Pieces of Me

by Ann Garner

  One big shoulder lifts in a shrug as Robby leans back in his chair. Both of them make the chairs seem tiny. “Probably.”

  “Don't let him fool you. Robby’s a nerd. He once purposely tried to flunk a test in an art class to give him a good reason to drop it. He didn't study for the test, showed up to take it hung over, and still managed to get an A.”

  “I wasn't hung over.” Robby inserts. “I was still drunk.”

  “Oh, right, excuse me.” Cole runs a hand through his hair, sending his strands dancing for a brief moment before they settle around his face. He rolls his eyes at me. “The moral of the story is, you should cheat off Robby.”

  “I don't need to cheat off anyone.”

  “Okay. Just know that if one day you need help with an answer, don't look my way or you’re screwed.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” I drop my phone back in my bag, and grab a pencil to twirl in my hands to keep them busy. I start to tap it absently on the desk, bouncing one knee up and down in rhythm with the pencil.

  The professor comes into the room, and Cole starts to laugh. He's a little gray haired old man in a tweed jacket with patches on the elbow. Cole leans over close to me and whispers in my ear.

  “That's exactly what I picture history buffs to look like.” His breath is warm against my ear and I catch the hint of peppermint as he pulls away from me. Goose bumps pop up over my arms, and my heart starts to beat a little bit faster.

  “How's Beth?” I ask suddenly. On the other side of me Robby makes a sound in his throat, and Cole frowns slightly.

  “Fine, I guess. I haven't seen her since the other night.” It looks like he's about to say something else but the professor calls the class to order so I look away from him.

  What in the hell is wrong with me?

  The professor takes a few minutes to introduce himself. But since he's the head of the History Department, and my advisor, I'm pretty up to speed on who he is. He spent at least twenty of the thirty minute meeting I had with him earlier this week telling me all about his academic accomplishments, so I don't need to pay a whole lot of attention to what he's saying right now.

  Which is good, since all I can think about is the fact that Cole is sitting next to me, and with the way he's situated in his seat, he's leaning in my direction. I can still smell the peppermint, combined now with the scent of his soap and what I'm guessing is his aftershave.

  He smells clean. And I know how stupid that sounds, but it's the best smell I've ever smelled and it’s all I can do not to take in a deep breath.

  I shift slightly in my seat, tilting a little closer to him. My arm brushes against his and I pull back in surprise at how close to him I've really come. Cole doesn't move at all, doesn't even indicate that he's aware of me.

  I shift in my seat again, careful not to touch him or Robby, who's openly watching me with interest. He shakes his head, smiling. I give him a dirty look and then focus in on the professor.

  It's going to be a long semester.

  Fifty five tense minutes later and the three of us are stepping out of the Clarkson building together. Cole and Robby are trailing slightly behind me and I hear them joking around with each other. I glance over my shoulder once we get to the bottom of the stairs.

  “See you guys on Friday.”

  I pick up my step just a little as I walk away from them. I'm not sure I’ll survive a whole semester if all the classes are going to be like that. Would it be too suspicious if I dropped the class?

  Probably. Especially since it’s a history class, but I'm seriously still thinking about it when I hear someone call my name. It only takes me a second to realize it’s Cole, and that he's ditched Robby somewhere.

  He catches up to me quickly and falls into step beside me.

  “You left the other night before I got to say goodbye.”

  “Yeah, sorry about that, I got a headache so Grace took me home.” Or so I'd told everyone. For some reason as soon as Marcy, Kendall, and Beth had shown the night had lost its appeal for me.

  Thankfully Grace had stuck to her word and thirty minutes after their arrival we were heading out the door.

  “That's what Holden said.”

  We walk in silence for a few minutes. Cole greets a couple people he knows as we pass them, and I keep waiting for him to veer off and go to his friends, but he keeps with me as I make my way back to Howard Hall. My next class isn't until that afternoon, so I had been planning to grab a snack and relax.

  I can't relax around Cole; his mere presence sets my entire body on edge and makes me think about things I haven't thought about in quite some time.

  He brings a heat to my body that I never thought would come alive.

  We reach the steps of my dorm and I give him a quick smile. “Thanks for walking me.”

  The words almost come out in the form of a question because I'm totally confused as to what he's doing here.

  “Wait,” he calls as I turn to go up the steps. He dips his hands into the pockets of his shorts, a dark gray today with a black button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He's wearing flip flops and who knew that would be sexy?

  “Delaney?”

  I blink, “What? I'm sorry. I didn't hear you.” The wind has picked up a little so my hair is flying all around me. I wish I'd thought to put it up this morning. I keep reaching up to tuck it behind my ears so it doesn't get in my face, and it keeps coming loose.

  “I said we’re having everyone over on Friday again, and I wanted to see if you would be there. Did Grace mention it?”

  I shake my head. “Um, no she didn't mention it.”

  “You should come. We didn't get a chance to talk much last time.”

  Damn wind. I reach up and grab all my hair in one hand. I miss a strand and it slaps against my face. I see the intent in his eyes before he actually raises his hand. He’s smiling as his fingers brush along the skin of my jaw just before they go to close around the wayward strand.

  Stepping back away from the contact is instinctual. The fear that snakes through my entire body like ice at even the thought of contact is such an automated response for me that I hardly even notice.

  But I see the change in his eyes, even while his smile never really falters.

  I’ve never thought to explain myself before. Never had to try and brush away the hurt someone might feel at my reaction to physical contact from another person. For the first time ever I wish that I could take it back, just so I didn’t see that look in his eyes.

  I wish I had the courage to tell him screwed up beyond repair, and that it doesn’t matter how much I might want to move forward with him, I just don’t know that I can.

  Before I can open my mouth to say anything, someone calls out to him and he raises a hand absently in response.

  “So talk to Grace,” he finally says, “I'm sure she’ll be there since Grant will be.”

  The person calls his name again, and without taking his eyes off me he calls out. “Give me a minute!”

  He studies me for a second longer and I want to squirm under his gaze. And I want something else, but I'm not one hundred percent sure what exactly that is.

  “Cole,”

  I don't know what I'm about to say when two arms snake around his waist and I catch a glimpse of bold red nail polish just seconds before I see Beth's head pop up around his shoulder. Her eyes briefly pass over me, before she swings around his body and effectively puts herself between us.

  “Hello, sexy.” She greets him with a husky giggle.

  It's hard not to misread her signals, I think sourly. I know I'm glaring at her, but I can't help it. I want to yank her hair and punch her in the face, and I have no right to feel jealous.

  He asked me to a party at his place, along with a number of other people. It wasn't like he had asked me on a date. And chances were slim I would have said yes anyway.

  Cole meets my gaze over her shoulder after he mumbles a hello to her. He's trying to untangle himself from h
er hands, but I think she's grown three or four extra the way they seem to be all over him. I give him a weak smile.

  “I’ll see you in class.” I mutter before turning and practically running into the dorm. I can't stand there for another minute and watch her grope him.

  Not when I want to grope him myself. And what in the world am I supposed to do about that? Cole is the first guy I've ever even remotely come close to thinking about in this way since, well since forever.

  Maybe that means I'm going to get that piece of myself back.

  Chapter Six

  There are a few more people at their townhouse this time. Music pours out of speakers set strategically around the small patio area, pitched quiet enough that it doesn't interrupt conversation. Grace has introduced me to a few of the new faces but they've all blurred together by this point.

  Cole is nowhere to be seen, and I feel like an idiot for even thinking about worrying why he isn't there and where he might be and who he might be with.

  I am sitting at the small patio table in the backyard, listening to Ally talk about how her clinical rotation at the local hospital is going. She is in her final year of an accelerated three year nursing program, and takes great pleasure in grossing Grace out with bloody tales from the ER.

  I think she's a little disappointed that I'm not as easily grossed out as Grace is.

  “So his wound was bubbling up with this green ooze sliding out of it.”

  Grace makes a face. “Stop. You're making that up.”

  “No, I'm serious. It was like his blood was turning green instead of red at oxygenation.”

  “That is so fucking disgusting.” Grace shudders. “And you're fucking gross for wanting to deal with that kind of shit every day.”

  Ally pops a carrot stick into her mouth, smiling. “I'm saving lives.”

  “Still fucking disgusting. How can you still eat after that?” Grace demands of me as I lean forward and grab a cherry tomato off my plate.

  I shrug my shoulders. “I didn't have my hands all up in the green blood.”

  I hear Ally's snort of laughter while Grace just glares, her face turning a slight shade of green all its own. “The two of you cannot hang out together anymore.”

  “Aw, don't get mad, Gracie Lou. We love you and your delicate tummy.”

  A stalk of celery sails across the table, missing Ally by several inches.

  “Bitches. Both of you,” Grace says loud enough that we can hear it over our laughter, but she's laughing too as Ally picks up the fallen celery and launches it back.

  It smacks Cole in the stomach.

  “Hey, innocent bystander.”

  Ally is laughing so hard she can't catch her breath, she's leaned forward, arms crossed on the table. Grace has leaned back in her chair, staring sullenly at Ally and me now.

  “They're making fun of me Cole.”

  “You make it so easy,” he automatically replies without any hesitation.

  I try to swallow the laugh, but it bubbles out before I can rein it in. Cole winks at me.

  “You're an asshole. They are bitches and you are an asshole. I'm going to hang with someone who appreciates me.”

  “Bye, Gracie Lou,” Ally calls.

  Grace raises one hand in the air, flipping us off as she makes her way into the townhouse. Cole slides into the chair his sister just vacated, and I feel the flutters in my stomach pick up speed.

  “She's so easy.” Ally pops another piece of carrot in her mouth. “I didn't even get to talk about the patient with the stomach flu. He could have been on The Exorcist. And it's wasted since apparently Delaney has a stomach made of steel.”

  “Sorry to disappoint.”

  I take a drink from the bottle of water in front of me, more to keep my hands busy than anything else.

  “Where’s your harem, Cole? It's unusual to find you without females fluttering all around you at one of these parties.”

  Cole keeps his eyes on me as he answers. “I gave them the night off.”

  “Really?” Ally drags the word out, and I catch a glimpse of her looking between the two of us out of the corner of my eye, but I find I can't look away from Cole.

  His eyes seem to darken as I watch him, his hair shifting slightly around his face in the breeze that drifts through the air.

  There is an electrical current flowing between the two of us. I wonder if he feels it too.

  “I think I'm going to get something to drink.” Ally stands up. “Do you want anything Delaney?”

  “No thank you.”

  She shoots a look to Cole. “Be good.”

  “Can't be anything else.”

  Ally makes a sound in her throat as she walks away from the table. Cole shifts closer to me, and the electrical current I felt moments ago shivers like lightening up my spine.

  “I want to make something very clear, Delaney.”

  I force myself to swallow more water, just to wet my throat before saying, “What about?”

  “I'm going to hit on you again.”

  He leans back in his chair, a smile full on his face, those eyes twinkling now, lighting with the amusement I know he feels as I open my mouth, but no sound comes out.

  “I just wanted to make sure there was no confusion this time.”

  “Oh.” Because, really, what am I supposed to say to that?

  “Now, I'm assuming since you've never been hit on before, that you've never been on a date either.”

  Though it embarrasses me to admit it, I shake my head no. He shakes his head, grabbing some of the chips off my plate. He pops one in his mouth, cradling the rest in one hand as he watches me.

  I feel the heat of his gaze brush against my skin almost as if he is touching me. It unnerves me in a way I can't explain.

  It makes me want things I never thought to want.

  But behind the want is a little slice of fear, and in my head it’s a race to see which will win.

  “I’m not sure I understand the guys where you come from, Delaney. Were they fucking morons?”

  I don't think I'm supposed to answer that, so I keep quiet, rolling the bottle of water between my two hands.

  But the moment, the one where I thought I might say yes if he asked me out, is gone.

  “So if I were to suggest dinner tomorrow night, just you and me,”

  “I would say no.” I interrupt him.

  “Really?”

  I take another drink. “Yes, I mean, no. I mean yes I would really say no.” I huff out a breath of air. “I wouldn't go out with you.”

  “Because?”

  I think of Beth and her red nails, of the harem that Ally indicated usually surrounded him.

  “Because I won't be one of many.”

  “Maybe I only want one.”

  I snort. “Rumor is, there hasn't been only one for you for quite some time.”

  “Have you been checking up on me, Delaney?”

  I hadn't had to ask around. Cole Marsh had quite the reputation around campus, and every bit of it had been earned according to Grace.