Fade - Fighting Fate #3

by Maree Green

  In less than eight weeks from now, I was gone. Deployed to Australia for at least six months. I just didn’t see how being with Amy could possibly work. I could never ask her to wait around for me like that.

  Rubbing my hands over my face, I tried to push it from my mind. I really didn’t want to think about it right now. I just wanted to enjoy the time with her while I could. It was selfish of me, but it just wasn’t something I could make myself give up.

  Pushing away from the kitchen counter, I quickly rinsed my glass and put it on the side to dry. I needed to go get ready if I wanted to be on time to pick Amy up. We were going on our first public date tonight. A party of some sort with her friends. I knew she was trying hard not to worry about what people thought of our situation, but it still played on her mind. She was nervous, I was sure.

  I hung up the dish towel and turned to leave, only to stop short when Ryan walked into the kitchen. He paused in the doorway when he saw me, his gaze flickering with something I didn’t quite catch.

  Since our last encounter at the top of the stairs, we’d settled into a silent agreement, which was to avoid each other as much as possible. Taking stock of that, I started past him.

  Ryan stepped in my way. “Daniel, wait,” he said quickly.

  I paused, making sure I kept my distance in case he said something to piss me off.

  “Look,” he said, rubbing his forehead. “This is ridiculous. We should at least be able to be in the same room as each other.”

  I gave him a hard look. “Yeah, we should, but you make that virtually impossible.”

  I knew before I’d even finished the sentence that I wouldn’t be able to stop. His attitude and behavior had pissed me off since the moment I’d arrived. I’d been holding my tongue for Mom’s sake, but I couldn’t stop it now.

  “Who are you, man? I mean, I don’t know this person,” I said, gesturing to his form in front of me. “The way you treated Amy? What the hell was that about? First you dump her because she wouldn’t sleep with you, and then you treat her like something that was stuck to the bottom of your shoe. It was fucking cruel.”

  Ryan surprised me by exhaling heavily, his shoulders slumping. “I know. I honestly have no idea why I did that. I just . . . ” He sighed and rubbed his forehead again. “I had Dad calling and pressuring me for months about that damned internship, I was trying to keep my fucking grades up, I was trying to work out what the hell I wanted to do and where I wanted to go, and . . . I was just stressed, and Amy . . . ” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Amy just took my bullshit. It didn’t matter what I said or did, she was always there.”

  I suddenly understood completely how he’d gotten himself to where he was, but it didn’t take away the disgust I felt. “So, you more or less just took all your frustrations out on her because she’d just take it like a good little girl?”

  “I know. I was a fucking asshole,” he said.

  “Yeah, you fucking were.”

  Ryan shifted his feet uncomfortably. “I couldn’t see it at the time. I do now, and I want her to know I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.”

  I was glad. Amy deserved a fucking apology after everything she’d been through. I was just about to say as much too, but Ryan’s next words stopped me cold.

  “I want her back, man.”

  I couldn’t stop the shock from flashing across my face if I tried. “What?”

  “I want her back.” He hardened his stare. “She’s perfect. I know it shouldn’t have taken this for me to see it, but people make mistakes, man. I made a mistake. I want the chance to make it up to her. Please?”

  I was having real trouble processing what I was hearing. Slowly, it sank in. He wanted me to step aside and give him permission to win her back. I shook my head, mostly to clear the red haze that had started appearing over my vision, but also to give him my answer.

  “No fucking way. You had your chance and you fucked up. Live with it.”

  “Come on, man. Think about it. What are you offering her? You’re leaving in what? A month? And you’ll be gone for almost a year. And then what? She follows you around the country while you’re shipped from post to post? Is that the kind of life you want for her?”

  My confidence slipped. He’d just voiced every single one of my concerns. But then I thought of Amy and the way her parents had made every single one of her decisions for her, never once asking her if that’s what she wanted. I didn’t want to be like them. I didn’t want to take another decision that involved her life out of her hands. I may not have been the best thing for her, but damn it, she’d be the one making the fucking choice.

  In a voice that sounded way calmer than I expected, I said, “I just want her to be happy, Ryan, and I respect her enough to let her make that decision on her own. If you want to apologize to her and ask her out again, I can’t stop you. And if she chooses to be with you again, then I’ll respect her decision.”

  His eyebrows rose. “And you’d be okay with that?”

  Walking past him, I started up the stairs. “I didn’t say that . . . ”

  Quickly grabbing a shirt from my room, I slipped back downstairs and jumped in Mom’s car to go pick Amy up.

  I knew I shouldn’t, but I just felt defeated. Knowing Ryan wanted her back just felt so ominous or something.

  God-fucking-damn-it. I knew how much her parents wanted her to be with Ryan and not me. I was just a lowly fucking marine. I felt like my life was slowly slipping out of my grasp. I wanted to punch something.

  Even though I knew Amy had been working hard to break away from the hold her parents had on her, I also knew how much she just wanted them to love her. I knew she craved their approval.

  Would she take the opportunity once it was given to her because it was what she’d wanted for so long?

  I felt sick. Even though I’d thought about the fact that I’d be leaving her for deployment, I hadn’t really thought about us not being together. I wanted her to be mine. Always.

  Pulling up to the house, I tried to shake it off before I saw her, but then the front door was opening and Amy came dashing out, practically running toward me.

  I’d barely stopped at the curb before she was throwing the door open and jumping into the passenger seat. “Quick. Go,” she said, slightly out of breath.

  Her door was barely closed before I was moving again. I glanced up to the house as I drove off to see her mom standing on the front step, her face beyond livid.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, noticing her hands were shaking.

  “Yeah. I just had a fight with my mom. Nothing new. She won’t listen to anything I say, won’t even consider my thoughts on what I’d like to do with my own life.”

  The last half hour of my life rushed back at me, filling me with dread. “You were arguing about me, weren’t you?”

  She huffed. “It started about you, but that wasn’t what I was arguing about. I was trying to tell her I don’t want to be a lawyer, but she won’t listen, as usual.”

  I gave her a sympathetic smile, but that was all I could manage. My nerves were still slightly unraveled from my conversation with Ryan.

  “Are you still okay with hanging out with everyone tonight?”

  No. “Sure. Who’s going to be there again?” I’d met most of her friends over the course of the last few weeks, but it had only been for a few minutes here and there. I couldn’t help but feel like this was going to be different. I just knew I was going to be put under the microscope and compared to Ryan.

  “Mostly people you’ve already met. Amber, Jess, Corey, Cain, and Kaeli and Noah. I think a couple of Noah’s brothers might be coming too. I wish the others were here so you could meet them too, but oh well . . .”

  I wondered why Ryan’s name hadn’t been included in her rundown. I knew he was just as much a part of the group as Amy was. He hadn’t mentioned anything about the party earlier, but then again, we hadn’t really gotten to that topic.

  I wasn’t sure how I was going to be arou
nd him if he was there. It was ridiculous, considering we were brothers—twins at that—but knowing he wanted Amy back had affected me in a big way.

  “One day . . . ” was all I said in response. I hoped it was true.

  “Take a right up here,” Amy said, bringing me back to the present. I followed her directions and tried to pull my shit together so I could just enjoy the moment while I had it.

  “Whose house is it at again?” I asked, already knowing it was Amber’s, but needing to distract myself just the same.

  “Amber’s. You’ll love it. They’ve got this amazing game room. She has three older brothers, so it’s like boy heaven.”

  I laughed, thankful she had the ability to relax me. Tonight was going to be good. I would make damn sure of it.

  Chapter 11

  Amy

  I was a little nervous bringing Daniel in front of all my friends at once. Even though I’d been working on the whole not caring what others thought of me thing, it was a hard habit to break. It wasn’t that I was worried about what they thought of him. It was what they thought about me going from Ryan to Daniel.

  But I shouldn’t have worried. They all welcomed him like he was one of us already, because let’s face it, he was sort of like one half of Ryan in a way. The way they’d all immediately went out of their way to make him feel comfortable made me feel a little guilty that I’d even thought they could be anything but nice about it all.

  What tested everyone’s comfort, though, was when Ryan showed up. I could tell everyone was trying extra hard to be cool about it, but the tension in the room was noticeable.

  It was about an hour after Ryan had arrived, while Daniel was taking his turn at pool and I was left standing on my own, when Ryan approached me. To say I was surprised was an understatement. I knew he’d been watching me since he’d arrived, but I just put it down to him finding it weird to see me with his brother. I was just hoping he wasn’t going to cause a scene like the last one outside Daniel’s bedroom.

  When I blinked up at him with uncertainty, he gave me a sad smile. “Could I talk to you for a minute?” he asked.

  I quickly glanced over to Daniel, but he was bent over, taking his shot. “Uh . . . I guess.”

  “Outside okay?”

  I didn’t really want to be out of Daniel’s sight, but I didn’t want to be in a room full of people if he was going to say something to piss Daniel off, either. “Sure.”

  I started following him out the door, glancing back over my shoulder to see Daniel watching me with wary eyes. I started to stop, thinking it might be best to let Daniel know what I was doing, but Ryan called my name. “Coming?”

  I looked back to see him holding the door open for me. Nodding, I stepped through.

  Once outside, I wasn’t so sure I’d done the right thing by leaving. I didn’t want to be alone with him, but I also knew it would probably help Daniel and Ryan’s relationship if Ryan and I could actually get along with each other, and I was willing to make up if it would help Daniel.

  Ryan sighed, causing me to glance up at him, half-expecting him to be sighing at me in exasperation or something, but he was looking across the drive.

  Noah’s brothers, Micah and Eli, were there with the two girls they’d brought along, playing some sort of game involving a ball and cups.

  “Would you mind if we talked in my car? I don’t really want an audience.”

  I glanced down the drive to see his car at the end. Since he’d arrived last, I wasn’t surprised. Just wanting to get it over with, but not wanting to seem rude, I agreed. “Okay.”

  Walking me down to his car, he opened the passenger door while I climbed in, then went around and slid into the driver’s seat. “Look, Amy, I really owe you an apology . . . ”

  Even though I’d hoped that was where he was going with all this, it was still a shock to hear. “Oh, that’s—”

  The sound of his cell pinging with a new text cut what I was going to say short.

  “Sorry,” he said, pulling it out to read it. He sighed. “Corey wants more cola. Do you mind if we go get some real quick? I can talk on the way.”

  I really wanted to say no, but I wanted to get it over and done with, and I wanted us to get along, for Daniel. “All right.”

  “Okay.” He quickly started the car and pulled out to the street. After a block, he cleared his throat. “What I was saying, is that I’m really sorry, Amy. The way I treated you was beyond appalling. I . . . shit, I can’t think and drive at the same time. Hang on . . . ”

  I watched him flick on the blinker and pull onto the shoulder of the road before turning the car off completely. Nervously, I shifted in my seat.

  “I know I said it was you, but it wasn’t. I was really stressed out. I had Dad calling me every goddamned day, trying to convince me to move over there to do the internship, and I was struggling to keep up my grades. I know that doesn’t excuse the way I acted at all, but I wanted you to know that wasn’t really me. I’m not that asshole. I mean, you’ve known me for how many years? You know that I’m not really like that. It’s just . . . God . . . you were always there. You were always my constant—even before we were together. You always helped me get out my frustrations, and I guess I just took that for granted, and then took it the next step by taking my frustrations out on you.”

  I sat in silence while he inhaled deeply. I think I was in shock. I hadn’t expected that. At all.

  “Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me, Amy? Will you give me another chance? Please? I’m begging. I miss you so fucking much. I’m so goddamned sorry.”

  Okay, now I was in shock. “You want to get back together?” I squeaked.

  “More than anything. Tell me what I can do to make it up to you. Tell me how I can get you back. I’ll do anything.”

  Jesus. How the hell did I answer that? Drawing in a long, stuttering breath, I exhaled in a huff. “Ryan, I can’t. We just weren’t meant to be together. I can see that now—and I’m okay with it. I really appreciate you apologizing to me, more than you could know, but it just isn’t going to happen between us. The attraction just isn’t there for me.”

  “But it is with Daniel,” he said, defeated.

  I bit the inside of my cheek, wondering how much I should say. “Yeah, it is. I really like Daniel. A lot.”

  He shook his head, but it wasn’t with anger. “You know your parents will never accept him. He’s a marine.”

  I sighed. “Yeah, I know, but you know what? I’m okay with that too.”

  “You could have everything with me, Amy. A comfortable future, a loving husband, your parents . . . ”

  I shook my head. “But I wouldn’t be me.”

  He stared at me for a long while, taking in what I’d said. I didn’t think I’d entirely convinced him, but I hoped it was enough for him to accept for now.

  “Okay,” he said. “But just so you know, I’ll always be here for you. And if you change your mind . . . ”

  I breathed out a laugh, but chose to remain quiet.

  “All right, let’s get back to the party,” Ryan said, starting the car and turning it around.

  “Oh, don’t we have to get Corey some cola?”

  “Nah, fuck him. I’m not in the mood.”

  The second we pulled up at Amber’s house, my stomach dropped. “Shit.”

  Ryan’s eyebrows rose. “What?”

  “Daniel’s gone.”

  Ryan looked around the parked cars and blew out a heavy breath. “I’ll drop you at my house.”

  I didn’t argue with him. I needed to see Daniel. Like, now. Worry was already churning my gut. Why did he leave? Did he seriously think I’d just leave with Ryan, just like that?

  “He’ll be fine, Amy. Stop worrying.”

  I nodded, but didn’t say anything. After another minute, Ryan muttered under his breath, so I gave him a questioning look.

  “I can’t believe I’m giving you reassurance about dating my brother. It sucks big time.”
r />   “I’m sorry,” I said quietly, because I really was.

  When Ryan turned onto his street and I saw their mom’s car in the drive, I was hit by a sudden case of nerves. I fidgeted while he pulled the car into the drive, and again while he unlocked the door for me.

  “I’ll leave you to it, then,” he said, turning back for his car.

  I was going to ask him where he was going, but then again, I didn’t really care. Closing the door behind me, I quietly made my way upstairs and knocked on Daniel’s door.

  I knew he was still up because I could see the dim light of his lamp shining under the door, so I cracked it open and peered inside. “Daniel?”