

  He doesn’t answer.

  “Jackson?”

  “Have you ever wondered what if?”

  “What?”

  “Have you ever wondered what if you did this or that? Like what if you didn’t run into me in the hallway back in high school? Where do you picture yourself right now if that day never happened?”

  Rubbing my eyes I lay back thinking about what he just asked. “I guess I would have done things the right way. Graduate high school, went away to Florida State University, start my career, get married, and have some kids.”